‘You having a dig at me. I know it was difficult with Fraser and Bella being here,’ he says. ‘But I
thought you were interested, you know, before.’
‘What? Because of our fumble in the sand dune? We were drunk.’
‘That’s never an excuse.’
‘No. But things have changed since then.’
He leans closer to me and I feel his breath on my neck. For a moment I wonder if he’s going to kiss
me. ‘What’s changed? I enjoyed myself, I’m pretty sure you did too.’ He pulls away from me and takes
his cigarettes from his back pocket. ‘Marcy’s talking about us.’
‘There is no
us
.’
‘Try telling that to your boyfriend.’
‘Leave Alekos out of this. What’s happened is between you and me. Nobody else should be involved,
not Marcy and certainly not Alekos. I saw how uncomfortable you were when your Dad introduced me
to Mandy.’
He lights a cigarette and inhales deeply. He blows smoke into the darkness. He rests his
elbows on his knees and I can see the strong contour of his back showing through his pale
top.
‘I’m not an easy replacement for your marriage, you know,’ I say.
‘Your relationship with your boyfriend hardly seems straightforward.’ His gaze is fixed on the
darkness and not on me. ‘What is it with women and their mind games? It’s exactly what Mandy
was doing – emotionally blackmailing me.’ He takes another drag. The cigarette glows and
fizzles.
‘Don’t compare me with her,’ I say quietly. ‘You want to know what’s changed? Last Sunday when
we went on the boat trip and then to Stiffkey was the first time in a long time that I felt I was living
life and that’s mainly down to you. I loved seeing you with your kids but the way you talked about
Mandy made me realise that what happened on Sunday was us escaping from the real world. I was
fooling myself to think that spending time with you would enable me to forget about Alekos
and having to make a decision about my life. And then on Thursday I found out that I’m
pregnant.’
‘Jesus.’
‘Now you know why I had a dig at you on Friday. I’ve never had any intention of “emotionally
blackmailing” you or Alekos. At the very most my behaviour has been out of confusion. I honestly like
you and yes, I was drunk but at the time my feelings were real.’
Voices from the party travel across from the garden. The laughter sounds inviting. The darkness in
front of us suffocates. I strain to make out the field on the other side of the lane. Ben taps ash on to the
grass.
‘That’s complicated,’ he finally says. ‘What does he think?’
‘Alekos? He doesn’t know.’
‘Shit. Things are bad.’ We return to staring into nothingness. ‘We all come with baggage,
Sophie…’
I touch my stomach and shake my head. ‘Baggage?’ I say. ‘Is that what Fraser and Bella are to
you?’
‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ he says, taking hold of my hand. ‘These last couple of weeks with you
have been the best time I’ve had since I moved here.’
‘
Ti kanis
, Sophie?’
I pull my hand from Ben’s and stand up.
‘Is he the reason?’ Alekos steps into the light cast from the lantern above. ‘For “loving” being here,
for not wanting to come home?’
‘Ben’s a friend.’
Ben chucks his cigarette stub on the ground and grinds it with his boot. ‘We haven’t properly met
yet.’ He stands up and holds out his hand.
‘
Ilithea
,’ Alekos mutters.
‘What did he say?’
‘Nothing,’ I reply.
‘I called you an idiot.’
‘I’m the idiot?’ Ben says. ‘You have no idea what you’re about to lose if you’re not
careful.’
They both look at me.
It’s as if I’m looking down on myself. The three of us facing off. Alekos jumping to conclusions. Ben
defiant. Me not knowing what to say or think. Ben’s words leave a bitter aftertaste. He has the upper
hand over Alekos. I’ve confided in him, told him a secret all the wrong people now know, and the one it
affects is oblivious. Alekos tenses and clenches his fists. He punches Ben once, hard enough to send
him reeling back into the bench we’d been sitting on. I come back to earth with a bump.
‘Alekos!’
He walks away.
Blood trickles from Ben’s nose, dark against his skin. He’s managed to sit himself upright on the bench,
with his hand cupped beneath his chin.
‘I’m pretty sure he thinks there’s a problem between you,’ Ben says. ‘He’s mental.’
I shake my head. ‘I’ve never seen him behave like this.’ I fight back tears. ‘You’re very
calm.’
‘What? You’d rather I went round there and hit him back?’
‘No.’
‘Well then…’
I find a tissue in my pocket and hand it to him. ‘We need to get you sorted.’
‘It’s not broken if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ve broken it before, I’d know.’ He puts the
tissue to his nose and winces. ‘Hurts like hell, though.’ Spots of blood have dripped on to the front of
his top. ‘I have no idea what I did for my twenty-ninth birthday, but you won’t forget yours,’ he
says.
‘What the bloody hell’s going on?’ It’s Mum’s voice this time. ‘Alekos looked upset.’ She stops in
the pool of light in front of us. ‘Fuck me. Did he do this?’ She leans on her crutches and glances
between us.
‘Apparently talking is a crime,’ Ben says.
‘You should get that seen to,’ she says.
‘No.’ He stands up. Blood has oozed through the tissue and between his fingers. ‘I’m going
inside.’
We don’t say anything until he’s closed the front door of
The Globe
behind him.
Mum turns to me. ‘You want to tell me what happened?’
‘Where’s Alekos?’
‘Out back.’
‘I should talk to him.’
‘You need to talk to someone.’
‘That someone being you?’
She leans heavily on her crutches. ‘Yes, if it helps. It’s obvious what’s going on. Marcy’s been full of
it: Sophie and Ben. If you’re trying to give Alekos an excuse to leave you, it’s working a
treat.’
‘I’m not doing anything. I have no master plan. I wish I did. I wish I could see where I’ll be in six
months’ time.’
‘And who you’ll be with?’ she asks. She shuffles over. ‘Don’t be like me, always running away from
the good things in your life.’
‘Maybe you should go and talk to Robert then.’
She frowns, and her eyes flicker away from mine.
‘Alekos…’ I say. ‘He’s so… I don’t know.’
‘Nice. Handsome. Thoughtful. Do you want me to go on?’
‘Predictable.’
‘Punching Ben was predictable?’
‘No, and I’m almost glad he did it. At least he’s showing some kind of emotion. Anger is better than
apathy.’
‘So, there’s nothing between you and Ben?’ she asks. ‘Sophie, tell me there isn’t.’
I shrug. ‘I don’t know. There’s something appealing about him. His energy and impulsiveness for life
is how I wish Alekos was.’
She hooks her arm in mine. ‘Ben’s in the wrong place emotionally to be getting involved with,’ she
says, brushing a loose hair out of my eyes. ‘And by the looks of things you are too. Don’t turn into me.
It doesn’t make for a contented life. Go and talk to Alekos.’
‘You didn’t think Alekos and I would last.’
‘I’ve said a lot of stupid, selfish things. It doesn’t mean I was right.’
‘What do you think of Despina?’
‘She’s a character.’
Headlights dazzle us as a car comes round the corner, and beeps as it passes. Mum
waves.
‘Alekos didn’t invite her,’ I say. ‘She insisted and he couldn’t say no. Don’t you think that’s
odd?’
‘I wouldn’t want to say no to her either.’
‘But you know what I mean. He’s thirty.’
‘It’s a different culture, Sophie.’
‘I know but you haven’t seen the way she puts him down and destroys his confidence. He used to
sing, play the guitar and write music, now he just works for his mother with very little
thanks.’
‘Tell him how you feel.’
‘I have done.’
‘Tell him again.’ She grips her crutches and still with my arm linked with hers we start
walking.
I can’t see Alekos in the garden. People are standing in groups talking or sitting at the picnic tables
nursing bottles of beer and glasses of wine. Despina and Robert are toasting marshmallows over the hot
barbeque coals. I walk with Mum across the grass.
‘I was wondering where everyone had got to,’ Robert says. He holds up a pink toasted marshmallow
on a skewer and waves it in front of me. ‘Do you want one?’
I shake my head.
‘No Alekos?’ Despina asks.
‘No,’ I reply, before leaning towards Mum. ‘I’m going to find him.’
I avoid everyone as I head back across the grass to the patio doors. From outside the conservatory
looks dark and empty, but as I get to the door I see flickering candlelight. Alekos is alone at a corner
table. I close the door quietly behind me. He doesn’t look up. His hands are clasped around a
half-finished pint. I sit opposite him. The knuckles of his right hand are red. He takes a sip of his lager
and places it carefully back on the table. It’s difficult to tell in the candlelight if he’s been crying, but
the rims of his eyes look red.
‘I’m glad you hit him,’ I say.
He snorts and shakes his head.
‘At last you’re showing some kind of emotion.’
‘That makes you happy?’
‘It’s a start,’ I say, leaning forward in my chair. ‘We were only talking.’
‘I see what’s going on. Don’t tell me about falling in love with here. Don’t make me look stupid.’
Where his cream T-shirt meets his skin it emphasises his tan. His dark eyes fail to meet mine. ‘It’s
obvious you’re in love with him,’ he says.
‘Obvious? I don’t like myself much at the moment, let alone have the capacity to love someone else.
If you’re looking for an explanation for why things aren’t right between us, then you’ve
got it all wrong. I’m not in love with him. I don’t know how I feel about anything any
longer.’
My words hang heavy in the empty room. I reach my hand across the table. He looks sharply at me
when I touch his arm. I’m the reason for the downward curl of his lips, for his glistening eyes. I want to
undo time. Erase the sadness and the not knowing. His hand is solid and warm beneath my palm and I
don’t want to let him go.
The patio door creaks open. ‘There you are.’
‘Mama, leave us alone.’
There’s a pause. I don’t look behind me. And then the door scrapes closed again.
‘I wish we could go back and recapture what we had,’ I say slowly. ‘If only it was that
simple.’
He pulls his arm from beneath my hand and stands up. ‘Can I have the house keys?’
‘Aleko, talk to me.’
‘What do you expect me to say?’ he shouts. ‘Give me the keys.’
I reach into my back pocket and pull out the keys Robert gave me just a couple of weeks ago.
Alekos snatches them from me before slamming out through the patio doors.
I blow the candle out. The view outside becomes clearer in the dark. Mum and Despina are both
staring after Alekos. I turn my back on them and go into the main part of the pub. I close the
conservatory door shut and lean against it. The room is dark but the bar is lit up. Ben is perched on
the worktop at the back of the bar holding a whisky glass filled with a golden-coloured liquid in his
hand. His nose has stopped bleeding but there are still spots of fresh blood on his top. He
rattles the ice against the glass. ‘At this precise moment, I couldn’t give a fuck who caught
me.’
‘Did I say anything?’
He downs what’s left and pours himself another from the bottle of Bells next to him.
‘Do you want one?’
My hands automatically reach for my stomach.
‘Is it his? The baby?’ Ben asks.
‘Of course.’
‘I didn’t know if there was anyone else.’
‘No. No one else.’
He jumps down from the counter. ‘You can’t not let Alekos be a part of your baby’s life. Take it
from someone who knows what it’s like.’ Still clutching the glass, he picks up the whisky bottle. ‘I’m
calling it a night. I’m sorry you’ve had a crap birthday.’
I stand in the middle of the pub until I hear the bar door close behind him. I’m truly alone. I weave
my way in the dark between the tables to the ladies and lock myself in one of the cubicles. I stay there
crying until Mum finds me.
…
Alekos is asleep when I creep into the living room. His gentle snoring provides no comfort.
The room is as dark as my mood. I can’t sleep. To think I might never see
O Kipos
again.
I’ll miss it: the view from our window, the smell of the grapes in the evening, the endless
sun in summer and snow in winter. Even the cooking, I’ll miss that. I’ll miss my spot by
the fence and the idea of thinking I was doing something great with my life. Tonight is
my beginning, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment. I pull the sleeping bag tighter
around me, up under my chin. I need to make a doctor’s appointment. I hope Ben can keep a
secret. I close my eyes but I’m thinking too much to sleep. I don’t want morning to come.
…
I wake up late. It takes me a moment to first of all realise where I am, and then realise I’m alone. Daylight
streams through the blinds, spilling dusty light across the room. I shift on to my elbows. Alekos’ bed is
empty, the bedcovers pulled back and his T-shirt and boxer shorts discarded on top. There are voices
filtering in from the kitchen, their words obscured. My head feels heavy, as if I’d been drinking, and
the nausea is back. I struggle out of the sleeping bag and creep barefoot into the hallway.
The kitchen door is ajar and sunlight streams through the crack. I can smell coffee, and
lemon and chicken on the grill. I run up the stairs and just make it to the bathroom in
time.
The smells from the kitchen have subsided by the time I’ve showered and dressed. My hand hovers
momentarily on the kitchen door before I push it open.
‘
Kalimera
!’ Despina’s voice is too cheerful, even for her. Her lips are strained into a
smile.