The Booby Trap and Other Bits and Boobs (20 page)
Read The Booby Trap and Other Bits and Boobs Online
Authors: Dawn O'Porter
Matt Whyman is the bestselling author of several novels and comic memoirs. His books include
Pig in the Middle, Walking with Sausage Dogs, Boy Kills Man
and
The Savages
. Matt is married with four children and lives in West Sussex.
Lara Williamson was born and studied in Northern Ireland. After graduating with a BA (Hons) in Fashion Design she moved to London and was Beauty Editor for
J17
where she wrote and styled shoots, both in Britain and foreign locations.
Lara won The Jasmine Awards for Best Article in a Youth Title, and received an Honorary Mention in
Undiscovered Voices 2012
. Lara lives in London with her family.
Claudia Winkleman works in television and radio. She talks mostly about films, books, the foxtrot and theatre. She has three children and is fond of owls.
Benjamin Zephaniah was born in Birmingham, England. He spent some of his early years in Jamaica, his parents' homeland, where he was strongly influenced by Jamaican folk music. Back in England, he had a difficult school life. He enrolled in adult education to learn how to read and write and then discovered he was dyslexic.
Since the age of twenty-two, he's been writing, publishing and mostly âperforming' his poetry in tours all over the world. Zephaniah writes gritty, realistic novels about the lives of teenagers, aimed at adults as much as they are at teenagers. He believes that for the most part teenagers know what they are going through, but adults need reminding; they have short memories. He now devotes much of his time to visiting schools, prisons, universities and teacher training centres. Zephaniah believes that working with human rights groups, animal rights groups and other political organisations means that he will never lack subject matter.
Breakthrough Breast Cancer is the UK's leading charity dedicated to stopping women dying from breast cancer through improving early diagnosis, developing new treatments and preventing all types of the disease.
Breakthrough Breast Cancer set up a research centre dedicated to breast cancer when no other existed in Europe. Today, we fund 25% of the breast cancer research in the UK as well as campaigning to ensure survival rates are among the best in the world.
The need for Breakthrough Breast Cancer's work has never been greater. Breast cancer affects more women every year and is still the most commonly diagnosed cancer in the UK.
Breakthrough Breast Cancer wants all women to be breast aware. Our award-winning Touch Look Check (TLC) campaign teaches women the common signs and symptoms of breast cancer that they must look out for, as the earlier breast cancer is found the better the chances of beating it.
Find out more at
www.breakthrough.org.uk
or
@BreakthroughBC
We at Breast Cancer Care are incredibly grateful to Dawn for all her fantastic support over the years. She has taken part in our nationwide fundraising campaign Pink Fridays, appeared on Channel 4's Million Pound Drop Live, and got on her bike to cycle from London to Paris to raise money for our services. Dawn also gathered together a host of comedians and performers to create the inaugural Best Friends Ball in September 2013. Dawn's support has helped us continue our essential work for the nearly 50,000 people diagnosed with breast cancer each year in the UK. Breast Cancer Care is the only specialist breast cancer support charity working throughout the UK. Through our face-to-face, phone and online services we are able to provide direct support to the millions of women and their families who face the devastating physical and emotional impact of living with breast cancer, every day. Visit
www.breastcancercare.org.uk
or call our free helpline on 0808 800 6000.
CoppaFeel! is on a mission to stamp out late detection and diagnosis of breast cancer by ensuring that you know the signs and symptoms of breast cancer, know what your boobs look and feel like normally, check your boobs regularly throughout your lifetime and have the confidence to seek medical referral if you detect any changes. We want to make this as habit
ual as making a cup of tea because it could just save your life. So, isn't it time you checked your boobs?
Over 49,000 women and 400 men are diagnosed with breast cancer each year in the UK.
Knowing the signs and symptoms of breast cancer and what your boobs look and feel like normally could save your life. Start the habit of a lifetime today. The earlier breast cancer is diagnosed, the easier it is to treat.
Why?
Why not? You feel your boobs anyway, so get to know them a little better. That way, you'll spot any problems faster than you can say âCoppaFeel!'
What?
You need to know what it is you're looking and feeling for. Learn and familiarise yourself with the possible signs and symptoms, but remember that there can be many reasons for changes in the breast which are harmless.
When?
Whenever. There is no good or bad time for boob time. Perhaps get your partner to lend you a hand and remind yourself to cop a feel regularly. We can remind you, by the way, with our handy iCoppaFeel! app.
Where?
Wherever. At the bus stop? On top of a mountain? In the shower perhaps. Find a place for boob time in your routine and try to keep it up.
Who?
The person you need to see if you find anything unusual is your GP. Share your worries and remember, you know your boobs better than anyone and because you've copped a feel regularly, you know your boobs better than your GP and will be in a better position to tell them what is normal for you.
I just wanted to say a huge personal thank you to everyone who contributed to this book. It's always hard to ask very busy people to offer their time for free, and I have been amazed by the generosity and honesty of you all. This book is brilliant, and that is all down to how willing you all were to write about a subject as close to all of our hearts as breast cancer. From Maude Apatow's mind-blowing account of a teenager'
s issues with her own breasts, to Laura Dockrill's hilarious poem and to Gemma Cairney's sore nipple, I love each and every one of your stories, poems and personal triumphs. From myself and all the boobies that this book helps, thank you. Thank you so, so much!
Now, go tweet the shit out of it!
Hot Key Books would like to give particular thanks to each of the talented contributors to this special anthology, and big thanks to Dawn O'Porter for putting The Booby Trap together with such style and generosity.
Contributors
Maude Apatow, âI am Fifteen, and Have Nothing Figured Out' © Maude Apatow 2013
Holly Baxter, âBeauty and the B(r)easts © Holly Baxter 2013
Edith Bowman © Edith Bowman 2013
Amanda Byram © Amanda Byram 2013
Melanie C © Melanie C 2013
Amanda de Cadenet © Amanda de Cadenet 2013
Gemma Cairney, âThe NBB' © Gemma Cairney 2013
Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett, âBoob Envy' © Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett, 2013
Sara Cox © Sara Cox 2013
James Dawson, âDiary of a Boob Job' © James Dawson 2013
Laura Dockrill, âA Diamond-Encrusted Bubble-Gum-Flavoured Speckled Glittered Brightly Coloured Erotic Eye-Wateringly Bouncy yet Sensible, Comfortable Hammock (with pockets) © Laura Dockrill 2013
Jenny Eclair © Jenny Eclair 2013
Sophie Ellis-Bextor © Sophie Ellis-Bextor 2013
Caroline Flack © Caroline Flack 2013
Kristin Hallenga © Kristin Hallenga 2013
Cherry Healey © Cherry Healey © 2013
Will Hill, âBen Harris and the Orbs of Power' © Will Hill 2013
Rufus Hound & Simitchell © Rufus Hound & Simon Mitchell 2013
Amy Huberman, âA Trip Down Mammary Lane' © Amy Huberman 2013
Jameela Jamil © Jameela Jamil 2013
Maureen Johnson, âThe Wall and the Door' © Maureen Johnson 2013
Alex Jones © Alex Jones 2013
Marian Keyes © Marian Keyes 2013
Annie Mac © Annie MacManus 2013
Sarra Manning, âSome Girls Are Bigger Than Others' © Sara Manning 2013
Julie Mayhew, âMelon' © Julie Mayhew 2013
Davina McCall © Davina McCall 2013
Sarah Millican, âTwenty Things I Love About My Boobs' © Sarah Millican 2013
Lee Monroe, âThe Ticking Clock' © Lee Monroe 2013
Caitlin Moran © Caitlin Moran 2013
Patrick Ness, âMooby Trap' © Patrick Ness 2013
Erin O'Connor, âUpfront' © Erin O'Connor 2013
Chris O'Dowd, âPillow Talk' © Chris O'Dowd 2013
Dermot O'Leary © Dermot O'Leary 2013
Dawn O'Porter, âThe Booby Trap' © Dawn O'Porter 2013
Victoria White © Victoria White 2013
Laura Whitmore © Laura Whitmore 2013
Matt Whyman, âUplifted' © Matt Whyman 2013
Lara Williamson, âStorm in an AA cup' © Lara Williamson 2013
Claudia Winkleman © Claudia Winkleman 2013
Benjamin Zephaniah, âBenjamin's Breasts' © Benjamin Zephaniah 2013
Hot Key Books will pay 33.33p per book sold to Breakthrough Promotions Ltd which pays all its taxable profits to Breakthrough Breast Cancer, a registered charity in England and Wales (1062636) and Scotland (SC039058) under the Gift Aid scheme.
Hot Key Books will pay 33.33p per book sold to Breast Cancer Care (Registered charity in England and Wales 1017658, and Scotland SC038104).
Hot Key Books will pay 33.33p per book sold to CoppaFeel! (Registered charity in England and Wales 1132366).