The Bunk Up (The Village People Book 1) (22 page)

“I’ve had a fabulous afternoon upcycling some furniture.”

“Cycling furniture? Is that some new fitness craze?”

“No
,
dummy.
Up
cycling furniture. Where you get something you’re bored with or that was about to be thrown out and you make it look pretty again. Come and look.” I begin to drag him outside.

“Oh, Daisy, fucking hell. You’ve got paint on my suit. I’m wearing this to the wedding
.
”

I stand still, trying to figure out if I heard him correctly. “You’re wearing your work suit to our wedding?”

“I was, but it’s got chuffing paint on it now.”

“It’s primer. It will wash off.”

“Oh
,
that’s alright then. No point in me shelling out for another suit for one day, Daise.”

“But you’re wearing a grey suit in my dream box and this one is brown.”

He switches the subject. “Are you going to show me this cycling thing then? So I can get the suit off for you to wash?”

“Yes.” My excitement makes me grin at him.

We walk outside and I show him the chairs. “I’m going to sell them on. They only cost me £3 each at the charity shop and then a couple of quid for materials. I’ll be able to sell them for £15 each so there’s a small but decent profit to be made on each item.

Marcus’ face lights up. “I bet it doesn’t take that long to do either. You could turn a nice little profit. I like it, Daise. I like it a lot.” He smiles at me and I beam back.

He peruses the sideboard. “I bet you’ll make a huge chunk of money on this, with it being a larger piece.”

“Oh, that’s for us
,
babe. It’s our sideboard.”

Marcus’s face goes blood red. It looks like he’s concentrating really hard on getting a shit out. “Our sideboard?”

“Yes. I’m making everything vintage style. A fresh start for our new married home.”

“You mean
my
sideboard? That I’m still fucking paying for?”

I blanch. “What do you mean? I was there when we put the deposit down. I paid the deposit and then withdrew the rest of the money. You agreed to go back the next day to pay the balance.”

“Yeah, well they gave me some good borrowing terms so I used the money for other things.”

“What other things?”

“I don’t remember now. It was ages ago. But I’ve not finished paying for that unit and I’ve forgotten the last couple of payments so they might need to take it back. Can you undo all that and paint it back how it was?”

“Of course I can’t.”

“Well
,
you’ll have to find the money to pay for it now you’ve ruined it.”

“I have not ruined it and I already paid for it!” I shout.

“Ah, let’s not fall out, babe, over something as stupid as money. Tell you what, I’ll go get out of this suit so you can wash it and you get that beautiful smelling stew heated up. Then you can tell me how you’re doing with the wedding plans. I’ve even got my own little notebook, look
.
” He dips his hand in his suit pocket and pulls out a small pink notebook
.
“To keep up with what needs doing.” He smacks my backside. “Two weeks today and you’ll be the little missus at home. Not much different to now
,
really.” He chuckles. I have to fight the urge to smack him round the head with one of my new chairs
,
but I don’t want to chip the paint. “Hopefully this furniture thing will take off, or you’ll need to find another job. Honeymoon periods don’t last forever
,
you know.”

As we take our seats at the dining table
,
which is no doubt not paid for either, I watch with satisfaction as Marcus eats the dog food stew. As it dribbles down his chin and he speaks to me with his mouth full, I wonder if I really am going to go through with this wedding.

“You not having any of this, babe?”

“No. I’m sticking with salad.”

“Wise idea. Get that podge off before the wedding. Oh
,
by the way
,
I cancelled the wedding cake.”

“You did what?”

“Half the guests are Slimming Universe customers. Wouldn’t be a great idea to fill them with high calorie cake
,
would it? We’ll have a fruit salad.”

I imagine immersing the groom cake topper I’ve ordered off eBay under the juice of said fruit-fucking-salad and holding him there. Drowning by apple chunk.

In bed that night
,
Marcus moves over to me. I feel his small penis against my leg.

“Marcus.”

“Yes, darling.”

“Can we wait? Until our wedding night? It’s only a couple of weeks.”

There’s a large sigh. “I suppose so, if that’s what you want. I’m going to the loo to sort myself out if I’m not getting any here.”

While he’s gone I lie back against the pillow. What the hell am I doing? Nothing has changed here. I don’t love him. Marcus is a complete and utter prick and there’s no way on God’s earth I’m marrying him. But he’s not to know that. I’m going to go through with it right up until the end and then I hope the registrar forgives me when I yell
,
“No fucking way” to the question of marrying the tool.

Within ninety seconds, true to form, Marcus is back in bed. Within a further ninety seconds he’s sound asleep. I spend a good hour making new plans for my wedding day.

All of a sudden my enthusiasm for my wedding is back. It’s going to be a day to remember.

Men are fuckers and one of them is about to go down, and not in a sexy way.

Chapter Thirty

Frazer

My mother spends the rest of the afternoon telling me about her life, which by all accounts has been miserable as hell. The only thing she’s kept bringing up that’s made her smile is the “lovely girl in the post office”
,
which turns out to be the woman who’s been making me smile too.

After I discovered my parents doing the nasty they agreed to cut off all contact. An awful end to a love affair. My mother said it was a fitting punishment to something she shouldn’t have started in the first place.

“Do you regret it?” I ask her.

“Do I regret cheating on my husband? Yes. He was always a fair man and I chose to marry him even though I didn’t love him. But that wasn’t his fault. I don’t regret cheating
with
your father. I can’t, Frazer. I loved him so, so much. I lived for those few weeks here in Beydon when I’d meet him and get to see you.”

“But I ruined that, didn’t I? You made my father happy and it all stopped after I caught you
..
.” My words trail off as I can’t bring myself to say it.

“No
,
you didn’t, Frazer. Me and your father were stupid and greedy. Our love affair was doomed to failure. I’d chosen my first husband and your father never forgave me for that. We’d meet and quarrel and then our arguments would lead to the bedroom, but it was a feisty affair and
,
in all honesty
,
I couldn’t be sure it would have survived in the outside world. The best love affairs never do. Life always messes them up somewhere.”

I sigh, thinking of my own feisty affair that hasn’t worked out.

“So tell me about what went on here with Daisy. I sent her here for rehabilitation after that moose cheated on her. Did she get what I sent her for? Only she told me you two had to share a bed.”

I figure while we’re being honest with each other I might as well deal out all my cards. “We agreed to share the bed and we had a no-strings arrangement, but she kind of got in my head and well…” I cough and hit my chest.

“Your heart?”

I don’t answer.

“Yes. That girl has a knack of getting people to love her. So what are you going to do about it, Frazer? You do know she’s considering marrying that ex-bozo of hers
,
don’t you?”

“She made her decision. She chose Cu…Marcus. I’m moving on with my life and she’ll move on with hers.”

“Frazer. She’s staying with her friend at the moment. You still have a chance.”

“No, I don’t.” I tell my mother all about my exploits with Tiffany.

“So apologise. How will you ever know what her answer will be if you don’t tell her?”

“No disrespect, but you’re hardly in a position to give out relationship advice
,
are you?”

My mother looks at the floor. “No. I’m not.” She gets out of her seat. “Thank you for letting me talk today, Frazer. I really hope that over time we can try to get to know each other a bit better.”

“I don’t know what to call you
,
” I tell her. “How stupid is that? I don’t want to call you Mrs Haversham. I can’t call you Mum; we just don’t have that kind of relationship.”

She reaches over and offers her hand to shake. “My name is Hazel. Pleased to meet you.”

Hazel. The name she was introduced to me as. Can I get past that?

“Thank you for today, Hazel
,
” I tell her. “Maybe you could call around again sometime?”

“I’d like that,” she says, her eyes softening with happiness. “I’ve arranged to stay in the pub for a few days. I want to catch up on things around here, before I decide what to do about Daisy.”

“What do you mean?”

“You might be able to let her go back to that moron, but I’m certainly not. I have a few tricks up my sleeve.”

“You should let her go back to him. It’s her decision.”

“Yes, well if someone had meddled in my life
,
maybe I would have made a different choice, though there’s no point my living in the past any more. Now I’m going to look towards the future.”

I can tell from the twinkle in her eye that she’s including me in that future and although we’re a long way from a stable relationship, for now, I’m happy I’m included in her plans.

As she heads towards the door there’s an almighty banging on the window.

My head spins towards the source of the noise and I’m greeted with a swollen-eyed Tilly.

I dash to the door and open it. “Everything all right, Tills?”

“No, everything is not fucking all right. That bastard Joe has been fucking Troy behind my back. Troy, for God’s sake! How can I compete with him? Even if I shorten my hair and work out I don’t have a penis. Though I suppose I could wear a strap-on. Anyway, they’ve run off. I’ve got another actor standing in for Troy but I have no-one for the lead. You’d better not have been lying to me when you said you could act, Frazer McNeil, because we have less than two weeks to reshoot all Joe’s scenes. It’s going to be full on. Can you handle it?”

The truth is I have no idea, but I’ll die trying. “I can.” I turn to Hazel. “You stay here, Hazel
,
because I’ll sleep near the film set.”

“Well, I could make your food and wash your clothes.”

“He’ll eat on set, be clothed by wardrobe
,
and sleep in a trailer
,
” Tilly informs, back to her business-like self.

She looks disappointed but nods. “Oh, okay.”

“Why don’t you come and watch me film?”

“Really?” my mother asks as I offer her a part of me she’s so far been denied.

“Absolutely.”

And just like that I go from sofa advert to lead role in a movie.

Chapter Thirty-One

Daisy

Funny how an unwilling maid of honour turns into the most eager assistant ever when you tell her you’re arranging a wedding that’s not going to take place.

“Fucking hell, you mad cow. I love this.” She sits, clapping her hands. “If only I’d had the sense to do this, I wouldn’t be stuck here with the evil pixies.”

“Yes, well I now would like to hire all three of them as my pageboys and bridesmaid.”

“Oh my God. You’re letting my demonlings loose at your wedding? Have you any idea what you’re letting yourself in for?”

“No. And that’s half the fun.”

The word on the street is that Belinda
,
being man-free at the moment
,
has been stripping for extra money. Rex rang her, speaking in a deeper voice, saying he thinks I’m a bitch who doesn’t deserve Marcus and he’s willing to pay double her usual fee for her to turn up at his stag do. The stag do Rex will be at, so we can feed him instructions. It’s the best £100 I ever spent. She tells Rex something I’m not supposed to know.

It appears that my betrothed is skint. His Slimming Universe customers began disappearing as his waistline began to spread. The Twixes had been his downfall and at one class they’d found him in the toilet with a Twix finger in his hand. Rather than admit he’d fallen off the wagon
,
he instead intimated he used it for sexual means. He lost more of his customers for being a deviant. So from there his mission became simple. Marry Daisy. Marry Daisy and then transfer all of his debts onto his wife. What a lovely wedding present. Belinda said he’d told her to leave it a while and then once I’d got us back in the black, he’d get her into some red (leather). The worst thing? He figured Mrs Haversham would come to my rescue and bail me out. He was hoping to milk my lovely older friend for the riches he presumed she had.