The Cirque (2 page)

Gabriel
’s stayed locked on mine as he took several steps back. My head told me to flee, to get away from the target, but my body refused to move, used to mindlessly obeying directions.

Gabriel got into position.

It was too late.

“Be still.”
His deep voice washed over me, my knees trembling with his coarse instruction. I pressed my hands against the board to keep from shaking.

He raised a single knife overhead and swung it sharply, releasing it straight at me. My heart leapt into my throat
and a strangled whimper escaped. I watched the knife move as if in slow motion, end over end, and though he warned me to stay still, I flinched when the blade stuck with a twang next to my head. A smirk tugged at his lips.

He worked quickly, transferring each knife from his left hand to his right before he threw them
at me, or rather at the board behind me. My pulse thundered in my ears, but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of reacting in any way, so I remained completely still as each knife struck, perfectly contouring the shape of my body.

“Beautiful,” Del roared, clapping loudly. “Such courage,” he said to me.

I’d forgotten to breathe while Gabriel held me in his sights. I stepped away from the board, drawing deep breaths.

“Most people duck or scream their first time with Gabriel. This could work.” Del nodded to himself.

“I’m really not here to become a human pincushion,” I said, approaching Del’s table.

He waved me away. “Nonsense. Gabriel rarely hits anyone. And I have a good feeling about you.” With that, Del stood and left.

The woman motioned for me to follow her. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that Gabriel had already returned to his book. The fact that he could fling knives at me one minute and then return to his book the next, annoyed me.

I followed Marta into an office. I was quiet as she offered me a job performing alongside Gabriel in three to five shows a week, and handed me a packet of information about the show. I was conflicted. I couldn’t stomach the idea of admitting to my mother that I’d been released from ballet school, which made running away with the circus sound like a legitimate option. But the thought of being Gabriel’s ongoing target made me shudder.

I realized she’d stopped talking and was looking at me, waiting for some sort of response.

“I know it’s a big decision. You can’t make it lightly.” She straightened the papers on her desk, pushing the edges into a neat line. “Take these. Look them over. Come to practice tomorrow. If you like what you see – stay. If you don’t, well, then it’s probably not a good fit for either of us.”

I nodded. “Okay.” That seemed to make sense.

“We get started at eight sharp. Dress for a workout.”

***

When I got back to the apartment in the ci
ty my parents had rented for me I took a hot bath to relax. As much as I didn’t like the idea of being subjected to Gabriel throwing knives at me on a daily basis, I knew I didn’t have many options. I had two months before my parents came back to New York from their summer home in Tuscany to find my name missing from the ballet program on opening night. Between now and then, I did have the circus offer. I’d just have to convince Del I could do more than be a human target.

I dressed in sweats and a hoodie and crawled into bed. I fell back against my pillow and thought of what I’d be leaving behind. I doubted anyone in my regular world would miss me. I had few friends in the ballet company; it was too competitive to form real friendships and I was too busy for an outside-of-ballet social life. The only person who would wonder what happened to me was Jenna. We’d been in dance classes together since we were six, but as the years passed, I started to believe we were only friends because of ballet, our one shared interest.

I slept fitfully that night and dreamed about my audition with Gabriel. All night, sparkly glinting blades winked at me in my dreams. I dodged them as fast as I could, but Gabriel threw them faster while his crystal-blue eyes devoured me. I dreamt of the tug at his lips and his cocky swagger as he moved to stand before me with his knives, looking me up and down. He was obnoxiously attractive, which annoyed me even more. I knew we were locked in some strange game of chicken. And I had no intention of backing down.

The next morning I slipped into the crowded gym and remained just inside the doors to observe and get my bearings. The room was crawling with performers. A group of girls practiced tumbling routines on mats stretched across the floor. They were effortlessly cool in mismatched spandex, with tape wound around their hands and feet. I watched a muscular guy and trim girl practice a hand-balancing routine. Using one arm he lifted her above his head, his arm straining and shaking as she straightened her body until she was fully extended above him. When he released her, she tumbled down toward the ground, executing a perfect somersault in the air.

Across the room a group of guys flipped through the air onto a trampoline, laughing and trying to one up each other with every jump. They were real-life acrobats. Confident. Passionate. Alive. Everything I was not.

Needing air, I ducked back out the way I’d come from. I leaned against the side of the building and focused on pulling deep breaths into my lungs and pushing the air out from my stomach like I’d learned to do when I had panic attacks at the thought of performing.

No one had seen me yet. I could still get away unnoticed
. And do what exactly?

I heard footsteps and l
ooked up just in time to watch knife guy – Gabriel and a girl that looked a few years older with wavy, flame-colored hair, slip into the gym past me. And as if I didn’t already feel invisible enough, Gabriel didn’t acknowledge me in any way.
Fan-freaking-tastic
. It was anything but a warm welcome for a new teammate. I’d suspected that I didn’t belong here, but he seemed convinced of it. His cold shoulder wasn’t exactly a confidence boost.

The door squeaked open again. “Hey.” The red-haired girl peeked out at me. “Aren’t you supposed to be in here?”

I didn’t answer right away, momentarily at a loss for words as I tried to understand why she’d come out to talk to me.

She leaned further toward me
, offering me her hand. “I’m Sasha, by the way.”

I closed the distance between us and
returned her handshake. “Ari.”

She shook it firmly. “So?” She tilted her head toward the gym. “Are you coming in, or what?”

“Ah…honestly, I don’t think so.”

Her mouthed turned down just a fraction. She stepped outside, letting the door swing closed behind her, and leaned against the wall next to me. “But you auditioned yesterday, and you’re back today – so that means you made it.”

“I know.” I knew I wasn’t giving her much to go on – small talk had never been my strong suit.

Sasha fished a pack of cigarettes from her sports bra, and a second later pulled out a lighter. “Listen,” she said, balancing the cigarette between her lips, “I know I don’t know you – and you can just tell me to shove it….” She lit the cigarette. “But I don’t understand.” She took a drag. “
Something
brought you here, right?”

I fought the urge to wave the smoke out of my face. “I kind of came here on a whim. Besides, the guy I’m supposed to be performing with doesn’t seem to want me here.”

Her lips quirked and I saw the lines around her eyes crinkle. “You’re the new target girl, aren’t you?” I was instantly curious to know what she’d heard about me. Had Gabriel said something? She took another drag of the cigarette. “You said you came here on a whim? A little impulsive, no?”

I shrugged. Nodded.

“Then it sounds like you fit in here better than you might think.”

“How’s that?”

“Everyone’s here for a different reason, but there’s one thing we all have in common…. We’re all here to escape from our lives, from boring jobs, from psycho exes….” She turned to me and winked at this last one.

“It’s nice of you to come out here and talk to me, but I just don’t think this is for me.”

“So you’re just going to call it quits before you’ve even tried it? Just to avoid the possibility of doing something wrong, or making a mistake?”

My mouth snapped shut.

“Well, what do I know? You would know best. At least you gave it a good go, right?” Her grin dared me to disagree. She dropped her cigarette to the pavement and stamped it out with a black dance shoe, then turned and disappeared back inside.

I heard a wave of laughter from inside before the door swung shut, blocking out the sound. Walking in there would feel the same as walking into my first class at the ballet company filled with snooty performers. I released a sigh and hiked up my yoga pants. I pulled open the door – which a few minutes ago seemed so heavy I could hardly open it – and this time it flew toward me like it was made of air.

Despite my fears, no one stopped to point. There were no whispers or laughing directed my way. In fact, no one noticed me at all.

Sasha, the girl who’d joined me outside, caught my eye from across the room. She looked to Gabriel and nodded her head toward me. A few seconds later, he was crossing the room to where I stood, but his indifferent expression conveyed this was anything but his idea.

Now that he wasn’t holding his knives, I felt like I was looking at him for the first time. He had the whole sexy, brooding-and-misunderstood look down to a science. His dark hair was disheveled and though everyone else was in workout clothes, he wore jeans and a faded t-shirt with a logo for a band I’d never heard of. Tattoos crept from under his sleeves and decorated much of his arms. But once again, the feature that stood out most was his sky-blue eyes that seemed to see right through me.

“Hey.” Gabriel stopped and stood in front of me. He stood so close I realized he was taller than I’d thought – at least a foot taller than me – and I resisted the urge to take a step back from him. “I wanted to introduce myself, since we’ll be working together. I’m Gabriel,” he said.

My eyes wandered the length of his body, but I willed them to obey and not linger any lower than his belt buckle. “I’m Ari,” I said, meeting his eyes again.

I thought maybe he’d reassure me about working with him, like tell me how long he’d been doing his act, or that he’d never hurt anyone before, or at least give me a few pointers on what to expect or how to make sure I didn’t get hit, but he was completely silent while he studied me.
His quiet observation of me made my heart trip over itself in my chest.

Without another word, he nodded and walked away, leaving me staring at his back. He sat down on the floor across the gym, leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes.

I must have stood there longer than I realized because a solidly built guy approached me next and placed his hand on the small of my back. “You’re new,” he said in a Russian accent. “Come, I’ll show you around.”

I let him lead me away instead of standing there stupidly staring at Gabriel.

“Dmitri Ivanoff.” He extended his hand.

“I’m Ari.”

“You’ll probably want to stay away from that guy.” Dmitri nodded in Gabriel’s direction.

I met his eyes. “Gabriel?” I was scared to ask why. “That’ll be difficult. Del has me working with him.”

Dmitri stopped abruptly. “You’d have more fun with me.” He wore a mischievous grin. He was cute, with shiny brown hair, and while he was shorter than Gabriel, he was much more muscular.

“What do you do here?” I asked, ignoring his innuendo.

“Come watch.” He led me over to where people were doing aerial tricks. This was the main attraction, the one for which the show was named. A huge net was stretched across the space, at least fifteen feet off the ground. Dmitri stepped onto a ladder that led to a platform about fifty feet in the air. “You want to come up?” He stopped on the ladder to look at me.

“I think I’ll watch from down here.”

He was up the ladder faster than I’d have thought possible, and stepped to the edge of something like a diving board. He grasped the handle of a swing and glided through the air, arcing out in front of me. I stood with my neck tilted back in awe.

He gained momentum and completed a front flip before landing flat on his back in the center of the net. He turned and rolled off it, landing on his feet.

“What’d you think?” he asked.

I thought his accent was sexy
, but didn’t want to tell him that. “Nice,” I said. “That does look like more fun than getting knives thrown at me.”

“I’ll introduce you around. Come on.” I followed him over to a group of performers. There were people stretching on the ground and others standing around talking. “Who are you rooming with?”

“Um, trailer five. That’s all I know.” That much was in the paperwork Marta had given me, but it hadn’t occurred to me that I’d have a roommate. I hadn’t shared a room with someone, since well…ever.

“That’s interesting. You’re with Sasha.” He smiled. I didn’t know what he found interesting, but something about Sasha and I together amused him. “I’ll introduce you.”