The Bodyguard and Ms. Jones (22 page)

He tried to remember the thrill of the chase, the excitement of pitting his skills against those of the enemy. Suddenly, he felt nothing but tired and old. He didn't want to go.

The job started in three weeks. What was he going to tell Cindy? He grimaced. Would she even miss him? She'd known from the start that his visit was temporary. They'd both agreed they couldn't be more wrong for each other. So it shouldn't matter that he was finally moving on. Yet it did matter. He wondered how he was going to get through the day without her.

The gate latch clicked and Jonathan stepped into the backyard. “Hey, Mike,” he called. “You wanna play ball?”

“Sure,” Mike answered, pushing into a sitting position.

Jonathan's hair was shaggy, his body tanned from his hours in the sun. He looked like a typical kid. Mike was going to miss both him and Allison.

“How was swim practice?” he asked.

“Okay, I guess. We don't have any more meets or anything. It's almost time for school to start.”

“Already?”

“Yeah. We get out at the beginning of June and go back in August. I wish we never had to go back.” Jonathan's smile faded. “Are we going camping over Thanksgiving?”

It still surprised him that Jonathan wanted to. Cindy had tried to explain it to him several times. He could believe that the kids liked him—after all, he liked them, too. But the concept of making personal plans for the future was foreign.

“I don't know,” Mike said truthfully. “I've got a new job, and I don't know how long I'll be on it.”

Jonathan stared at him. His brown eyes widened. “What do you mean? Are you leaving?”

“I don't really live here,” he said, motioning to the house. “Grace does. You knew I was just staying here for the summer.”

“Yeah, but—” Jonathan turned away and his shoulders slumped. “I thought it was different.”

“How?”

The boy didn't answer.

When the silence grew awkward, Mike cleared his throat. “Listen, I'll come back. Grace is here and she's my sister. I'll visit.”

“You never visited before. I thought you liked us.”

“I do.”

“Then how can you leave?”

He stared at Jonathan's slender back. The kid was only nine. How could any of this make sense? “I've got a job. When it's done, I'll come back. I promise.”

“But you'll leave a-again.”

It took Mike a minute to figure out the break in Jonathan's voice meant he was crying. He didn't know what to do. Before he could offer comfort, the boy started walking away.

When he reached the gate, he pulled it open and stepped through onto the driveway. He glanced back at Mike. Tears filled his eyes and trickled down his cheeks. He brushed them away impatiently. “You're leaving,” he repeated. “Just like my dad.”

As the boy walked away, Mike realized Jonathan had already learned his mother's lesson. Men leave.

* * *

The two kids scrambled out of the car and dashed across the greenbelt. “Be sure to say thank-you for being invited,” Cindy called after them.

She got a vague wave in response. Brett had invited Jonathan to a movie and early dinner and had agreed to let Allison tag along. After a day spent shopping for school clothes, the silence was going to be a welcome relief.

She opened the back of the minivan and pulled out several bags. The kids had sprouted during the summer and they needed almost everything new. She'd been saving Nelson's child support for the last three months and had used up most of it in a single shopping trip. The price of the shoes alone had nearly sent her into cardiac arrest.

She clutched the bags in one hand and fumbled with her keys with the other. After opening the back door, she tossed the bags on the sofa, then walked into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of iced tea. She was taking a sip when she saw someone prowling in her backyard.

Her first instinct was to scream for Mike, but she didn't know if he was even home. She hadn't seen much of him in the last couple of days. Her second thought was to dial 911. She'd just reached for the phone when the man moved closer to the family room windows.

The receiver fell to the floor. A sharp pain cut through her midsection. She fought against the need to double over. Her breathing was labored, her mouth dry. Then the sensations passed and she was left with a giant hole where her heart used to be.

The prowler wasn't a stranger. It was Mike. She hadn't recognized him because he'd cut his hair. Once again, the short, military style exposed his ears and the back of his neck. She knew what that meant...he was leaving.

She replaced the receiver then walked to the back door and opened it. “You want some tea?” she asked, trying to sound calm.

He glanced at her. “Sure.” He came inside and pointed to the windows. “I was checking your security. You've got one or two broken latches. I'll fix them. Have you thought about getting an alarm put in?”

“No.” She could barely get the word out.

After pouring his tea, she added the correct amount of sugar. He took the glass, then glanced at the packages on the sofa. “You've been busy.”

“School starts in two weeks. The kids needed new clothes. I got some things, too. It looks like we'll all be back to work. Including you,” she said as nonchalantly as she could.

He leaned against the counter. “Jonathan told you.”

“No, I figured it out all by myself.”

“How?”

“The haircut.”

“Oh.” He reached up and touched his bare neck. “I guess it doesn't exactly fit in around here.”

The hole in her chest wasn't getting any smaller and she was finding it difficult to keep breathing. “You told Jonathan?”

“A couple of days ago. He was asking me about the camping trip. I said I would come back, but I can't know exactly when.” His eyes darkened. “I mean to keep my word, Cindy. Maybe you could tell him that.”

“I will. You're not Nelson. You'll take him camping. But Jonathan won't believe you until you actually show up. He's been disappointed too many times by his dad.”

“I'm sorry for that.”

“It's not your fault.”

She couldn't believe they were having this very normal, very rational conversation when all she wanted to do was scream at him. How could he just walk out of her life? It wasn't supposed to happen this way. She wasn't supposed to care.

She set her drink on the center island and forced herself to smile. “When do you leave?”

“The job starts in three weeks. I'll need a few days to get my things in order. I've got to pick up my business suits from the dry cleaners in L.A. I probably have a few papers to go through. That sort of thing. I was planning on leaving a week from Friday.”

She didn't want to ask but she couldn't help herself. “Were you going to tell me or were you just going to disappear?” She hated that her voice was shaking.

“Cindy.” He put his drink down and moved close to her. “I was going to say something today. That's why I was looking at the house. I want things to be okay after I'm gone.”

“I've managed to survive all these years without you. I think I'll continue to make it.”

“That's not what I meant.”

Emotions swirled around her, through her. She didn't understand them. Mike wasn't breaking the rules, she was. She'd known from the first minute they'd met that he was leaving. He'd never once tried to convince her otherwise. So what was her problem? Why did she want to break down and cry? Why did she want him to hold her and promise to never go away? Nothing made sense.

It wasn't fair.

He touched her chin, forcing her to look at him. The handsome lines of his face made her heart ache. He'd been so good to her and to her kids. He'd made her remember what it was like to be a woman, and to be alive. She was going to miss that.

“Indulge me,” he murmured. “Let me pretend you'll miss me and not do well without me. And get those damn window locks fixed.”

She smiled. “You can do it yourself if you want.”

“Thanks.” His fingers stroked her cheek. For a minute, she thought he was going to kiss her, but he didn't.

“I'll miss you,” he said. “You've been a good friend to me. You helped me fit in here.”

“No problem,” she said airily as she moved away from him. She clutched the tea glass as if it were a lifeline. “I was just doing Grace a favor.” She sounded fine. It was good that he didn't know how much that cost her.

“You didn't have to pretend to be involved with me. Is that going to be okay?”

“What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “I don't want people thinking you got dumped. Why don't you tell everyone I turned out to be a jerk.”

“I'll be fine, Mike. People will think what they like and there's nothing we can do about it. Beth knows the truth. She'll tell the rest of our friends. No one else matters.”

They stared at each other. It was as if they both had so much to say, but it was all too dangerous. She wasn't going to ask him to stay and he wasn't going to offer. It was better this way. The leaving would be swift and painful, like a burn. In time, she would heal and only she would be able to see the scar.

Chapter Thirteen

“M
ike's leaving,” Cindy said, slouching in her chair at the kitchen table.

“When?” Beth asked.

“In a week and a half.” She resisted the urge to sigh. She was acting like a melodramatic teenager. The only problem was she didn't know how to stop.

“You seem surprised. His visit here has always been temporary.”

“I know that,” Cindy snapped. “That doesn't mean I have to like it.”

Beth stared at her wide-eyed, then straightened in her chair and took a sip of tea. “I guess you told me,” she said softly.

Cindy leaned forward and touched her friend's hand. “I'm so sorry. I'm behaving horribly. Really, I apologize. I shouldn't take out my frustration on you.”

“Hey, I'm your best friend. Who better?” Beth grinned. “Why don't you tell me what's really wrong?”

“I can't explain it. You're right, I
did
know he was leaving. It shouldn't be a surprise, but it is. Maybe because I didn't see it coming. Maybe I secretly hoped he would change his mind. I'm not in love with him, he's not in love with me, but I don't want him to go. Does that make sense?”

“No.”

Cindy smiled and rested her elbows on the round table. As usual, her kids were playing in the greenbelt. She could see them taking turns on a swing made from an old tire. A larger, older boy tried to push Allison out of the way. Her daughter pushed him right back and stood her ground. The boy slunk to the rear of the line.

“Allison hasn't mentioned Shelby in nearly two weeks,” she said. “I finally asked about her. Allison told me that Shelby went back to her real family. I'm thrilled that Allison is doing so much better. My head tells me she would have grown up enough to let go of her imaginary friend on her own. My heart tells me it was Mike.”

“What happens to Allison when Mike leaves?”

“I think she's going to miss him. We all are. I also think she's going to be fine.”

Beth studied her. “So it's not Allison you're worried about.”

She shook her head. “No. It's me.”

“I thought it wasn't serious,” her friend said. “You were supposed to be pretending.”

“We were pretending. It's not real.” Cindy resisted the urge to lay her head on the table. She was cranky and out of sorts and she didn't know why. Yes, of course she knew why. Mike was leaving. But why did that change anything? He'd been leaving from the moment they'd met.

“We're just friends,” she said, as much for her benefit as for Beth's.

They
were
just friends. They talked and laughed and had fun. She knew she wasn't in love with him. So why was she taking this so badly? Why did she still feel that hole in her chest? It hadn't closed at all. If anything, the edges were more ragged and raw.

“That's the problem,” Beth said softly. “You want to be more than friends.”

Cindy opened her mouth, then closed it. She opened it again. “That's not true.”

But even as she said the words, she wondered.

“Of course it is.” Beth smiled. “Mike is a very good-looking man.”

“You've noticed.”

“Along with half the county. He's been living right next door for weeks. You've pretended to be an item. I know you've kissed him, I have witnesses.”

A guilty flush stained Cindy's cheeks. Beth knew about the brief kiss witnessed in the mall. She didn't know about the half hour or so Cindy and Mike had spent on the sofa during that thunderstorm. Of course, Beth was pretty smart. She might have guessed.

“What's your point?” Cindy asked.

“You've been about as close as a man and woman can be without being lovers. Now that he's leaving, you're having regrets about not taking that final step. Considering the options, Mike is your safest bet to test yourself as a single woman.”

“You're saying this is all about sex.”

“Isn't everything?”

Cindy grimaced. “Not in my life. Not for a long time.”

“Then you'd better do it, so you don't forget how.”

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.”

Cindy sipped her tea. Was Beth right? Was she feeling regret for not having taken their relationship to its next level? But she and Mike didn't have a relationship. They were friends. And friends don't have sex. She'd never really even thought about it.

Liar,
the voice in her head whispered. Of course she'd thought about it. There were nights she couldn't sleep for thinking about being with him, touching him and being touched. Her body had been on fire, aching, needing.