The Caterpillar King (18 page)

She smiled. “I love a man who can make me
laugh,” she said.

The witch paused, waiting for me to respond.
But there wasn’t much I could say to that. Everything I had gone
through, all the obstacles I had overcome…and it was all for
nothing. I hadn’t found my mother. I wasn’t anybody’s savior. I was
the winner of an old woman’s dating game.

“I’m not marrying you,” I said.

“You’re free to leave,” she said. “However,
Tika is not.”

That focused my attention back on what was
important. My journey might’ve been a lost cause, but I still
needed to get my friends out of here alive.

“Let them go,” I said.

She laughed. “Not a problem. But in that
case, you will have to stay here,” she said. “If that’s the path
you choose.”

I considered accepting her proposal. Tika
and Old Guy’s lives were more important than mine, anyway. I didn’t
even know who I was. I didn’t have a family. I was nobody. Why not
just turn myself in? On the positive side, the witch was still
attractive. Other than her hands, it looked like she never aged. On
the negative side, she was a witch. But everybody has their faults.
I figured I’d make one last effort to escape. If that didn’t work,
I’d resign myself to a life in the castle.

“What if I gave you a gold coin?” I said. I
pulled one out of my pocket.

“Very good,” she said. “I can give you any
thing,” she said.

“Really?” I said. “How about Tika?”

“Any
thing
,” she said. “People,
animals, etc. are excluded.”

That wasn’t very fair. “How about three
coins for one animal and one person?” I said.

She sighed. “You’re a little slow to catch
on.”

“Does that mean…?”

“No,” she said. “It means no. You could give
me a thousand gold coins and I still wouldn’t give them to
you.”

I went over to the frame of the bed and
leaned against it. Tika was so close, but there was nothing I could
do. If I wanted to save her, I’d have to give myself up.
Unless…unless I made it an even better deal for the witch. I
thought back to the witch’s room, full of card tables and roulette
wheels. It occurred to me that there might be a very easy way to
entice her.

“How about this,” I said. “We make a bet. If
I win the bet, we all go free. If you win the bet, we’re all
trapped with you forever.”

“Interesting,” she said. “And you plan on
deciding this by…?”

“Flipping one of these coins?” I said.

“Boring,” she said. “They’re not even
two-sided.”

“Well…I don’t know.”

I looked from Tika back to Old Guy. He gave
me a big grin. Then he swung his arm back and flung it forward. I
knew just what this charade meant.

“What if we played a game?” I said.

The witch nodded.

“It’s called sticks and rocks. It’s simple,
but it’s also very entertaining. The best place to play is at the
bottom of a ditch.”

“You can teach me the rules?” she asked.

“Sure,” I said.

She considered it for a moment.

“Deal,” she said. “Let’s go.”

22.

Once the witch agreed to my offer, I blacked
out. I felt myself falling, but it wasn’t free and easy. It was
almost like falling through water. When I came to, I was back on
rough, familiar ground. The light shone in from above and brought a
smile to my face. It didn’t take me long to recognize my old
ditch.

Even though the ditch wasn’t my favorite
place in the world, there was still something comfortable about it.
The walls were the same and the dirt was the same and even Tika and
Old Guy were here. There were a couple unpleasant differences,
though. One, Tika was sound asleep, inside a small glass container.
Two, there was a witch right next to her.

“So,” said the witch, “I’m ready to hear
about this game.”

I explained the rules: how you have to throw
the sticks and rocks across the halfway point, and how clean sides
are worth points while dirty sides lose you points. Of course, she
loved it. Everyone does.

The witch offered to let me go first, which
was surprisingly considerate. I set up at my end while Old Guy took
his position near the half-line. The witch stood next to me with
Tika.

“You’re sure about this?” said the witch.
“You can still escape with your own life.”

I looked from Tika to Old Guy. There wasn’t
any question in my mind.

“Let’s play,” I said.

The sticks and rocks felt heavy in my hand.
Tika’s honeycomb arrangement had worked well the last time, so I
tried to use a similar technique. I positioned the pieces in my
hand until they were all touching just right. But when I pulled
back to throw, I went too far, and my hand hit the wall. Some of
the pieces shot forward, but some didn’t even make it past the
half-line. A rookie mistake.

I could hear the witch giggling at me. I
didn’t think it was very kind. It could’ve happened to anyone,
after all.

“Is that how you play?” she said. “I had no
idea.”

I did my best to ignore her, and watched as
Old Guy tallied the points. From my initial glance, I knew it
wasn’t good. It looked like only three pieces made it across the
line. Old Guy held up one finger, confirming my suspicions.

“One?” I said. “That’s pretty bad.”

But Old Guy shook his head. He moved his
hands again. This time, I noticed he was holding his other hand
horizontally, a pointer finger sticking out.

“
Negative
one?!” I said.

He nodded, and then picked up the scattered
pieces. I felt like crawling further underground.

“Well,” said the witch, “It will be hard
not
to beat that score.”

She took the sticks and rocks in her hand
and arranged them so all the rocks were on the inside, while the
sticks jutted out in every direction. It looked like a flower. It
was a sophisticated strategy, and I started to get the feeling this
wasn’t her first time. She tossed the bundle across the line with
confidence. I didn’t even need to see the results to know it was a
great throw. A few seconds later, Old Guy held up a nine.

“No way,” I said.

“Hmm,” said the witch, looking disappointed.
“Should’ve had ten.”

And to be honest, she was right. One piece
had come up
just
short of the line. If not for that, I
would’ve lost on the first throw. Even so, it looked like it was
pretty hopeless.

For my next throw, I abandoned my strategy.
To have any chance, I needed to stop thinking and just let go. I
took the bundle between my two hands, let it settle at random, and
tossed it across the line. Old Guy marked it as a four. At the very
least, I didn’t hurt myself this time.

“That’s all?” said the witch. “I was hoping
for a competitive game…but it’s 9-3.”

“I can keep score, thanks,” I said. “It’s
not over yet.”

But even I was having trouble believing
that. With a nine on her first throw, who knew what would come
next? I fully expected an eight or above. The ending would be quick
and painful.

The witch gathered her pieces once more, but
this time she tried a different arrangement. I don’t know why you’d
want to mess with near-perfection, but that’s what she did. She
stacked the rocks on bottom and the sticks on top, making a tower.
It seemed like a risky formation. She tossed the bundle across the
line and…got a solid zero.

“Doesn’t matter,” she said. “You don’t have
the ability to keep up.”

But she was wrong. I decided I’d play it
safe and slow. Generally, if you go for the big throws, you either
succeed spectacularly or fail spectacularly. Rather than taking a
chance, I arranged it in a way that I knew would get between two
and four points. It wasn’t going to win the game, but it wouldn’t
lose it for me, either. Just as I expected, my throw got me four
points.

“It’s 9-7,” I said.

“I can keep score,” she said.

I could tell I was getting to her. She’d
expected to cruise to a victory. Now that there was a little
pressure, she was tensing up. And it’s
never
good to be
tense during sticks and rocks. She tossed the bundle before I could
even see the arrangement, and yet again, she got a score of
zero.

“Impossible,” she said.

Anyone could see what was happening. She was
completely rattled, and I had all the momentum. I took the bundle
and once again went the safe route. On this throw, I got a two.

“Oooh,” I said. For just a moment, I’d
thought that I had another four. But still, I had tied the game at
nine. I was feeling a lot better about my position than I had been
a few minutes ago.

The witch picked up the pieces, and now she
looked nervous. She tossed the bundle, but it wasn’t a confident
throw. I added up the numbers at a glance, and it looked like
another zero. I was thrilled. I was going to have a shot at the
victory. And then Old Guy held out his hand, and two fingers went
up.

“A two?” I said. I was stunned. I walked
past the half-line to get a closer look. Even on the second
inspection, it seemed like a zero.

“Wait,” I said. “This shouldn’t be worth
anything. See, these are clean-” I pointed at the five clean ones-
“and then these are dirty. Five and five. It cancels out.
Zero.”

But Old Guy was shaking his head. He reached
down and pointed at the heart-shaped rock, which was clearly dirty.
He gave it the thumbs up.

“What?!” I said. “Are you blind? That’s
dirty
. It was dirty the last time and it’s dirty this
time.”

Old Guy gave me a shrug. I couldn’t believe
it. Not only was my freedom on the line, but so was his. He must’ve
really had it out for me.

“He’s made his decision,” said the witch.
“You must keep your end of the deal.”

She was very pleased with herself. I started
to resign myself to my future. I would be married to this woman
until death did me part. I kept waiting for Old Guy to say, “Just
kidding!” but of course that didn’t happen. I’d gambled Tika’s life
away, and now I’d lost mine, too. Overcome by exhaustion, I dropped
to the ground.

After a few moments of feeling sorry for
myself, I pulled it together.

“I-” I said.

“There’s-” said the witch.

We both paused. “You first,” said the
witch.

“Please,” I said. “Go ahead.”

“Fine,” she said. “There is- perhaps-
another way. A way where you and Tika walk free.”

“And Old Guy?” I said.

“Him, too.”

“What do I have to do?” I asked. Even before
she answered, I knew I wouldn’t like it.

“Nothing in particular. You are allowed to
leave and live out the rest of your natural lives. I will be alone
again, but I’ll survive. There’s only one condition: Once Tika’s
natural life ends, she must come back and work for me, in order to
repay the debt. Her offspring must be willing to contribute,
too.”

It seemed like a very strange deal to me.
Faced with the alternative, I guessed this was better. A lifetime
of freedom is better than no freedom at all, right? But I still
couldn’t figure out exactly what this had to do with
me
.

“Why don’t you ask Tika if she wants to
accept your offer?” I said.

“She’s not in any state to do that,” said
the witch.

“You could just wake her up,” I said.

“Not yet,” she said. “Not unless you
agree.”

I thought it over. “You won’t hurt her?” I
said.

“I won’t,” said the witch.

“And there’s no other option?”

“All three of you are welcome to stay,” she
said.

I gave it another half-second of
thought.

“Deal,” I said.

For just a moment, time seemed to freeze.
Then the moment passed, and the ground shook. A sound like thunder
roared overhead.

The witch picked up the glass jar and handed
it to me. I looked over at Old Guy, and saw he had a big grin on
his face. The witch was much more somber.

“I’ll…be sad to see you go,” she said. “But
you’re free.”

“Wait,” I said. “Aren’t you going to wake
Tika up?”

The witch laughed. “Wasn’t part of the
deal,” she said.

I
knew
it’d been too good to be true.
Looking down at the glass jar in my hand, I felt ashamed. Tika was
so small and fragile. And now, she would stay this way until the
end of her “life.” After all that, she’d be forced to work for the
witch.

“This isn’t fair,” I said.

“You made the deal,” she said.

She was right about that. But I didn’t have
any idea how to wake Tika, and I couldn’t just leave. I was about
to keep arguing with the witch when Old Guy pointed at my
pants.

“What?” I said. “They’re stained?”

Old Guy shook his head. He mimicked putting
his hand in a pocket. Then I reached into my own pocket and pulled
out three gold coins. I’d nearly forgotten about them. Old Guy gave
me the thumbs up.

“What am I supposed to do? Give them to
Tika?”

This sent Old Guy into another charade. But
for some reason, I couldn’t make sense of this one. Our connection
had died out at just the wrong time.

“You can still trade the gold coins,”
offered the witch. “And I will give you something back.”

Old Guy nodded.

“Ohhh,” I said. I was supposed to ask for an
item that would wake Tika up. What could that be? Something that
would get her up and moving…I looked at Tika again and thought back
over everything we’d gone through. The ditch, her boyfriend, the
water, the squirrel…the squirrel. Then I knew it, as clear as could
be. I went up to the witch with one of my gold coins.

“I’d like to make a trade,” I said. “One
gold coin for a battery.”

The witch took the gold coin, and then she
closed her fingers around it, making a fist. When she opened her
hand, there was a shiny new battery inside. She handed it to
me.