The Bodyguard's Baby (Billionaire Bodyguard Series) (6 page)

“I’m just getting started,” he said in a low growl of promise.

Her chest rose and fell rapidly against his forearms. “Oh, wow.”

Two teenage boys whizzed past them. One called out, “Get a room.”

Slone grinned and released her. Then he guided her toward the rink’s exit.

As she hobbled toward a bench to remove her ice skates, she looked a little dazed, her eyes glassy, her lips parted. She landed hard on the wooden plank. He knelt and untied her laces, his gaze fixed on her face, enjoying that he’d pierced her awareness so profoundly.

Then she blushed. “Umm…did we really just say those things to each other?”

“Yes,” he replied evenly. “Is that a problem.”

“No…yes. I should say yes. Right?”

“Not if you don’t mean it.” He removed her left skate and started untying the right. “And I kind of hope you meant it.”

Her blush deepened, reaching the honey-blonde roots of her hair. “You do?”

“Hell yes, I do.” He abandoned her laces, abandoned his pride, and cupped her face in his hands. “Because I want you, too.”

Lowering his mouth, he sealed his lips over hers.

With Slone’s lips pressed to hers, Lindsey’s lashes drifted shut and she savored the moment. God, she’d wanted—no, needed—this.

As if her hormones had achieved their goal, her edginess relaxed away.

While he cupped her chin, his other palm traced up and down her spine, warm and soothing. This felt so right, so easy. Their mouths caressed each other’s as though his lips had always belonged to her.

Languid sensation spilled through her veins. A gentle urgency pushed her closer to him. His lips parted and their tongues met in a slow glide of exploration. He captured her upper lip, then her lower lip. The tip of his tongue flicked the plump flesh before he drew back, staring at her through heavy lids.

A grin of satisfaction tugged at the corners of his mouth.

Soft warmth spread through her, and her smile reflected her own pleasure at the intimate connection they’d created. She sighed wistfully. “That was so…nice.”

A shiver chased across his big shoulders. He dipped his chin in confirmation. Their gazes held for a long moment. “Next time it’ll be more naughty than nice. I had to keep it PG, since there’s a five year old staring at us.”

Blinking, she glanced to her left and found two huge brown eyes fastened on them. A giggle escaped her. She pressed her fingers to her lips, where a few tingles still lingered. “How about that ice cream?”

“Coming right up.”

He finished unlacing her right skate and she slipped on her boots. She waited while he did the same. They dropped off the rented skates and waited in line for ice cream.

Now that their lovely stolen moment had ended, reality came charging in like a bullet train. Yes, their kiss had been amazing, filling all the empty aching places inside her. But this wasn’t the way things were supposed to happen.

Deeply troubled, she frowned.

In her mind she’d had it all worked out. She’d had a plan. And while she appreciated spontaneity, a relationship with Slone did
not
fit into the picture she’d painted in her mind of the next ten months. It was like she’d already completed a complex puzzle, all perfectly aligned in place, and he’d suddenly handed her another piece that didn’t belong to the puzzle she’d finished. She wanted him to fit in there somewhere, but it just couldn’t happen unless she took the whole thing apart and started over.

But she didn’t have time to start over. She turned twenty-five within the year, at which time her biological clock would begin to break down. She couldn’t afford to wait through a courtship, dating, becoming engaged and getting married.

To give a solid relationship the time it needed to unfold and mature required a solid two years. Even waiting one year would prove too late.

Crap. She had to shut him down, close him out, before something more intimate than a kiss drew them closer together. Because sleeping with him would tear them apart. This needed to end before it began.

But how could she forget that world-shifting kiss? And then someday see him with someone else, with a woman who had what should’ve been hers?

Could have been mine,
she corrected herself.
But never will.

All the delicious sensations he’d created started slipped away, leaving her confused and hollow and depressed.

Slone paid for their ice cream cones, and they wandered around the cement floors circling the rink. He paused and gazed out over the ice. “You look mighty sad for a girl with double-chocolate-chunk ice cream.”

Her shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry about what happened back there.”

“I’m not.” He swiped his tongue across his dwindling scoop of mint chocolate chip. “But you clearly are. All I want to know is what I can do to change your mind.”

“You can’t,” she said dismally.

“But you have to admit, as far as first kisses go, we had a pretty damn good one.”

She sighed. “It was.”

“What’s with the two-word responses?”

“You should know. That’s the bulk of most of your conversations.”

At her observation, he grinned. “Touché.” He crunched into his cake cone. “Talk to me, Linds. What’s going on in your beautiful brain?”

“Too complicated.”

“Okay, let’s start with more than two-word answers.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s an improvement.”

She made a snarky face at him.

His shoulders bounced with a laugh. “No, I meant at least you said more than two words.”

She scowled. “What made you so chatty all the sudden?”

“Because I’m the one you’re stuck talking to, so you might as well lay it on me. Whatever is bothering you, I can handle it.”

Ducking her head she caught a drip of melted chocolate before it hit the floor. “I have to finish my ice cream before it melts into a mess. You talk.”

“Okay.” He popped the base of the cone into his mouth and licked his thumb. She glanced away and stuffed her face with double-chocolate chunk so she didn’t moan at the sight of him sucking something creamy off his fingers. She wanted him to drag her under the bleachers, cage her against the wall, and slide his hand down the front of her pants.

Instead, he scaled a few rows of bleachers and sat on one long metal bench. She joined him there.

Planting his feet on the seat below, he set his elbows on his knees. He folded his hands and tapped his thumbs together. Eventually he spoke. “I have a niece.”

“Where does she live?” Lindsey asked between slurps of ice cream.

Slone wasn’t sure what had compelled him to talk about family, let alone the tender topic of his dead brother’s daughter. “In Kentucky with the rest of my kin.”

“How old is she?”

“Nine. My little Makayla isn’t little anymore. She’s a cutie pie. And too smart for her own good. By the time she hits high school, she’ll drive all the boys crazy.” His heart twisted knowing he’d missed so many of her milestones.

“Do you talk to her often?”

“I send a card every month.” Along with the check to Adele. “To let her know I care, and I’m thinking about her.”

“That’s so sweet.” Lindsey made an
awww
sound in her throat. “Does she write back to you?”

“It’s more of a one-way thing.” Since Adele had made it painfully clear she didn’t want him in her life or Makayla’s either.

“What about the rest of your family? You sounded very fond of your Uncle Jimmy.”

Slone’s forehead tightened. “You’re not the only one who has cornered the market on ‘it’s complicated.’ We could go toe to toe in that arena.”

She gestured to the ice rink. “I think I’ll stick to losing in one arena today, thank you.”

He huffed a short laugh. “Fair enough.”

“Do you wish you were closer to your…kin?”

“Not really.” He tapped his thumbs again, wishing he hadn’t gone down this winding road of regret out loud. “Trust me, the feeling is mutual.”

“I can’t imagine going a week without talking to Kylie. What happened to drive such a wedge between you and your family?”

“My brother came back from Iraq in a casket, is what happened.”

She rested her hand on his forearm. “Oh, my God, Slone. I’m so sorry.”

He looked down at the place where her soft fingers draped across his black leather jacket. Hell, she was right. He wasn’t good for her. He wasn’t good for anyone.

Briefly he wondered why he’d let himself think he could have a relationship with her. She deserved more than he could ever offer her. And what she wanted most was a baby. He wasn’t convinced he should even bring a child into the world he’d seen torn apart by hate. He’d been a government-sanctioned killer. He’d taken the lives of men who had been fathers, while trying to save the lives of his team members so they could return home to their families. What a fucked up set of morals he’d lived by, and would’ve died for, without question or hesitation. So what right did he have to be a father, after the shit he’d been through and done? He sure as hell wasn’t the hero James had thought he was.

Slone regretted nothing. Life was too short to keep returning to the emotional minefield of
What if?
But he’d vowed to make choices that put only himself in danger, no one else. If he had a baby…

No, that option just wasn’t in the cards of the hand he’d been dealt. Although he wanted Lindsey with intense chest-gripping need, wanted to protect her for as long as he lived, she and her baby would be better off without his baggage.

“You just went really far away,” she said, piercing his dark thoughts. “I don’t like it.”

He glanced at her, seeing the concern churning in those immolating turquoise depths that made him want to sacrifice all his good sense to be with her. “Complicated is something I’m used to, something I live with every day. It haunts me.”

“I can tell.”

She nibbled her bottom lip that he’d tasted twenty minutes ago. He was glad he’d kissed her. Sexual tension had been brewing between them since they met at the Halloween party. Given the perfect opportunity, no wonder he’d become swept up in the moment. Still, he knew they could take it no further.

Reaching out he tucked her hair behind her ear. “You and I have some lousy timing, don’t we?”

Giving a sad laugh, she averted her face briefly to hide the surge of wetness along her lashes that he saw anyway. “We sure do.”

“If things weren’t so…complicated, would you go out with me if I asked you?”

“Yes,” she said instantly.

The immediate positive reply softened the sharp pain of knowing they couldn’t be together. They’d never be together.

It reminded him of the situation with Kylie all over again, but far, far worse—because he could see his future with Lindsey. He knew her spirit, her beautiful mind, what made her tick, what made her irresistible to him. She had this light within her. A light he swore could chase away the last of the shadows lingering inside him.

But she wouldn’t choose him, and he didn’t want her to.

Because if she asked, he would give her whatever she wanted. A baby. A ring. A wedding. A life where she’d never worry about money or threats. He’d protect her until his dying breath. All too much to ask for, more than he deserved, while his brother lay six feet in the ground forever deprived of the family he’d left behind.

“Thanks for saying yes,” he said, referring to her agreement that under different circumstances, they might’ve had a chance.

“I’m not just saying that, Slone. I mean it.”

Then, because he couldn’t help himself, he kissed her.

Her lips felt so right against his. Like they’d done this a thousand times and he still couldn’t get enough.

Yet again, he couldn’t stop at just her lips. He swung her legs over his to bring her closer to him, until she practically sat in his lap. She didn’t push him away or tell him to stop, although she should.

Touching her face with his fingertips, he memorized the softness of her hairline. The indentation of her temples. The perfection of her jaw that led to the beautiful arc of her neck. He wanted to bathe her in kisses, all over.

When her tongue reached out to his, he sucked her greedily into his mouth. He tilted her head and delved further, coaxing her sweet intimacy, desperate to taste her vibrant happiness and feel something greater than the memories the past ten years had given him.

“You taste so good,” he said, rolling his forehead against hers.

“You taste amazing,” she whispered back. “Mint chocolate chip might be my new favorite flavor.”

He stifled a groan. She inhaled his exhale, as if they were two parts of one whole. “Do you have any idea how much this sucks for me, knowing I can’t be with you?”

She sighed. “I know, for me too.”

A tear met his palm. He closed his eyes against an inner agony. “God, don’t. Or I’ll drag you under the bleachers and be forced to make love to you until you’re smiling again.”

“That’s what I wish we could do,” she said breathlessly.

“But that would go nowhere. We both know it.” He wanted to make love to her so badly his whole body throbbed.

“No, it wouldn’t. It can’t. I’ve…made my choice,” she ended on a low whisper.

The shudder that seized his lungs proved unlike any emotion he’d ever known. She was perfection in his arms, but he couldn’t touch her. He couldn’t have her. Taking a sharp look at his feelings, he wondered, is that what made her so perfect? Was he destined to desire women who’d never belong to him?

“I think you’re amazing,” he said, stuffing all his desires down deep, alongside the pile of his regrets. “And brave for the choices you’ve made.”

“I think the same of you. And I’m sorry it can’t work between us.”

“The story of my life.” He opened his eyes and withdrew his forehead from hers. “You’re not the first.”

“Who was?” she asked, sliding her arm through his and resting her head against his shoulder.