The Captive Series (7 page)

It had been two months, and I hadn’t heard from Luciano. The divorce had not been finalized because my lawyer was still waiting to hear from his. I had seen articles about him in the paper over the last month about a legal venture he was pursuing. I couldn’t read more because I was afraid to read about him and his next Mrs. Rossi. I was sure he was already looking for my replacement.

I groaned as I walked into my therapist’s office. We were in for another talk about my broken heart and the rape. The doctor tried to tell me I was repressing what had happened, but like I told him time and time again, I could never forget or hide what happened. It lives within me. What destroyed me was the fact that my husband abandoned me. I rubbed my belly and thought back to the day in the hospital. 

I hadn’t told him about the baby, and I wasn’t planning on it. After the conversations I overheard, he wanted this. First the conversation with his father about leaving me, then when he was in the hallway with the doctor and talked about the possibility of me carrying Enzo’s baby, I knew it was over. I said I wanted a divorce before he could utter those words to me and destroy the part of my heart that wasn’t already broken. I still loved him so much that it got hard to breathe sometimes. He was everything to me.

To him I had been nothing more than a possession, but like with most toys that got broken, you just got rid of them and got replacements. I cried myself to sleep every night in my little apartment in the city, remembering those words—“He broke her.”

By the time my session started I was a bawling mess. “Mrs. Rossi, please take it easy. You need to think about the baby.”

“Thank you, Mr. Combs. By the way, don’t call me that. Call me Amber. My name is soon to be changed, and I can’t stand to be referred to as Mrs. Rossi.”

He could tell by the look on my face that I was serious. “Very well. What has upset you today?”

“I just keep reliving the hospital.” I’m sure he was tired of me saying that, but it was true.

“I think you need to focus on what happened that got you there. It would bring some closure to your feelings about the hospital.”

“Look, I come here at the constant pleas of my friends. I was raped, and I have to live with the emotional toll it has wreaked in my life. I get it, but reliving it doesn’t make me cope with it.” I stood up from my usual seat and paced.

I started again as I tried to get my thoughts together. “Losing the man I loved because I was sexually assaulted makes what happened a thousand times worse. He didn’t want me anymore. So my rapist took everything he could from me. What is there left to ruminate about? I can’t change what happened, and I can’t get back what I lost. All I can do is try to cope. So please stop telling me that I need to deal with the rape. I have dealt with the humiliation and the physical pain. It’s the look in my ex’s eyes and his words that I can’t get out of my head.”

“Do you think Mr. Rossi should join us as well?” he asked. I needed to check his credentials or his sanity.

“What the hell for? He’s ruthless and cruel. He’s probably grateful that I asked for the divorce.”

“Have you talked to him about this whole thing? Are you sure you didn’t dream it up and perhaps he didn’t really say it?”

For the first time he struck a chord. I thought about that many times. What if he really didn’t say it, but my mind had a nightmare?

I shook my head. I knew I had to have been awake or he really just didn’t care. “He didn’t fight for me. He agreed with the situation and walked away. He got a place for me and left everything to everyone else to deal with.”

“So have you tried to talk to him about it?”

“Of course I haven’t. It’s being handled by our lawyers. I can’t talk to him. I’m barely holding it together without seeing him. I sure as hell won’t be a pathetic female like my mother and beg for his love and affection or for him to take me back. Never.”

He was starting to look disheartened. “Do you still cry yourself to sleep?”

“Every time…” I paused, but I needed to nip this in the bud. “Listen, Mr. Combs, I think I need to take a step back from therapy and focus on me and the baby. It isn’t doing either of us any good to come here and relive the worst day of my life. I should feel more from what that bastard did to me physically, but I don’t. It could be a product of all the years of my father’s physical and emotional abuse. All I know is that the only one to make me feel true emotions was Luciano.”

I walked out of his office feeling relieved that it was over.

Because of our marriage, my plans before I met Luciano had been tossed to the side. Now I knew that I couldn’t let anyone distract me from becoming something more than a single mother living off my ex-husband.

I had money that he left for me and had started to reapply to schools. I didn’t know how much Luciano planned the settlement to be in the divorce, but I didn’t want it. I wanted him. I would use what I needed to get on my feet, but the rest I would put away for the baby. I spent most days at home talking to my belly. This little one and I were in this together.

I didn’t have a lot of nightmares of Enzo and his attack, which was weird considering it was horrific and haunting, but he took everything away from me so I had nothing left to lose from the incident. Most of my nightmares were Luciano finding someone else, hugging and kissing her, then turning to me and throwing my ruination in my face.

Sometimes I dreamed of Luciano, of times when we were happy. I even dreamed of the impossible future between us, but it was just that—just a dream. Sometimes I woke up and just hated him. There was no fight, no “You are mine, you are not leaving,” like he acted before his bastard of a cousin touched me. Now I was ruined and broken, not worth keeping. I hated him for making me love him, for giving me hope of a wonderfully happy family, and then tearing it all away from me.

I just started working at the grocery store in town to start saving for my personal use. I didn’t pay well, but it was all mine. For the first time in my life I’d earned my own paycheck. It was a nice feeling to have a bit of normal. Sometimes my coworkers and I hung out after work or on the weekends, but I wasn’t the same bubbly person I was anymore. All I could think about was the man who said he would never let me go, but did with ease because another man touched me.
He broke her. I can’t take it if she is carrying his baby, doc
. Those words ate me alive.

I told Rachel and Carrie what had happened, and they couldn’t believe that Luciano could be so heartless after the way he kept me all to himself before the rape.

The girls were crying when they came to the hospital. Rachel was reminded of the conversation we’d had right before it happened and apologized. “I could have sworn he was madly in love with you. I can’t believe he could be so cruel and weak to leave you for that. It wasn’t like you asked to be violated. I’m sorry, Amber.”  

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for; it’s all his fault. I thought he cared, but I guess it wasn’t enough.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll do all we can to help you,” Carrie said. They spent as much time as they could to help me deal with the whole thing. No matter what happened, they had my back. Although they would be starting school in a week, they promised I could call on them for anything. They made coping much easier.

We would go out before I started to show to try and ease my spirits, but it didn’t work, especially when I would see a handsome man in a suit. There were many handsome men I would meet and dance with when we went out. I no longer wore my wedding rings and we had fake IDs, but even dancing with these men made me feel guilty. I guess it was because the divorce wasn’t final. I was thankful I never ran into Luciano there. I would be devastated to see him with some bitch because of the way he was with me. I knew he would be fucking some broad or broads by now.

I noticed the security detail he had on me. I don’t know why he bothered since he didn’t want me, but I was sure they noticed and reported back to him that my belly had grown. It wasn’t giant, but it was obvious I was pregnant. That probably solidified the end of our relationship to him.

The next day after my meeting with the shrink, I was in the heart of the city to meet with my lawyer to follow up with the divorce and to try and move on. “Mr. Wood, so did he send them already?” I asked him as he handed me a bottle of water.

He took his seat and sighed. “No he hasn’t. I contacted his lawyer and he hadn’t received the documents yet, but couldn’t say anything else. Sometimes rich men want to fiddle with the amount they leave their exes.”

I was so frustrated. What did I do to deserve this? I missed him and I didn’t need to deal with this. “But I didn’t even specify anything. Hell, I didn’t ask for a dime.”

He started tapping his pen on the desk, and I knew that he was thinking of a way to appease me. When he’d thought about it, he said, “Yes, but sometimes there are reasons that it’s being held up. The main reasons are, well, there is a possibility that he’s really busy. Taking time out of their busy schedule to deal with something they don’t care to deal with tends to cause them to overlook it. The other reason could be…perhaps he’d rather reconcile than sign. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d seen that either.”

I wasn’t going to hold out hope on that one. Luciano was stalling in getting the papers to the lawyer, but seeing that he had some new ventures in the mix, perhaps he didn’t have time to deal with his cast-offs and his biggest mistake.

I left his office with no resolution to the matter, but I wanted to get on with it. As I rode down the elevator, I thought about the whole reconciling thing, but dropped it because my heart couldn’t deal with that kind of hope, only to be torn to pieces once he signed.

I’d just stepped out the front door when I saw Rosa. She was a sweet lady and was truly kind to me. When I was home without Luciano, she and I would talk about him, and she would teach me how to cook. I wasn’t a bad cook, but I wasn’t used to their fancy, expensive tastes. When I was leaving him, all she could say was that I shouldn’t leave him and to give it time. She didn’t know that he was disgusted with me.

“Signora Rossi, it is so good to see you. How are you doing?” I could see that she was uncomfortable, but I couldn’t fault her for it. I felt awkward about it too. Anything that made me think of him got to me every time.

“I’m well enough.” What was I going to say? That if it wasn’t for the fact that I had a baby coming I would want to jump off a bridge, or pop a bottle of pills?

“Signore Rossi is not doing so well. He has not left the house in almost two months. Only once he left the house. I came to drop these off here, per his request.”

This was it. I knew there was no reason to hold out hope. I looked down at the manila envelope, and my heart broke. It was our divorce papers ready for my signature. “He signed them.” I couldn’t deal with this. I had to walk away before the tears came. I ran from her without any goodbyes because I didn’t have it in me for any niceties.

If he could drag his feet to sign the papers, he could wait a few days until I was ready to sign. When I got home, I made a cup of tea and spoke to the baby and resigned myself to a lifetime without Luciano.

“Son, it’s done,” my father said as he walked into the house that I once hoped to live in with my wife and children. I didn’t want a wife anymore. I didn’t deserve the only one I wanted, and no one deserved to take her place.

“Good. Thanks for taking care of my mess.” I was so broken that I didn’t even care about the clean-up.

“He deserved everything he got today.” I knew my father thought I was feeling guilty about what I’d done, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. My guilt lied with the love I lost.

“And more,” I growled. Enzo was dead after I spent four hours torturing him. The things that were done to him were nothing compared to what he’d done to my wife. He felt every ounce of anger and pain that raged in my heart, and I still didn’t find it to be enough.

I sat there looking out the window in my office after I poured myself another drink.

Seeing my sorrow he said, “You have to rethink the divorce, my boy. Are you really ready to let her go?”

“She let me go. As much as I said I wanted to let her leave, I wasn’t going to go through with it, but she asked for it, pleaded for it. I owed her that much at least.” Fuck! The tears were building again. I was a man, and we didn’t cry, but losing her broke me.

“She moved out already?” he asked.

“Yes, she went straight from the hospital to the house I rented for her. It’s fully furnished, and her things have been packed and are being delivered as we speak.”

“Damn, you didn’t waste any time washing your hands of her.” I didn’t care for his accusation.

“I didn’t make that choice, she did. She didn’t want to come back. What the fuck was I supposed to do? She didn’t want me to even deal with her. She used one of my men and her friend to do the planning.”

“I’m sorry, son. I know it’s got to hurt, but if I were you I’d wait to sign those papers. She is confused right now, and it may take a while to see that she didn’t want to lose you.”

“She’s not confused. Amber hates me for what happened. She blames me for being raped. I can’t blame or hate her for it either. I let him get to her. I destroyed us, not her or that bastard.”

“Just give it time.”

“I’m not going to kill myself if that’s what you’re thinking.” Truthfully I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t put a bullet in my head. I didn’t know how I was supposed to deal with this; it had been three days since the worst day of my life. I slept on the floor in her closet, her scent still lingering on her robe that hung there.

“I’ll call you later. I have to get back to the house and talk to your mother and make sure your sister doesn’t find out what really happened,” he said before he got up from his chair.

“Thanks, Pops.” I didn’t even look up as he left. My mind begged to be empty, but it wasn’t going to happen any time soon. I headed for the liquor cabinet and drank myself into a self-loathing stupor.

Two months later…

I was working in my home office, trying to get my investment business underway. Things were running smoothly as could be. There was only one thing missing—my wife. I looked at the photo of her I had framed on my desk when Rosa rushed into my office.

“Signore Rossi, I dropped off the documents like you told me to. I saw Signora Rossi while I was there.” She sounded excitable.

I put my head down and got back to the project at hand. Then I wondered what my mother was doing at the lawyer’s office. “What was my mother doing there?”

“Not your mother…” she paused as I lifted my head, eyes wide open.

“Amber?” I asked. For two months I avoided all mention of her and told my staff not to mention her in my presence. My men were just to alert me if something was wrong.

“Yes, and she wasn’t doing so well. She looked very sad,” she said ruefully.

Of course she was sad, and it was all my fault. “Yes, well, she’s been through a lot.”

“No, it was the envelope she saw in my hand. She said ‘he signed them’ and rushed off in tears.”

I stood up and shouted, “What?! What else?”

“Nothing…that was it.” She shrugged apologetically.

“Leave me. I need to make some calls. Oh…before you go, please tell me…do you think she missed me?”

“Very much.”

“Grazie.” She left the room, and I called Amber’s detail and asked for a report. After an hour, I was cleaned up and had a file in my hand.

I walked into the bedroom I had been using since she left. It was the farthest from the one we’d shared. Dropping back onto the bed, and I opened the file.

There were several pictures in the file, and my heart fell at the first one. It was clear she was pregnant, and it wasn’t mine. I knew it wasn’t. She’d gotten her period during our first week of marriage. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I caressed her face. My tears were falling without my permission. I missed her, and all I could think about was I wanted her back.

Other pictures were when she’d been out with her friends at clubs and dancing with other men. There was a picture of her with another guy, smiling. I wanted to rip his heart out. Then I looked deeper at the photo. Her eyes weren’t smiling too, and she looked unhealthy. She might have a round belly, but her face and arms looked much thinner.

She was working at a grocery store, and I wanted to punch someone. She refused to live off what I gave her. She wanted to rid herself of me in every way.

I needed to see her again. I tossed the file to the side and closed my eyes. I was going to win her back no matter what I had to do. I just prayed that Rosa was right and that it wasn’t part of her wishful thinking. Everyone wanted her to come back home to me, but they knew not to interfere.

The next morning I was dressed and raring to go before the sun was up. I was in my truck and on my way to her place. I needed to know if there was any hope that she could forgive me for putting her in that situation. As bleak as the outcome could be, I had to know. I got there just as the sun came up. I started knocking on the door, but it took her a few minutes to answer the door.

When she opened it, I couldn’t take my eyes away. Rosa was right; she didn’t look like she was doing well, but she was still beautiful. She was in her robe, and I was praying to God that there wasn’t another man here or he’d be dead. No joke—divorce or not, she was still mine.

All I managed to get out was her name as I stared at her.