The Color Of The Soul (The Penbrook Diaries) (26 page)

“I need to go. I
can’t.
. .Don’t use those things on my baby. It’ll hurt him.”

“Don’t be a fool. What you are carrying
is not a baby. It cannot feel. Perhaps the medicine will cause you to miscarry
on your own. Otherwise, I’ll have to scrape out your insides or you will get
infection.”

Barely able to concentrate on what the
woman said, Cat tried to focus enough to make out the door. The herbs were
killing her baby!
No! God, please. I
don’t want to kill my baby.

But it was too late. Her stomach rebelled
and she began to retch.

When her stomach was empty, Cat felt
herself being led back to the table. She was powerless to resist. Tears slid
down her cheeks as her clothing was removed. Madame Flora spoke softly,
soothingly, but Cat couldn’t make out the words. They sounded foreign.
Otherworldly.

Summoning as much strength as she could,
she opened her eyes. Madame Flora had transformed into a beast. Her great claws
moved back and forth across Cat’s abdomen. Her words grew louder. A scream
formed in Cat’s throat, but she hadn’t the strength to give it sound.

Help
me, God. Please.

Resist the devil.

Cat gathered every ounce of courage she
could muster. “No! I resist the devil.” She knew she barely made a sound. The mumbling
ceased. Before she could even breathe a sigh of relief, it started again. Tears
burned her eyes. She didn’t have the strength to continue resisting.

Her heart cried out for help once more.
An angry roar reached her ears just before she lost consciousness.

1948

A shudder crept through Andy as he lay on
his bed, reading Miss Penbrook’s diary. Life was so fragile. He wondered why
God gave babies to folks who didn’t value their lives and refused to grant
children to people, like him and Lexie, who longed for children and would
celebrate every day as parents.

He thought of his own birth.
A mistake by all rights.
But thank God for the
Rileys
, who had taken him in and turned everything around
for him. What if Lexie and he could find a child who needed a home?

Excitement filled him. With the diary
still in hand, he wandered to the kitchen and snatched up the telephone
receiver. He put in the call and waited for the operator to announce the
connection. “Hello? Aunt Lois? It’s Andy.”

“Andy?
For mercy’s sake,
Son.
Do you realize the time? Is everything all right?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry to disturb you
this late. But I’d like to speak with Lexie if I could. It’s urgent.”

“Of course. I’ll go wake her.”

The thought of Lexie being awakened in the
middle of the night when she was ill brought quick reason to Andy’s mind.
“Wait. Maybe you’d best let her sleep. It’s not so urgent that I can’t wait
until morning.”

“That’s probably for the best. How are
things shaping up for your book about Miss Penbrook?”

He gave a short laugh. “I’m discovering
as much about myself as I am her. But she definitely led a full life.”

“She certainly did.”

“I--I met some people tonight.”

“Oh? Who?”

He smiled. “A wagonload of my family.
Brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews.
They’re all over
the place down here.”

She let out a quiet laugh. “How do you
feel about that?”

“I understand some things that I didn’t
before. I know why I was sent away. Knowing that it was for my protection makes
it easier to forgive my mother.”

“I’m so glad. I’ve prayed for years that
God would help you understand. I knew He would make a way. Do you remember
anything about your brothers and sisters?”

“The pieces are starting to fit
together.”

“Family’s important. Don’t forget that.”

“Yes, ma’am. You’re right. All these
years, I’ve felt like I didn’t have a family. As much as I love you and Uncle
Daniel, it wasn’t the same as having flesh-and-blood family close by.”

“I understand. Although we still consider
you another son.”

“I know. And I feel the same way.”

“You’re not finished with the diaries,
are you?”

“Not quite. There’s not a lot left,
though.”

“You finish those books and get home to
your family, sweet boy. We love you and miss you.”

“I will.”

Andy said good-bye and hung up. He
glanced at the diary still in his hand, and a sense of urgency shot through
him. To be done with these.
To finish what he came to do and
go home.
Reconcile with his wife, maybe even start attending church
again. He and Lexie had plenty of time to talk about adopting children. He
would love any children they brought into their home as much as Uncle Daniel
and Aunt Lois had loved him and raised him as their own.

He sat at the kitchen table and opened
the diary once more.

1879

Relief flooded Cat when the doctor
announced her well, with no sign of miscarriage as far as he could tell. “But
I’d advise you to get plenty of rest.”

Camilla thanked the doctor and walked him
out.

Shaw peeked around the corner of Cat’s
bedroom door and gave a tap.

Tears flooded Cat’s eyes and she reached
for her friend. “Thank you for saving my baby. And most likely me.”

“Weren’t me alone. De Lawd done sent me
to ya.”

“I prayed. For the first time since I was
a child.”

“
Dat’s
a good
thing, Miss Cat.

A knock at the door broke off any
response Cat might have made. She smiled at her son.
A
tentative, wary smile.
“Come in, Henry.” How would he react to knowing
she was going to have another baby?

“You feeling okay?”

“I will be soon. Thank you for asking.”

He nodded,
then
cleared
his throat nervously.

“Mercy, Henry Jr., what is it?”

“Hank. Please.”

Cat looked him in the eye.
The eyes of a man, not a child.
“Hank,” she said, smiling
with pride at her son. “You obviously want to say something.”

“Now might not be the best time to
mention this,
but.
. .”

“What is it?” Dread nipped at Cat’s
insides like an unruly puppy.

“I just wanted to let you know that I’m
leaving Penbrook. Tonight.
Annie’s coming with me.
I
have signed away my rights to Penbrook to Camilla.”

“No! Henry, don’t throw away your life.”

“You mean for a Negro?”

“You know that’s what I mean.”

“Why shouldn’t I marry her? I have Negro
blood as well, and I have no rights to Penbrook.”

“I did not sacrifice your entire
childhood and my chance to marry your father so you could grow up and throw
away every opportunity I’ve given you. Sleep with her if you must, but do not
marry her.”

Henry stepped close and bent, kissing her
on the cheek. “Good-
bye.
. .Mother.”

Cat threw back the coverlet and padded
after him into the hallway. She grabbed his arm. “Please. Please don’t do
this.”

Thomas emerged from his room. “Leave the
boy alone, Cat. For God’s sake.”

“Thomas, please speak to him. Don’t let
him throw away his future.”

Thomas pointed to the bottom of the
stairs, where Annie waited. “Take a good look at her.
That
is our son’s future.” He leaned in close to her ear. Cat
smelled liquor on his breath. “You gave away our happiness for absolutely
nothing.”

Tears streamed down Cat’s cheeks as she
released Henry’s arm and turned back toward her room. Somehow she knew she’d
never see her son again. It all seemed so pointless. She stretched out across
the bed and placed her hand on her still-flat stomach. Maybe this baby would be
her second chance to do something right.

1948

Dawn stretched along the horizon by the
time Andy made his way back to his bedroom. He’d been in bed only a few minutes
when Delta knocked on his door and announced that Miss Penbrook was asking for
him.

“All right, I’m coming,” he said, around
a wide yawn.

Delta’s lip pushed out in disapproval.
“Boy, you
gots
to learn when’s for
sleepin
’ and when’s for
doin
’.”

“I’ll get back to night sleeping soon
enough. I’m almost done with the diaries.”

Delta handed him a mug of steaming
coffee, which he gratefully accepted. “Just don’ spill it on
nothin
’.”
 

Andy slipped his arm around her. “You
know, you shouldn’t be so grouchy with me. We’re practically family.”

She let out a loud harrumph. “So they
finally told ya, huh?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I reckon you think you’s too good for
the likes of them.”

“Nope.” He winked at her and hurried to
the stairs. “And to be honest, most of them are too good for me.”

“About time you figured that out.” Her
smile made Andy feel as though he’d singlehandedly won the World Series.

When he reached Miss Penbrook’s door, he
knocked loud enough so she could hear. At her bidding, he entered. “Good
morning. Miss Delta said you’d like to see me.”

“Yes. I’m feeling a little better today.”

“I’m glad to hear that.
Would you like me to open your blinds, ma’am?
The sun is
rising perfectly just outside your window.”

“How thoughtful.” Her frail voice and
politeness worried him.

He opened the blinds. “Would you like me
to prop you up so you can get a better view?”

“Why all the niceness all of a sudden?”

“I don’t know. Just in a good mood.”

She sniffed. “Wish I had something to be
in a good mood about. I don’t want to be a hundred years old.” She stared at
the pink and orange painting rising from the eastern horizon. “I wanted so much
more for my life.” She turned her gaze to him. “What about you? Has life
fulfilled your expectations?”

Andy couldn’t hold back his grin. “You
know it hasn’t. Is that question your way of getting me to open up?”

“Don’t be smart. Tell me about your
dinner with the family.”

“Not much gets by you, does it?”

“Well, Delta
is
Buck’s aunt.” She scowled at him. “What do you think? Are you
happy to be reacquainted with them, or are you too uppity to appreciate them?”

“I enjoyed it. Are you surprised?”

“No.” She reached up and patted his cheek,
then dropped her hand as though the sheer act of moving her arm was too much
for her. She closed her eyes and gathered in a slow, laborious breath. “I’m not
long for this earth, Andy. Before I die, I need to know, what are you going to
do with the diaries?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you going to write my story?”

“I don’t need to write it. You already
have. In pages of pages of journals.”

“They’re disjointed. I need someone to
piece together the truth.”

“Are you sure you want me to reveal so much
about you to the world? You’ve kept your secret this long. Why come out with it
now?”

“I trust you, Andy-boy. You’ll know the
right thing to do when the time comes.”

“Do you feel up to answering a few
questions?”

“For a little while.”

“Some of the diaries are missing. If my
guess is right, they’re from the ten years you spent in Chicago with Stuart
Riley.”

 
She nodded. “You would be correct. Those
aren’t for you.”

Jealousy pinched him, but he knew better
than to try to press Miss Penbrook when she didn’t want to be pressed.

 
“All right, then. Tell me about the new
baby.”

1880

Cat sat on the bench next to Shaw and
gave an exasperated huff. She stretched out her arms toward the child on his
shoulder. “It’s my turn to hold him. He’s my baby, isn’t he?”

A frown creased Shaw’s brow. “Dis here
chile be de
Lawd’s
chile, and don’ ya be
forgettin
’ it. He saved
yo
’ baby
boy.”

“I know, I know.
I was
there
,
remember
? But I
did
have to carry and birth him, so he’s mine, too. Don’t you think
God might share him with his mother?”

She smiled down at her precious, sleeping
two-month-old son. Perfect in every way. The herb hadn’t been designed for
anything other than to alter Cat’s mind and weaken her so that Madame Flora
could perform the abortion without resistance. But Cat had heard a voice
telling her to resist. It could only have been God. “I know God saved my baby,
Shaw.”

“I
knows
it,
too. An’ I ’
spected
ya to show a bit o’ thanks and
serve Him now. But ya jus’ go on and on,
thinkin
’ it
be okay to run
yo
’ own life. I knows ya done sent
Cap’n
Riley a letter and ya plan to take dis here boy back
and set him smack dab in de middle of a life o’ sin betwixt his mama an’ his
pappy.”

“So what if I am? What business is that
of yours?”

Stuart was due to arrive on Tuesday’s
train. Cat had three days to ready herself and the baby.

“God saved dat chile from the
mouf
o’ de lion for a reason, Miss Cat, an’ ya
gots
to make sure an’ teach him right.”

Cat snatched her baby from Shaw’s arms
and cuddled him close. She shuddered at the memory of Madame Flora and her plan
to use Cat’s abortion as a blood sacrifice in order to heighten her dark
powers.

When Cat had believed her to
have transformed
into a beast, she had merely donned a
grotesque mask with the face and mane of a lion as part of her ritual.