The Chocolate Lovers’ Wedding (17 page)

Ted had a squalling Lana on his lap and, though he was jigging her as if his life depended on it, she wouldn’t be consoled.
‘Here,’ Chantal said. ‘Let me have a go.’ She lifted Lana from him and settled her on her hip. Vaguely, she remembered that the hospital had told her not to lift heavy weights after having the lump removed, but how could a mother with a hyperactive toddler not do that? ‘Shush, shush, shush,’ she soothed as she swayed from side to side.
It was only a few days since she’d come out of hospital and she was still tired and tetchy herself. If she didn’t stay a little bit cross, she started to cry. But it had been a relief when Livia had said she could come home.
‘Do you think she doesn’t recognise me?’ Ted asked sadly.
‘I don’t know. It may take her a while to get used to you again. She’s going through a bit of a clingy phase.’ It hadn’t helped that Lana had been passed around her chocolate-loving aunties for babysitting duties while she was attending various hospital appointments. Since she’d been home, Lana had been more clingy than usual. Also, it had been several weeks since she’d seen Ted other than on Skype – how good was a baby’s memory? Would it be easy for Lana to forget that Ted was her father when she was rarely with him in person?
‘It’s been harder to set up this project than I imagined,’ Ted said. ‘Once it’s up and running I can come back to London more.’
When he’d moved to New York he’d promised that he would be back regularly, but that hadn’t happened. Of course it hadn’t. He was heading up a big team and the project was on a tight deadline. Chantal could imagine only too well the stresses and strains. Throughout their marriage it had always been the same. It was a huge job that he’d taken on and he was earning a mega-salary. You couldn’t just take a few days off and hop on a plane at that level.
Chantal wondered how Stacey and Elsie had fared in New York. They probably saw precious little of him. While she soothed Lana, she cast a sideways glance at her husband’s new love. She looked tired and she’d lost weight. They might not be as close anymore, but she still felt for Stacey.
Picking up Lana’s favourite doggy, Bill, Chantal handed it to her and, as Lana clutched him to her, the tears gradually subsided. If only Jacob were here to support her but, at the time, she’d thought it was better to meet Ted and Stacey alone.
‘I’ll try to put her down for a nap. I think she’s overtired.’ She’d kept Lana awake waiting for Ted to arrive. It had been a mistake. Their plane had landed late and then they’d gone to the hotel first to check in and freshen up. Now Lana was heavyeyed and crotchety.
‘You could put the kettle on, if you don’t mind.’
Taking Lana upstairs, she settled her in the cot. Chantal kissed her daughter’s pink cheek, closed the curtains and checked that the baby monitor was switched on. Then she went back down to face Ted and Stacey once more. Was it going to be more difficult than she’d thought to maintain a relationship with him across the miles? Already they felt like strangers, and he’d only been gone a few months.
Ted was taking a call in the kitchen, shouting tetchily into his phone. She swerved into the living room, where Stacey was setting out cups on the coffee table.
‘Sounds a bit fraught out there.’ Chantal nodded towards the kitchen.
‘It’s a very demanding job,’ Stacey said. ‘I don’t think either of us had realised how much.’
Chantal was sure Ted would have been under no illusions. Stacey poured the tea and handed Chantal a cup.
‘Thanks, Stacey.’
She stood up and looked squarely at Chantal. ‘I do miss this,’ she admitted softly.
‘Me too,’ Chantal agreed. But how would they breach the gulf between them with a bit of social chit-chat? It would take a lot of time and that was the one thing they didn’t now have.
Ted came back, as red in the face as Lana had been. Chantal smiled to herself. Like father like daughter. Neither of them dealt well with not getting their own way. They all sat down together and Stacey gave Ted some tea. An awkward silence ensued while they sat and fiddled with their cups.
‘I was really sorry to hear about your illness,’ Ted said, eventually.
No one ever willingly used the word cancer.
‘I’m dealing with it,’ Chantal said. ‘The girls are being brilliant. So is Jacob.’
‘I’m glad you’ve got good support.’
‘The best.’ She couldn’t look at Stacey. They had readily embraced her into the fold of the Chocolate Lovers’ Club and, in return, she hadn’t been a good friend at all. Would that splinter of hurt ever be extracted?
‘How’s the treatment going?’
‘I’ve got another appointment with the consultant later today. She’s got the results back from the lab. I’ll know more then.’
‘If I can do anything . . . ’ Ted’s voice tailed away.
‘We have lots of papers to sign,’ Chantal said. ‘Can you spare a couple of hours to see the solicitor together?’
‘I’ll make time,’ he said determinedly.
‘Good. I’ll give him a call. Maybe tomorrow?’
He nodded.
Chantal folded her arms. ‘This bit is difficult.’ It would be easier if she and Ted were alone.
Perhaps sensing it, Stacey said, ‘I have to feed Elsie. Should I go into the kitchen so you two can talk in peace?’
‘That would be great,’ Chantal said. ‘It won’t take long.’
She took Elsie and left the room, leaving Chantal and Ted together.
‘She’s a good woman,’ he said.
‘I’m pleased for you,’ Chantal said honestly. ‘I hope you look after her.’
‘I do my best.’ He sighed. ‘But it’s never quite enough. I’m trying to work on it.’
‘Spend more time with them than you do in the office. That’s always a good place to start.’
‘And the one I struggle with the most.’
‘No one said that raising a family was ever easy.’
‘No one told me it would be this hard, either.’
They both laughed, but it had a hollow ring.
Then Chantal said, ‘I’m sorry that you’re missing Lana growing up.’
‘It’s difficult,’ he agreed. ‘I admit that I didn’t consider
how
difficult. We won’t be in New York for ever. I have a two-year contract and I can see us coming back after that. Hopefully, I can be involved more fully in her life then.’
‘She’s a good girl. Apart from her little tantrum just now. She’s really no trouble.’
‘I’m jealous of Jacob,’ Ted admitted. ‘He’s just stepped into my shoes. He’s having the life I should be living.’
‘It didn’t work for us, Ted. We did try. And Jacob’s doing a great job,’ Chantal said softly. ‘Be grateful that we have someone who adores our little girl as much as we do.’
‘I know. In theory it’s easy, but I still can’t help but feel sidelined.’ He held up his hands. ‘Still, that’s my problem. I’ll deal with it. So what did you want to talk about?’
‘I know that I wasn’t in a rush, but this cancer has made me feel differently. I’d like to finalise the divorce as soon as possible. If anything happens to me, then we should have everything cut and dried. It’s for the best.’
Ted looked shocked. ‘But you’re going to be OK?’
‘I sincerely hope so, Ted, but you never know. A few weeks ago I thought this was nothing more than a pulled muscle. We should press on and get all our paperwork sorted. You should be free to marry Stacey and vice versa.’
‘Is this what it’s about? Are you and Jacob planning to get married?’
‘He has asked me, but I don’t want to do anything until my treatment is finished and I’ve got the all-clear. Something like this does make you reassess your thinking.’
‘I want to help,’ Ted said. ‘What can I do?’
‘Let’s get this divorce done and dusted.’
Her husband looked sad. ‘If that’s what you really want?’
‘It is.’
‘We could just let things ride until you’re better.’
Ted has always shied away from emotional confrontations and though this was only the paperwork part of separating, it was tough and Chantal was feeling the strain too. ‘I think we’re past that point.’
‘It seems so hard, so final.’
‘It’s for the best though.’
‘I still love you,’ Ted said. ‘In my own inadequate way. I probably always will.’
‘I love you too and I hope we’ll always be friends. We should make that work towards giving our daughter a happy and stable future.’
They stood up and hugged each other tightly.
‘This is shit,’ Ted said. ‘All of it.’
‘I know,’ she soothed. ‘I know.’
This was life. You made the mistakes, you took the knocks, you carried on, you got stronger. Giving up, rolling over, dying – that wasn’t an option.

Nadia was having a fantastic time in the Lake District and wondered why in all her years she hadn’t discovered this beautiful area sooner. Lewis was in his element. The furthest he went at home was to the local run-down park where he had to watch out for broken glass, used condoms and discarded needles. Here there were miles and miles of unspoilt countryside to run wild in. They’d both discovered they had a penchant for fell walking.

James was up and out early to tend to the farm, but he was back by the time they were all having breakfast. Lewis had been eager to help and had enjoyed being involved with the animals. As promised, James had allotted a tiny lamb to Lewis. It was only a few weeks old and was currently being bottle fed. There was no doubt that it was a sweet little thing and Lewis fell in love instantly.

The sheep were Herdwicks, or Herdies as they were usually known; James told her they were a strong breed, well-suited for living high on the fells in all weathers. For something so tough they were surprisingly cute. They had stocky white legs, brown curly coats and smiley faces. Lewis called his little Herdie Wellyboot and he cuddled the lamb’s wriggling body to his chest and gazed at it adoringly. Despite setting out the terms and conditions as only a parent could, Nadia knew it would be hard for Lewis to leave it behind when they had to go home again.

After the chores were finished, James had shown them round another part of the local area every day. Some of the sights she’d seen had been stunning. They’d walked round Buttermere and had stopped for delicious ice-cream in a farmyard at the end. Lewis had been in heaven, sharing his cone with the enthusiastic collie dog who was clearly a resident.

The next day they’d climbed up Haystacks, taking it slowly for the children – and her. Lunch had been an alfresco picnic they’d carried in rucksacks. They’d eaten it sitting beside a tarn that was as smooth as a looking glass. The view at the top down the valley to Derwentwater was stunning. She’d never done anything like that before and it felt like a great achievement. For the first time, she knew what it was like to have fresh air in her lungs and there was a colour to Lewis’s cheeks that was sadly missing in London.

They’d made the short, sharp climb up Catbells, James tempering his pace to match hers, as Nadia discovered muscles she never knew that she had. If he’d kicked out with his long, determined stride, she’d never have been able to keep up. To compensate for all the exercise, they’d also eaten the best cake ever at a trendy café by the river Brathay at Skelwith Bridge. Then they’d gone to explore the waterfall, a short distance away, that thundered over the rocks. James was solicitous and eager, his joy in their surroundings never waning.

‘My parents never walked for enjoyment,’ he said. ‘That was something tourists did. To them, this was always our working landscape. Nothing more. But I love getting out on the fells when I can. I’ve not travelled much, as I’ve never had the urge to go far from here. For me, there’s no place like it. I try to find time every week to sit, nice and quiet, with my sheepdogs for half an hour and just take it all in.’ He grinned at her. ‘Sometimes, I even manage it.’

His enthusiasm was infectious. She liked that he was very keen to show them his home in a good light. By some miracle the weather had been kind, with bright sunny days and the isolated showers reserved for the evening when they were tucked up and cosy at home.

Today they’d visited Castlerigg, a circle of standing stones like a mini Stonehenge. It was a beautiful and atmospheric area surrounded by hills. The sun had cast a golden glow on the mountains and purple brooding clouds stooped low over them. You could keep your sandy beaches and palm trees; this rugged landscape had spoken to her soul. Nadia watched on, smiling, as James patiently named each of the surrounding hills for Lewis.

They’d walked up to another beautiful and hidden tarn. Sitting on smooth rocks, they’d eaten the sandwiches and fruit cake from their backpacks that she’d prepared for them this morning. It was becoming a welcome habit. After lunch they’d all pulled off their socks and boots and had, very bravely, paddled at the edge of the tarn. James had held onto her tightly and she’d tried not to shriek too much as the breathtakingly cold water hit her skin.

Afterwards they’d walked through the fields of sheep and over stiles. She and James had taken their time while the children had run ahead of them and tired themselves out – they would be ready to go to bed early, leaving James and Nadia to have a long and leisurely evening by themselves.

There was only one problem: the week was flying by too quickly. Any fears she’d had about them not getting on together were completely unfounded. Even the children had slotted into a comfortable routine, with Seth and Lily welcoming Lewis like a brother. It would be good for him to have siblings, she thought. Being an only child must be miserable. It had always been the plan for her and her husband to have another baby. It had just never happened. It wasn’t too late for her, though. There was still time to give Lewis a brother or sister. She looked shyly at James, hoping he couldn’t read her thoughts.

James turned to her. ‘Happy?’
‘Blissfully,’ she said. ‘This place is heaven.’
‘Think you could live here?’
The question pulled her up short. ‘I don’t know.’ ‘What else can I do to sell it to you?’
‘Nothing,’ she said. ‘It’s all wonderful.’
‘It can be harsh and unforgiving, too,’ he said. ‘Wait until

you’ve had six solid weeks of sheeting rain and all the coats and boots in the house are permanently damp and we’re having to catch drips in buckets in the loft where the roof’s leaking. You might view it differently.’

‘Should us townies only come in the summer months then?’ she teased.
‘I could give you a great life,’ he said, frankly. ‘But I can’t leave here. Ever. This is my home, not just somewhere I live. This is me right down to my bones. The farm is my life, my heritage. My family have farmed here in more or less the same way for generations. I learned all this from my grandfather.’ He swept a hand around to encompass the hills. ‘I went off to university in Sheffield to study Business Management because my dad insisted I use my brain, but I loathed every moment I was in the city. Any spare time and I’d run straight up here. When I got my degree, I wanted nothing more than to be back on the farm.’ He gave her a rueful glance. ‘Now, I don’t think I’d know how to function anywhere else. You know that I couldn’t uproot that.’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Of course.’ This was his land, all that he’d known. And why would he want to leave? His life was hard work, but it was pretty idyllic. She thought of herself sitting in a call centre all day, being mugged outside her own home. Who would choose that over this?
‘I don’t want you to go home.’ James threw his arm round her shoulders and pulled her close as they walked. ‘It’s been great having you here. We’ve all got along so well.’
‘It’s been a fabulous week.’
‘Why don’t you make it more permanent?’ He tried to make the question sound casual, but there was an underlying tension in his voice.
Everything in her heart wanted to scream ‘yes’ at the top of her voice, but she had to be sensible about this. It didn’t matter what she wanted; it had to be what was best for Lewis. She watched him running across the hills chasing Seth and Lily, all of them shouting joyfully. Was this what he’d want?
‘Say something,’ James said.
‘It’s a tough decision,’ she said. ‘I have family back at home. I have commitments. Your wife was from a farming family and could help you. I’d be useless. My family have jewellery shops. I didn’t even know there were different types of sheep until this week.’
James laughed at that. ‘I’ll soon have you in wellies with hay in your hair.’
‘I’m sure!’ She knew that she couldn’t come to live on a working farm and be a bystander. It would mean rolling up her sleeves and getting stuck in. Was she cut out for that? If she saw a worm in her garden at home, she ran a mile.
‘I realise that it’s a lot to ask, but I don’t want this to be a part-time relationship, Nadia. I know we’ve only known each other for a short time, but it feels so right. I’m not a man to rush into things . . . ’ He ran out of words.
She knew exactly what he meant, though.
‘You get on so well with the children and they need a mother figure in their lives. You’re brilliant with Lewis and I want that for them, too. I do my best, but I worry about Lily. She needs a mum. Perhaps not so much now, but in a few years.’ He grinned. ‘I find it hard enough to answer her questions now. What’s it going to be like when she hits her teens?’
Nadia laughed.
‘More importantly, they love you.’ He stopped still in the field and kissed her warmly. ‘As do I.’
‘Oh, James.’ Her heart was in turmoil. This could be so good for them, but she was stepping into the unknown. It would mean giving up her job, her home, her family and, most difficult of all, her friends. She wanted change in her life, but could she cope with something quite so radical?
She felt as if she was falling in love with James, but she’d been burned so badly before. Could she really turn her back on everything she knew and throw in her lot with this man and his family?
‘You could do what you liked to the house,’ James added. ‘It’s a bit battered round the edges. Like me.’
‘It’s wonderful,’ Nadia said. ‘Like you.’
‘I make enough money to support us all. You wouldn’t need to work if you didn’t want to. I know that it worries you that you’re not around enough for Lewis. He could start school here in September at the same one as Seth and Lily. So he wouldn’t be on his own.’
‘It sounds as if you’ve been giving this a lot of thought.’
‘It’s kept me awake at night,’ he admitted.
‘Mummy, Mummy!’ Lewis shouted. ‘Come on! There are more sheeps!’
‘We’d better catch up.’ She called back to her son. ‘We’re coming!’
James caught her hand before she could move and put it to his lips. ‘Tell me you’ll think about it.’
‘Like you, I expect it’s going to keep me awake tonight!’
‘Good,’ James said. ‘I can think of an excellent way to occupy ourselves while we mull it over.’