The Book of Lies (11 page)

‘I never said anything like that!'

‘Well, that's what it looked like!' Nic glared at me in such disgust (as did everyone). ‘You're a fucking sneak. I
hate
sneaks.'

‘I'm sorry,' I winced and tried to smile. ‘Did you get an earful?'

Nic curled her lip. ‘Of course not.
I'm
not some little
kid
. But get over yourself, the world doesn't revolve around you. Pete's my boyfriend and it's so obvious you're jealous. You're just embarrassing yourself.'

My cheeks were like hot coals and everyone was whispering.

‘So what was the plan? Was that little game with Michael supposed to get my attention?'

I quickly explained that Michael was a very interesting person once you got to know him, but Nic pulled the sourest face yet/ever.

‘I bet he never told you he was, like, my stalker for a year. He used to follow me everywhere.'

I was ever so slightly crushed.

‘Let's not fight,' I said. ‘I made a mistake and I won't do it again.'

Nic frowned and pretended to think this over.

‘I wonder if this is a bit of a warning sign. If you're going to be so weird then maybe I should find someone else to hang out with. I thought we could be friends but maybe I got it wrong. Maybe we
should
see less of each other.'

I looked from Chantelle to Isabelle to Vicky.

My little world was falling apart. The bell rang and in came Mr McCracken, clutching the register and his battered old briefcase. He told us to sit down but I couldn't. He was all clean-shaven and crisply-ironed, but as he pulled out his chair I thought I'd faint. He sat down, opened the register and started calling our names. I kept my head down because I knew I was going to start crying. I felt so stupid because I never-ever cried in public. My head was spinning and I didn't even hear when he got to ‘R'.

‘Rozier? . . . Catherine?'

I looked up and suddenly everyone was staring. All the blood was in my head. I pushed my chair back and it screeched along the floor. Mr McCracken frowned and I didn't know where to look. So without saying anything, I ran out.

There were dots in front of my eyes when I reached the loos, which were only four doors down. Of course Mr Mac followed me into the corridor, as did Nic and Lisa Collenette. Lisa came because her nose is the biggest part of her body, Nic came because she was (I think) worried. OK, she was probably more worried about what I was going to tell Mr Mac, but even so.

‘Are you OK?' Mr McCracken pushed the door a little open. ‘Are you still feeling sick from yesterday?'

I clung to the basin. ‘Please go away.'

I think it was at this point that Mr Mac stepped back and saw Nic.

‘Why don't you try to talk to her?'

Mackers went back to class, taking Lisa-insect with him.

Nic pushed the door open with her elbow and stared at me. She had a medium-sized frown on her face.

‘I'm sorry,' I said, ‘I didn't mean – ' Nic held up her hand as if to stop traffic.

‘What was that he said? Why did he mention yesterday? What does
he
know about yesterday?'

I swallowed. Nic was still staring at me. She looked more puzzled than angry.

‘Why were you with Mr McCracken yesterday?'

‘Didn't they tell you?'

Nic cocked her head to one side. ‘Didn't who tell me? What are you on about?'

It was a pin-drop moment.

‘Mr McCracken was the one who took me back to your house.'

‘He
what
?' She blinked. ‘You're kidding me.'

‘No, I'm not.'

Nic's little mouth gaped. ‘Fuck! You're serious. Who was there? Tell me
exactly
what happened.'

I remember looking into the whites of Nic's eyes and knowing that I'd better make it good. This was my chance. Sometimes you have to twist the truth to make it interesting, and I
had
to make it interesting.

‘Well, it was amazing, really. I mean, I can hardly believe that it happened. I was sitting at Pleinmont with Michael, and of course we were both pretty wasted by then. Suddenly, out of nowhere, up drove Mr McCracken. He came over and asked Michael what we'd been doing and Michael laughed in his face. Mr Mac then got all huffy and said he'd better take me home. I don't really remember refusing. Next thing I know he's bundling me into his car. I was giggling and mucking about, but he was so angry. I told him to chill out, only he said I was lowering myself to be getting in such a dreadful state, and what was I thinking, blah-blah. Then he asked me what would happen if it all went wrong and who would pick up the pieces? That was when I got upset. I told him he wasn't my dad and we had a bit of an argument. The windows of the car got steamed up and he had to stop driving. Then, the strangest thing happened . . .'

Nic's eyes widened. ‘What?'

I stared into her pretty face. It was like I was holding a loaded gun.

‘
He
got upset. It was like he was really exasperated and at the end of his tether. He told me I was
precious
and
special
. I was freaked out. Then he said we needed to both calm down. We stopped at Island Wide and he bought me some food and we sat in the car park. After that we talked and talked. He really understood me.'

‘Seriously?' said Nic. ‘I can't believe it.'

‘Well, you always said he had a soft spot for me. He told me I was his star pupil. He even said something about how I was the one reason he still enjoyed teaching. He was leaning close and he had a tissue and he wiped my face really gently, and I could feel his breath on me.'

Nic pulled back. ‘No way!'

‘Yes-way! Then he told me how lonely he was, and how his Sundays are just empty, and all he ever does is drive round and round the coast road.'

Nic's pretty face crinkled. ‘That is
so
sad.'

‘Then,' I took a breath, ‘we nearly kissed!'

‘No!'

I nodded frantically.

Nic's eyes started to shrink. She wasn't sure whether to believe me or not.

‘Really!' I yelped. ‘He-was-being-so-nice-and-then-he-sort-of-leaned-over-like-to-give-me-a-hug-but-it-was-
definitely-something-
else
. He hadn't shaved so it was bristly.'

Nic shook her head, and I could see by her body language
³²
that she wasn't convinced. That's when I told her about the projectile vomiting and Mrs Senner.

‘Yuck! How embarrassing. I'd have died.'

‘I know!' More mad head-nodding. ‘That's why I asked Mr McCracken to drop me round at yours. I was in such a state. He made me promise not to tell anyone what had happened, but I couldn't not tell
you.
'

Nic sized me up with her eyes, it was like she was trying to see into my brain.

I gulped back panic. ‘I swear on my life this is the truth, Nic.'

‘
Really
?'

I nodded and blinked and waited.

A hint of a smile crept onto her face.

‘You wouldn't lie about something this big, would you?'

‘No way.'

(And normally I wouldn't.)

She stared into my eyes and I still couldn't tell if she believed me or not, and I was rigid when she pulled me close and gave me a hug. It was a hug so tight that it almost stopped me breathing.

‘Well, well!' she whispered. ‘We could have some fun with this.'

And I thought it was just perfect. We were friends again, maybe better friends than before, and that was all that mattered. I was too happy to think about the lies I'd just told, or the damage they could do. I didn't think about what would happen tomorrow or the day after that, or the day after that, because it seemed so far away.

And now I get to the bit where I say kids tell stupid lies because they don't know any better, but actually I should know better, because of course I've read it all before.

16
th December
1965

Tape:
2
(B side) ‘The testimony of C.A. Rozier'
[Transcribed by E.P. Rozier]

Pour continua, Emile. You know the story of the boy who cried wolf? He told so many lies nobody would believe him when he finally told the truth. I cannot excuse what I did but I shall say this: life under the jackboot was no picnic. We thought we'd be occupied for a few weeks and no more, then weeks turned into months and the months dragged on and on. Every day we printed out a new order, or an amendment to an old order, or an addition to it. They said they wouldn't take our wireless sets and then they did, they said we'd be safe in our homes but they took the best homes for themselves.

Seems the only thing they couldn't own was the nonsense in my head. I'd lie awake each night, listening as the planes hummed overhead, and I pretended I was a pilot or a gunner. I felt the bitterest hatred for the first time in my life, and not just against the Hun. Certain Guernseymen, and I could name them, were only too happy to fawn over the Germans and treat them like brothers, and some of the womenfolk were worse, their heads easily turned by a man in uniform – it didn't matter what uniform. It was more than shameful, Emile, it was treason.

To me it was the end of Guernsey and the world itself, to see my own people acting so yellow. Of course it's no excuse for what I did. I know I was wrong to lie, but lies were all I had since the truth was so stinking and rotten. Our father's reputation, our family name, all was lost.

Yes, yes. Now you tell me there were plenty of folk who were made to work for the Germans, but back then I reckoned on carrying the heaviest burden. I felt a hundred eyes on me when I went into Town and I was sure I heard whispers behind my back. Of course, it was all in my head, and the only trouble I had I went looking for.

And by trouble I mean Ray Le Poidevoin.

For a while I didn't see him and I wondered if he'd got away to France or to England, and was off on some adventure. No such luck, I'm sorry to say. Not long after the Germans arrived he'd been sent to Alderney – earning himself five months' hard labour for stealing groceries. That must've been a shock, as I'd see for myself soon enough. When we met again his young face had new lines and there were shadows beneath each eye. With his dirty hair and clothes he looked a bit wild to me, and I would've turned on my heel if he hadn't spotted me first.

‘Well, well, if it isn't our new minister of Nazi propaganda!' he called out. ‘The last time I saw you, you were running away and it looks like nothing's changed. Do you remember? It was after the air raid on White Rock. There were wounded and dying everywhere and where did you get to, eh? You ran like a coward.'

‘That's not true,' I stood firm. ‘We both know it wasn't like that.'

Ray pointed a finger toward me. ‘Je n'sie pas si cuite comme tu crai! Tu es caouard! You did what your dad said, and we all know he's a Nazi-lover. He even speaks the lingo.'

I felt my pulse quicken. ‘There's no point in lamming into me. We've been forced to work for the Germans and we don't get treated any better for it. I hate those stinking Slugs as much as you.'

‘You are all bluff,' Ray shook his head. He turned to the lads gathered about him. There was Jim Collard, Colin Turrell, Greg Mauger, all of them as tough as nails. Jimbo would trot after Ray like he was his pet spaniel. He later joined the army, he liked taking orders so much. Colin now works for the States. Greg Mauger died of typhus before the Occupation was out. They all enjoyed watching me squirm.

‘I don't know why you think you're so much better than us,' I replied. ‘What are you going to do now?

You'll have to work for the Germans like everyone else.'
³³

Ray glowered at me. ‘Death before dishonour. Ray Le Poidevoin works for no one.'

Jim and Colin nodded.

‘We got plans,' one of them said.

‘I could help,' I offered quickly. ‘I've got inside knowledge on the Germans. I know their new rules and regulations before they even happen.'

Ray eyed me up and down like he was measuring me for a coffin.

‘I was going to box your ears the last time I saw you and maybe I should do it now. What do you reckon, lads, is he worth it?'

They laughed.

‘Run along back to your pop,' said one of them. ‘You Roziers are yellow!'

I was furiously angry.

‘Pop's not yellow, he's a braver man than all of you.

It's not what it looks like. He's – he's not what you think.'

Jimbo and Colin shook their heads and turned to go, Ray alone was listening.

‘What's the old man up to then?'

I backed away. ‘I – I've said too much already.'

Ray nodded. ‘If your father is a spy then you've just blown his cover.'

‘Tais ta goule!' I said, keeping up my bluff. ‘You cannot tell anyone. Pop is gathering information for the Allies.'

I know I was playing with fire, Emile, but you must understand, I was sick of these days without history, where history was being made somewhere else. I was sick of doing nothing and feeling nothing. I thought that if I said these things then I'd make them true, and my life wouldn't feel so shameful.

Jim and Greg were waiting on the corner but I wanted to keep Ray there. I told him that I was a loyal patriot and could easily prove my worth. I said I was prepared to do anything for the War effort. But he shook his head.

‘I'm not ruining my good name mixing it up with the likes of you.'

I was boiling up with rage. I pulled that little knife he'd given me from my pocket and lifted it towards him, but quick as lightning he'd grabbed my arm and twisted it behind my back.

‘I don't need all this strife from a little kid like you. Where's your pop, now, eh, the war hero? I've seen him in Town, skulking about. He's no spy and you shouldn't say such stupid things. Je ne sais pas, maybe I should cut your throat now – at least it'd shut you up.'