The Complete Rockstar Series (17 page)

Who am I kidding? I’ve been paying to protect her and she still wasn’t safe.

“Don’t,” she whispers. “What’s done is done. I don’t want to think about that time in my life, it was so awful. I, I …”

I silence her by pressing my mouth back down on hers, knowing that the emotions coursing through us can’t be expressed with mere words. I know because I feel it tearing through every fiber in my body, the need to connect with Ellie in every possible way.

All of the nameless, faceless girls I’ve been with in an attempt to purge Ellie from my heart has done absolutely nothing to erase her from my memories. Every sip of alcohol I drank to numb the pain hasn’t dulled it one bit. I’m still so in love with Ellie Palmer that she’s permanently etched her name on my soul.

Ellie groans and shifts to wrap her legs around my waist, our mouths never breaking their precious contact. I’m so thrilled to have her in my arms again that I greedily run my hands over her body, savoring every curve, every smooth bit of exposed skin, threading my fingers through her hair and inhaling her familiar vanilla scent.

“God, what you do to me El.” My breath hitches as I attempt to rein in the desire, no the
need
to be inside of her right now.

She opens her eyes and gazes into mine, my vision blurred by the tears that still threaten to overflow. When she leans in and kisses each one of my eyelids, taking the salty liquid away with her soft lips, I actually whimper, so overcome with the tenderness of the gesture that I’m speechless.

“I’ve never stopped loving you Adam. Never,” she says softly. “I don’t think I ever will.”

A single tear escapes from my eye, making its way down my cheek. Ellie reaches up to swipe it away but I catch her wrist and press her hand over my racing heart.

“Feel this, what you do to me. You’re still right here, El. You always will be in my heart.”

She slowly removes her hand and reaches for the hem of her jumper, pulling it over her head and tossing it aside. Then she frantically claws at my own shirt, so impatient to rid me of it that she doesn’t wait for me to help. Once it’s gone, I reach around and unclasp her bra, desperately needing to feel her skin against mine. Bare from the waist up, I stand with Ellie clinging to me tightly, her arms around my neck and her legs around my hips, and I take us to the bedroom.

I place her down on the massive bed and lay my body on top of hers, unwilling to stop kissing her for even a single moment. Now that I have what I’ve dreamt of for the last six years I won’t waste a second of the precious time I’ve been given. Ellie squirms and moans and makes little noises that drive me insane as I suck and lick and savor the soft skin of her neck.

“God, I can’t believe you’re here.” I kiss my way down her flushed skin to take a perfect pink nipple in my mouth.

“Adam…” Ellie groans as I tug and tease and lave at each of her tight buds. “I want you. I need you.” Her hips are writhing beneath me, searching for the hard length of my cock through the layers of clothing that separates us.

I release her breasts and lift my head to see her face, wanting to be sure she’s not just caught up in the moment. Her eyes are heavy-lidded and her mouth is swollen and red from our kisses. She’s the most stunning thing I’ve ever seen. I kneel on the bed, dragging my hand from her delicate throat down between her breasts then on to grip the edge of her waistband.

“You’re sure, Sweetheart? I want you so badly it hurts, just… just tell me this is what you really want.” My dick is pressing against my jeans so hard that it’s painful, making it difficult to think of anything but sinking into her soft, wet, depths. But I have to make sure she’s serious about us, about this.

“Yes,
please
Adam. Make love to me.” Ellie sighs and relaxes back into her pillow.

Not having the strength to hold back any longer, I tear down her knickers and leggings together with her boots and let them fall to the floor. Then quickly strip off my own clothes as well, finally releasing my uncomfortably hard cock. Reaching over to the side table, I pull out a condom and roll it on while Ellie stares at my body like I’m a buffet and she’s fucking starving.

I savor the sight of her, laid out naked and willing. “Jesus, you’re so beautiful.”

I want to go slow, take my time to savor each sensation, taste every inch of her beautiful body. But as I lower myself over her, she bites at my neck and shoulder and her fingers grip my ass so hard that I’ll probably have bruises. I lose control and thrust deep inside her slick, welcoming heat.

The sparks of pleasure that rocket through my body nearly make me lose it. I have to grit my teeth and stop, my breath hissing out slowly, as Ellie thrashes beneath me begging me to move. I drop my head into the crook of her neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent of her skin. “It’s too much, Sweetheart. I’ve missed you, this, feeling you around me.”

I need to go faster. Slower. Faster. I just need her.

Her hands skim up my back and settle on either side of my face, pulling me up until our foreheads press together. “Me too.” She groans, then kisses me passionately, nipping at my lips, sucking my tongue into her hot mouth.

“Fuck, El, I can’t hold back,” I growl as my thrusts speed up and her hips buck off the bed to meet me in perfect rhythm.

“I’m there Adam, don’t stop.” She pants and makes incoherent noises that drive me to pound harder into her tight heat. Her fingers weave into my hair and pull, sending a wonderfully painful shock across my scalp.

Fuck! More, I need more. But I don’t want it to end.

Ellie lifts one leg and wraps it around my back, changing the angle that I enter her. It feels so amazing that it makes my eyes roll up into my head. Without warning, the overwhelming feeling of white hot ecstasy crackles down my spine and jets out of me in one of the most powerful orgasms of my life.

While I’m thrusting deep those last few times, Ellie calls out my name and drags her nails across my shoulders as she reaches her own climax. Her convulsions milk every last bit of pleasure out of me as she shudders for what seems like ages.

Spent and sweaty, we stay like that for a while, skin to skin as I gently run my fingers through her hair, resting most of my weight on my forearms. She smiles and drags one hand up and down my back, her eyes filled with awe, as if she’s making sure I’m real and won’t disappear if she looks away.

“I’ll be right back, Sweetheart.” I press a quick kiss to her red, swollen mouth and slip into the bathroom to clean up.

When I return, Ellie is under the covers, chewing on her thumbnail nervously. At least she isn’t dressed and ready to take off. I duck under the sheets and pull her over on top of me, chest-to-chest so I can see the perfect face that I’ve missed every day for the past six years. We tangle our legs together and she looks at me affectionately. I can’t find a single trace of regret in her eyes for what we just did and that gives me hope. Hope that she wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her.

“Ellie…” I stroke her back with the callouses that have formed on my fingers after a decade of playing the guitar and she shivers. “I love you. What happens now?”

“Now? Let’s rest so we have enough energy to do that again,” she giggles.

I know she’s avoiding my question, and for now, I’ll take what she’s offering. But there’s no way she’s leaving this suite without discussing our future. The future we both deserve. One that keeps us together.

E
llie

I
can feel
Adam’s eyes on me as I get dressed in his hotel suite. We spent the last few hours in bed, making love several times in between dozing off and having a bite to eat from room service. He wants to talk about ‘us’, the future, whatever that means.

“Ellie, we still haven’t discussed this,” he says, sweeping his arm in the direction of the rumpled bed.

I yank on my boots and pull my hair back into a ponytail. “I know Adam, it’s complicated.”

“How is it complicated?” His voice is getting louder and more upset by the second.

Standing up, I watch as he paces the length of the room, clearly agitated. “Because it’s not that easy. I have a life here, a job, a… fiancé. Should I leave all that and just follow you around the world as your groupie?” Do I even have a fiancé anymore?

Why am I being so difficult?

Adam jerks to a stop and whirls around to face me, grabbing my upper arms. “You’re not a groupie, you’re mine. And yes, Ellie. You should be with me. You’re not safe here. Callum Murray is still out there, and he can and probably will come after you again. You can be our nurse for the tour, we always have someone with medical training with us. Then we can buy houses in L.A. and London, hell, wherever you want. We can even split our time in both places.”

He has really put a lot of thought into this. My heart gets heavy at the thought of leaving my mum, at disappointing James. “I don’t know, Adam. I… I owe James a lot. He was there…”

“Don’t you dare, El,” Adam snaps, his lips pulled back into an angry scowl. “Don’t stay with him out of gratitude. You don’t love him, I know you don’t.” Adam’s eyes bore into me, peeling back the layers to try and find my innermost secrets.

I have to avert my eyes because it’s so uncomfortable. He always sees right through me.

“You’re mine, Ellie. We belong together. I love you. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

My cheeks heat up and I meet his passionate stare. “Of course it means something! Why do you think I came here today? It’s because I love you! I’ve only ever loved you!”

Adam yanks me to him, slanting his mouth down on mine roughly until we have to stop and catch our breath. He glides a hand down my cheek in a loving caress. “Don’t leave me again, El. I can’t take it.” He presses several small kisses on my lips. “Let me get dressed, I’ll have my driver take you home.”

“Okay.” I sit back on the bed and watch as he grabs some jeans and a T-shirt. “Wait,” I say as he’s about to put the shirt on. “Come here.”

Adam walks over, eyeing me warily and stands between my legs, his glorious torso bared to me. I reach up and trace over the black ink that swirls up one of his arms, stopping at his shoulder. “When did you get this?”

He steps closer, putting his hands behind my knees and wrapping my legs around his waist. “A year or so ago. I’ve been wanting it for a while.” He caresses the sensitive skin on my calves, brushing his fingers up and down.

“Your drawings,” I whisper.

“You remember?” He looks at me, astonished.

“I remember everything about you, Adam.”

“It’s not finished yet. I want it to come down over one side of my chest, over my heart.” I put my hand on the left side of his chest and hold it there until he blushes and steps back from my touch.

“Let me finish getting dressed,” he says. “It’s getting late.”

I nod and step out of the room so I can think more clearly. Being around him isn’t helping me to be rational about my choices.

Adam’s phone buzzes from the coffee table where he left it. I see Dax’s name and giggle. Then I see the photo that Dax sent and my heart constricts painfully. It’s Adam, half-dressed, pressed between two semi-naked women and he’s obviously enjoying himself. Horrified, I drop the phone and back away, swallowing down the bile that threatens to rise up.

I pull my own phone out of my handbag and see that I’ve missed…
seven!
calls from James. Shit! We haven’t spoken since our row last night in the car. What am I going to do? Did I break up with him the other night? Do I stay with James out of obligation, even though I don’t love him? I’ve stalled on setting a date for a wedding for so long that he must know something is wrong. But can I leave London? My mum? My job?

Then I think about leaving Adam, how I would feel if I never saw him again after today, and my body reacts violently. I have to hunch over, as if someone kicked me in the gut. My heart is beating so fast it hurts, and sweat begins to form on my forehead.

I drop onto the plush sofa and put my head between my legs. I have no idea what I should do. Can I be with a man who has fucked anything that’s been thrown at him? He’s always been like that though, even back in school he had slept with half of the girls there and it didn’t stop what we had from being amazing.

“Ellie? Are you alright?” Adam has rushed over to where I’m sitting and is crouching in front of me, gently pushing my hair back from my face.

“Yes, I was just thinking,” I take deep breaths to calm my nerves.

“Thinking what, Sweetheart?”

“Just about the choices I have to make.” I look into Adam’s eyes, the flecks of green and brown shining with emotion.

He sweeps me up into a bone-crushing hug. “Chose me, you won’t regret it, El. I promise.”

I think about that photo again and frown. That’s not the same Adam that I dated years ago. My Adam was caring and thoughtful and terribly sweet to me. Kate had hinted years ago that Adam took up drinking after we broke up. He’s not drunk now, in fact, he hasn’t had a drink all day except the champagne we sipped off of each other’s bodies. I’ve seen the gossip columns though, his drunken escapades have become legendary.

But he’s not like that with me, never has been. I don’t think he would be either.

Adam takes me down to the lobby, having already told his driver to meet us out front. He pulls his cap down low over his face and puts on a huge pair of sunglasses that make me giggle.

“What?” he asks, smiling at me.

“You look like a bug.” I flick his sunglasses with a finger.

“Trust me, it’s better than the alternative.” He visibly shivers in disgust. “I can’t go anywhere if anyone spots me.”

“Oh.” I don’t really think of Adam as famous, he’s just Adam. My boyfriend from school, not some international rock star. One with naked women draped all over him 24/7.

“Stop overthinking things, Ellie. I know that’s what you’re doing.”

Damn, how does he do that?

The driver hops out of a sleek black car and opens the door for me.

“El, you have my number. Ring me anytime, for anything. I have to leave tonight for our next stop on the tour. We only have a month left and then we can figure out everything else.” Adam leans in for a kiss.

“Okay.” I murmur against his lips.

“I’ll miss you so much El. We’ll be so great together, you’ll see. Just give us a chance.”

We kiss one last time before I get into the car and he gently closes the door. I watch as he ducks his head and hurries back inside the hotel, not wanting to be recognized on the street.

“Address, miss,” the driver says, startling me.

I tell him where to go and rest my head back on the soft leather seat. Today was so wonderful, but it was so terrible at the same time. I reunited with Adam, the only man I’ve ever loved and it was amazing. I’ve also become a liar and a cheater, having been unfaithful to James, who I’m supposed to love and marry. Or were we already broken up?

Of course, I don’t love James, and I’ve been putting off the marriage bit for months now. Still, he deserves someone better than me, a phony who keeps him around because she’s afraid of a bully from her past. It’s not fair to him. The thought of completely breaking it off with James makes me ill, but I haven’t got a choice. Adam should be my future, and I’ve waited long enough for that future to begin.

Then there’s Adam’s fame to consider. Can I live like that? With beautiful women throwing themselves at him constantly, quite possibly right in front of me? I saw Adam in school and at that party in L.A. He would shag anything in a skirt. Not to mention that picture, which I’m sure is just one of many. He says he’s in love with me, but would that keep him from taking what’s always going to be so readily offered?

“We’re here, miss.” The driver hops out and opens my door.

“Thank you so much,” I tell the driver as I get out at the University College Hospital where I work. I have to get my schedule for the next two weeks, so I had the driver drop me off here instead of at my flat.

My head aching and my body exhausted, I hurry inside and take the lift to my floor, grabbing a copy of the schedule out of the break room. I’m able to duck back out without any of my coworkers noticing me. I want to get home to think and I’m way too distracted to have any sort of social interaction right now.

My phone rings as I ride the tube home and my stomach jolts when I see that it’s James. I can’t duck another call from him, I have to answer.

“Hello?”

“Ellie? Where have you been all day? I stopped by your flat and you weren’t there? And you didn’t answer your phone.” He sounds worried and annoyed.

“Sorry, I went to the hospital to get my schedule and you know they have a no phone policy, so I turned it off and must have forgot to turn it back on.” The lie comes so easy to me that I feel like throwing up.

“Oh, okay. I was so worried about you.” Guilt pierces through me at his concern. “Can I come round tonight? We can get take-out.”

“I’m not feeling well, James. How about tomorrow?” I need more time to process my thoughts, to decide on my future.

“Are you still mad at me about last night? Because you’re right Ellie, it’s none of my business who you used to date. We’re not over, are we?”

So sweet and thoughtful, he really does deserve someone better than me.

“No, I’m not mad anymore, I promise. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay, love you El.”

“Me too,” I answer pathetically and hang up.

God, I am such a shitty person.