Authors: Samantha Towle
And then I’m filled with a rage I didn’t even know existed. I feel like there’s fireworks’ going off in my head, firing about every which way. And all I know is that I hate him. Hate him. HATE HIM.
“
I don’t belong to you,” I spit, venom snaking my voice. “You disgust me. I hate you.”
He throws his head back and roars out a laugh. “Well, there is a fine line between love and hate, so I’m half the battle won.” He shrugs.
I stare at him speechless. Does he have no feelings left in him at all? How can this be the Arlo that I’ve spent the better part of an eternity with? No, I can’t accept that he’s totally gone. There has to be some goodness left in there somewhere.
“
Have you forgotten who you are – were - your very reason for being?” I implore.
“
Have you?” he throws back at me. “If I remember correctly, you didn’t think twice before turning your back on our home for your own selfish reasons . . . and on more than once occasion.”
“
That–that was different,” I stammer.
“
Was it?” He shakes his head. “I don’t think so. You left home and changed all in the name of love, Lucyna, and that is all I’ve done. We’re not so different, you and I. And that’s why we belong together. I understand you better than you do yourself.”
“
I’m nothing like you! I would never do what you’ve done, become what you’ve become.”
“
Wouldn’t you? Not even if it meant you could have the one thing you wanted above all else . . . not even if it meant you could save your precious James by doing so?”
I glance over to James. He’s still not moving. Tears fill my eyes. I blink them back.
“
No,” I say, but even I can hear the doubt in my voice. “Please, Arlo, just let me get James some help.” I look deep into his calm yellow eyes, pleading for compassion.
He looks past me. “No.”
“
James doesn’t deserve this – this isn’t about him, it’s about me and you – he’s done nothing wrong – he desperately needs to see a doc–”
“
NO!” he roars, jumping up out of his seat. I flinch. “It’s always him, him, him! What about me?”
“
This is all about you!” I fire back. “We’re here because of you!”
I stare at him hard, my chest heaving. I can see his jaw working angrily and his eyes look like they’re on fire.
After a moment he sits himself back down in the chair and begins tapping his fingers on the arm rest. “Tell me about the lifeguard,” he says.
My stomach tightens. “No.”
“
Do you want him to live?” He inclines his head toward James.
I sigh, defeated. “What do you want to know?”
“
Are you in love with him – the lifeguard?”
I don’t know how to answer this. I know he’s tricking me in some way. There’s a catch in it somewhere. And if I give the wrong answer, I could be putting Fen in danger too.
So I do the only thing I can, evade it. “He was good to me,” I say. “He helped me when I needed help.”
He chuckles. “But that’s not really answering my question, though, is it?”
I take a deep breath. “No, I’m not in love with him.”
He raises his eyebrow. “I’m surprised to hear you say that.”
I know I’m falling into his trap but I can’t but help ask, “Why?”
He shrugs lightly. “Because it sure felt a lot like love when you were kissing him . . . or should I say me.”
I feel sick. And dizzy. I stare at him, dumbstruck. “You’re Fen?” I exclaim, finding my voice.
“
Hmm.” He nods. “That’s what you need to realise, Lucyna. I’m always there. Wherever you are, I will always be alongside you. You can never get away from me.” His lips curve up. “And did you really think I’d leave you out there all alone? What do you take me for? The only regret I have is that when we shared our first kiss, I had to be in the body of that dim-witted mortal.”
My stomach turns over and, for a moment, I actually think I’m going to throw up. I feel wounded. And violated. I need to scrub him off me.
“
How did you –?”
“
Do it?” he interrupts.
“
Yes.”
“
Easy. I can do anything I want now,” he says proudly. He has this really smug look on his face which, if I wasn’t human and immobile, I would really love to wipe off.
“
I just ‘borrowed’ him for a while, well, his body. It was an easy way for me to stay off Isabel’s radar and mask your essence at the same time, by being so close to you, you see. Every day I spent with you I could see your feelings growing for me. I always knew you loved me deep down.”
“
I didn’t have feelings for you!” I rage. “I had feelings for Fen!”
“
But I was him. And your kissing me told me everything I needed to know.”
I laugh hollowly. “It told you nothing except that I was lonely and I was drawn to his . . . his looks. And if for one second I had known it was you, I would never have touched him.”
He doesn’t flicker. “I beg to differ,” he says calmly. “You have feelings for me. You’re just not ready to admit them to yourself yet. But that’s okay because we’ve got plenty of time for you to come to terms with them. I’ve waited this long. I can wait a bit longer.”
I look at him with utter disgust and contempt. I can’t believe I once thought this thing was my friend. He’s so self-serving, so callous.
“
I think you just manipulated the situation to your advantage, Arlo. I think you manipulated me into having feelings for Fen.”
He actually looks like I’ve hit him really hard. “I didn’t manipulate you. It’s the one situation where I actually didn’t have to do anything. Everything you did, Lucyna, you did of your own free will.”
I know I would never have done anything with him freely, and I’ve had enough now. I’m done with his games. The more time races on, the less chance James has.
“
Are we done?” I ask, ensuring to keep my voice firm and steady.
He looks at me confused. “Meaning?”
“
Meaning – have you achieved what you came here to achieve or are we going to sit here forever and a day discussing your delusions? Because if we are, then please just put me out of my misery now.”
He laughs loudly. It echoes around the room. “Yes. We are just about done. We can go now if you want . . . or do you want to stay and watch your boyfriend take his final breath.”
My heart constricts. “Oh no, no, no, don’t kill him,” I say panicked. “Please. I’ll do anything. I’ll come with you wherever you want. Just don’t kill him, please.”
“
Nice of you to offer,” he muses, smoothing his hand over his hair. “But you were always coming with me. And he –” he points a finger, and glances over at James, a smile playing on his lips, “well, that’s out of my hands. It’s the blood that’s been trickling into his brain that’s been doing the trick.” His eyes flash victory.
I stare at him James, transfixed. “No,” I whisper, my eyes blurring with tears. I blink them away furiously, angry they’re blocking my vision.
He’s been here dying right before my very eyes and I’ve not done a single thing to help him.
Hold on, baby. Please. I’m sorry.
“
And . . . he’s gone. Finally,” I hear Arlo say. He doesn’t bother to hide the glee in his voice. “So you see, Lucyna, you only have me left now. Looks like your all out of options.”
Chapter 25
Bloodied Hands
“
Aaaarrgghhh!” Is that me screaming?
It must be.
“
It’s okay, Lucyna.” I hear Arlo’s dispassionate voice come from across the room. The sound is like hot needles piercing my skin. “The pain will pass soon.”
Oh God, I’m being crushed. This is agony. Somebody help. Please.
I open my eyes and I’m looking at Arlo. He has his perpetual air of unconcern, calm. He doesn’t look like he's just killed James.
James is dead.
Oh no. No. No. No. No.
I stare blankly ahead, tears flooding from my eyes.
“
I’m sorry to cause you pain but it has to be this way,” he says indifferently. “It’s for the best. You’ll see this soon.”
I open my mouth but nothing happens. I’m empty of words. I’m hollow. I’m dead inside.
“
We’re leaving now,” Arlo tells me. “I can’t release the bind I have on you as I don’t think I can trust you not to try and run. Not that you’d get far.” He chuckles. “But best not to take any chances –”
And you’d think the next voice I hear would fill me with relief, but how can I feel relief when I feel nothing.
“
Let her go, Arlo.”
“
Hi, Isabel,” he says, seemingly unperturbed at her appearance. He gets up out of his seat. “Been a while.”
“
Not long enough.” She smiles sweetly.
“
Touché.” He laughs. “So your here to save the day?” he adds with a sneer.
“
And to take you home.” She is watching him as a human being would watch a snake. As I would now.
He laughs again, louder this time. “Really? And you think you can do that?”
As he says this I see other angels appear. Three of them, evenly spaced around the room. I don’t know any of them.
Arlo runs his eyes over them and raises his eyebrows. “Are you really sure you want to do this?” he says to Isabel.
“
No, but there’s no other choice. You’re obviously not going to come willingly and I can’t allow you to do this.” She moves a hand in my direction. “So . . .” She leaves her words hanging in the air.
Then, in the blink of my eyes, the room is mayhem and I’m sat on the sofa, paralysed, in the middle of it all.
The energy in the room is so high it could light the whole city for a year. My skin is tingling from it. Arlo is really strong. His target is Isabel, and even though the other angels are all around him, he seems unfazed, able to keep them back with ease. I pray that Isabel is going to be okay.
But really all I care about is getting to James. I might be able to save him if I can get to him. It might not be too late. Because if I don’t, he will be reborn and then I may never find him again. But even if I did, he wouldn’t be James anymore. He’d be different.
Isabel manages to toss Arlo away from her, and the instant she does so he must have lost his focus because I can move. I’m up and off that sofa in an instant. Arlo doesn’t seem to notice that his hold on me has gone or that I’ve moved, because he doesn’t stop me.
When I reach James I drop down onto my knees beside him. I lean over and carefully pull him onto his back, laying him flat. His eyes are closed. There’s blood matted in his hair and on his forehead.
I have to help him. How? CPR. I’ve never done it before. So, do it now. Okay. He’s laid flat. Next tilt his head back. What is it, ten compressions? Fifteen? Anything for God's sake, Lucyna. Just stop wasting time.
I put my hands on his chest and begin CPR, not caring what’s unfolding behind me.
“
Six – seven – come on baby wake up – nine – ten.” I stop pumping and blow my breath into his mouth, once, twice. His lips feel cold on mine. I wait a second. Nothing. I start pumping on his chest again.
“
Come on James – three – you can’t leave me here alone – six – seven . . .” Tears are streaming down my face. I wipe them away on my sleeve. Tears are an added irritation I don’t need. Right now, I need to concentrate on saving James. I breathe into his mouth again. Once, twice.
Then I hold my own breath.
Nothing.
“
No! You’re not leaving me!” I bang my fist on his chest. “I saved you once before. I can save you again!” I begin pumping harder down on his chest. “One – two – three, you’re not leaving me, not after all of this. Not after everything I’ve gone through to be with you. Come on, James! This isn’t you! You’re a fighter! Fight, baby, fight! Nine – ten.” I blow as much of my warm air into his lungs as I can. I stare at his face, willing him to breathe. “Breathe, James,” I plead. “You can do it.”
Nothing.
“
NO!” I drop my head on his chest, gripping my fingers into his t-shirt. “Please don’t give up!”
And then I’m angry. Angry with him for giving up, angry with me for letting this happen, angry with the God for not stopping this from happening.
I beat my hands on his chest. “Wake up!” I cry. “Fight to stay! Don’t let him win!”
I stare down at his unmoving face, my chest heaving up and down, the words cutting up in my throat and a sudden calm washes over me. I notice I’m crying again and my tears are dripping onto his t-shirt, spoiling it. I dry my face with my hand. Then I pull his limp body up onto my lap. I try to wipe away the blood on his forehead with my hand. It smears.
His blood is on my hand. I stare numbly down at it.