The Big O (The Virgin Diaries) (2 page)

“
D
o
you know what you’re wearing Saturday night on the date?”

I look up to Scout over a mound of testing data and wonder how her brain only functions on dick and Taylor. They’ve been dating for nearly three years and he’s grown to be a brother to me.

“Um, clothes,” I respond.

“You need to spruce up your Mary Poppins look if you’re hoping for any Dick In Cider.” She air quotes the last part.

“I’m not spreading my legs on the first damn date anyway, Scout. I want to fall in love and all that shit.”

“So, you want the whole fairytale full meal deal and not just a side of fries.”

“Yep.” I check off the last reading speed test and push back from my desk.

“You’re getting old enough, you should just fuck around.”

“Scout.” I send her the warning stare to quiet down.

She never has a filter on, even at school. And even though the students are out to recess, I don’t feel comfortable with her language. But she seems to never care and this time is no different as she grabs her crotch and thrusts it towards me.

“You’re impossible. I swear my first graders are easier to reason with than you.”

“I’ll bring the outfit over tomorrow night. I’ll be there an hour early with a bottle of wine to get all your cobwebs loosened up.”

“Taylor will just pick us up at my place?”

She nods and then adjusts her tits until they’re spilling out of the V-neck of her school spirit shirt.

“What in the hell are you doing?”

“Taylor asked for dessert, so I’m sending it to him.”

“You’re gross.”

Before I have the chance to really lay into her, my classroom phone goes off.

“Ms. Olander.”

“Hi, your community service employer is here. We are sending him down.”

“Okay, thanks.” I hang up the phone.

“Getting called down to the office?” She waggles her eyebrows. “Maybe Principal Williams will bend you over her knee and spank you.”

“You’re dumb. It’s the last of career week for our special guests.”

“Is it another baker or chef. I’m starving.”

“No, police officer.”

“Gag.” She sticks her finger down her throat. “You need that pastry chef back. I nearly came in my panties over her cream puffs.”

“Yeah, they were good until Chandra blew a snot rocket on hers and made me gag.”

“You’re going to have to work on that gag reflex of yours if you ever intend on becoming a cum guzzler.”

“Out.” I point to the door and begin walking over to it.

The clatter of happy voices begins to parade down the hall. I greet each smiling face with a high five or hug. I’ve found no matter how miserable my life is that the bright and bubbling innocence of first graders makes it all disappear.

“Grab a drink and your fruit snack quickly little friends before our final career week visitor arrives.”

I continue talking about our visitor for career week, flipping through a PowerPoint presentation of our past visitors from the week and then finally end on the final slide. My little gems all take out their reflection notebook and begin jotting down questions they might have about being a police officer. Then I take a count of how many students think they just might go into the field of work. I pick the mini-teacher of the week to place the tally marks up on her learning objective poster.

It’s really a small community of little ants in my room. There are weekly jobs that rotate each week which students love to do. You know, line leader, mini teacher, neat freak, hall monitor and on and on. And then there are the golden tickets they earn when they do their job. It’s quite magical around the month of April having them all trained to run like oiled machines.

A knock at the door distracts me from admiring the little minions and how far they’ve come in just one year from sounding out the alphabet to full-out reading. One of life’s greatest miracles that it’s happened and I haven’t spiraled into a full fledged alcoholic by now.

“Jenni, go ahead and get the door.” She’s the greeter for the week and very enthusiastic about it as she bounds over to the door, stumbling along the way.

I take a seat behind that very special student, who is a perfect angel when I’m near him. Crazy how that shit works. I laugh in my head thinking he will be very acquainted with the law and not in the working way.

“Class, this is Officer Oren O’Brien,” Jenni proudly announces.

I pick up my gaze from the back of Kane’s blonde locks and come eye to eye with Officer O’Brien. My gaze locks with his deep chocolate brown pupils and I feel the room grow hotter by twenty degrees. Sweat beads form on my brow. He’s tall, lean, dark, and motherfucking gorgeous.

“Hello, class.” He nods to the students.

And all I can focus on his bulging biceps in his dark uniform. For a second, I think this is a practical joke Scout has played on me, sending in a damn stripper to our class. His voice is even downright dripping sexy as he introduces himself to the class. It’s hypnotic, sweeping me off into a forest of fairies and sinful sexiness.

“Ms. Olander.”

A voice snaps me out of my daydream.

Kane tugs on the hem of my shirt. “He asked you a question.”

“Oh, sorry.” I put up a force shield over my features as I look back up to Officer Sex on a Stick. “What was that?”

“I was sent in instead of the other officer; is there anything you’d like me to cover with these guys?”

“Oh, uh…” I pull the pencil from behind my ear and nearly stab my own eye out with its sharp point. “Just about your job and why you decided to enter the field. They’ll have plenty of questions for you at the end.”

A messy bun piled on the top of my head; is that really how I slopped my hair together when Fabio is in my room? My God, he’s gorgeous as hell.

“Ms. Olander,” Kane whispers.

I ignore him, hoping he’ll focus on the officer talking in the front of the room, but he doesn’t as he continues to tap my hand and whisper my name.

“What?” I whisper yell, finally giving into him.

“Your headlights are on.”

“Uh?”

“Your headlights.” He nods with his head.

“Kane, you can’t even see my car.” I kneel down next to him. “You need to pay attention, okay?”

“Your headlights,” he grits out between his teeth and then places both of his bawled up fists to his pecs and springs out both of his pointer fingers.

My face heats up to a sizzling crimson, then gracefully I stand back up, and pretend to admire shoes and sure as shit both of my nipples are standing at attention, poking through the thin material of my school t-shirt.

Boogers, boogers, snot, poop, boogers.

I chant it over and over in my mind, trying to reign in my nipples and clear attraction for the officer. But all I do is make myself gag and try my best to cover it with a coughing fit, forcing down my gagger.

“You okay, Ma’am?” Officer O’Brien asks.

The rich smooth tone to his voice makes my insides quiver, turn liquid, and pool in desire. This man should be cuffed and locked away. It should be illegal to be this sexy and the mere thought of him being a hired stripper sent here by Scout is still active and alive in my mind.

I wave him off and grab my throat, letting him know I’ll live and let him continue on. It only takes ten more minutes of him passionately telling my students how he decided to become an officer and why his job drives him to be a better human.

Well, isn’t that just the fucking cherry on top of my horny sundae, he’s gorgeous, brave, and humble. I feel like attacking him and then slitting my wrists from embarrassment.

“Any questions?” he asks the students.

Rachel, my star student, shoots her hand straight up in the air, waving it wildly. Internally, I fist pump and then straighten my shoulders a bit because she’ll make me proud as hell.

“I like your uniform.” She starts off her question and then sits a bit higher. “And your badge is super shiny.”

“Thank you.” He leans forward, reading her name plaque on her desk. “Rachel.”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

He chuckles a bit. “Um, no.”

And the silence before the storm hits, knocking me incoherent.

“Neither does Ms. Olander and I think you two would make cute babies.”

A wave of giggles from the girls and disgusted groans from the boys rolls over the classroom and before I have the chance to scold her and then crawl under the desk, Officer O’Brien speaks up.

“Why thank you, Rachel, your teacher is very pretty.”

And my ass cheeks and the cheeks on my face turn an inferno red from burning embarrassment. Note to self, Rachel will never be line leader the rest of the year.

The officer keeps on answering question and thank God none of it has to do with me. His smooth deep voice lulls me into a trance and before I know it, it’s time for the kiddos to pack up, and rush out to the buses.

I finally snap out of my sex induced coma and begin ushering the students out the door, lining up the walkers and bus riders, making sure each little nugget gets on their way. Officer Awesome Sexy Pants takes up residence on the corner of my desk, crossing his ankles and then his arms over his wide chest.

“Ahhhhh.” A loud moan escapes me as I’m in a trance from each of his sexy gestures.

“Ms. Olander, do you need to fart?”

I painfully tear my gaze from the officer and down to Bryan. “What, sweetie?”

“Do you have to fart?”

“No, why?”

“You keep moaning like your belly hurts, Ms. Olander like there’s a bad poop built up in you.”

“Okay, out! Get along little friends, do your homework, and eat your veggies tonight.” I give each one of them a high five on the way out and feel my butthole pucker as I turn to face the sex god who rained down from the heavens.

“Funny little fellows,” he says.

His voice is richer than any chocolate I’ve tasted and drips pure sexiness.

“Oh, they’re something.” I shake my head and pick up some lonely pencils on the tops of desks.

“So, I’m new in town.”

I look up at him and smile. No shit he’s new in town, I mean men like this don’t prance around Ontario, let alone the state of Oregon.

“My chief sent me down on a last moment whim. Another officer was supposed to come but is down with the flu.”

I nod, paying very close attention to him and especially to the thick veins in his neck flexing with each word he speaks. My tongue hungers to dart out, lapping over his delicious skin. I switch the energy of my racing mind to the pencil in my hand, spinning it and gripping it with Hulk strength.

“He’d like to offer your class a free field trip to the department including bus fees and stuff. They’d get the full tour and experience of the department.”

Omg. A second chance of seeing him. Omg, Omg, Omg, hamsters begin racing around in my mind. I can wear a sexy-sexy ass dress.

The pencil snaps in my hand, causing a bomb of a sound to ring out through the room. “Oh, we’d love that.”

I jump back, startled at my own power of snapping the pencil and try to remain cool, not letting him in on my embarrassment.

“Perfect, here’s my card when you’re ready to set it up.” He waltzes up to me until there are only inches left between us and my headlights are now fully on high beams. It’s painful the way my body reacts to him. There have been sexy men in college and I’ve been to my fair share of frat parties where Greek gods strolled around in sheets, but this man is something else. He’s shredding my ovaries one word at a time. He has me ready to sink to my knees and I’ll make out with his one eyed monster after talking to first graders. Now, that’s a sex god if I’ve ever encountered one.

“Ms. Olander, would you be interested?”

I’m ready to strip down to my birthday suit and jump into his arms and ride off into the sweet sunset with the man. But instead, I’m flicked in the forearm with the sharp edge of the business card he’s been holding out.

“I’ll…I’ll be in contact.” I snag the card from him and then study his tight ass in his dark dress pants uniform, nearly melting into an orgasming pool. “Thanks.”

I offer up a weak wave as he turns the door handle of my classroom door. Holy shit, I’ve never seen that metal as a sex tool. That knob is beyond sexy and I’m ready to saddle up as his fingerprints leave an imprint on it.

Head on straight, Olivia, and quit thinking about how you can dry hump that doorknob.

Then I hear her voice.

“Well, howdy there, Mr. Walking Lady Boner.” Scout waggles both of her eyebrows very acrobatically up at Officer Oren as she enters the room and he begins to exit.

Their chests brush each other and as if in slow motion, I soak in my best friend, inventorying every single bit of sexiness of Oren. My feet plant firmly into the hideous baby blue stained carpet of my classroom. I mean, I love Scout like family, but in this moment the gal needs to be bitch slapped hard to the right fucking cheek. I’ll slit her with a butter knife.

Oren opens his mouth to let out the words, “Excuse me.”

It’s clear he heard her greeting when his smile lights up and he has dimples. Ovaries down. Ovaries down. The man is tall, dark, with chiseled features, and fucking panty-melting dimples dancing around his smile.

And on cue, her knees buckle and cheeks flush crimson red. Bitch is getting a butter knife to her neck.

And in true Scout fashion, she salutes him, hollering out Captain Lady Boner and then gracefully slips past him. The next portrait imprinted in my mind is Scout on her knees panting and waving the heat from her face. Me, on the other hand, I sprint for my classroom phone fumbling with the card in my hand. Damn rights, I’ll make that appointment taking the little gems on a field trip.

Besides being cuffed and stuffed, there’s really not any other option. Although, the thoughts of Officer Oren and stuffing sure do give me the chills.

Dear Diary,

The hottest guy waltzed right into my classroom today. No joke! It looked like he was straight off the set from Hollywood. A young Tom Cruise, but a bit taller with more muscles. Oh my God, it was Tom Cruise on steroids.