The Better to Eat You With: The Red Journals (17 page)

“I much
prefer not,” I muttered, coming to my feet and dragging my ass and terry-robe
to the bathroom door. “But feel free to knock yourself out trying to be.”

In a
snap, he was in front of me, blocking the bathroom.

I heaved
a frustrated sigh and gazed longingly at the bath.

“I can
force you to accept me as Alpha.”

I blinked
up at him. “You growled into my throat, and I threw you across the room. What
do you think a show of dominance will get you?”

He
suddenly grinned, nearly knocking me flat with how gorgeous it made him. “A
decorative array of scratches on my back?”

Wowza!

“Or the
loss of your eyes,” I replied dryly, inwardly fanning the flush from my dirty
thoughts.

“Red?” He
dragged out my name in a low rumble, making me shiver slightly.

“What?” I
snapped, disgusted with my own body.

His
casual expression suddenly went feral and his eyes bore down into mine. “Kneel,”
he growled, and would you believe, my knees wobbled.

Not from
his power-play, but from the sheer masculine effect his features had on me. If
he wasn’t a wolf, I may have well jumped his bones. As it stood, I merely
stepped back and took in, with a deliciously feminine appreciation, the wide
breadth of his shoulders, his curling blonde hair around his nape and his
flashing blue eyes. My gaze skimmed his Led Zeppelin T-shirt, scuffed black
jeans and boots, and the tauntingly provocative array of tattoos on his arms. He
was power incarnate, and I shivered in wonder at the thought of what all that
power could do to me.

‘Kneel’
certainly wasn’t one of them. Bend maybe? Dirty girl.

 “Vince?”
I looked up into his ruggedly handsome face. “You can’t dominate me like that
because I’m not a full-blood.” His frown almost made me laugh out loud. My mind
flashed with the image of a confused puppy tilting its head. “Let’s make a deal,”
I offered instead.

He eyed
me suspiciously. “What do you have in mind?”

“You let
me shower and sleep, and tomorrow I’ll come find you, and you can ask me as
many questions as you like.”

“Okay,
darlin’.”

“And you
feed me.”

“Sounds
fair.”

“And Des
won’t be there.”

“Well…”

I
narrowed my eyes. “Either she isn’t there or I’m not.”

He heaved
a major put-out sigh. “Fine,” he grumbled, as if baffled with the obscure behavior
of women.

Again,
fidiot.

I beamed.
“Excellent.” I slapped his shoulder. “Now get out of my way.” I shoved past him
and turned to close the door. Then stopped and looked up at him.
Always
looking up…
“Oh, one more thing.”

He spun
on his heel and gave me a heated once over, his gaze so intent it was
practically a grope! “Hmmm?” he rumbled. And damn if my inner muscles didn’t
clench in anticipation.

I shook
it off and gave him a sexy, saccharine smile. “If I ever find you in my rooms
again without an invite, I’ll throw you, and however many lieutenants you have,
out the nearest window. Clear?”

I slammed
the door in his face.

Coming
awake was a slow, sluggish toil through incoherent dreams, laced with the
reality of my memories, that disappeared from my mind the instant I tried to
recall them. They were distorted and out of sequence, blending together and
pulling apart until something completely different emerged, making me doubt,
even in my dreams, what I knew to be true. But like all dreams, all I could do
was watch, speaking and moving how the dream willed, reacting in ways that were
as irrational as what my mind was showing me.

By the
time my eyes opened, I was so haunted by my unremembered dreams of death, loss
and horror, that I just lay there, unable to move, unable to pull myself
completely into reality. Unable to forget and discern truth from lies. My upper
torso, arms and head felt as heavy as boulders, and for a brief moment, I
panicked. The weight pressing me down felt vast and overwhelming. I had to
move, and I was terrified to do so.

Rolling
onto my back, I shut down my feelings completely as I stretched, yawned and…snorted.
Goddamn room still stinks of dog.
I rubbed my face.
Nothing quite
like the scent of Werewolf to bring you crashing back to reality.
My eyes
itched and my head throbbed. I rolled again and reached for my phone. Six
forty-seven in the evening.
Damn…I must have been seriously tired to have
slept over twelve hours.

So why
did I still feel so weary?

Focusing
my bleary gaze on the little flashing red light on my blackberry, I scrolled to
messenger and pulled up Jade’s messages, and grinned.

Jade: Hey
chic! Guess what I found?

Jade: Hellooooooooo?

Jade: You’re
not dry-humping again are you?

Jade: Okay
fine, I’ll tell you. I found your… DEBT!

My smile
dropped. Shit. My debt. I thought she’d forgotten that. My fingers flew across
the keys as I replied.

Me: OH NO
YOU DIDN’T!

The reply
was almost instant.

Jade: Oh
yes I did. You thought I’d forgotten! A decade don’t mean shit lololol.

Me: Grrrr.
Lol all you want. I’ve avoided it this long.

Jade: Not
much longer, chic. Not much longer.

I tossed
my phone on the bed and got up. Public humiliation was the least of my
problems, but definitely one I wasn’t planning on adding to my plate o’ shit
any time soon.

Blah.

Pulling
on some charcoal slacks and a baby blue polo-shirt that hugged all my curves
and brought out the blue in my teal eyes, I brushed my hair and fastened half
of it back into a dull silver clip, leaving the rest to cascade down my spine. I
brushed my teeth and washed, padding around my room in my socks, collecting my
phone and iPad and Ambrose’s folder, before purposefully slipping my
surprisingly sore feet into some plain black DC’s I dug out of my duffel.

Standing
before the mirror, I assessed my presentation, and wondered if I was
subconsciously dressing to please Felix. Not that he’d notice. His mind was
bound to be elsewhere right. I bit my lip.
Am I crushing on a Vampire?
I
considered the question seriously for a moment, a crease marring my brow. It
needed no consideration, really.
Well, shit…I think I am.

Spinning
on my heel, I refused to do the girly thing and think too hard about it. There
were too many important things to be done before I, or he, ever considered
going steady.
Jeez. Mental facepalm
.
Did I really just think ‘going
steady’? What am I? Fifteen?
As I grabbed my hotel key card and waltzed out
the door in search of Felix’s room, I shook my head.
Jeepers, crushing
really does lower intelligence
.

Wandering
down the corridor of numbered doors, I kept going until Felix’s distinct scent
was centered at one in particular. Not that far from mine, but far enough away,
hopefully, for him to not have heard who had paid me an unwelcome visit that
morning.

I
shivered anew at the potent manliness of the Alpha hottie. Seriously, why did
he have to be so damn delicious?

I’m
obviously insane.

I knocked
on Felix’s door before I went too far with those thoughts either. Obviously, the
day was going to be a day of not thinking about any male.
Boys are nothing
but trouble, Willow
, Mother had always said. Oh boy, I bet she never knew
how right she was.

The door opened,
and a glassy-eyed maid came wandering out. I frowned as I took in her mussed
blonde hair and giddy smile. A pair of hose was dangling from one hand, her
shoes from the other. The top couple buttons of her uniform were undone,
revealing creamy flesh and ample cleavage. She had the distinct after-glow of
being well debauched.

And she
had a hickey.

Giggling,
she staggered past me, and wondered back down the hall towards the elevators. I
watched her until the elevator bell pinged. Then I walked into Felix’s rooms
and closed the door.

There was
a tight knot in my chest, and my throat felt tight.

Was I
hurt?

Yes. Yes,
I was. And really goddamned angry.
Crushing on a Vampire? Idiot with a
capital F.
But it was only an almost-kiss. It didn’t mean anything. Nothing
whatsoever. To me or…to him.

Ouch.

“Felix?”
I called out softly, my voice hoarse. I took in the room almost exactly the
same as mine, only toned in blues instead of creams, as I set my bits and
pieces on the table by the couches. “Felix? Where—” I cut off and cocked my
head, the soft sound of the shower filtering through the blood pounding in my
ears.
I hope it turns him lobster red.
I blinked several times, and
scowled at myself.

Tears?
For a Vampire? For a male? Come on, Red. You’re better than that. I am, dammit!

I rubbed
at the ache in my chest as the maid’s flushed cheeks and satisfied smile
flashed through my head.
Ick
, I thought,
feelings suck
. It wasn’t
even a real kiss, for crying out loud. What did I care that he did more with
the maid? Why did I care that it wasn’t me who was invited back to his room to
be debauched, instead of abandoned in a corridor, weak-kneed? Damn him, why did
I care?

Because
I’m an idiot.

You’d
think after three centuries I’d stop butchering my innards with emotional baggage,
but
no-o-o
.

I plopped
down onto the couch, willing him to hurry up with his damn shower. The sooner
we got down to business, the sooner I could go. In less than twenty-four hours
that damn Vampire had nearly brought me to tears twice. What the hell was wrong
with me? So damn over-emotional where once I was clear-headed. I did my job and
went home. This was just a job. Once done, I’d go home. And probably move. To
Italy.

Hmm,
Italy…

Just as I
was contemplating buying a villa on Lake Como, the shower chose that instant to
switch off. My whole body stiffened as I waited for Felix to appear. Hastily, I
spread out my iPad and the Ambrose file, and pretended to be doing some work
when he finally emerged from the bathroom, flooding the room with the scent of
damp heat, coffee and spices unique to him.

I was
just feigning making links between the distinct list of Ambrose victims when he
leaned on the back of the couch and nipped my ear. It was the last thing I had expected,
and the last thing I wanted at that moment. The maid leaving his rooms in the
fashion she had taken all my contented feelings and shoved them in a turbine,
shredding them and leaving nothing but a painful knot of disappointment and
anger in my chest.

I leaped
up and spun to face him, rubbing my ear, suddenly even more furious that he
could make me feel special, and then worthless, and still expect me to want to
play. Well, I’ll give you three guesses where he could shove that idea, and the
first two don’t count.

Felix
stared at me in surprise as I glared at him and rolled my shoulders, my skin
prickling with disgust. Disgust at him and disgust at me. I felt dirty from his
casual nip, and I wanted to punch him for it. It didn’t help that he looked all
edible in nothing more than a pair of low-slung jeans, his tattoo swirling over
pearlescent skin made for licking.

“Red?” he
asked, cautious as he took in my expression, and no doubt, my scent. Vampires’
sense of smell isn’t as strong as a Weres, but it was good enough. My anger was
perfuming the air, which was fine, if not for the flowery residue of pain
floating under its surface.

“Let’s
get to work,” I said, gingerly sliding back down onto the edge of the couch.
“And put a shirt on,” I added, returning to my email that I had no idea what
was about.

Felix’s
brows shot even higher. “Are you okay?” he asked, and I gripped my iPad harder.

“Yes,” I
said. “Just want this case over with.”

He
exhaled a heavy sigh, rubbed his damp hair, wandered over to the bed and
snatched up a shirt. “Fine.”

Pain blasted
through my chest. “Have you spoken to Osiris?” I asked through gritted teeth.
Do
not cry do not cry do not cry do not cry…

“Yeah,
this morning. He’s going to contact The Commission and has told us to do what
we must.” Felix dropped into the single seat and watched me avoid eye contact.

I
wondered idly if he’d purposely left his shirt gaping just to goad me.
Wanker.
Then I considered his words. The Commission. They’d hired me a couple times
over the last few decades for minor jobs they wanted kept hush-hush. I’d never
met with them face-to-face, only with their representative, but from what I was
able to glean from said-representative, The Commission were fate-ordained
Immortals with the ability to work objectively to rule over the rest of the
Immortal race. They were revered, respected and were, apparently, the oldest of
our race.

“So he
hasn’t given us any instructions on what to do next?” I asked, flicking
meaninglessly through my iPad, considering the elevation of importance the job
had just taken.

“No. He
has left that to our discretion,” Felix murmured.

“Very
well, then.” I looked up and met his far too canny gaze. “I think for our next
step we need to go to Natasha’s home and place of work to ransack her files.” I
kept my voice neutral and my face blank. If he’d rather take giggling maids
into his bed instead of me, it could bloody well stay that way. “Do you know
where she lived?”

“Yes,” he
replied slowly, eyeing me. “Ambrose’s people may have already ransacked her
place to ensure she had nothing on them.”

“I can
probably get blueprints for her workplace,” I said, mind spinning with calling
in some IOU’s. “As long as I know where exactly she worked in the building, I
can get us in.”

“Without
being detected?”  He rubbed his face. “Never mind. I know where her desk was,
so I’ll go with you.”

Hell,
no
.

“It will
be easier on my own.”

“No.”

“Excuse
me?” My brows shot up in outrage, my hands fisting. “I don’t understand. Either
you think I’m capable, or I’m just here as an accessory.” My lips thinned at the
mere thought.
Just some pretty thing to keep up appearances. Pretty things
called ‘Wendy’
. I grimaced.

“I know
how capable you are, Red, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you go into
the corporate building of a known sociopath alone.”

“You’ve
known he was a sociopath way before I came along and let others
work
for
him.” It was a low blow, and he physically flinched. His face went utterly
cold, his jade eyes sharp and icy. I ploughed on. “This isn’t my first time and
it won’t be the last. I don’t need you to protect me, Felix. All I need you to
do is let me do my job.” I slapped the Ambrose file shut and piled it on my
iPad.

“Red.”

“Let’s go
to her home. See what we can find.” I stood and turned for the door, suddenly
and ridiculously angry, like the petty hurt from the maid and his almost-kiss
were feeding it. Funny, isn’t it, how foolish pain can make you? You lash out
before you even know you’re going to.

I
should really get out of here before I say some

“What is
wrong with you?” Felix suddenly demanded, rising from his feet, his face
furious.

I kept
walking.

“What the
hell has brought on this goddamned bloody attitude all of a sudden?”

“I just
want this case over with.” I reached for the door handle.

“Yeah,
you said that before.” He grabbed my wrist and spun me around. “And I still
think its bullshit.”

I yanked
my wrist free with such force I slammed my back into the door. Felix was quick
to close the remaining space.
Damn. Pinned. Again.

“There’s
nothing wrong with my attitude,” I snapped. “Wanting to get to work isn’t an
attitude.”

He
slammed his hand against the door panel beside my head. “Bollocks!”