The Cold Nowhere (6 page)

Dory looked at her strangely, but she thwacked the pack on her palm. The ivory tip of one of the cigarettes nudged out of the box. Cat slid it into her hand and rubbed it between her thumb and forefinger. She put the unlit cigarette in her mouth, and her fingers trembled. Dory offered her a match, but Cat shook her head.

‘What is it?’ Dory asked. ‘What’s going on?’

Cat didn’t want to say anything. Not now. Not to Dory. ‘Nothing.’

‘You know, you could have called me. I would have come to get you. I’m here for you, baby.’

‘I didn’t want to put you in the middle of this.’

‘The middle of what?’

Cat shrugged. ‘Whatever’s happening to me. If somebody keeps coming after me, who knows, maybe they go after you, too. I don’t want that.’

Dory looked away. Cat could see in her aunt’s face that she didn’t believe her. It was drugs. Or it was a lie. ‘You and me, we don’t need anybody’s help,’ Dory said. ‘I won’t let anyone hurt you. Didn’t I promise you that?’

‘Not this time.’

Dory bit her lip, annoyed. Cat didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, but she had open eyes about her aunt. Dory wasn’t strong. She
was in over her head. She was like a figurine riddled with cracks, ready to break apart if the ground shook under her feet.

‘Who is this guy you’re afraid of?’ Dory asked.

‘I don’t know.’

‘Did you do something?’

‘Like what?’

‘Whatever. Steal something you shouldn’t. Fuck somebody you shouldn’t.’

‘I didn’t do anything!’ Cat insisted, eyes blazing.

‘Except you said you don’t know, right? So maybe you did. You should think about it.’

‘I have.’

‘I’m just saying. Everybody does things they regret, huh? Everybody makes mistakes they wish they could take back. I’d cut out my heart to go back and do things right.’

‘You think I wouldn’t? But not this time. This one’s not about me.’

‘Okay.’ Dory reached over and stroked Cat’s hair, the way a mother would. ‘The doctor, he checked you out? You’re okay?’

Cat eyed the street. She said nothing. She told herself she wouldn’t cry.

‘The doctor?’ Dory repeated.

‘Yeah, sure. I’m fine.’

‘You don’t look fine.’

‘I’m okay, can we drop it?’

‘Whatever you say.’

Dory tossed a butt into the frosty grass. Cat took the unlit cigarette out of her mouth and handed it back to her aunt, who slid it between her teeth and lit it.

‘You don’t have to stay here with me,’ Cat said.

‘I told Stride I would. He was afraid you’d run.’

‘I won’t.’

‘Yeah, well. I’ll stay anyway.’

Cat wished Dory would go. She wanted to be alone. Stride was right, though; she might run. Sometimes it wasn’t even a conscious thought. When she stayed in one place too long, she got claustrophobic, like she was in a box, and she had to get out before she ran out of air.

‘Why Stride?’ Dory asked. ‘Why’d you go to his place? You don’t know him.’

‘Mother liked him.’

‘That doesn’t mean anything. She liked your father, too. She didn’t see who he really was until it was too late. A fucking beast, that was Marty.’

Cat frowned. ‘Stop that. Don’t talk like that.’

‘Yeah, I know. Nothing bad about Marty. Jesus, Catalina.’ Dory grazed the chain on Cat’s neck with the back of her hand and Cat shrank from her. Her aunt’s face looked sunken, almost gray. ‘You think it’s so smart going to a cop?’

‘I trust him.’

‘Cops are trouble. I don’t care what he tells you. You always have to watch what you say, huh?’

‘He’s trying to help me.’

Dory shook her head. She looked like she wanted to say more, but she didn’t. Cat felt bad. She reached out and put a hand on her aunt’s leg. When she squeezed, she could feel bone, as if Dory were eroding under the weight of the world.
I’d cut out my heart to go back and do things right.

‘I thought about killing a man last night,’ Cat told her. ‘I almost did it.’

Dory took the cigarette out of her mouth. Her eyes narrowed. ‘You?’

‘It would have been so easy. It scared me.’

Cat explained about the car salesman on the boat. What he wanted to do to her. How she hit him, how she held the knife and thought about plunging it into his body. Make him bleed. Make him die.

‘Sounds like he deserved it,’ Dory said.

Cat shook her head. ‘No, it was me.’

‘You still carry a knife, huh?’

Cat’s arm dropped to her calf, and her fingers slipped inside the leather of her boot. She’d found a knife inside a drawer when Dr. Steve left the room. The handle was stainless steel, cool against her skin. The blade was sharp and open, so she’d wrapped it in a piece of gauze.

‘Yeah. Always.’

‘You know what they say about knives and guns,’ her aunt said.

‘What?’

‘You keep them around, sooner or later you find a way to use them.’

Cat forced a hollow smile at Dory. She thought:
Vincent
.

‘
Don’t make me
.’

‘You’re safe, Cat. You’re with me. You trust me, remember? Tell me what you heard that night.’

‘
I didn’t hear anything
.’

‘Cat, that isn’t true, is it? You were there. You can’t be free of the pain until you remember.’

‘
There’s nothing. It’s blank. It’s always been blank
.’

‘Your mother.’

‘
No
.’

‘Your mother.’

‘
No, please
.’

‘Relax, Cat. It’s safe. I’m here. No one can hurt you. When you wake up, you’ll be at peace. Now tell me about your mother.’

‘
Scr-screaming. She was screaming
.’

‘Screaming what?’

‘
STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP No no no no no no
.’

‘More, Cat.’

‘
No no no no … oh God … oh God
 …’

‘What else did your mother say?’

‘
Please … I’m dying … I’m dying
 …’

‘Your father was there, too. What did he say to her?’

‘
Vincent, no. Don’t make me.
’

‘Your father, Cat. What did he say? You have to trust me. You have to do this to be free of the past.’

‘
He … he said
 …’

‘Tell me.’

‘
I’ll kill you I’ll kill you I’ll kill you I’ll kill you I’ll kill you
.’

‘Good. Tell me more.’

‘
You fucking bitch, this is what you deserve! You cheating whore!
’

‘Go on, Cat. What happened next?’

‘
Silence
.’

‘I don’t understand. Is it over?’

‘
Silence
.’

‘What’s happening, Cat? You’re still under the porch. What do you hear?’

‘
Footsteps
.’

‘Footsteps? Whose footsteps?’

‘
Where’s the girl?
’

‘What? Who’s talking?’

‘
Where’s the girl?
’

‘I don’t understand. Tell me what’s going on, Cat.’

‘
Where’s the girl?
’

‘Cat? Come back to me, Cat.’

‘
I’ll protect you. It’s okay. I’ll protect you
.’

‘Who’s talking, Cat?’

‘
I’ll protect you
.’

‘Cat? What’s happening? You’re safe. Trust me, Cat, it’s Vincent. Talk to me.’

‘
BANG
.’

‘What’s going on, Cat?’

‘
Oh, no, no, no. He’s dead. They’re both dead. Oh, God
.’

‘Your father?’

‘
He killed him
.’

‘What? Who?’

‘
Sirens
.’

‘Talk to me, Cat.’

‘
I’ll protect you
.’

‘Everything’s okay. What’s my name, Cat?’

‘
Come out, it’s okay
.’

‘My name, Cat. Who am I?’

‘
Stride. My name is Stride
.’

‘So?’ Maggie asked as Stride climbed into her yellow Avalanche, which was parked beside the ship.

Despite the frigid morning air, he lowered the window. He liked it cold. ‘Cat was there. She was on the boat.’

Maggie nodded but otherwise didn’t react. Her fingers drummed the steering wheel as Guns N’ Roses played on the radio. It was a big truck for a little woman, and she needed blocks to reach the pedals. She drove insanely fast, and the streaks and grooves in the paint testified to numerous collisions. Sergeant Guppo had suggested that the truck be registered as a weapon with the Bureau of Criminal Apprehension in St. Paul.

‘Anybody see anything?’ she asked.

‘No, they were busy with the other girls.’

‘Whose party was it?’

‘Leonard Keck.’

Maggie stopped drumming. She clicked off the stereo and gave him a Billy Idol snarl with her upper lip. ‘Lowball Lenny? Seriously? That sucks. K-2 will want us treating him with kid gloves.’

‘Yeah, the story is that Lenny left before the girls arrived. Convenient, huh?’

‘You think he hung around for the fun?’

Stride shrugged. ‘Everybody knows Lenny’s a playboy. I saw a condom wrapper in the lounge on the upper deck. Who do you think gets the top floor in that party?’

‘Okay, so what about Cat?’

He held up the evidence bag with the knife. ‘I found this down below.’

‘So you think this is legit? Someone really came after her last night?’

‘I don’t see any reason to think she’s lying.’

‘It could be a random assault. If someone saw a bunch of girls boarding the ship, this guy might have waited to see who came outside. It doesn’t mean anyone was targeting her specifically.’

‘That’s true,’ Stride said, ‘except for the other incidents she told me about. What did you find out about Cat’s background?’

Maggie didn’t need notes. It was all in her brain. ‘Nothing much that you don’t already know. Catalina Mateo, sixteen years old, daughter of Michaela Mateo and Marty Gamble, both deceased. Her mother had no living relatives other than her sister Dory, who was deemed unfit to care for the girl. Her father’s parents were alive, but were elderly. Custody went to a cousin of Marty’s, William Green, and his wife Sophie. They were named Cat’s legal guardians and still are. They have a house in West Duluth near the Oneota Cemetery.’

‘What’s the story on the Greens?’

‘Sophie Green is a secretary in a real estate office in Superior. William Green does highway construction labor. We’ve had reports on him for minor stuff, fights, drunk and disorderly, the usual busts for someone who hangs out at Curly’s Bar. I also found a couple arrests for him in Minneapolis in the last three years.’

‘For what?’

‘Solicitation,’ Maggie said. ‘The most recent was a month ago.’

‘What about Cat?’

‘It’s what you would expect, boss. The girl is vulnerable. I talked to the principal at Denfeld, who says Cat is absent from school as much as she’s there. Too bad, because the principal thinks she’s smart as hell.’

‘Arrests?’

‘Nothing yet, but don’t kid yourself – she’s spending a lot of time on the street. I described her to Guppo and he remembers seeing a girl like that in Lake Place Park where the homeless hang out. I also called Brooke at the shelter on First, and she says Cat is a regular. Guppo and Brooke both said the same thing. Sooner or later, something bad’s going to happen to this girl.’

‘That’s what I’m trying to stop,’ Stride said.

Maggie said nothing, but he watched her face turn sour.

‘What’s going on with you, Mags?’ he asked. ‘You obviously don’t like this girl. Why?’

‘I don’t know anything about her. Neither do you.’

‘She’s the daughter of an old friend. She’s a good kid in trouble. Do I need something more than that?’

Maggie shrugged. ‘Do whatever you want. You said it’s personal, right? So it’s none of my business.’

‘Except you’re giving me the cold shoulder all of a sudden. It feels to me like this is about something else.’

Her golden face swung toward him. ‘Meaning what?’

‘You know what I’m talking about. Is this about Cat, or is it about you and me?’

‘There’s no you and me,’ she retorted. ‘We tried, we failed. End of story. We said we weren’t going to talk about it anymore.’

‘Yeah, that’s what we said.’

Stride stared at his partner, whose fists were clenched around the steering wheel of the Avalanche. They’d been friends for years, as close as two people could be without being lovers. The trouble was, that had all changed. He knew things about her now that he was never meant to know. He knew about the birth mark on her upper thigh. He knew that she slept face down in her pillow and somehow didn’t suffocate. He knew that her ears got bright pink as she reached orgasm. Those were things he couldn’t put back in a box. He couldn’t will the knowledge out of his head.

Years earlier, his wife Cindy had warned him how easy it would be to break Maggie’s heart like the porcelain pieces of a Chinese doll. He’d treated her with kid gloves for years, but now he’d done what he always swore he never would. He’d gotten involved. He’d let it end badly. He’d wounded her in a way that no other man could.

She read his face and knew what he was thinking. ‘Spare me the sympathy. I’m a big girl.’

‘I know that.’

‘We fucked for, what, six weeks?’

He didn’t answer her. She was trying to make their brief affair sound unimportant by swearing about it. She wanted to pretend there had never been an emotional bond between them, which wasn’t true at all.

‘We were good at the fucking part,’ she went on. ‘I liked it. Did you like it? Or was this all in my head?’

‘Sure I did, but it’s not about that.’

‘I know. Look, it happened by accident. We both blew it. We knew this was never going to work out, and it didn’t. I don’t regret giving it a try, but I know you do. I’m sorry I screwed up your life.’

‘I never said I regretted it.’

‘You didn’t have to. Your poker face isn’t as good as you think, not with me. Whenever we were in bed, Serena was there with us, and not in a fun way.’

It wasn’t really funny. They didn’t laugh. He knew Maggie was right.

‘So what now?’ he asked.

‘Now we move on. We go back to the way things were.’

‘Just like that?’