The Color of Heaven - 09 - The Color of Time (17 page)

Pulling my hand from Chris’s, I sat back in my chair. “I can’t do this. It’s not that I don’t want to, because I felt it last night, too, and I’m feeling it now. I want to be with you—I really do—but if you’re not sure what’s going to happen with Katelyn, I don’t want us to start something we can’t finish. I’d rather bow out now.”

I’d already lost too many people in my life. I couldn’t handle any more heartbreak.

Chris’s stare was solid and piercing. “I didn’t tell her yes.”

Though his response gave me hope, I nevertheless fought to maintain a stalwart defense.

“But you didn’t tell her no either. You said you’d think about it.”

“It seemed like the proper thing to say at the time,” he explained. “She was upset. I didn’t want to rub salt in her wounds.”

My heart pounded like a sledgehammer. “What are you telling me? That you don’t want to work things out with her? That it’s over for sure? Are you certain about that?”

He looked away as he considered it. “One thing I’ve learned is to never be certain of anything in life, but she
left
me, Sylvie. She broke our marriage apart, smashed it to bits, and for the past four years, she’s been with another man. I can’t just forget about all that, pretend it didn’t happen.”

“But you have a son together…”

“She’ll always be Logan’s mother and for that reason a part of my life, but what we had together no longer exists. I could never love her again. There’s no trust.”

I didn’t know whether I should believe him or not. I didn’t want to be taken in by a smooth talker who was just looking for a few weeks of fun during vacation, or one last fling before he returned to his wife and child. Something told me, however, that Chris wasn’t like that. Still, I had to be exceedingly careful.

“I want to believe you,” I said, “but I don’t want to get hurt.”

“I can’t promise you won’t get hurt,” he said, “because I don’t know where this is going between you and me. We only just got started. All I know is that I don’t want to lose you now. I want to spend more time with you. Can we do that over the next few weeks? See what happens?”

My head was telling me to run, that I should protect myself. But my heart was telling me something else entirely—to sprint to the end of the dock and jump into the water with a big, resounding splash
.

I leaned closer until our foreheads touched, and closed my eyes. “This makes me nervous.”

“Me too,” he whispered.

The clock ticked steadily on the mantle and my heart pounded riotously in my chest. Chris leaned a little closer and carefully touched his lips to mine. My insides trembled and quaked.

It was a soft kiss, light and tentative, but enough to spark my desires into full flame. Lifting my hands up off the table, I touched the rough stubble at his jaw with the pads of my fingers and melted into the warmth of his lips meeting mine. It was a kiss like no other, yet shockingly familiar.

“This is so strange,” I whispered as our foreheads touched again. “All those years ago…I never imagined I’d be kissing you some day, in another life. That’s what it feels like.”

“I wasn’t expecting this either. Certainly not back then, because you were Ethan’s.”

The mention of his name reminded me of married life and the tragic loss of Ethan and my son. I took a deep breath, sat back and gave Chris a look.

“I spoiled it, didn’t I?” he asked. “By mentioning his name.”

“You didn’t spoil anything,” I replied. “And to be honest, I don’t think he would mind if he could see us now. He’s been gone a long time and I’m sure he’d want me to go on living. He always thought the world of you, Chris.”

Chris glanced up at the ceiling. “Maybe he’s orchestrating this whole thing, for all we know. Maybe he planted the bug in my ear to go and eat lunch at the pub the other day.”

I chuckled softly. “Maybe so.”

Buffy rose up on her hind legs and rested her chin on Chris’s leg. He patted her soft, fluffy head. “Do you need to go outside?”

She perked up at that.

“We should probably call it a night anyway,” I said. “I don’t want to rush into anything. I need to sleep on this. You should, too.”

Though he seemed disappointed, he agreed and slid his chair back to rise. “Can I help you clean up?”

“No, I’ll just throw everything into the dishwasher after you’ve gone.”

I walked him to the door where he picked up Buffy’s leash and hooked it onto her collar. “Can I call you tomorrow?” he asked. “And I hope you’ll have some time off when Logan is here. I’d really like for you to meet him.”

My head drew back and I blinked a few times in rapid succession. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Chris cocked his head to the side. “What is it? You seem surprised.”

I swallowed uncomfortably. “I am…kind of. I mean…I’d understand if you wouldn’t want to introduce me to him.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you’re hesitant about bringing other women into his life?”

Chris shook his head. “Not at all. I think it’s good for him to meet new and interesting people, and you’re someone I’ve known a long time. It would mean a lot to me. I’d love to bring him over here, if that’s okay.”

“Of course it is, but will Katelyn be okay with that?”

“It’s not really up to her, is it?”

For some reason I couldn’t quite understand, his answer pleased me more than I could comprehend.

Chapter Thirty-four

I went to sleep that night longing for Chris, quite ardently, despite everything we’d talked about at dinner. I resisted the urge to get up and call him and tell him that I’d changed my mind—that I didn’t need to sleep on anything. I wanted to be with him. But I had made a conscious and sensible decision to take this slow and not fall head over heels. I needed to remember that this was complicated.

That was the word he had used, and it fit the situation perfectly.

For that reason, I forced myself to go over in my mind all the reasons why I needed to proceed with caution.

We barely knew each other.

He lived out West.

His wife might want him back.

I might have some tragic medical condition.

Mostly, I was afraid of getting hurt again. I was afraid of falling in love and losing him. If not now, later. I feared not being able to let go of that love. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life pining away for yet another beautiful person. I’d done enough of that already.

The following morning, I went to work and told Cassie all about my date with Chris the other night and how he had taken me to my doctor’s appointment, then dropped the bomb that his ex-wife wanted to come and spend a week with him and their son.

“Her timing sucks,” Cassie replied as she counted the money in the till before we opened for lunch. “After four years with another guy, she expects him to take her back, and for everything to go back to the way it was? And this, as soon as he meets
you
? Will wonders never cease.”

“It’s just my luck,” I replied as I set napkins and cutlery on the tables.

My cell phone vibrated just then, so I reached for it in the pocket of my apron. It was a text from Chris:
So I slept on it… Any plans for dinner? Can I take you out for seafood?

It was not yet 11:00 in the morning. I couldn’t deny that I was thrilled he was so eager to see me again, so soon.

I texted him back:
I slept on it, too. No plans. Seafood sounds good.

I slid the phone back into my apron pocket and arranged two more place-settings. My phone vibrated again and I was lightning-quick to reach for it.

He wrote: Great. I’ll pick you up at 6:00.
This was followed by a little red heart icon.

My own heart exploded with happiness, and a flock of butterflies went mad in my belly. How would I ever make it through the day?

I couldn’t believe how badly I missed him. All I wanted to do was dash out the door, drive straight over to his house, and throw my arms and legs around him.

“Was that him?” Cassie asked as I struggled to focus on setting out the rest of the cutlery. “It must have been, because you’re all flushed.” She opened the drawer on the antique cash register and its bell dinged.

I turned to face her. “He’s taking me out to dinner tonight.”

She raised an eyebrow at me. “So much for playing it safe.”

“Tell me about it. Wish me luck. I have a feeling I’m going to need a ton of it.”

* * *

I was sitting on the steps of the mansion in a lavender sundress and white ballerina flats when Chris pulled into the driveway. Anticipation flooded my veins. I’d been feeling it all day—an electrifying excitement that made it impossible to concentrate on anything. All I could think about was the two of us coming together again, greeting each other, having dinner together and spending the whole night talking. Maybe we would gaze up at the stars again. Maybe he would tell me he didn’t want Katelyn back and that he wanted to make plans to bring me out to Seattle.

Clearly, I was in deep trouble.

With my little white purse in hand, I rose to my feet and descended the stairs.

Chris got out of the car, took one look at me and laid a hand over his heart. “Wow. You look so beautiful it hurts.”

I rewarded him with a dazzling smile. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

That night, he wore a white cotton button-down shirt and faded jeans that hung loose on his hips.

Never taking his eyes off mine, he strode toward me. My heartbeat escalated until at last we met face to face and he took me into his arms—as if I were the long lost lover he hadn’t seen in a year.

I felt it, too—a desperation to touch him, to be with him intimately. I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders and buried my face in his neck.

“I prayed all day that you wouldn’t change your mind about seeing me tonight,” he said in a low, husky voice.

“I couldn’t have,” I replied, and before I knew it, he was kissing me, lifting me off the ground.

Around us, the leaves on the trees whispered in the cool evening breeze off the water, and my skirt fluttered lightly around my legs. The kiss was heated and intense. It sent a tremor of rapture deep into the core of my soul.

Eventually, he set me down and forced himself to step back. Then he whistled. “That was something.”

I chuckled softly.

He reached for my hand to lead me around to the passenger side of the vehicle.

The flirtation between us felt explosive as he ushered me into the vehicle and shut the door then circled around the front to get into the driver’s seat beside me.

A moment later, we were on our way to the restaurant, grinning at each other like a couple of star-crossed, mad-for-each-other teenagers.

* * *

We dined at the Sea Glass Restaurant, then Chris took me out for a sail to watch the sun go down.

Again, we dropped anchor and sat on the boat deck, talking animatedly until midnight about everything, from our marriages to our childhood experiences and families. We reminisced about the past and the times we had spent with Ethan.

Chris shared painful experiences with me concerning Logan’s illness. He teared up and apologized afterward.

When he drove me home, it was nearly 1:00 in the morning. Though I was tempted to invite him in because I didn’t want such a perfect night to come to an end, I resisted the urge because I had to be at work the next morning, and had promised myself that I would take this slow. I had to make some effort to protect myself from moving too fast, too soon.

That didn’t stop me, however, from making out with Chris in the front seat of his car for about twenty minutes before I dragged myself away to say goodnight.

The next morning, he texted me at work again, shortly before we opened for lunch:
Dinner again tonight?

I texted him back:
Sounds good.

We went to Portland for ribs, then we saw a movie and shared a bucket of popcorn.

We made out again in the front seat of his car when he dropped me off, and again, I had to peel myself away from him in order to say goodnight.

And so it went, for the next four days: Dinner every night; sailing or a walk with Buffy; window shopping in town; holding hands. The chemistry between us left me in a constant haze of suppressed passion. We could barely keep our hands off each other.

After the life I’d lived, I hadn’t thought such feelings were possible ever again. I was still afraid to trust it.

Chapter Thirty-five

The aluminum ladder felt steady in my hands as Chris climbed it to clean out Gram’s gutters at the back of her house. She was finally home from the hospital, but couldn’t relax because she was fixated on the leaves clogging up the gutters. I remembered the dream I’d had and worried that she was going to try and climb the ladder herself, so I mentioned it to Chris. He immediately offered to come by and take care of it for her.

When he walked in the door and I introduced him, she told me not to be so foolish because she remembered him perfectly well. She hugged him like a son returned from war and offered him a beer.