Authors: Lolah Lace
“A new client.” He added
prying and fishing for more information than he deserved.
I looked
him in the eye. “No, I’m Nicki’s nanny.” I was so straight-faced he had no choice but to believe me.
Nicki
almost chuckled at my false admission and probably at the confused facial expression on her co-worker. It was pretty funny.
“Okay well
Nicole we have a meeting in an hour.” James added with more bass in his voice than required.
“Yes James conference room three.”
Nicki nodded.
“Okay Mr. Hamilton, nice to meet you.”
I didn’t feel the need to respond. I just nodded once. Fuck him. There’s no way she fucked this buttoned up lame. James exited the office and glared until we couldn’t see him any longer.
I didn’t speak until a heard the click of the door close. “Do you fuck him?”
“None of your business?”
“I
know but I thought I would ask.” I was trying to be charming. I was failing miserably at being charming. “What time do you get home from work today?”
“Why?”
“I’m coming over to help Kelly with her science project.”
“No you’re not.” She raised her voice just a bit.
“
I told her I wouldn’t step foot in your house until the video cameras were installed. She said the security cameras are up and running so--”
“The cameras are up but--”
“I told her I would come over.”
“You ca
n’t just tell a kid, my kid anything without checking with their parent, me moron, I’m the parent.”
“
Moron, that’s real professional. I’m telling you now. I haven’t seen Kelly in a week. She wants to hang out with me. If you can watch me while I’m in your house I feel better about it. I’m not going to sneak around behind your back to see your daughter. I’m telling you I’m coming over. I’m telling you I’m helping her with homework. I’m telling you I’m going to cook something other than those microwave dinners you poison her with.”
“See there’s the problem. You can’t tell me. You have to ask me
.”
“No sweetheart your employees here have to ask your permission. I don’t have to ask you anything.”
“Kelly is my kid.”
“I know that.”
“It’s weird that you want to spend time with a kid that isn’t yours.”
“It’s not weird. She doesn’t have a father and I don’t have a dau….”
“You don’t have a daughter. Is that what you were going to say?” I couldn’t answer her question. She walked around her desk and she was standing close to me looking me right in my eyes. “Luke listen, I know your daughter died. I Googled you. I checked to see if you were on the sex offender’s registry. I even checked the Illinois Department of Corrections website. I’m not stupid.”
“I never said you w
ere stupid. I think you’re very intelligent. This is not the office of a stupid woman. I know you got a Master’s from MIT. I did my homework on you too.”
“Okay this is just a lot to take in. I’m glad you saved my daughter from god knows what.
I’m very sorry you were injured.”
“I was stabbed.”
“Cut.”
“Stabbed.”
“Whatever.” She tilted her head to the side. “I appreciate you not blowing Kelly off. I never lost a child before so I don’t understand what it feels like so I just--”
“Listen everything in life doesn’t have to have logic and reason. I will stay with Kelly until you get home. I will see you later.”
I left before she could protest or bicker with me any further. I still didn’t know why I went to her office. I didn’t know if I even liked her. Sure I sleep with her but I felt compelled to. Sure she’s attractive, more than attractive but she’s not my type. First she’s black. Second she’s not blonde. She’s too smart. She’s too classy and she’s a stuck-up bitch. I believe all those things but I can’t stop thinking about her. Was it the sex? Maybe but I was thinking about her before I took her. Jesus I need to just stop this shit. I blocked thoughts of her while I took the elevator down to the ground level. Then I realized that maybe it was better to think of her then to think of Hailey.
The traffic wasn’t that bad going back to the burbs. I
had one stop to make and then I went right over to Nicki’s. Kelly let me in. There was an expensive security system installed. There were video cameras throughout the house.
Kelly
sort of fibbed a little about the help she needed on her science project. She didn’t need any help at all. I was clear she was ten times smarter than me. I didn’t fully understand the entire project. I was terrible at science. I was more there for conversation.
Ke
lly left me to have a cell conversation with some girl from her American History class. I started dinner. I stopped off at the grocery store beforehand to grab some real food. I put on some tunes and turned the kitchen into my private sanctuary.
I
was few minutes into my chef master class when the cordless phone on the wall by the refrigerator started ringing.
I read the caller ID.
“Hello.” I answered the phone.
“I can’t believe you answered my phone.”
Nicki’s voice bellowed loud and clear.
“Why not? I knew it was you. That’s what the caller ID said.”
“Read.” She corrected.
“Read, said, why are you calling?”
“Why? I know, but you are, I don’t know. What are you doing?” She stumbled over her words.
“I’m in the kitchen cooking dinner.”
“Where’s Kelly?”
“Look at the cameras.”
“I can’t look at the cameras when I’m driving that’s why I’m asking you.”
“You need to download the app to your phone. Then you can see inside the house when you’re driving.”
“I don’t have enough memory in my phone for that.” She huffed and puffed through the phone. She was constantly losing her patience with me. It was kind of cute.
“
I’ll fix that when you get here. Kelly’s upstairs on the phone with some kid named Marie. The last thing I heard when I was eavesdropping was a debate on whether Justin Bieber was too old and so last year.”
“
I will be there in about ten or fifteen minutes.”
“D
rive safe, dinner will be ready in twenty.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” She hung up and so did I.
Nicki arrived twenty-five minutes later. I served dinner shortly after she arrived. Kelly came down and we all eat in the kitchen. Instead of the adults making pleasant conversation we just let Kelly do most of the talking. We exchanged fake smiles and it was funny to both of us, being cordial to one another.
Kelly left as soon as she cleaned her plate. She left her mother sitting across from me.
“Luke
, thank you for dinner. It was pretty tasty.” Another compliment, I should keep a tally. Nicki stood and removed the dishes from the table. She put them in the sink.
“Just leave the dishes. I will get them.”
I made the mess. I could clean it up.
“No way,
I can rinse them and put them in the dishwasher. You cooked. I appreciate it. There’s no way you have to do dishes.”
“It’s not a problem.”
“No I’m not going to let you.” Nicki grabbed her empty wine glass off the table.
I stood to join her at the sink.
“Why are you so bossy?” I figured I would ask. There had to be a reason why she needed to exercise this excessive amount of control.
She turned from the sink and pressed her lips together. “Because I’m the boss.”
“You’re not my boss.”
“Yeah, you have to have a bachelor’s degree to work for me.”
There she goes throwing her weight around. She can really push my buttons if I let her. I’ve been through too much to let Miss Nevels the bossy devil get to me.
“You smell like
fresh flowers.”
“Don’t smell me.”
I frowned. “I’ll inform my nose.”
“You do that.”
She smirked. “I will load the dishwasher.”
“Well I’m going to head out.”
“Fine.” She turned her back on me.
“Lock the doors and windows and set the alarm.”
“Sure thing, I never would have done those things without your reminder.” Sarcasm was her go to in times of discomfort. Was I the cause of her discomfort?
“You never get tired of torturing me?”
“No never.”
I raised one eyebrow as I took a fast peek down her blouse.
“Okay well I’m out, tell Kelly bye for me.” I grabbed my cell phone off the kitchen table. I snatched my car keys off the counter and I headed to the front door. I left out and went to my truck.
I took the quick
scenic ride home. I was at my place and I was instantly knocked down into a deep state of grief. The time at Nicki and Kelly’s had almost erased the trip to jail to visit with my daughter’s murderer.
My house was a shrine to my beloved daughter. I felt like I was choking on the memories of her that truly existed and the memories that will never manifest.
Sometimes the pain was unbearable and I wanted to drown my sorrows in liquor but I couldn’t indulge in the thing that stole my daughter from me. How could I ever put a beer to my lips and not think of Hailey? It hurts and time is not healing my wounds. It’s not doing anything. I hurt just as much as the minute the doctor told me she was dead.
I went into Hailey’s room and lay in her bed. Her scent was still in the sheets. I can’t imagine ever washing these sheets. I don’t ever want to wash away the memory
of my daughter. The hours were passing and they truly felt like days. I had been in her room for what seemed like forever. I couldn’t fall asleep. I couldn’t stop replaying the events of the day Hailey died over and over in my mind. I had to leave this bed, leave this room and leave this house.
I got in my pick-up
truck and drove the desolate streets. It was no different from other nights of endless driving with no destination. I knew I would never sleep consumed with thoughts of how that dreaded day could’ve gone differently. This time my car found a destination. I pulled into the driveway. It was eleven at night but I didn’t really care. I dialed her cell. I had the number. I just never used it before today. It was about five hours since I had seen her.
“Luke.”
She answered on the second ring. Nicki didn’t sound asleep. She seemed to be wide awake.
“Open the front door for me.”
“Are you okay?”
“Open the door.” I hung up the phone.
I turned off my truck. I saw the inside light come on in the foyer. I slowly got out my pick-up and headed for the front door. When I turned the knob it was unlocked. I walked into the foyer and Nicki was standing at the foot of the staircase. She glided pass me to activate the home security system keypad. I didn’t look back at her as I made my way up the stairs to her bedroom.
I could feel her presence a few paces behind me.
I could smell her floral scent traipsing behind me. We entered her bedroom. I closed her bedroom door and locked it.
Nicki
purposely went to the opposite side of her queen size bed. She was wearing this small thin tight red nightgown. She didn’t have time to change into it. She already had it on. She sleeps in pretty provocative shit like this regularly. I could see her quarter sized nipples smashed against the fabric. Her chocolate impressive full breasts were spilling out the top.
I stood on one side
of the bed and she stood on the other. We were watching each other waiting for someone to make a move. I think she was afraid to speak words to me. I probably looked like a disturbed psycho.
I wasn’t afraid
to speak but I was notably cautious. Our history was full off conflict. It was difficult for us to remain pleasant with one another for more than a few minutes at a time.
Nicki
had her hands behind her back. I knew she had nothing in her hands but maybe she was nervous. She was so hard to interpret, hard to understand, hard to get a read on.
I couldn’t understand the intensity of my
feelings. I just knew that the last time I was in this bed with this woman was the only time I wasn’t in mourning. I slept well even if it was for only five hours. I wanted to sleep or did I want to sleep with Nicki? I wasn’t sure.
As of late my mind seemed to play tricks on my body.
Was it her expensive memory foam mattress that I craved or was it her tantalizing sex? Maybe if I try them both again I will come to a reasonable conclusion. If I fuck her again, it will be clear. Shit, maybe I just need to buy a new mattress?
Or
do I need—I don’t need any woman. Fuck women! All of them but the lust I felt for her was raging in me since I ripped her panties from her body. Shit was it there even before that?
I removed my
t-shirt and tossed it behind me somewhere. I never had any reason to be ashamed of my body. I worked out. I lifted weights. It was a way for me to stay in shape and stay away from temptation.