Not his finest hour.
And the potential for violence worried him. Connor had grown up quickly that day and worked to control his temper every day.
He looked like his father. Same build. Same good looks. Same volatile temper. If he raised a hand to Maggie once, would it become easy? Would he strike out no matter what the provocation? Would he turn into a monster?
So far he’d never hit a woman in his life.
He hoped like hell he could hold his shit together and keep it that way.
Chapter Eleven
Dear Kinky Lover,
Thanks for the great advice. It’s funny because I’m not sure I can say exactly what it is about spanking that makes me want it so much. I’ve been thinking about it ever since I received your email.
During my research I’ve discovered many couples enjoy incorporating spanking into lovemaking because it deepens the intimacy. Rougher treatment stimulates some people. That doesn’t make it wrong. It doesn’t make it right, either—just different.
I want a man I can explore erotic boundaries with and submit to in the bedroom. That doesn’t mean I’m a wimp. I think of lovemaking as stress release and a way of showing a man I care for him. I want a relationship that’s full of fun, laughter and loving, a relationship that’s robust with mutual trust.
I’m sure spanking will help bring this dynamic to my relationship. Don’t ask me how I know—it’s a gut feeling at the moment because I haven’t experienced more than a swat on my butt. That felt pretty good and certainly made me hot.
But, when it comes down to it, I’ll have to wait and see.
Best wishes,
Big Bad Ass
“It’s a blog about spanking,” the employee in front of Maggie in the lunchroom line said. “You should check it out.”
Maggie leaned closer to hear. If someone else local was writing a spanking blog, she wanted to know about it.
The woman glanced at Maggie and frowned.
Oops, she’d better do something quick or she’d never learn the URL for the blog. “I’m really sorry,” she said, curving her lips into her sweetest smile. “I thought I heard you mention a spanking blog. I know I’m being nosy, but it’s not something that comes up every day.”
“You’re not wrong there,” the woman said, the suspicion fading from her face. Her conspiratorial grin gave Maggie a glimpse of uneven white teeth. “The blog is called Big Bad Ass. All you need to do is do an online search and it will come up.”
“Big bad ass,” Maggie repeated, praying she hadn’t heard right.
“Yes, that’s right. Everyone is talking about it. It’s worth looking at—very interesting.”
“I’ll look it up,” Maggie said in a faint voice, trying to dredge up bright interest when she felt as if someone had kicked her feet out from beneath her. People knew. They were talking about her blog. How?
She didn’t believe for a moment one of her friends had told. They’d never do that to her.
In a panic, she paid for her lunch, scanned the lunch room and found her friends. She hurried across the room and slipped into an empty chair. Thank goodness Connor wasn’t present so she didn’t need to confess to him.
“Everyone is talking about my blog,” she whispered. “What am I gonna do?”
“None of us told,” Susan said. “I don’t know how they found out.”
“They’re only talking about the blog and the contents. They don’t know it’s your blog,” Julia said. “If you keep your cool, no one will ever know it’s yours.”
“But it’s not easy,” Maggie muttered, shoving her sandwich away. “I can imagine what they’re saying. Oh, heck, here comes Connor. Don’t dare tell him it’s my blog. You promised,” she added when they looked as if they might argue. “I’m holding you to your pledge.”
Connor grabbed an empty chair from another table and joined them.
“Have you heard about the blog everyone is talking about?” Julia asked him.
Heck! Maggie glared at her friend. Julia stared back in complete calm and had the nerve to wink at her.
“Yeah, one of the guys in the IT department found it. Management asked us to check everyone’s computer usage. They’re tightening up on private Internet use.”
“And you didn’t think to mention this to us?” Christina asked in distinct horror. “I always check my private email at work and surf the web a bit.”
“I wouldn’t do it anymore if I were you,” Connor said. “I shouldn’t tell you this, but if there are rumors about website links, word is probably out. Management has asked for a usage report for each individual computer and details of who works on the terminal.”
Maggie wilted in her chair. It could have been worse. “I’ve used my computer for a little private stuff. Mostly to check my email.” Thank goodness she hadn’t done any blogging from work. Although some of the girls must have checked her blog if word was out.
“Cripes,” Susan said. “I’ve done a little blog hopping during office hours. How strict are they going to be?”
Julia offered Maggie an apologetic look. “I’ve done the same thing, Susan. I’ve checked a few interesting links. Are they going to sack offenders?”
Connor shook his head. “They didn’t say. All I’m saying is that you should be careful and leave the Internet alone unless it’s for work purposes.”
“Done,” Christina said. “I intend to leave soon, but on my own terms. Thanks for the warning.”
“I wouldn’t worry too much,” Connor said. “Most people have used the computer for private purposes when they should have been working.”
“They can hardly sack everyone,” Julia said.
“Good to know.” Maggie grabbed her sandwich again and opened it. Maybe she’d overreacted. She hadn’t looked at her blog while at work, confining her blogging to home. It wouldn’t matter if a few other people had looked at her blog. Interest would die gradually and life would return to normal. “What’s everyone doing this weekend?”
Christina pulled off her glasses and inspected them for smears. “Work for me. I’m advising a young school leaver on a wardrobe. It should be fun since our budget is really tight.”
“I don’t have any plans,” Julia said. “Not yet. I might have a lazy weekend and stay at home.”
Connor grinned. “Say it isn’t so. You always have plans.”
“So I thought I’d change things up a little,” Julia retorted. “No rule says I have to do things the same way all the time.”
“What about you, Maggie? What are you doing?” Susan asked. “Do you have a date? I’m starting to feel a bit jealous about your love life.” She wrinkled her nose, but Maggie gained the impression she wasn’t entirely joking. It made her feel even guiltier about her lies to her friends.
She averted her gaze from Connor, finding her sandwich more interesting and far less threatening. “I’m not sure yet.” Why couldn’t she stop looking at him? Thinking about him?
It was like some sort of disease. An illness, because she couldn’t resist him. Memories of their lovemaking kept flashing through her mind in a never-ending loop. The memories had kept her from kissing Kevin. She’d enjoyed spending time with him, but when it came to a goodnight kiss, she couldn’t do it. She’d mumbled about it being too soon. Excuses. Yeah, she’d stuttered through quite a few.
And Kevin had asked her out again. They had a date for tomorrow night. Maggie knew she needed to move on with her life. Heck, Connor had a fixation with blondes. She’s seen him in a clinch with that blonde, and the close attention he’d paid to the other women in the group he’d joined. Yes, she and Connor were casual lovers, not meant to last.
The plan took time to execute. Since the night they’d seen each other in the pub, Maggie had distanced herself. Connor rubbed his tired eyes. He hadn’t slept worth a damn, lying in bed imagining all the things Maggie might be doing with her new man.
The only positive note was that she hadn’t told him she wanted out of their
friends with benefits
deal. They hadn’t exactly talked, either, but knowing Maggie, she’d never sleep with a new guy or continue seeing another man without letting him know. She had honor. It was only that knowledge that kept Connor going each day.
He didn’t intend to lose Maggie because she wanted something he couldn’t deliver. They’d get through this roadblock and come out the other end. Together. He was determined about that.
Taking a deep breath, he walked into the exclusive lingerie shop, strode up to the counter and told the woman exactly what he wanted.
Lace. Satin. Sexy yet tasteful.
A corset a woman could wear with pride and confidence. A corset that would draw a man’s attention.
The question of size had stumped him until luck really smiled. A woman of Maggie’s size had sauntered into the lingerie store. Kismet, he’d decided.
They needed to special order, which took time. He’d had to wait. Impatiently.
The rest of the Tight Five had questioned him, asked if he was all right or had a problem.
No, he’d told them, even though he’d wanted to pepper them with questions about Maggie, his confidence at an all-time low.
Now, almost two weeks later, he stared at the black and gold creation, nestled inside a gold box and tissue paper. He imagined Maggie wearing the corset…
“Damn,” he muttered, shifting to release the stress on his cock. “Down, boy.” At this rate, he’d need to have another cold shower. His flatmates were asking questions already, pulling his leg about the length of time he’d spent in there.
Connor ran the tips of his fingers over the black material, imagining it heated by Maggie’s skin.
He hoped this didn’t backfire on him, because he thought it might kill him if he lost Maggie.
Connor picked up a pen and chewed the end while he considered what to write on the card to accompany his gift. He stared at the pristine white card and leapt off his chair to search for paper. A draft. This note needed to be perfect. He’d practice first so he didn’t stuff it up.
Dear Maggie,
Join me at the Stamford Plaza hotel on Friday 13
th
. I’ll leave a key for you at reception. Wear the corset, and come prepared to spend the night. You won’t get much sleep.
Connor
Black Friday. Hell, he hoped that wasn’t a bad omen. Things were difficult enough without bad ju-ju coming into play. Connor stared at the message again and decided it said exactly what he wanted to say. After rewriting the message on the card, he tucked it into the box containing the corset. He taped it shut and picked up the phone to call a courier. If this didn’t work, he was out of ideas.
Work was getting on her nerves. Maggie felt as if she were in the middle of a bad disaster movie with two out of control trains heading for a collision. She drove one train and could see the other coming. Her workmates drove the other train and were clueless. They couldn’t see a thing, but that didn’t stop them speculating.
“Why would someone want a man to spank them?” one of the secretaries asked. “I don’t get it. We’ve spent years trying to gain equality, and this woman…” She trailed off, gesturing with her hands as if words failed her.
Another woman added her thoughts. “It’s like this woman wants to set us all back to a time when women didn’t have the vote and men ruled supreme.”
“Yeah, we’re a progressive country. We’ve had two female prime ministers. New Zealand women were the first in the world to earn the right to vote. Shouldn’t that mean something?”
Maggie gritted her teeth and tried not to listen. She was not deviant. She cared about freedom and the right to vote as much as the next person. It didn’t mean she was taking a step backward. What about freedom of choice?
“Don’t listen to them,” Julia said in a low voice. “Feel like missing lunch tomorrow and doing a spot of shopping instead? I feel like a bit of a splurge. It will cheer us both up.”
“Thanks. I’m having to bite my tongue. It’s hard not being able to defend myself. Shopping sounds great. Where are the others?”
“I don’t know about Connor, but the girls both have special assignments. We probably won’t see them for the rest of the day.”
Maggie nodded, feeling really down. The idea of spending tonight alone sent shudders through her. “Do you fancy having drinks and dinner at my place tonight?”
“Sure. Do you want me to ask the others if I see them?” Julia asked.
“Let’s make it a girl’s only evening then I can whine about my blog,” Maggie said. “Just a little bit, I promise. I won’t go on for longer than an hour.”
Julia laughed. “Make that half an hour of complaining and we have a deal.”
“Done.” Maggie’s tone was smug. “You should have negotiated harder. I would have settled for ten minutes.”
“Well,” Julia said, wrinkling her nose.
“Ah-ah. No renegotiation,” Maggie said, and with a laugh, she left the lunch room feeling better than she had for days. Good friends were worth gold.
After work, she rushed home, going via the supermarket to grab half a dozen bottles of wine, some brie, cheddar and blue cheese, along with two loaves of bread and some hummus. She figured they could order take-out from their favorite Thai restaurant later if the girls decided they needed something more filling.
Maggie changed into jeans and a top that skimmed her upper body, showcasing her curves instead of losing them under acres of baggy material.
The doorbell went when she’d started to organize the snacks.
“Hey,” she said with a grin when her three girlfriends walked in together. “I didn’t think you’d be so early.”
“We can go away again,” Susan said.
“Oh, no you don’t,” Maggie said, gripping Susan’s forearm firmly and propelling her inside. “Julia promised I could have half an hour of non-stop whining about people at work dissing my spanking blog. I intend to utilize every second of my half hour, and you have to listen.”
Christina shook her head. “You’re a bad negotiator, woman. You should have let me do it.”
“I probably shouldn’t tell you Maggie said she would have settled for ten minutes.” Julia grinned. “I’m sorry. I blew it, but I brought a bottle of champagne in penance.” She produced a bottle of Moet.
“Oh, the good French stuff,” Susan said. “I love me some Moet.”
“What’s the occasion?” Christina asked.
The doorbell went, and Maggie frowned. “Don’t tell me that’s Connor. That would spoil everything. I can’t whine with him here.”
“I’ll get the door,” Julia said. “And if it’s him, I’ll send him on his way.”
Maggie nodded and took the champagne to the kitchen. She pulled flutes from the depths of the cupboard and washed them before opening the bottle.
She heard Julia answer the door and the low sounds of a masculine voice. She felt bad about getting Julia to send Connor away, but she couldn’t face him right now. Deep in her heart, she knew she had to call off their
friends with benefits
deal. Everything had become too complicated. And it wasn’t as if they were communicating that well. She couldn’t even find the guts to tell him what she wanted sexually. Why did she have to pick a man who’d suffered through a topsy-turvy childhood and abuse? It can’t have been much fun watching his father beating his mother. Maggie understood his reluctance to spank anyone. It would bring back bad memories.