"
Paymaster?
Paymistress, if I'm any good at guessin'."
"Lieutenant Russell."
Vinegar Nell saluted and contrived to convey by her expression that she didn't want to be mauled.
"Major Swinton, my Marine officer."
Swinton's salute did not save him from a motherly kiss on the cheek.
"And Lieutenant Tangye, my navigator." Tangye's face was scarlet when he was released.
"An' what about these other blokes?" demanded Mavis.
"Er . . ." began Grimes, embarrassed.
"Private Briggs," snapped Swinton, stepping smartly into the breach. "Private Townley. Private Gale. Private Roskov. Private O'Neill. Private Mackay."
"Well?" demanded the big woman. "Well?"
Now it was Swinton's turn to feel embarrassment. The six men stood stiffly like wooden soldiers.
"Well?"
"Stack your rifles," ordered Swinton.
The men did so.
"Advance to be greeted by Her Ladyship."
The order was obeyed with some enthusiasm.
When the introductions were over the mayor said, "Natterin' to you on the radio, Skip, I never dreamed that you were such a stuffed shirt. All o' yer are stuffed shirts. Looks like Earth ain't changed since our ancestors had the sense ter get the hell out."
"And this, I suppose," said Grimes, "is one of those worlds like Liberty Hall, where you can spit on the mat and call the cat a bastard."
"You said it, Skip, you said it!" exclaimed Mavis, bursting into delighted laughter. Grimes laughed too. He had thought that expression very funny the first time that he had heard it—how many years ago?—and he was delighted to be able to use it on somebody to whom it was new and brilliantly witty.
Grimes had liked Mavis since his first sight of her in the monitor screen. He liked her still more now that he had actually met her. He kept on recalling a phrase that he had once heard—
A heart as big as all outdoors.
It applied to her. She was big in all ways, although in her dress that concealed little it was obvious that her body was all firm flesh, with no hint of flabbiness.
He was entertaining her and other officials in his day-cabin, with some of his own officers also present—Dr. Brandt, Brabham, and Vinegar Nell, who was kept busy refilling glasses and passing around dishes of savories. She, alone of all those present, seemed not to approve of the informality, the use of given names rather than titles and surnames. There was Jock, the man in the khaki shorts-and-shirt uniform who had assisted the mayor from the coach and who was City Constable. There was Pete, with a floral shirt over the inevitable shorts and sandals, who was president of the Air Pilots' Guild. There was Jimmy, similarly attired, who was master of the Seamen's Guild. There was Doug and Bert, mayors of Ballina and Esperance respectively, who had flown by fast jet from their cities to be present at
Discovery's
landing.
Mavis, watching Vinegar Nell, said, "Why don't yer scarper, dearie, an' change inter somethin' more comfy? Any o' our barmaids havin' to wear wot you've got on 'd go on stroke, an' quite right, too!"
"What do your barmaids wear?" asked Grimes interestedly.
"At the beach eateries, nuffin'."
"So you have a culture similar to that of Arcadia?" asked Brandt.
"Arcadia? Where in hell's that?"
"It's a planet," explained Grimes, "with an ideal climate, where the people are all naturists."
"Naturists, Skip? Wot's that?"
"Nudists."
"You mean they run around in the nudie all the time?"
"Yes."
"No matter
wot
they're doin'?"
"Yes."
"Sounds screwy ter me—as screwy as wearin' anything when yer goin' inter the sea for a dip. Oh, well, takes all, sorts ter make a universe, don't it?"
"Have I your permission to change into undress uniform, Commander Grimes?" asked Vinegar Nell coldly.
"Of course, Miss Russell." Grimes wondered what the effect would be if Vinegar Nell returned to the daycabin in the undress uniform in which he had often seen her.
"And ain't it time that you got outer yer admiral's suit?" Mavis asked Grimes.
"I think it is," he admitted.
He went into his bedroom, changed back into shirt and shorts. "Now yer look more human, Skip," said Mavis. She held out her empty glass to him. "Wot about some more Scotch? We do make whiskey here, but t'ain't a patch on this. But you should try our beer. Best in the universe. And our plonk ain't bad. Nor's our rum."
"You'll be tryin' it at ternight's party, Skipper," said Jimmy.
"An official reception?" Grimes asked the master of the Seamen's Guild.
"Not on yer nelly. If yer thinkin' o' gettin' all dressed up again, forget it. A beach barbecue. Come as yer please, preferably in civvies. Jock's makin' the arrangements."
"Twenty guests. Yerself an' nineteen others," said the City Constable. "There'll be other parties for the rest o' yer crowd. Transport'll be at yer gangway at 1900 hours."
"I'll pick up the skipper me self," said Mavis.
Vinegar Nell returned, wearing her shortest skirted uniform. The mayor looked at her and added, "When I drive me self, I use me little run-about. Only room for one passenger."
The paymaster said, "As you know, Commander Grimes, we have many guests aboard the ship. I have arranged for two sittings at lunch in the wardroom. I imagine that you will prefer second sitting."
"Don't bother about us, dearie," Mavis told her. "Just send up some more o' this Scotch, an' some more blottin' paper to soak it up afore it rots the belly linin'." She nibbled appreciatively. "This sorta sausage stuff is very moreish."
The other two mayors agreed with her enthusiastically.
"I'll see if there's any more of that Rimini salami left in the storeroom," said Vinegar Nell, conveying the impression that she hoped there wouldn't be. "It comes from Rimini, a world settled mainly by people of Italian ancestry. They make the salami out of a sort of fat worm."
"It still tastes good," said Mavis stoutly.
Grimes treated himself to an afternoon sleep after his guests had left. He felt guilty about it; he knew that as a conscientious Survey Service captain he should be making a start on the accumulation of data regarding this new world. It must be the climate, he thought, that was making him drowsy. It was a little too much to drink, he admitted.
He was awakened by somebody shaking him gently. He ungummed his eyes, found that he was looking up into the face of the mayor. She grinned down at him and said, "I had to pull me rank on that sodger you've got on yer gangway, but he let me come up after a bit of an argy-bargy."
"I . . . I must have dosed off, Mavis. What time is it?"
"Eighteen-thirty hours. All the others've gone, even that snooty popsy o' yours. They left a bit early for a bit of a run-around first."
"My steward should have called me at 1700," muttered Grimes.
"He did, Skip. There's the tray wif a pot o' very cold tea on yer bedside table."
Grimes raised himself on one elbow, poured himself a cup. It tasted vile, but it helped to wake him. He hesitated before throwing back the coverlet—he was naked under it—but Mavis showed no intention of leaving the bedroom. And he wanted a brief shower, and then he had to dress. He said over his shoulder, as he tried to walk to the bathroom with dignity, "What do I wear?"
"Come as you like if yer want to, Skip. It's a hot night, an' the weather bastards say it'll stay that way. But you've civvy shorts, ain't yer? An' a shirt an' sandals."
Grimes had his shower and was relieved, when he had finished drying himself, to find that Mavis had retired to the dayroom. It was not that he was prudish, but she was a large woman and the bedroom was small. He found a gaily patterned shirt with matching shorts, a pair of sandals. She said, when he joined her, "Now you
do
look human. Come on; the car's waitin' by the gangway."
"A drink first?"
"Ta, but no. There'll be plenty at the beach."
The Marine on gangway duty, smart in sharply pressed khaki, saluted. He said, "Have a nice night, sir."
"Thank you," replied Grimes. "I'll try."
"You'd better," the mayor told him.
Grimes took her arm as they walked down the ramp. Her skin was warm and smooth. He looked up at the clear sky. The sun was not yet set, but there was one very bright planet already shining low in the west. The light breeze was hotter than it had been in the morning. He was glad that he was not attending a full-dress function.
The mayor's car, a runabout, was little more than a box on relatively huge wheels, an open box. Grimes opened the door for her on the driver's side and she clambered in. She was wearing the shortest skirt in which he had yet seen her, and obviously nothing under it.
And yet,
thought Grimes,
she says that the Arcadians are odd.
He got in on the other side. As he shut the door the car started with a soft hum of its electric motor. As it rolled smoothly over the grass toward the entrance to the Oval the mayor waved to groups of people who had come to stare up at the ship from the stars. They waved back. When she nudged him painfully, muttering something about stuck-up Pommy bastards, Grimes waved as well. They were worth waving to, he thought, the girls especially. Botany Bay might not be another Arcadia—but a bright shirt worn open over bare, suntanned breasts can be more attractive than complete nudity. He supposed that he would have to throw his ship open to the public soon, but by the time he did all hands would have enjoyed ample opportunity to blow off excess steam.
"We'll detour through the city," said Mavis. "This is the time I fair love the dump, wif the sun just down an' the street lights comin' on."
Yes, the sun was just dipping below the rolling range to the west, and other stars were appearing to accompany the first bright planet. They drove slowly through the narrow, winding streets, where the elaborate cast-metal balconies of the houses were beginning to gleam, as though luminous, in the odd, soft greenish-yellow glow of the street lights.
"Gas lamps!" exclaimed Grimes.
"An
'
why not? Natural gas. There's plenty of it—an' we may's well use what's left after the helium's been extracted. An' it's a much
better
light."
Grimes agreed that it was.
"This is Jersey Road we're comin' inter. The city planners tried to make it as much like the old one as they could. I s'pose it's all been pulled down long since."
"It's still there," said Grimes, "although the old bricks are held together with preservative."
"An' how does it compare?" she asked. "Ours, I mean."
"Yours is better. It's much longer, and the gas lighting improves it."
"Good-oh. An' now we turn off on ter the West Head Road. That's Macquarie Head lighthouse we're just passin'. One lighthouse ter do the work o' two. The main guide beacon for the airport as well as for the harbor." Something big fluttered across their path, just ahead of them, briefly illumined in the glare of the headlights. Grimes had a brief impression of sharp, shining teeth and leathery wings. "Just a goanna," Mavis told him. "Flyin' goannas they useter be called, but as we've none o' the other kind here the 'flyin' part o' the name got dropped. They're good eatin'."
They sped through the deepening darkness, bushland to their left, the sea to their right. Out on the water the starboard sidelight, With a row of white accommodation lights below it, of a big schooner gleamed brightly.
"
Taroona,
"
said Mavis. "She's due in tonight. Ah, here's the turn-off. Hold on, Skip!"
The descent of the steep road—little more than a path—down to the beach was more hazardous, thought Grimes, than any that he had ever made through an atmosphere. But they got to the bottom without mishap. Away to their right a fire was blazing, its light reflected from the other vehicles parked in its vicinity. Dark figures moved in silhouette to the flames. There was the music of guitars, and singing.
"
Tie me kangaroo down, sport. . .
"
Grimes heard.
"I got yer here, Skip," said Mavis.
"And in one piece," agreed Grimes.
"Come orf it!" she told him.
As well as voices and music a savory smell of roasting meat drifted down the light breeze from the fire. Grimes realized that he was hungry. Unconsciously he quickened his step.
"Wot's the hurry?" asked Mavis.
He grinned—but at least she hadn't called him Gutsy Grimes. He said, "I want to join the party."
"Ain't I enough party for yer, Skip? I didn't think you'd be one fer chasn' the sheilas."
Grimes paused to kick his sandals off. The warm, dry sand felt good under his bare soles. He said, gesturing toward the parked cars, "I thought you people used horses for short journeys."
"Yair, we do—but not when we've a crowd o' spacemen along who, like as not, have never ridden a nag in their bleedin' lives."
"I have ridden a horse," said Grimes.
"An' what happened?"
"I fell off."
They both laughed, companionably, and then Grimes stopped laughing. He was able to distinguish faces in the firelight. This, obviously, was not an officers-only party. There was Langer, the burly bos'n, and with him Sergeant Washington. And there was Sally, the little slut of a stewardess who had ministered to the needs of his predecessor in the ship, Commander Tallis. Obviously their hosts were determined to maintain their egalitarian principles. Well, that was their right, he supposed.
"What's eatin' you, Skip?" asked Mavis.
"I'm thinking that it was time that I was eating something."
"Spacemen are the same as sailors, I suppose. Always thinkin' o' their bellies." She raised her voice. "Hey, you drongoes! One o' yer bring the skipper a mug an' a sangwidge!"
Surprisingly it was the girl, Sally, who obliged, presenting him with a slab of steak between two halves of a thick roll. She seemed in an unusually happy mood as she walked toward him, her breasts—she had discarded her shirt—jouncing saucily. She said, "You see, Captain, I
can
make a sandwich when I want to." And it was Langer who came with a mug of beer in each hand, one of which he presented to Grimes. As he raised his own to his lips he said, "Your very good health, Captain."