The Cold Cold Sea (29 page)

She was getting worse. He was watching her deteriorate. All her attention now was given to Lara, who she was cradling right here in the restaurant. The baby gave a little bleat, and Jennifer reacted immediately, murmuring reassurance.

She’s having a breakdown and there’s nothing I can do to prevent it, thought Phillip, cutting up Hailey’s pizza for her and talking determinedly on about school, holidays, restaurants in America - anything to maintain a semblance of normality. At least Hailey was here to provide the odd answer. He wasn’t quite talking to himself.

Phillip was glad when the meal was over. He was aware of curious glances from other diners, and they weren’t all because of the babies. Jennifer was noticeably abnormal today. He doubted whether he should go to the baby shop with her in this state. But she might make a scene if he refused, and whatever happened, he had to keep her happy.

‘I want to go to the loo,’ said Hailey, when he had paid the bill.

‘It’s over there behind the bar. Mummy’ll go with you,’ said Phillip, firmly taking over the buggy from Jennifer. ‘I’ll wait by the car.’

To his relief, Jennifer followed Hailey towards the ladies. She wouldn’t do anything to the child here in the hotel, he knew. She would consider that undignified. Phillip pushed the buggy out across the car park. There were two different cars on either side of theirs now, both parked right up close. He would have to back out a bit before they could load the carrycots into the back.

Hailey suddenly popped up beside him. ‘I like pizza,’ she said, and Phillip smiled. Thank God for Hailey. She was the best thing in his life just now.

‘I know you do,’ he said, rubbing her thin shoulders. ‘Where’s Mummy?’

‘Don’t know.’

When a full five minutes had passed with no Jennifer appearing in the hotel doorway, Phillip’s nerves had reached breaking point. He placed Hailey’s hands on the buggy.

‘Stay right here with the babies,’ he said. ‘I’ll go and get Mummy.’

What was she doing? He couldn’t cope any longer; he would have to take her to a doctor today, he saw that clearly now. He would find Jennifer, get her into the car and drive them all to the Rosen Clinic. Someone there would help them.

As soon as he opened the hotel door he saw her, walking towards him. She had been renewing her make up, and the full red lips made him shudder.

‘Okay?’ he asked, taking her arm. ‘Hailey and the babies are just over there. We - ’

She turned glittering eyes towards him.

‘You’ve left my baby alone?’ she hissed, and began to run across the car park, teetering on her high heels.

It was like a scene in a film. He saw Hailey turn and look at them, he saw Jennifer running towards the babies, and then he saw a high-backed van reverse abruptly out of its parking space.

‘Jennifer!’ he yelled, and ran, ran, ran and pushed her away from the van. But not quickly enough. The van ploughed into his side as he desperately tried to push Jennifer out of the way. Phillip felt himself rolling on the ground, Jennifer crushed beside him then abruptly pulled away by the van. He couldn’t see where she had gone.

He heard one short, shrill scream from Hailey, and then there were people around him, above him, shouting for ambulances and pushing him down when he tried to get up. Everything was moving in circles, and the pain in his leg was excruciating. For a moment he couldn’t hear properly. It was getting dark, too.

‘Hailey!’ he shouted, but it was less than a whisper.

‘Lie down, mate, keep still. An ambulance is on its way.’

He still couldn’t see Jennifer, or Hailey or the babies.

‘Hailey!’

This time someone heard him.

‘The lady’s over there, someone’s looking after her until the ambulance comes. Your children are fine. Keep still.’

He heard sirens, far away at first, then swooping right up here beside him, and a green-clad figure was touching him.

‘What’s your name, sir?’

The green figure was waiting, but there was no way Phillip could manage even a whisper now. He could hear everything again but he couldn’t speak. He couldn’t see much, either. Waves of pain were washing through his entire body.

‘He said “Hailey” a minute ago,’ said the first voice. ‘And there’s three kiddies over there, but they’re all okay.’

Phillip felt himself float away. It wasn’t unpleasant, rather like lying half asleep on an air mattress on the sea. He felt himself being moved and then something was holding him down. The pain abated slightly. There was a lurch, and he realised that he was in an ambulance. Darkness was hovering right above him.

‘Okay, sweetheart. You can come in this ambulance with Daddy, and the babies can go in the other one with your mum. Then there’s room for everyone.’

It was the ambulance man’s voice again. Phillip tried to say something to Hailey, but he couldn’t. The ambulance jerked as it moved off, siren blaring.

‘We’ll be at the hospital in just five minutes,’ said the voice reassuringly. ‘What’s your name, sweetheart?’

Phillip could hear Hailey breathing, but she didn’t speak.

‘What’s your name, darling? My name’s Davie.’

He heard Hailey’s voice then, it had to be her voice, but it was almost unrecognisable.

‘My name’s Livvy.’

Her name was Livvy. And in the midst of his pain, Phillip knew he would never see her again. His Hailey. His Hailey was someone else’s Livvy. And they would find that someone now and she leave him.

The paramedic was adjusting the oxygen mask over Phillip’s nose and mouth. His fingers were warm.

‘That’s a nice name. Right, Libby, here’s the hospital now. Someone will take care of you while the doctors are helping Mummy and Daddy.’

More bangs, and Phillip felt himself being lifted. The voice was speaking, telling other voices that according to his driving licence he was Phillip Marshall, that he had a leg fracture, possible fractured ribs and a head wound.

‘And this is Libby. Not hurt but very frightened. Needs some TLC.’

Another voice, shocked and sympathetic.

‘Oh, poor sweetie, don’t worry, we’ll find someone to come and help you. Have you got a Grandma nearby, or an auntie? Don’t worry, Libby, the doctors will look after Daddy.’

Phillip tried to shout to Hailey. Tried to tell her he was sorry, tried to say he’d only done it because he cared for her. But no sound came when he opened his mouth, and the darkness was getting heavier, surrounding him, pulling him into nothing.

Maggie heaved her bags of groceries into the car boot and strode round to the driver’s seat. She was late. She’d said she’d be home by half past twelve, and here it was, long gone one o’clock. The supermarket had been unusually crowded, even for midday Saturday, stressful, but entirely her own fault. She should have done the shopping yesterday.

The Christmas decorations had all been up for weeks now, and everyone was stocking up on food. Maggie blinked back hot tears as she waited for the lights to change.

It was going to be difficult. They only had one sock to fill this year. It sounded impossible but they had to get through it, they had to make a go of it for Joe’s sake. But listening to cheery Christmas songs blaring from supermarket loudspeakers in November was already too much.

She knew it didn’t matter that she was late. Joe was spending the day with a school friend, and Colin never noticed when he ate. It didn’t make any difference if lunch was half an hour earlier or later.

The fifteenth of August seemed like half a lifetime ago. Maggie’s arms still ached to hold her daughter, but somehow, in spite of the grief and the horror, she knew that her life was starting to come together again. Planning the memorial service was helping them say goodbye to Livvy in a positive way. They’d had two meetings with Ronald already, and a third was planned for just after the New Year, to finalise the arrangements. The service itself was to be on the first Friday afternoon in January. A children’s service. Maggie wanted everyone who came to light a candle. Instead of a coffin they would have a table at the front, full of brightly burning coloured candles, to symbolise the light Olivia had brought into their lives. And she wanted flowers of all colours, everywhere. They would sing hymns and Ronald was going to read a story to the children, about how people live on in their loved ones’ hearts forever. And she was making a list, the longest list in the world, of all the things Olivia had loved, from raspberry lollies to Slinky the cat, and she and Colin would read it out at the service. A description of a little girl’s life and loves.

Having the service early in January was a good idea too. A New Year goodbye, a new beginning for them all.

But first there was Christmas to get through. After that, nothing would be so painful again. Life was moving on, and every day seemed a little more normal than the one before. She’d only phoned Howard three times last week, and sometimes now she even laughed aloud at something Joe said, or at a comedy on television. And she knew that one day next year they probably would start thinking about another baby.

She drove home quickly and started to fill the fridge. Colin was watching television, his eyes glued to yet another post-mortem of Wednesday’s big game.

‘Pizza okay for tea?’ called Maggie, pushing Joe’s – and Olivia’s – favourite Hawaiian pizza into the fridge.

‘Sure. Did you remember the batteries?’

‘No, I didn’t. Sorry. I’ll get them on Monday. Col - ’

She broke off, and Colin rose from his chair, staring.

Children’s voices were coming from the garden next door, little girls playing in the late autumn sunshine, calling to each other and screaming with excitement. Just for a moment Maggie was convinced she had heard Olivia’s voice out there too.

‘Mags? What’s wrong? Here, sit down.’

Colin gripped her shoulders and she blinked up at him.

‘Oh Col. Livvy. I heard her voice just now, I swear I did.’

She looked at him helplessly, still holding the fridge door open, with the pizzas sitting there on the shelf.

‘No, Maggie, no. She’s gone, love, she’s gone.’

The children outside were quiet now, and Maggie went to the window. It was Delia, Lucy and Maisie out there. Not Olivia.

Maggie pushed her hair back, heard her voice, dull and dreary again. ‘I know. She’s gone. I just felt as if I heard her calling. But you’re right. I’m sorry.’

Something was wrong. She couldn’t move, her head was buzzing, and she couldn’t open her eyes. Someone was touching her hip.

People were speaking too; they sounded far away but something told her that these were the people touching her so intimately. The voices were all unfamiliar.

‘BP’s up again, 140 over 95.’

‘Pulse is stable, John, she’s back with us.’

‘Good. Jennifer? Can you hear me? Open your eyes, Jennifer.’

She was trying so hard to do just that. She had to take control, get away from here.

‘You had an accident, Jennifer, you’re in hospital. Can you squeeze my hand?’

Yes. She could do that, but why should she? Who was this person? They were wrong, these voices – she hadn’t had an accident, that had been – that had been Hailey, hadn’t it? What had happened to Hailey?

The voices were discussing her again.

‘She’s given birth quite recently - have we found her notes yet?’

‘Her family’s here too. She’s in the system but her last time at the hospital was with a twisted ankle four years ago.’

‘Book her in for a scan, Viv. We’ll need to fixate that pelvis and I’m a bit worried about her spleen, too.’

Jennifer felt herself floating away. She was stuck in some kind of nightmare and she couldn’t wake up. She’d been with Phillip and Hailey, and something had gone wrong... Hailey had vanished. Cold horror crashed down on Jennifer as realisation struck. They’d been at the beach and they had lost Hailey. Her angel was lost.

She opened her eyes but immediately closed them again, the light, why was it so light? With the light came pain, her hips, her stomach. She was lying on a hard, narrow bed and there were lights and machines and green-clad people all around her.

‘That’s better. Jennifer, my name’s John, I’m your doctor. You have a broken pelvis. Shift that light, Viv, it’s blinding her. Open your eyes, Jennifer.’

A blessed shadow fell over her face and Jennifer peered through her eyelashes. An older man wearing a blood-stained plastic apron was standing beside her.

‘My baby.’

They didn’t understand. She had to make them listen. Jennifer managed to raise her left arm and struck out at the doctor as hard as she could. He grasped her hand and held it down on the table, and she moaned. They needed to find Hailey.

‘Keep as still as you can, Jennifer. We’re sending you for a scan in a minute and then we’ll have to fixate your pelvis. That means an operation but don’t worry, we’ll give you something for the pain.’

Jennifer struggled to get up, but it was as if she had lost all her strength. Her enormous effort was only producing a pitiful little movement and her head felt really strange.

Her voice came out in a whisper, ‘I want my baby! Where’s my little girl?’

‘Calm down, Jennifer. As far as I know they’re all fine. Viv, can you go and see what’s happening with Jennifer’s family, please?’

The relief was incredible. Obviously Hailey had been found, and Phillip must be alright too. Jennifer relaxed slightly then squeezed her eyes shut as a sharp pain stabbed through her lower belly.

‘BP’s down again, John, pulse is up.’

‘Give her another five of morphine.’

Jennifer listened as a machine beeped away in the background. What had happened exactly? Hadn’t Hailey been at school? Something had changed, what had changed? Hailey had been frightened, but Jennifer couldn’t remember why. And there had been a funeral... She could remember the white casket, and the look on Phillip’s face... But Hailey had been fast asleep at the farmhouse.

The voice called Viv was back.

‘Jennifer? Your little girl’s fine, they all are. We’re just looking for someone to take care of them while you and your husband are here. His leg’s broken and he’ll need an op too.’