The Confidence Myth (15 page)

6.
“Blink Q and A with Malcolm,” gladwell.com,
http://gladwell.com/blink/blink-q-and-a-with-malcolm/
.

7.
Gladwell,
Blink
, 23.

I want to offer special thanks to the following people: Kim Lubel, chief executive officer of CST Brands; Jill Campbell, chief operations officer of Cox Communications; Sandra Dewey, executive vice president and head of business affairs, Turner Entertainment Networks and Cartoon Network Originals; Jacqueline Hernández, chief operating officer of Telemundo; Charisse Lillie, vice president of community investment of Comcast Corporation and president of the Comcast Foundation; Kathy Murphy, president of Fidelity Personal Investing; Debbie Storey, chief diversity officer of AT&T; Kathy Waller, chief financial officer of Coca-Cola; and the other amazing women leaders who contributed to this book.

I want to thank Neal Maillet and Jeevan Sivasubramaniam, whose enthusiasm about this project was welcome support. Thanks also to my interns Andreia Bulhao, Jessica Benmen, and Amanda Miller who made our work seem easy. Jessica, you went way beyond the call of duty and it is appreciated. Thank you to Susan Adams of Bentley University for distributing our Women and Confidence Survey to some of their students and alumni and reviewing the data, Andrew Acosta for the interpretation of the data, and to my good friend Laura Newberry for her abounding encouragement. I want to thank Joel Fortinos and Becky Post for their guidance, as well as Danielle Lucie Goodman and Shauna Lani Shames for their insights and craftsmanship. I am grateful to the Turkey Land Cove Foundation for providing a magical place to write this book.

In some examples, the women mentioned in this book are not actual people but composites representing the experiences of several colleagues, clients, friends, or acquaintances. On occasion names have been left out to provide anonymity.

accomplishments, promoting your,
74
–75

action, taking,
3
–5,
9
,
16
,
21

action plans,
87

aggressiveness,
26

Allaire, Paul,
18

Allard, Alan,
34

alliances,
71
,
81
,
99
.
See also
mentors/mentorship; sponsors/sponsorship

Altfeld, Suzanne,
3

appearance,
37
–38,
39
,
41

artful listening,
34
–37,
41

assertiveness,
25
–26,
62

attitude.
See
negative attitude;

positive attitude

attracting a sponsor.
See

sponsors/sponsorship

audiences

knowing your,
84
–85,
96

listening to your,
32

reading your,
29

sensitivity to your,
41

authenticity,
27
,
33
,
38
,
41
,
55
–56

balancing work and family/life,
64
–66

battles, picking your,
26
,
96

behavior

changing,
94

during a crisis,
27

people-pleasing,
57

beliefs

core,
28

in intuition,
85

limiting,
13

negative,
13
–14

Bhatia, Neerja,
15

Bidmead, David,
10

Blink: The Power of Thinking

without Thinking
(Gladwell),
85

boundaries

determining your,
61
–62

setting,
55
–56,
57
,
58
,
59
–60,
65
–66

Bündchen, Gisele,
82

Buonfantino, Giusy,
9
–10

Campbell, Jill

appearance/clothing,
37

giving feedback,
95

listening skills,
34

mad mind-chatter,
12

proceeding with caution,
88

respect for diversity,
29

setting boundaries,
65
–66

standing out,
73

treatment of others,
27

types of feedback,
43
,
51

career stages, myth and truth about preparation for,
12

caution, proceeding with,
88

charismatic leaders,
30

clothing,
37
–38,
39

communication.
See also

language style/usage

artful listening,
34
–35

delivering honest feedback,
51
–52

direct,
54

styles and language in,
36

confidence.
See also
Women

and Confidence Survey

benefits of developing,
1
–2

reasons for lack of,
17
–18

risk taking and,
19

Confidence Code, The
(Kay and Shipman),
4

Confidence Sparks

attention to others' appearance/presence,
36
,
39

balancing work and family/life,
67

dealing with disappointment,
14

defensive reactions,
47

first reactions to others,
89

giving feedback,
52

inventorying your strengths,
13
,
75

keeping your poise,
28
–29

listening skills,
35

listing your skills,
17

negotiations,
63

perceptions, your own and others',
48

public speaking,
33

receiving feedback,
49

reflecting on fear,
11

taking risks,
20
–21

thirty days of suggestions for,
101
–105

trusting your gut sense,
87

writing for clarity,
18

courage, Mandela on,
5

creating power parameters.

See
power parameters

credibility, appearance and,
38

criticism.
See also
feedback

reacting to,
42

Davis, Ruthie,
19

decision making,
88
–89,
92

defensiveness

about feedback,
47
,
51

DeHaas, Deborah,
27
–28

detachment,
54

Dewey, Sandra,
20
,
34

attracting a sponsor,
72

building a sponsor relationship,
76

following your intuition,
85

giving feedback,
50

knowing your audience,
96

direct communication,
54

disappointment, handling,
13
–14

dressing for leadership,
37
–38,
41

ego,
10

Einstein, Albert,
82

empathy,
33

Esser, Pat,
12
,
73

Executive Presence: The Missing Link between Merit and Success
(Hewlett),
26

expectations,
12

experience,
94
–95

Fayard, Gary,
77

fear(s)

as ally,
98

myth and truth about transferring,
9

of public speaking,
31

reflecting on your,
11

speaking up in spite of,
17
–18

taking action despite,
16

feedback

asking for,
19
,
47

cautions for giving/receiving,
52

defensiveness about,
47
,
51

delivering honest,
51
–52

giving,
49
–51,
53
,
95

myth and truth about,
42

necessity of honest,
42

on others' perceptions of you,
48

reaching out for,
22

sincerity of,
49

taking in/discarding,
48
–49

taking the stigma out of,
44
–48

tools for giving/receiving,
54

unsolicited,
43
–44,
46

value of,
98

feelings inventories,
14

first reactions,
89

Forget a Mentor, Find a Sponsor
(Hewlett),
71

Gadsden-Williams, Michelle,
71

Galinsky, Ellen,
64

gender issues

advancement for women,
77

appearance,
41

boundary setting,
58
,
59

challenges for women,
83

communication differences,
30

expectations during a crisis,
27

giving feedback,
49

high-level positions for women,
72

inequities,
1

intuition of women versus men,
84

judgments on men versus women,
37

leadership,
26

listening skills,
34

male-dominated industries,
73

male/female self-identification,
115

meeting job requirements,
15
–16

negotiation strategies,
61

people pleasing,
50
,
57

prejudices/biases,
4
,
9
,
11
,
18

speaking up,
10
,
52

standards for males and females,
21
,
60

stereotypes,
25
,
34
,
84

work-family balance for women,
64
–66

Gladwell, Malcolm,
85

Glickstein, Lee,
32

goals,
22
–23

guilt,
104

gut feelings.
See
intuition

Harvard Business Review
,
83

Hernández, Jackie

being agreeable,
57

envisioning positive outcomes,
31
–32

following your intuition,
86
,
87
–88

learning from experience,
94
–95

nervous energy,
16
–17

stepping up,
78

Hewlett, Sylvia Ann

appearance blunders,
37

behavior during a crisis,
27

finding a sponsor,
71

reading your audience,
29

sponsor relationships,
78

tough women,
26

honesty, in giving feedback,
50

Hudnell, Rosalind,
20

humility,
27

inner compass.
See also

intuition

for evaluating feedback,
49

relying on your,
92

scenarios for,
91

inner mentoring,
83

insights, sharing,
10

instincts.
See
inner compass;

intuition

international rules and culture,
30
–31

interviews, addressing fears

about,
17

intuition.
See also
inner

compass

following your,
99

myth and truth about,
82

options for using,
87
–90

tools for using,
54

trusting your,
82

as your business edge,
83
–87

inventories

for attracting a sponsor,
76

spot-check,
24

of your feelings,
14
–15

of your strengths,
13

Jobs, Steve,
83

Kay, Katty,
4

Kinney, Cathy,
16

Klesse, Bill,
46
,
72
–73,
76

Kudlacz, Lisa,
43
–44

language style/usage,
36
.
See also
communication

cursing,
43

for self-promotion,
75

when giving feedback,
52

layoffs,
27
,
28
,
33

leadership presence

artful listening,
34
–37

attaining,
98

dressing the part,
37
–38,
39
,
41

as leader,
98

myth and truth about,
25
–26

poise under pressure,
26
–28

reading the room,
29
–31

scenarios for,
40

speaking with,
31
–33

learning from experience,
94
–95

Lerner, Helene,
97

“Lessons in Leadership: My Rules to Live By” (DeHaas),
27
–28

Levine, Shari,
3
–4

life-work balance,
64
–66

Lillie, Charisse

conveying your image,
38

following your intuition,
86

giving feedback,
49

overachieving tendencies,
60
–61

picking your battles,
96

receiving feedback,
48
–49

limits

self-imposed,
11
–15

shaking off beliefs about,
13

LinkedIn,
76

listening

artful,
34
–37,
41
,
103

to expression style,
36
–37

to sound of voice,
35

Lubel, Kim

attracting a sponsor,
72
–73