The Broken Hearts Book Club (16 page)

‘No, she won’t be. She said the club isn’t for her and she won’t be back for any more meetings.’

She eventually had the nerve to meet my eyes, but quickly looked away again.

‘That’s a shame,’ I replied with all the sincerity I could muster. ‘It would’ve been nice to have her.’

Without saying another word, she went behind the counter to organise some drinks for the meeting.

Denise wandered over to the table, looking a bit lost and unsure whether she wanted to sit down or not.

‘Come and sit with me if you like,’ I offered, patting the chair next to mine.

She looked delighted that I’d asked for her company and sat down next to me, a huge beaming smile lighting up her face.

‘How’ve you been this week? Easier than last, I hope.’

‘Not having Rebecca’s birthday to contend with definitely helped. I’ve spent a lot of time sitting in her room this week actually, just so I can feel close to her. It helps to be around her things, you know: her soft toys, her books, her clothes. Everything’s exactly as she left it and I like that. It’s like a little bit of last year’s still frozen in time, so it’s almost as if she’s still here in a way… Her room’s just there, waiting for her to come back.’

She didn’t cry this time, but she still looked unbearably sad. Although her face was smiling, her eyes weren’t and the pain in them was plain for anyone to see.

‘Have you thought any more about the charity skydive?’ I asked. ‘I know it’s none of my business, but I thought doing something to honour Rebecca would help you to maybe let some of the grief out. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t imagine how painful it is to lose a child, but maybe accomplishing something on your list could mark the start of something new for you.’

I clasped Denise’s chubby hand in mine and squeezed it tight. She looked lost in her own thoughts for a moment, like she was a million miles away from Luna Bay.

‘It’s funny… The club never mentions moving on from our grief. Your nana never mentioned it while she was running it. I reckon she thought if we all became happy again, the club would disband. It’s so frustrating seeing who people
could
be, isn’t it?’

She got up and went to help Diane sort out some drinks and snacks for the members. My shoulders slumped; I was completely failing at doing what Nana Lily wanted so far. I hadn’t helped any of the members move on at all. They were all still stuck in their grief and sinking into it like quicksand.

Something had to change.

I was about to talk to Denise about my thoughts when Jake came in. Our eyes locked and my mouth dropped open. I probably looked like I’d seen a ghost. My heart began to race. Maybe he’d changed his mind about us being disastrous together and had come down to tell me in person.

‘Hiya!’ I smiled brightly, hoping he’d give away the reason he’d turned up tonight. ‘Are you here for the meeting?’

‘Yeah, thought I’d give it a go and see what it was like. Managed to find some cover, so why not eh?’ He wasn’t being open and friendly like he usually was; his guard was firmly in place. It was clear my running out on him had bothered him more than he wanted to admit.

He handed me a piece of paper then went over to talk to Diane. They looked deep in conversation from what I could see. Both their heads craned round to look at me with suspicion and I felt sick to my stomach. Was he telling her how I’d run out on him the other night? He’d seemed fine about it, understanding even, but who knew how he really felt? Diane could also be filling his head with nonsense that meant the option of us being together would be permanently taken away. I looked at the leaflet he’d handed me: it was a flyer for The Purple Partridge’s inaugural cocktail night, taking place in two weeks’ time.

‘You finally set a date for having the cocktail night then!’ I gestured to the flyer. ‘I’m impressed!’

‘Thanks! You gave me the idea really, just needed to put it into action.’

The awkwardness between us was palpable. He clearly hadn’t come to tell me he’d been too hasty in his decision; he really was just here for the meeting.

‘Are things a bit awkward with you and Jake?’ Denise asked, nodding her head in his direction.

‘You could say that.’ I grimaced and grabbed a custard cream from the plate in the middle of the table. It was gone in two bites.

‘He’s been staring round at you every two minutes since he came in!’

I knew that, of course. I’d felt the burn from his slate-grey eyes on the side of my head more than a few times since he’d started his cosy chat with Diane.

To distract myself, and to avoid giving him the satisfaction of looking back, I picked up my book and pretended to be really engrossed in Don and Rosie cooking lobster.

This was going to be one interesting meeting.

Chapter Fourteen

Everyone had stuff to air at the ‘how was your week?’ section.

‘I saw Barry out with
her
at the weekend. He had the nerve to bring her to The Purple Partridge for a drink, knowing fine well
I
would see them! Can you believe that? I thought about going over and saying something, but what would be the point? It won’t put my marriage back together or make him love me again. So I sat where I was, finished the rest of my vodka tonic and watched them act all lovey-dovey like a pair of teenagers!’

Cath’s face was twisted with murderous rage and from where I was sat I could see her shaking. She looked so friendly and approachable, but I was pretty sure she could unleash hell on someone when she wanted to. Frank touched her shoulder, a gesture that didn’t go unnoticed by me.

Diane was next to share. ‘I’ve missed Derek a lot this week. Around this time of year, he’d be out in the garden pottering around or playing cricket with his mates. When you lose someone, sometimes all you can think of is what they’d be doing if they were here right now. That makes it harder because it just reminds you that they’re
not
here and they’ll never enjoy the things they used to love ever again.’

Her eyes were glassy and she stared into the middle distance. I guessed she was trying to compose herself and not give away just how hurt she really was. This was definitely a step forward: she hadn’t opened up this much at the previous meeting.

I opened my mouth and prepared to say something I was sure she wouldn’t welcome.

‘H-have you had a chance to go through his things yet? People say it’s really cathartic to go through belongings and remember memories associated with some of their things. I-I know it’ll be hard but I really think it’ll help.’

Her face fell. ‘Derek’s belongings are all I have left of him; I can’t just get rid of them like they’re rubbish.’

‘But you could hold onto the stuff with the most memories. That way, you can still have a clear-out, make space for some new things and take a step forward at the same time. Or if you really don’t want to do that, why not just move some things into the attic instead of giving them away?’

There was a long pause, during which the expression on Diane’s face changed four times: it went from anger to shock to thoughtful then settled on sad.

‘I’ll think about it,’ she eventually said, sounding more than a little choked up.

Denise’s words from earlier came back to me:
the club never mentions moving on from our grief.
Those words, plus everyone else’s struggles, highlighted just how much I’d failed to help the Broken Hearts Book Club so far. I wanted to crawl under the table with my plate of custard creams.

When it was Jake’s turn to speak, he was unusually nervous. He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath before beginning.

‘I-I’ve never been to one of these meetings before, and it’s only when I hear you lot talk about the problems you’re facing in your lives that I realise how trivial mine are in comparison. You all got your flyers about the cocktail night right? Well that’s happening because, to put it mildly, the pub’s in the shit financially. If I don’t do something drastic soon, it’ll close. I’ve got a lot riding on this, so any support you can give me would be really appreciated.’

Denise patted his arm. ‘We’re here for you Jake.’

‘Thanks. I’ve had a few other, er, personal issues over the last little while. Namely people who give you all the indications that they want to be a part of your life, then sling their hook when it starts to happen. It’s fine though; it would’ve been a complete disaster. Major bullet dodged there.’

He stared pointedly at me and I stared right back. Evidently, he was more annoyed about my disappearing act than he’d let on. I badly wanted to say something and call him out, but one false move and I’d be kicked out of the club. Everything rested on me running the book club. The crucial vote was coming up in under two months and I needed them to vote for me to stay. More than that, I
wanted
them to.

‘Why don’t you tell us more about that?’ I suggested with a sweet smile.

Lucy Harper’s big mouth strikes again!

Keen to pick up the gauntlet I’d thrown down, Jake continued. ‘All right, I will. I’ve been hurt before in my life; I went through a horrendous break-up just before I moved to Luna Bay and it screwed me up. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I’m the only person in the whole world ever to be screwed over by someone they care about, but it means I’m a bit wary when it comes to letting people in. That means that if I
do
let someone get close to me, it’s because I have a good feeling about them and feel that they’re a good person to invest time in getting close to.’

He picked up the copy of
The Rosie Project
he’d brought with him and flicked to a page near the start. ‘Take Don in this book for instance. He’s a pretty reserved guy and throughout the beginning of the story, he has numerous women trying to form a relationship with him. Some of them could be really good for him, but he only lets Rosie in. OK, she kind of forces her way into his life because she wants to find her dad, but the principle’s the same. Over time, Don comes to see that she’s someone he’d like to get close to and so he does, despite all his reservations and fears.’ He put the book down again. ‘That’s a lot like me and the person I’m talking about. We
both
had doubts and fears about letting the other one in, but it turned out
I
was the only one prepared to take the chance to see what would happen.’

I tried very hard not to dwell on the fact we were having a veiled argument, using
The Rosie Project
as an analogy for our own mess of a relationship. I found it weirdly sexy.

‘So you’re saying that just because
you
were ready to see what happened with this person, the other person should’ve been ready too? It doesn’t work like that, I’m afraid. Have you stopped to consider that this person might’ve been through tough times of their own that make them just as wary as you are?’

The rest of the group was rapt to see where our argument would go next. So was I, if I was completely honest.

‘I know all about what the other person’s been through. Maybe not the finer details, but I know they’ve been hurt as well. I think if I could give them any advice from this book, it would be to let things and people happen to them. Don let Rosie happen to him and the results were pretty amazing.’

That shut me up. With the few seconds I had before the group would notice a lull in conversation, I gathered myself and asked who’d like to give their opinion next.

The meeting wrapped up pretty sharpish after that. I didn’t blame the others for being hesitant to answer when Jake and I had launched into a full-scale debate/argument. Our next book was going to be
The Dead Wife’s Handbook
by Hannah Beckerman. Once everyone was away, I marched straight over to the pub to have it out with him. Luckily for me, he was in the main bar when I got there.

‘What the hell was that little performance all about?!’

To my chagrin, he looked mildly amused to see me so furious with him. ‘What performance would that be? I was an innkeeper in the Nativity play at school when I was younger, but that’s about it.’

I put my hands on my hips, probably looking like I was about to do the Time Warp. ‘You know full bloody well what I’m talking about! I think we need a chat about it.’

‘Come on, let’s go upstairs then. We’ll have to be quiet though; Rachel’s just dropped Maya off and I’ve put her down for the night.’

He went through the door that led up to the flat and I followed, determined to get to the bottom of his rant at the book club. We went inside and he closed the door behind us.

‘Do you fancy telling me what that stunt at the book club was about then?’

‘What can I say?’ he replied with a shrug. ‘I got really into the book discussion.’

‘It’s not funny Jake! You were obviously talking about us when you were saying about how you want to get close to a person, but they’ve got other ideas. I thought you said earlier that we’d be a terrible couple and have disaster written all over us?’

‘We would.’

‘So why the hell do you care so much?’

‘I don’t know Lucy, and that’s part of the bloody problem! You’ve been in my head ever since we met and despite my best efforts, I can’t get you out. I-I don’t even know why I came to the book club meeting tonight because you made it pretty clear after we kissed how you felt about me. Yet there I was, getting the name of the book you were reading next off Diane, getting myself a copy and reading it so I could come. That’s what you’ve done to me.’

So
that
had been what they were chatting about in the Moonlight Café, I thought. I looked at him, speechless, unable to comprehend such an unexpected gesture.

‘I-I don’t know what to say.’ I searched around my mind for something useful to add to the conversation, but came up short. He’d literally taken my breath away.

A million emotions flashed across Jake’s face as he approached me. He cupped my face with his hands and pulled me in for a slow and sultry kiss. Then another and another. He lifted me up and I hooked my legs around his waist while he kissed every inch of exposed skin he could find. We made our way over to the couch and began to undress each other. As the excitement of the moment swept me up in its warm embrace, I lost myself. Or allowed myself to be lost. I wasn’t sure which. All I really knew was that I wanted this tiny slice of happiness to last forever.