Mouth opening and closing, Lizzie stared at him, not knowing how to respond. Her goal from the moment she’d seen James outside River’s Edge with JR had been to get through this first weekend without the sky falling in. This … this was cards on the table. She just didn’t know if the cards she threw away would be better or worse than the ones she received to replace them. She needed to know because she couldn’t gamble with JR’s life, his emotions. If she could see just one step ahead … .
With that one wish, fate came over and sat down.
“Hey, darlings. Ready to watch Jesse ride?”
A woman with big, Texas hair, wearing an electric blue satin western shirt and matching jeans plopped onto the riser next to Lizzie. The same woman who’d been hanging with Jesse Friday at the park, Lizzie realized. Close up, the woman’s face was lined under the caked on makeup making her older than Lizzie thought — old enough, in fact, to be her mother. What the heck was Jesse doing, pulling dates from the over forties? Lizzie’s questions took a backseat to her mother’s insistence she always be polite to her elders. She swallowed a grin.
“JR’s been looking forward to watching Jesse since yesterday. Winning the mutton busting competition put some ideas into his head about his future.”
JR abandoned watching the empty arena and turned to the woman beside Lizzie. “Jesse’s my new uncle. And this is my dad, James Sullivan.”
Leave it to JR. Lizzie winced and looked at James, not knowing what to say.
Eyes telling Lizzie their conversation wasn’t finished, James said, “I’m sorry, I should have made introductions. Angie, this is Lizzie Hudson and her son — ” he paused and grinned at JR, “ — I mean our son, JR. Liz, this is Angie. I’m sorry, I don’t know your last name now.”
“Angie Dexter.” The woman stared at James for a long second. Lizzie caught the look. The woman was waiting for James to say something.
The pause went on long enough to be uncomfortable. Lizzie decided to fill the silence. “Nice to meet you, Angie. You’re friends with Jesse?”
“You could say that.” Again, the woman focused on James, waiting for something. When James returned his attention to the arena, her face fell. She covered quickly, masking disappointment with a smile. “JR, look how big you are. How old are you? Six?”
“Five. I’ll be six next February. I’m starting kindergarten this year.” JR handed his corndog stick to his mother. “Can I have another one?”
“You’re still hungry?” Lizzie pushed the miniature black cowboy hat back on his head.
“Yup.” He grinned, smacking his mustard-covered lips.
“Wipe your mouth and we’ll go in a second.” She handed him a napkin.
“I’ll take him.” James stood up and reached for JR’s hand.
Lizzie’s eyes filled at the sight. She should have done this years ago, should have trusted James with JR’s heart if not hers. She watched them make their way down the stands and disappear into the crowd.
“He seems like a good dad.”
Lizzie had almost forgotten about Angie. “He’s been great. Especially since I only broke the news about JR yesterday. JR’s head over heels already.”
“It must be hard to share him after all these years.”
The woman’s insight shook Lizzie and she responded in kind. “Honestly, I’m scared to death. What if James only chooses to be a dad when it suits him? JR’s heart will be broken. I don’t know if I’ll be able to put him back together.” Lizzie stopped. She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have unloaded on you.”
“Why do you think James will want to leave?” Angie put a hand on Lizzie’s shoulder.
“Because Jesse’s all he ever had and James has never been able to say no to him.” She smiled ruefully. “Again. Sorry. You’re Jesse’s friend and I’m badmouthing him. I can’t believe I’m this bitchy.”
“Probably that time of the month, honey.” Angie gave her a hug. “Don’t worry, this conversation is our little secret. What girls say to each other stays between them.”
Somehow, despite the shiny blue and rhinestone costume Angie wore, Lizzie felt a kinship. She hadn’t felt this comforted since before her mother died.
What’s inside is much more important than the cover
.
Another of her mom’s favorite bits of wisdom.
“Now, let’s put away those druthers.” Angie took off her scarf and wiped away tears Lizzie hadn’t realized she was shedding. “The boys are heading back this way. You don’t want them to see you upset now, do you?” She pulled back and surveyed her handiwork. “That’s better. Here, take a drink of your soda. Sweets always makes me stronger.”
Lizzie shook her head. How had this woman gotten into her head so quickly? Besides her aborted weekend with Barb, Lizzie hadn’t had much female companionship since her mother died. She’d missed it.
“Mom, we got French fries, too. Now all I need is ice cream and I’ll have a balanced meal, just like you always say.” JR plopped down beside her and offered her a crinkle fry smothered in secret sauce.
Lizzie took one. “How in the world is that a balanced meal? Even with the ice cream?”
JR sighed. “The corndog is my meat, the French fry my veggie, and the ice cream my dairy. Or maybe the corndog is veggie too since it’s corn?” He regarded James for an answer.
“I don’t know, JR. I think nutrition is one of the subjects I’ll let your mom be the expert on.” James eyes danced. “So, Lizzie, is a corndog both meat and vegetable?”
Lizzie rolled her eyes. “How about neither one and we declare today total junk food day.” She stole another fry.
“Sounds like a smart woman.” Angie leaned forward. “Look, the bull riding’s starting.”
JR climbed onto the bleacher seat to see the arena better. “Is Uncle Jesse riding first?”
“Sit down,” Lizzie admonished him. “They’ll announce the riders in order. You can stand up when Jesse’s name is called.
JR didn’t have long to wait. The field of riders was slim, and Jesse the most experienced of the contestants.
Only four of the riders met their eight-second ride requirement by the time Jesse was in the shoot. The announcers bantered back and forth, stalling for time between riders.
“Next up on the next to last bull is Shawnee’s very own, Jesse Sullivan. Jesse hasn’t ridden our rodeo for years, folks, but we’ve enjoyed watching him win two consecutive national championships in Vegas. Let’s give him a warm welcome home.” The announcer paused waiting for the crowd to settle after it gave Jesse a standing ovation. “We might be seeing a little more of Jesse soon. Rumor has it he spent the day looking at local ranches yesterday. Maybe the rooster is coming home to roost?”
Lizzie shot James a look. He appeared as shocked as she felt.
“Were you with Jesse yesterday?” James leaned over to Angie who tried to ignore him. “Angie! Were you and Jesse looking at real estate yesterday?”
“Now, James, don’t get all upset. It was supposed to be a surprise. Jesse and I wanted to tell you.” Angie gave up looking at the arena to focus on James.
“Here he comes, here he comes.” JR stood up, blocking James and Angie from continuing.
James leaned back and caught Angie’s eye behind JR. “We aren’t done.”
Angie tossed up her hands and Lizzie sighed. James kept saying conversations weren’t finished, but the important ones always seemed to get permanently sidetracked. She didn’t want JR paying the price if the next conversational crisis distracted James right back out of his life.
“Well, if Jesse is coming home, he better stay on Satan or he won’t hear the last of it down at Daisy’s,” the announcer told the crowd. “Let’s watch and see.”
The buzzer rang and the gate slid open. Satan lived up to his name, jerking and twisting, but Jesse was like a dancer atop him. He anticipated the bull’s moves and adjusted his body to flow with the animal’s movements. Lizzie had never seen anyone ride so smoothly. Jesse seemed to read the bull’s thoughts.
This is why he does it,
she understood suddenly,
and why James doesn’t leave him. Beauty and poetry on the back of a bull. Jesse loves it and James has to help him be what he is.
Heart aching, Lizzie realized that if James could do the same thing for JR, whatever JR eventually chose to do, she would forgive him anything.
The buzzer went off and the cowboys went to help Jesse off Satan’s back before the bull could do any damage. Jesse stood in the middle of the arena waving to the crowd. Then the rodeo clowns escorted him to a gate and he disappeared.
“That was great!” JR fairly vibrated with excitement. “I want to ride bulls just like Uncle Jesse. Can we go meet him?”
James glanced at Lizzie for permission before he said, “Sure, let’s go introduce you to your uncle.” He stood and took JR’s hand, telling Lizzie and Angie, “Come or stay, it doesn’t matter to me.”
Lizzie searched his face. Clearly he was still angry over hearing about Jesse’s and Angie’s plans from a loudspeaker. What she wanted to know was where would that lead him — and what it meant to both her and JR.
Only one way to find out.
She rose and placed a hand on Angie’s shoulder. “Let’s go congratulate Jesse.”
Glued to her seat, Angie watched James and JR walk down the bleacher stairs, She looked fearful, as though she was about to refuse. Then … .
“It’s now or never I guess.”
“Atta girl.” Lizzie helped Angie to her feet and together they followed the man and the boy through the crowd.
Walking into the firestorm only one of them expected.
• • •
Jesse held court in the rider’s area, surrounded by girls. Most of them had been in the barrel racing competition. James even recognized the current Shawnee Rodeo Queen. He shook his head. Jesse was in his element. His brother noticed him through the mass of estrogen and waved him forward.
“Hey girls, I’ve got to talk to my brother. I’ll be down at The Riding Club later tonight so save me a dance.” He waited for the women to disperse before addressing James, “Did you see the ride? I couldn’t have asked for a better bull. I owned him.”
JR piped up, “You were super! I’m going to be a bull rider.”
“You are?” Jesse bent down to his level. “You want a picture with me? Or an autograph?”
JR shrugged his shoulders. “I guess. But really, I want you to teach me to ride bulls.”
“Your mom would love hearing you say that.” James grinned at him. He pulled JR closer. “Jesse, I’d like you to meet your nephew, JR.”
Jesse stared at him. “He’s your kid?”
“Yep.” James waited for the challenge.
“I can see that. He looks like you. What are you, six?”
“I’m five.” JR stared at Jesse. “So you’ll do it?”
“I’ll do what?” Jesse popped JR’s hat.
“Teach me to ride bulls.” JR straightened his back. “I already know how to ride.”
“Yeah, sheep.” James slapped him on the back. To Jesse, “You don’t have anything to say?”
“It’s about time she told you?” Jesse stood and leaned against the wooden corral slats. “What do you want me to say, dude?”
“You knew?”
“Bob let it slip one day when I called. I heard JR crying in the background. He must have been about six months old.”
“You’ve known since — wait.” James wasn’t sure he’d heard his brother. “You’ve been talking to Lizzie’s dad ever since we left and you never told me?”
“JR wasn’t my secret to tell.” He nodded toward where JR stood at the fence to the bull corral, watching the animals. “He looks like a Sullivan, don’t you think?”
“Damn it, Jesse!” James turned toward the corral, “JR, be careful. Stay out of there.”
“He’s going to be a hellion. You’re going to have problems, you know.”
“Yeah, I get that.” No wonder he’d found JR by himself at the sheep pens. No one could keep track of him without hogtying him. Feeling overwhelmed, he took a few just-in-case steps toward JR. “When did you and Lizzie’s dad become best friends?” Jesse had never even hinted about JR or his talks with Bob.
Jesse shrugged. “I started talking to Bob a long time ago. Bob took pity on me when I’d go over to the cabins looking for you and Lizzie. He let me tag along with him.” Jesse watched JR pick up a piece of straw and put it in his mouth. “Losing his wife hit him pretty hard. He called a lot that summer.”
“I thought you were dating Becky then. So it wasn’t her on the phone, it was Bob?” Eyes on JR, James crouched, hands on his knees. A sense of betrayal unfurled inside him. His world had turned upside down and Jesse had known all along.
“Sometimes it was Becky. But when we broke up, I let you think the rest of the calls were from her, too.” Jesse nodded toward JR. “I guess I should have told you. But once I left your number with Bob, I thought sure Lizzie would dial your number.”
“She said she didn’t have it before I gave her my card.” James worked his mouth around something that tasted bad. “But Bob hasn’t been himself for a while now, either, so maybe … .” He shook his head. It didn’t matter. Everyone had known about JR but him. “That’s why you wanted to ride this rodeo. So I could meet JR.”
“That’s one reason.” Jesse nodded at the end of the barn. “Lizzie and Angie are here.”
• • •
James stood and waited for Lizzie. “Sorry I took off. I wanted to talk to Jesse.”
Lizzie took a quick breath. “You told him?”
Again that sense of betrayal unsettled him. “JR did. Five years ago when Jesse and your dad were on the phone, JR started crying. Jesse knew all along.” James shook his head. “He kept it a secret.”
Lizzie stared at Jesse. “You knew?”
“I know lots of things.” Jesse strode over to pluck up JR who’d been inching his way toward the back of the barn. “Come back here. Those horses aren’t as friendly as they look.”
“Yes, Uncle Jesse.”
“That’s going to take some getting used to.” Jesse set JR down and gave Angie a hug. “What did you think of the ride?”
“You were magnificent as usual.” Angie smiled.
James focused on Jesse, trying to ignore Angie. “You’re looking at land here?”
“Well, kind of. We went out with a realtor yesterday. But I’m not the one looking for a place. Angie is.”
Angie watched James as she said, “I’m coming home, James.”