Grace’s husband asked, “Can I get you anything? Something to drink?”
Rebecca shook her head. “No,
danki
…thank you.”
Grace said, “Randy, why don’t you take Mr. Troyer outside and show him your greenhouse? I’d like to speak to Rebecca alone.”
“Are you sure, hon?”
“Yes.”
After the two men left the room, Grace said, “Randy has ten green thumbs. He would have made a good farmer. Fortunately for me, he’s a banker.”
Rebecca took a deep breath. “The reason I have come is to beg your forgiveness, sister, for the way I failed you when we were young.”
“You’re asking for my forgiveness? Wow. That’s not the way I thought this conversation would go if it ever happened.”
Rebecca sensed that she was entering an emotional quagmire. One false step and all would be lost. “I, too, have thought about this day. Many times. I have missed you.”
“You miss a naive sixteen-year-old Amish girl. I haven’t been that person in a long time.”
“I miss my sister.”
“But not enough to look for me in last eight years.”
“You know the reason I could not seek you out.”
“Sure. So what has changed? Are Mom and Dad okay?”
Rebecca realized the tension in her sister’s voice wasn’t anger. It was fear. She thought Rebecca had come to deliver bad news. “
Mamm
and
Daed
are the same as always. She complains that he spends too much time gossiping with neighbors. He complains that she enjoys bossing him around.”
With a nervous laugh, Grace said, “She does enjoy bossing him around.”
“Very much so. Grace, how did you think this conversation would go?”
“I never really thought it would happen. I was always afraid I’d run into someone from the family on the street or in the new superstore that opened two years ago. In my mind, I could see the stunned looks and then the inevitable question. Have I repented my evil ways? It never occurred to me that you would seek me out. Not once did I think you would be here begging
my
forgiveness.”
“I am begging it now. As you told me so long ago, I failed to protect you when you needed your big sister the most.”
“I said that?”
“You did, and you were right. The night we went to the hoedown together I saw your boyfriend buying drugs. I tried to find you to tell you his intentions, but I didn’t find you until it was too late.”
“Too late for what?”
“He’d already put the drugs in your drink. My failure led to your downfall. Months later you told me what happened. If I had warned you…you never would have become addicted to that terrible stuff. I could have saved you.”
“What else did I say?”
“That God had punished me by taking away my sight. I knew you were right.”
“That’s cold. Was I high when I said it?”
Puzzled, Rebecca frowned. “We were at home. Don’t you remember the day I found the drugs you’d hidden in your room?”
“I can’t have hidden them very well if a half-blind woman found them. No, Rebecca, I don’t remember saying those things, but I’m sure I did.”
It had been the most painful day of Rebecca’s life. It was the day she learned she would soon be completely blind and there was nothing that could be done for her.
Depressed and suffering in a world growing darker by the day, she cried out asking God why? Grace gave her the answer and she accepted it. That evening she refused Gideon’s offer of marriage and shut away all her hopes for the future.
She shook her head as she tried to comprehend what Grace was telling her. “How could you forget saying such a thing to me?”
“I was an addict. I would say or do anything to gain more
dope or protect my stash. The night of the hoedown wasn’t my first experience with drugs. I sent…wow…I can’t even remember his name. I sent him to buy the drugs. I’d been using for months before that.”
“What?” Rebecca couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“I started using marijuana when I was fifteen. By the time that hoedown rolled around I had graduated to meth.”
“You lied? You lied to me? Why? Why make me believe I was to blame?”
“Because I was an addict. Don’t you get it? Addicts don’t take responsibility for their actions. They lie, they cheat, they steal, they manipulate and they blame everyone but themselves. It’s easier than facing the truth.”
Rebecca leaned back into the sofa. It had all been a lie, but Grace’s words had changed everything. Because of her, Rebecca told Gideon she couldn’t marry him, believing she didn’t deserve happiness with him when Grace had suffered so much because of her. She believed God had taken her sight as a way to punish her.
How poor was her faith to believe such a thing of her Father in heaven?
Rebecca jumped when Grace touched her hands. “I’m sorry I lied to you, Rebecca. I’m sorry for the way I treated our parents and for the pain I caused more people than you will ever know. I’ve been clean for three years now. Although I don’t deserve it, I ask your forgiveness.”
“I forgive you.” Rebecca muttered the words even as she was reeling with grief. She’d lost so much.
“Randy knows I was an addict. He knows I have a record. He has been my second greatest supporter. God has been my first. It seems odd to say an Amish girl found God in rehab, but that is exactly what happened. Faith is a tricky thing. You can be raised with it all around you, but if you don’t open your heart to God, you will never truly know Him.”
“I’m happy for you, Grace.” Rebecca rose to her feet. She heard the sound of a door open and the murmur of male voices.
“Tell the family that I did manage to turn my life around. Do you think there is any chance that Mom and Dad would come for a visit?”
The quiver in Grace’s voice touched Rebecca deeply. She had hoped to find forgiveness here. Instead, she was the one who needed to forgive. She had already uttered the words, but in this moment, she knew the truth of them in her soul.
“I will do my best to convince them.” Rebecca held open her arms and the baby sister she prayed would forgive her rushed into them.
G
ideon stopped in the doorway to Grace’s living room and smiled at the sight of Rebecca with Grace in her arms. The two women looked so much alike that they could have been twins. One English, one Amish.
From the expression on their faces, he decided that at least one of his prayers had been answered. Rebecca had gained the forgiveness she sought.
Grace’s husband said to him, “Maybe we should go back to the greenhouse.”
Grace pulled away from Rebecca and wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Don’t be silly. We were just saying goodbye.”
Rebecca managed to smile. “I will write and share all the family news with you.”
Grace nodded. “That will be a good start. It’s going to take me a while to explain to Randy how many in-laws he actually has.”
“I can’t promise he will ever get to meet them,” Rebecca said quietly.
Grace took her hand. “I know, but it means the world to me that you came.”
“I will come again when I can stay longer. I must get back now.”
Grace extended her hand to Gideon. “Thank you for bringing her here.”
“You’re welcome. Did she tell you about her surgery?”
Grace glanced from his face to Rebecca’s. “No. What surgery?”
“There is a doctor in New York who thinks she can restore Rebecca’s sight.”
“There’s no guarantee,” Rebecca added quickly.
Grace cupped Rebecca’s face in her hands. “Nothing is beyond His powers. I will pray for your healing.”
The sisters embraced once more and then Gideon led Rebecca out to the car where Miriam sat reading a book. She closed it when she saw them and got out to open the door.
“Did you have a nice visit?”
“
Ja,
it was
goot,
” was all Rebecca said.
She was quiet all the way back to Hope Springs. He had little to do but watch the snow-covered countryside slide past. He wanted to press her about her conversation with her sister but he didn’t want to do it in front of Miriam.
At the inn, Rebecca got out with him. When the car pulled away, she said, “My thanks for arranging this, Gideon.”
“Let me get my horse and buggy, and I’ll drop you off on my way home. You can wait inside the inn for me.”
She raised her face to the cold evening air. “I don’t feel like going inside. Where do you keep your horse?”
“Naomi Wadler lives behind the inn. She lets me keep Homer in her little stable when I’m working in town. She says her mare likes the company.”
“What does the sky look like tonight, Gideon?”
He took her hand and placed it in the crook of his arm. “The sun is going down. There are high clouds above us.”
They began walking. “What kind of clouds?” she asked.
“Cirrus clouds.” She looked puzzled so he said, “Mares’ tails.”
“I remember them. They’re curly wisps high in the air. They mean the weather is going to change in a day or so. Have you flown through them?”
“Cirrus clouds normally form above twenty thousand feet. That’s higher than my type of plane would typically fly.” He wasn’t sure what to make of the mood she was in. She seemed pensive. Had he been mistaken about her visit with Grace?
“When I hear the sound of a plane engine in the sky I wonder where they are going in such a hurry. Where did you fly to?”
“Many places. I often took passengers on sightseeing flights over the Great Lakes. I carried supplies up to remote areas in Canada or fishermen on a wilderness holiday. I took fresh fruit to markets in the Midwest. I took a grandmother to see her new grandson on Drummond Island. Every day was different.”
“It must have been exciting.”
“That it was.”
“There isn’t much excitement in Hope Springs when an ice-skating party is the biggest thing to happen all week.”
“It can get quiet here. I’m still not used to the businesses closing up at five. No all-night grocery stores, no fast-food places open at one in the morning, no traffic on the roads. I’d give almost anything for a pizza place that stays open until midnight.”
When she didn’t speak, he wondered what she was thinking. Finally, she asked, “Are the clouds tinted red and gold by the sunset?”
“The sun is below the horizon so they’re barely pink now. It won’t be long before it’s full dark.”
“Then everyone will see what I see.” She fell silent. He didn’t know what to say.
They reached the stable a few minutes later. Sliding open
the door, Gideon was greeted by a whinny from Homer. Rebecca said, “He sounds happy to see you.”
“Homer thinks he’s going to get a treat.” A second whinny followed from Naomi’s little mare.
Rebecca smiled. “She is hoping for one, too. If Homer has to go out on a cold night, he should have a treat. Where do you keep them?”
“Hold out your hands.” She did, and he poured a cup of alfalfa nuggets into her palms from a pail hanging on a hook. He led her forward until she was standing at the stall door. Homer stretched his neck out and began to nibble them up.
When her hands were empty, she dusted them together. Reaching out, she located Homer’s face and scratched him under his chin. “What color is he?”
“He’s a dark dapple gray. His sire was a Percheron. He’s not a fast horse, but he gets the job done.”
“I imagine he’s pretty.”
“Not so much. He’s got a Roman nose and sloping shoulders.”
“You have to look past his physical defects. On the inside he is pretty.”
“So are you. Inside and out.” Gideon held his breath waiting for her reply. He wanted her to know he still cared for her, but he wasn’t sure she was ready to hear that.
“That is kind of you to say.” It was too dark in the barn to tell if she was blushing, but he suspected she was. She moved down the aisle to where Naomi’s mare stood with her head over the stall door watching the activity.
Gideon harnessed Homer and led him outside. It took him a few minutes to hitch up. When he went back inside the barn, he saw Rebecca sitting on the floor. She was crying. He rushed forward. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’m being foolish, that’s all.” She drew her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around them.
He sat beside her on the dirt floor. “It isn’t foolish to cry. You’ve had an emotional day.”
“It wasn’t at all what I expected.”
“Are you sorry you went?”
“
Nee,
I’m not, but I’m sorry for many other things.”
“Like what?”
She drew a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t put spilled milk back in the glass. Forgive my bout of self-pity. We should be getting home. I don’t want Vera to start worrying.”
Reluctantly, Gideon rose and helped her to her feet. As he held her hand a moment longer, he fought the urge to wrap his arms around her and draw her close. He needed to hold her as much as he needed his next breath.
Rebecca wanted nothing more than to throw herself into Gideon’s embrace and erase the years they had wasted. He had offered his friendship. Did she have the right to ask for more after sending him away all those years ago?
Would he welcome her advances or would he rebuff her? Or would he pity her, a blind old maid looking for love where there was none.
She wasn’t brave enough to find out. If only she could read the truth in his eyes.
After her surgery, God willing, she might be able to see for herself. If the surgery healed her. If Gideon was still here when she came home.
She’d felt how at ease he was with Miriam in the car. It was familiar for him. She’d heard the longing in his voice when he spoke about his car, about flying and the parts of the English world that he missed. Would his faith hold him here against the freedoms he’d known and given up?
Only time would tell. She had to fight this attraction she
had for him. She couldn’t stand loving and losing him all over again.
Stepping away from him, she withdrew her cane from the pocket of her coat and extended it. “Please take me home. I have one of my headaches coming on.”
She found her way to the stable door and to the buggy outside. Gideon helped her in and then went around to the other side. The buggy dipped on its springs as he climbed in. The motion tipped her toward him. Her shoulder came in contact with his.
She didn’t move away. If this were the only closeness she could share with him, she would accept that. For now. If the surgery made her whole, things might be different. For the first time, she allowed herself to hope for her own recovery.
Gideon clicked his tongue and set Homer in motion. The plodding clop of his hooves, the jingle of the harness and the drone of the tires on the pavement were the only sounds as they drove out of town.
The following morning, Gideon entered the office at the Wadler Inn to meet with Adam about what service calls were scheduled for the day. Adam’s high-quality repair work brought back repeat customers both in and outside of Hope Springs. When he married Emma and became part owner of the inn, he had trouble keeping up with the demands on his time. Gideon was thrilled to work for Adam. It gave him a chance to use the skills he had acquired during his time in the English world. Adam was easygoing and a good boss to work for.
Adam looked up from his desk and the pile of paperwork in front of him. “Good, you’re here. Reuben Beachy stopped by looking for you.”
Gideon’s heart skipped a beat. Had Rebecca’s grandfather found out about their visit to Grace? Was he angry that
Gideon had helped Rebecca arrange it? Gideon tried to keep his trepidation hidden. “Did he say what he wanted?”
“His used cutting machine has arrived.”
Gideon relaxed only slightly. “I’ll drop over and see if I can get it running for him.”
After leaving the inn, Gideon walked through Hope Springs and down the back alley leading to Reuben’s store. A new store stood where only ashes had been a few weeks ago, but the style of the shop was the same. Gideon entered through the back door.
The faint smell of smoke still lingered in the air triggering a rush of memories. Gideon felt the heat of the flames on his face. He felt the smoke burning his lungs. His brain screamed at him to get out. “
Goot
day, Gideon Troyer.” Reuben’s jovial voice pulled Gideon out of the darkness. He was in a bright new work-room. There were fewer tack pieces on display, but a new workbench had replaced the old one at the side of the room and new tools hung from their slots.
Gideon nodded to Reuben. “I understand you have some new equipment you’d like me to look at.”
“
Ja.
I will show you.”
Reuben led the way to a machine in the corner. Gideon set down his toolbox and squatted beside it to examine the motor first. “Have you tried turning it on?”
“What do you think of my new shop, Booker? The place looks much different than the last time you were here.”
Gideon looked up and met Reuben’s sharp eyes. His hope that the old man wouldn’t recognize him died a quick death. “How long have you known?”
“From the first moment I saw you. Rebecca is the only blind one in my family.”
Gideon rose to his feet. “I’m sorry for the deception. I felt I had to keep my identity a secret when I came for the auction.
I was under the ban, but I wanted to help Rebecca. I thought if she knew who I was she would refuse the money I paid for her quilt.”
“I expect she would have done so, but dishonesty, no matter how noble the cause, is still dishonesty, Booker.”
Gideon folded his arms. “I wanted to help. I had no intention of staying in Hope Springs, but the weather kept me in town and I maintained my disguise.”
“Why?”
“So that I could spend time with Rebecca. We were close once. I wanted to know why she suddenly turned her back on me when I asked her to marry me.”
“And did you discover the reason?”
“I discovered that I still cared deeply for Rebecca.”
“This is why you came back here?”
“It was more than my feeling for Rebecca that made me return. I saw things when I was Booker that I missed more than I knew. I missed the closeness to God that the Amish have. I missed the sense of family and community. I wanted to become a part of that again.”
“And?”
“I didn’t realize how empty my life was until I saw Rebecca again. I wanted a chance to win her heart.”
“A woman is a poor reason to take up the yoke of our faith.”
“I’d like to think Rebecca is the instrument God used to bring me back to my senses and back to our faith. I did not make my confession lightly. I meant every word.”
Reuben stroked his beard as he pondered Gideon’s words. “Many an Amish lad might have left the faith but for the Amish lass who caught his eye. Myself included. What do you intend to do?”
“Live Amish. I already have a job. I’m renting a house. One day I will build a home of my own. I plan to court Re
becca, and I pray daily that she finds it in her heart to become my wife.”
“Have you told her you are the one she calls Booker?”
“No.”
Reuben’s shaggy eyebrows rose on his forehead. “You have not? Why?”
“Because Booker is gone. All that Booker was ended when I knelt before my father and begged his forgiveness. Rebecca is grateful to the man who paid for her surgery. I don’t want her gratitude. I wanted Rebecca to know and love me, Gideon Troyer.”
“For such a smart man, you’ve been pretty stupid.”
Gideon swallowed hard. “Are you going to tell her?”
“I will not. That is between the two of you. I understand your motives even if I don’t agree with them. You know her surgery may not give her back her sight.”
“That makes no difference to the way I feel about her.”
“Then I have something to ask of you. Soon, Rebecca and Vera will travel to New York City. Do you know this place?”
“I’ve been there many times.”
“I have read much about the city. I do not think it is a place I want my daughter and my granddaughter to travel alone.”
“Are you saying you don’t want Rebecca to have the surgery?”
“
Nee,
I’m asking you to travel with them. To see that they make it safely there and back. Will you do this for me?”
“I will.”
“Goot.”