It was twelve minutes after noon. Quinton felt positively giddy.
THREE HOURS PASSED,
and to Paradise it felt like thirty minutes. Both Roudy and Andrea had thrown themselves into sifting through the data, though
Paradise was certain that while Andrea was applying strict method to her search, Roudy was only playing the role of sleuth.
He was intelligent, to be sure, and he could connect dots, but he wasn’t able to see patterns in numbers the way Andrea could.
Neither was she or Brad. They were relegated to the cheerleading section, filling in ideas when questions arose, no matter
how irregular those ideas might be. There was electricity in the room, a fascination with the investigation as if it were
an epic game of charades. The answer was there, just there, hidden in the mounds of evidence and data, waiting to be identified
by the jack in the whole.
Allison came in twice to check on them, eyeing Brad and Paradise with particular interest, Paradise thought. Allison was up
to something. She wanted Paradise to connect with Brad, clearly. It was the psychologist in her trying to help Paradise climb
out of her hole, and although Paradise had no intention of climbing anywhere, she was surprised at how eager she was to play
along.
In fact, she was playing him, not the other way around.
“How many words in the first sentence?” Roudy was asking.
“Eleven. Times eleven, times two. Two forty-four, but the last sentence only has eight. Eight words.”
“And what, pray tell, is that?”
Andrea’s eyes darted. “Don’t know. Just there. Like two holes, snake in the hole. Jack in the whole.”
“This is too random!”
Paradise walked around the couch where she’d been watching them. Brad was in the adjacent room connected by an open door,
talking quietly on his phone.
“Random to you, Roudy. You know that’s not the way Andrea’s mind works.”
“Eight, thirteen, five,” Andrea said. “But that’s not it, not at all. Does the number of pictures count?”
“No, the photos were taken by the FBI, not the killer. And don’t assume the key he left is mathematical. It could be any pattern.”
Andrea scratched her scalp and started to whimper, then glanced at the corner. She listened and looked back at Paradise. “That’s
not what
Betty’s
saying. It’s a number. Like the number of raindrops. A showerhead, cleaning the world. Maybe it’s about water.”
Paradise ignored the reference to Betty; Andrea’s mind had to run through its own secret labyrinth to find the center. Brad’s
voice carried softly through the open doorway. Her skin tingled at that sound. She had no business allowing a man’s voice
to make her feel like this, but she had a job to do. She had to play him.
“Let’s go, Andrea!” Roudy said, snapping is fingers. “Work to do, work, work. We’re running out of time!”
“What time?”
“Time, time it’s always about time. They never come to me unless they’re at their rope’s end and the ticker is seconds from
blowing. You think the FBI would have brought us all this”—he motioned at the piles of data—“unless they were beyond the limits
of their own wits and needed me? I don’t think so. Focus!”
She whimpered again and hurried to a large white wallboard, where she’d written out the last note, then marked and remarked
it a dozen ways that could only make sense to Andrea. Next to it, the original photocopy of the Bride Collector’s writing:
They’re trying to kill me, everyone is trying to kill me.
But the advantage of being God is that I get to change my mind. Why did you move my bride? My time. Have you killed Jack lately?
The snake waits in the garden, seeking a new bride to join him in the hole. Perfect twice. Me.
Paradise lost. It takes one to know one. To know the insane. When the jack is in the whole. Does jack want me to hide from
you? No, I’m not sick, I’m just better than you.
I’m the sunshine and you’re the Rain Man.
Paradise read the note, but her mind wasn’t on the killer’s writing or Andrea or Roudy or the mounds of evidence. Her mind
was lost on Brad.
I’m a twenty-four-year-old woman and I have not yet had a single romantic relationship. I am unlovable and I would make a
lousy lover. I am the dirt on the bottom of society’s shoes.
For three hours she’d paced around the room, pretending to help them work, but half her mind was running circles around her
feelings, justifying, criticizing, accepting, rejecting, a nonstop mess of emotions and reasoning that should have left her
exhausted.
Truth be told, she couldn’t wait for Brad to finish his phone call and rejoin them. She had good reason for this. She had
to play him for everyone’s sake; this was her contribution. Even knowing that she was in part fooling herself, she was eager
to continue. She was pathetic.
The emotions came suddenly, as if she’d been swept away in a flash flood. Any other time she would have fled to her room and
buried herself in her novel in the making.
But it was okay, it really was okay, because nothing was happening. There was no flood. She was simply imagining more than
what was there. Brad would look at her and she would see soft, imploring eyes, yearning to know her more intimately.
Puke.
Brad would speak and she would hear a voice calling to her gently from the darkness, asking if he could stand beside her,
telling her that he liked being close to her.
Sick.
And that was only the half of it. Her highly imaginative mind, cursed from birth, had already spun off a dozen fully fleshed
scenarios, including everything from she and Brad as copilots on a deep-space probe to their attending an extravagant royal
ball.
Puke, puke, sick, gag.
It was all a sad joke. In reality, Brad was only doing his job. He was showing kindness to all three of them because he was
a kind man who found each of them fascinating and their gifts helpful. That was perfectly reasonable.
What are you looking for, Paradise? A lover?
“Pathetic!” She growled more than said the word, and the others looked at her.
“We are?” Andrea asked.
“No, not you. Keep going, I’ll be right back.”
She had to put an end to this or risk flipping out, because if she did that, Andrea would snap and it would be over.
Paradise marched up to the open doorway and stepped in. Brad was seated on one of three couches that formed a U for group
therapy. He saw her and sat up.
“Okay, Frank. Anything else, let me know. I’ll call you when I leave.”
She walked up to the couch and stopped five feet from him as he ended the call.
“Any luck?” he asked, lifting his eyes.
Looking at him now, she was certain that she’d made a complete fool of herself with him, prancing around the room like a filly
in heat while the big stallion here strutted back and forth. His face, square and tanned, with neatly combed blond hair. Those
eyes searching hers, seeing her stringy hair, her short frame, her stubby fingers with chewed-off nails, her white face, which
had not once seen a jar or tube of makeup.
Apes did not marry men, birds did not cohabitate with whales, and men did not like Paradise. Which was okay, because she did
not much like men in that way, either.
“I’m sorry, we can’t do this anymore,” she said.
Mr. Raines stood up. “They’re giving up?”
“No. I’m not talking about them.”
“So…” His eyes twitched, one of those slight movements that signaled he had just caught on to something.
She spoke quickly, before he could embarrass her. “I know what you’re doing, Mr. Raines. I know you’re toying with me. And
I need to confess that I’ve been playing you as well. But now we have to stop.”
His face drew a blank.
“Please don’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about.” She stepped over to the adjacent couch and sat, facing him.
“You’re trying to earn my trust so that I can help you. Allison has gone along with the idea because she thinks I need to
break out of this shell that has me trapped. She thinks you might be able to win my trust, and if so, you would be the first
man from the outside to do so.”
He swallowed, looking guilty, and sat back down. “No, not entirely. Yes, in part, Allison did say that, but that’s not—”
“But you need to know, Mr. Raines, that I’ve been playing you as well.”
He didn’t laugh. He didn’t cross his legs or sigh or condescend to her. In fact, he looked genuinely embarrassed.
“You should feel shame for what you’re doing, I suppose,” she said, “but I’m guilty, too, so I guess we’re both in the same
boat.”
“I don’t understand, you’ve been playing me?”
“Normally I would panic if a man showed interest in me the way you have. All those looks and winks… I would normally take
off running. Didn’t Allison tell you? Men and I don’t mix too well.”
“She did say that, yes. But—”
“Normally I would flip out. But today a woman’s life is at risk and as a group we’ve decided to do our best, no matter what
the cost, to save her life. So rather than flip out, which would cause Andrea to quit, you can be sure, I decided to let you
play your games with me. And the only way to do that was to let you think you were being successful in accomplishing your
goal.”
After a pause, “My goal?”
“To win my… my affection. My trust.” She was moving her knees back and forth like a girl who had to use the restroom, and
she stopped them.
For a long drawn-out moment, he just looked at her, face shy and red like a kid caught with his hand in the jar. “I don’t
know what to say,” he finally said.
“Me neither. I’m ashamed to have led you on like that. Honestly, I don’t know what came over me. I’ve never done anything
like it.”
She looked out the window and was struck by the realization that it would all come to an end. The idea of climbing back into
her dark hole of loneliness, no matter how safe, terrified her. It wasn’t supposed to go this way! He should be stopping her,
saying,
No, no. I do love you, I don’t know what has come over me, but you’ve bewitched me. I look into your eyes and am swept away
and I don’t know what to do about it!
But that wasn’t what he was doing. And why should he? She was right. It really
had
just been a game. A dream. A story. A nightmare.
She was not the princess. She was the toad.
“So what do we do?” he asked.
Paradise turned back to him, struggling not to betray her deep disappointment. “Well, for one, I can’t afford to freak out.
Andrea will quit if I do.”
He looked like he was still at a complete loss. “It’s amazing that you see it that way. I mean, you’re being very gracious.
And I’m very grateful. I really… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put you through so much. I just… I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“It’s okay.” She blew out some air, fighting to control a black cloud of sorrow settling over her. “I just have to figure
out how to go back in there and pretend that everything’s okay.”
“I don’t want you to pretend,” he said.
“Well, I have to do something. I suppose we could continue the charade. I think I might be able to do that until this is all
over.” A foolish notion, but she’d said it already.
Brad thought for a moment. “No, I don’t think we should do that. I really didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression.”
He moved to the edge of his couch and rested his elbows on his knees, leaning forward, very close to her. Then he reached
out his hands, palms up, as if inviting her to put her hand in his. Paradise felt her chest tighten with the first sign of
panic.
“Listen to me, Paradise. It doesn’t have to be like this. I know you’re afraid and I would be, too. But I’m not here to hurt
you. I’m not sure I could live with myself if I intentionally hurt someone like you. You. Hurt
you.
”
She was hearing him, but her eyes were on his open hands and she was wondering if he really did expect her to put her small
ugly hand into his large powerful hand. The idea was making her feel nauseated.
“I don’t think we have to pretend,” he said. “I think that we’re just two adults who both have deep feelings when it comes
to other people. I lost someone very close to me a long time ago, and I still can’t get over it. You lost part of yourself
a long time ago, and you still can’t get over it. We’re both deeply wounded.”
Tears filled her eyes, though she tried to stop them.
“It’s okay,” he said softly. “We don’t need to be like that. Neither of us is ready for the pressure anyway. Let’s just try
to help this girl.”
He was right. He was so right and she loved him for those words. This was just ordinary. She was just an adult. They were
two adults trying to save a life and help each other out. What had gotten into her?
Her tears slipped from her eyes and ran down her cheeks.
“Give me your hands,” he said, reaching out, supported by his knees. “Please.”
She hesitated, then did what she had never done. She reached out and placed her palms on a man’s palms. They were larger than
hers by half. And warm. His fingers closed around hers.
“You want to know the truth, Paradise? The truth is I think you’re an incredible woman.” His voice was low and heavy. “I envy
you in more ways than you could possibly know. I don’t want you to feel pressured to do anything. Seriously, I’m beginning
to have my doubts whether Sherlock and Brains can break this down anyway.”
“Oh they will. Just give them time, they will. They’ll at least figure out what the killer’s jack is.”
“And what about you? Can you do this?”
Actually… She could, couldn’t she? The fear she’d felt earlier had somehow dissipated. She felt a bit blue and quite foolish
but otherwise comfortable. Maybe Brad had done exactly what he’d set out to do without intending to do it. Maybe he’d just
won her trust in a way no man ever had.
She looked into his gentle brown eyes, then at his hands, and allowed him to hold on to her. “I’m okay. I can do this. It
takes one to know one. Right?”