She was dressed in a light muslin gown, covered in pale pink bouquets bound with blue ribbons, precisely the colours William had told her she should wear. Since her purpose had been to look as young as possible this morning, she had put her hair up simply. Now that she did not mean to go out, she removed her straw bonnet and tucked the loose strands back in place. Examining her head for grey hairs, Mattie was pleased to see none. She lifted her chin and tested the firm skin underneath, then sucked in her stomach.
Finding it difficult to breathe this way, especially as nervous as she was, Mattie let her stomach back out and hoped that William could love her with a bulge as much as without. Finally, she girded herself and made her way downstairs.
William was standing by the window when she came into the room. He turned when he heard her, but stood away and regarded her soberly.
"Mattie— " As soon as the door was closed behind her, he started to speak. "I am glad you agreed to see me."
"But, of course, I would." Mattie tried to keep her voice from trembling, though her knees shook. How did one tell a man one was ready to accept him?
William's features softened slightly. He took one step closer. "I have thought and thought about your offer . . ." he began.
Mattie started to interrupt him with a protest, but he finished too quickly ". . . and I have decided that perhaps you are right."
"You have?" Mattie's heart sank. "You mean . . .?"
"Yes." William took several steps closer now. "I do want you for my mistress. I have to have you, Mattie."
"Ohhhh . . . ." Disappointment seized her like a vise, but she did not dare show it. If William took her that way, she had only herself to blame. The dreams she had indulged in all night: going to the theatre and the opera in London with William, seeing him at all hours of the day, riding in his carriage and openly holding hands all faded into mist. The pleasure that she was sure they would have in William's bed, or wherever their affaire would take place, though wondrous, would make a pale second to the far more lasting joy of being his wife.
Mattie swallowed and allowed William close enough to take her into his arms. The warmth of his embrace made tears rise to her eyes.
"What do you say, Mattie?" he asked, whispering softly in her ear. "Will you become mine?"
Mattie could not answer. His voice so low and gentle was making music in her veins, but such a sad music. Like the voices of sirens on the shore, it lured her to her doom.
To see William like this. Hiding. Always hiding behind closed doors . . . .
He raised her chin slowly with one finger and kissed her. Mattie felt her lips melting from the heat of his, her pulse racing to meet the beat of his heart, so closely pressed to hers.
But what if someone were to discover them? She nearly jumped in his arms. What could she tell Pamela?
"Mattie . . . ." the passion in William's voice reverberated through her, turning her knees to jelly.
When he held her this way, when he showed her the depth of his passion, she knew he might do with her what he willed and she would not care if the whole world were watching.
But— But what about breakfasting with William, and dining with William, and all those other things she wanted?
With a start, Mattie opened her eyes and shoved him away.
"What— " William's brows snapped together. "What is it, Mattie? I thought this was what you wanted?"
"I did. At least, I thought I did, but— " A new courage filled her. William could have her, but only if he took her the right way. "I thought I did, so it is not your fault," she said justly, though she wanted to cry at her mistake. Why had she not accepted him before?
"But I've changed my mind," she continued. "I find that I cannot be your mistress. If you want me, you will have to take me to wife."
"I— " William's brows lifted in surprise. His lips gave a twitch. "I shall have to do what?"
"You will have to marry me, I'm afraid. I have discovered that I am not that sort of woman."
He was struggling not to laugh now. She could see it in his face before he folded her back in his arms.
"Now, what sort of woman is that?" he asked teasingly. "The sort that would run from a gentleman's proposals? The kind that would torture me for days by hiding from me? Or maybe the kind that would insist that I conceal my feelings for her?"
Mattie blushed at the chronicle of her sins. "No, I admit that I was all those things, but I needed time to— "
"Time to what?" William grew more sober. "Time to believe how deeply I love you, and how I will never let anyone hurt you again?"
"No, not that." William's hands were drawing swirls on her back that made her quiver. "More that I needed to realize how very much I love you, which is far more than I could love any other person— except Pamela, of course— and that I should try to make you happy rather than all those others."
"But, you would, Mattie. I am certain that, as my mistress, you would make me more than happy." William gave her a leer that almost made her shriek.
"No, I wouldn't. For I would not be happy except as your wife, so you needn't tease me any longer, William, or I shall ask you to remove your hands from where they are!"
"My, my, but we are becoming forceful! Have I been deceived in my bride? Quite the bully you've become lately, insisting upon this and that, marriage and whatnot . . . ."
In spite of his still-teasing note, Mattie faltered momentarily. "You do not mean that, do you, William? I know you had changed your mind, but I now know that such an arrangement would be a grave mistake. Why, think of what people would say if they ever found out! Think of what it would do to Pamela!
"And that's another thing! You may not have noticed, dearest, but Pamela and Gerald have become quite . . . well, let us say that they have become chums. So close, in fact, that I've even wondered whether they might not— "
"No!" William's astonishment sounded a trifle false.
"Yes, indeed they have. And if such a thing were to come to pass, then how evil it would sound if anyone were to hear that his brother and her mother . . . . "
William's shoulders shook. He lowered his head to one side of hers, and Mattie felt an instant thrill down her spine.
"William, what are you doing!"
"I am nibbling on your ear because you are so adorable. Do you mind?"
"Um . . . no."
"Good. Then, I suggest we stop talking about Pamela and Gerald unless you mean to tell me that considerations of their respectability were the only reasons you decided to marry me."
"Oh, but they weren't!" Mattie held on to his lapels, while his nuzzlings brought irresistible giggles to her throat. "I am very much marrying you for what I want."
"Which is . . . ?"
"I want to go to the theatre in London."
"All the way to London? Well. . . I shall have to see what I can do . . . ."
"And I think I want to travel, but not too far at first, in case I do not like it."
"Oh, you will like it. I shall make certain that you do. Anything else?"
"William . . . " Mattie tried to sober him for a few minutes, but the task was hard . . . "You do still want to marry me, don't you? I did not use coercion?"
"If you mean, did you tempt me beyond reason and then withhold what I wanted, then I should think seduction would be the more appropriate term. But, no— " he held her away so that she could see the seriousness behind his smile— "you did not force me, my darling. I had no intention of taking you to bed without a wedding license, signed and sealed by the Archbishop of Canterbury himself."
The depth of his gaze told her that he meant what he had said. "Then, earlier . . . you were lying?"
"Yes, indeed. But before you take me to task, remember what a pretty dance you have led me, and tell me then I had no right to resort to trickery."
"When were you going to tell me the truth?"
"As soon as I heard you gasp my name aloud."
"William! What a shocking thing to say!"
He laughed with his head thrown back. Mattie had never seen him so happy, and to think that she was responsible for his happiness raised bubbles of joy inside her and brought fresh tears to her eyes.
"Do you think it shocking? Well, I assure you, Duchess, that it will become so commonplace about our house that you will soon think nothing of it at all."
"Truly?" Mattie traced William's lips with her fingertips and wonder filled her voice. "Do you know, I think I shall enjoy being married to a younger man very much."
Copyright © 1995 by Patricia Wynn Ricks
Electronically published in 2000 by Belgrave House
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
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This is a work of fiction. All names in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to any person living or dead is coincidental.