Guy swore, took another swig and jumped violently as the doorbell rang. Bertie barked excitedly and Guy swore at him too. His face as he opened the door was not particularly welcoming and Phoebe grimaced in alarm.
âHeavens! That sort of day, was it? Then I shan't intrude.'
âRubbish.' Guy swallowed his irritation and smiled with as good a grace as he could muster. âCome in. It's too cold to stand about.'
âJust for a moment then.' She followed him inside. âI've come to ask a favour.' Guy stood silent, waiting until Phoebe cocked a knowing eye at him. âJust what you were dreading, eh? Boring neighbours bouncing in and out being pains in the neck?'
Guy smiled unwillingly and Phoebe grinned.
âI've just got in â¦' he explained but Phoebe shook her head at him.
âNow that's a sign of weakness I didn't expect from you,' she said reprovingly. âYou know the golden rule. “Never apologise, never explain.” Next, you'll be asking me to sit down and then, if you got really carried away and were to offer me a drink, you'd never be able to forgive yourself.'
Guy burst out laughing and she laughed with him.
âAll I need is a lift to Dartmouth tomorrow. I want to go to the market and my car's still in the garage. It didn't pass the MOT and it won't be ready tomorrow. I'm meeting a chum for lunch and she's bringing me back but a lift would save my life.'
âI leave early,' warned Guy, unable to quite squash his natural resentment at being cornered.
Phoebe drew down her mouth at the corners and rolled her eyes at Bertie.
âThat puts me very properly in my place,' she whispered to him and Bertie wagged obligingly. âExcellent! Now you've recovered
everything you lost when you started to apologise,' she said cheerfully to the exasperated Guy. âFeel better?'
She headed for the door and Guy, completely wrong-footed, followed her.
âWould you like a drink?' he asked reluctantly and she looked at him, shocked.
âCertainly not,' she said primly. âI'm going back to have an early night so as to be up in time in the morning. How early is early? Six o'clock?'
Guy's smile was tight-lipped and his eyelids drooped a little.
âEight fifteen should be fine,' he said as he opened the door for her.
Phoebe guessed that she had very nearly gone too far and her smile was open and friendly and almost disarmed him.
âThanks,' she said. âI'm really grateful.' Just outside the door she turned back. âAnd don't panic. I shan't expect conversation with my lift. I never talk to anyone before ten o'clock in the morning either!'
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HENRY SAT AT HIS desk wrestling with the tax demands for the estate and thinking, as he had nearly four years before, about Gillian. This time he was not marvelling at his good fortune. He knew now that he hadn't worked hard enough at his marriage, that in marrying a girl almost twelve years younger than himself he should have been more aware. Perhaps he'd already been too set in his ways to think of marrying. Gillian said to him once that he was married to Nethercombe and in many ways it was true. The estate had as many calls on him and as strong a hold over his heart as a spouse might and, if he were honest with himself, very little changed when he brought Gillian home as his wife. Yet he loved her. What she'd needed was the ardour of a man of her own age, not the quiet contented warmth of a middle-aged man. Henry knew that in his ways and ideas he was as old for his years as Gillian was immature for hers and he should have made allowances. It was foolish to expect Gillian to love Nethercombe as much as he did and to be prepared to dedicate her life to the same extent. If only there had been a little more money.
Henry took a sip at the coffee that Gussie had brought him earlier, pushed back his chair and wandered over to the window. He dug his hands into his trouser pockets and stared out at the side lawns and the rhododendron bushes, dank and dripping in the February rain. Of course, the Courtyard had taken every penny in those early years. There had been nothing left over for jollies. But it had worked. His dream had been realised and now the cash flow was easier. Money,
however, was not the answer. Gillian should have been involved, kept occupied, drawn into things. He remembered her ideas for the conversions â some of which had been used â her enthusiasms, her flair and style. Somehow these talents should have been utilised. But how?
Henry sighed and turned back to his desk. He had written to her; a long letter, describing his deep sadness, his longing for her, his desire for her happiness. He'd said that she would always have a home at Nethercombe, that he would welcome her back absolutely unconditionally if she would only consider it. His single request was that she should do nothing in haste but give herself plenty of time to think. At the very end he told her that he loved her and that he was miserable without her. It was true. Henry's hands balled into fists in his pockets as he thought of that unknown man. To begin with he'd wondered if it were Simon. He knew now that it wasn't but had no intention of making enquiries. Only the household was aware of her departure and he could trust the Ridleys and Gussie. Henry took his hands from his pockets and ran his fingers through his hair. Perhaps he should never have brought Gussie back to Nethercombe; but what else could he have done? It had been naive to think that they could all live together happily under one roof, no doubt, but it could have worked if Gillian had been more confident in her position, stopped seeing herself as the incomer. He remembered her reaction when he'd suggested that they might redecorate their sitting room. She'd seen the bribe for what it was and he knew he'd been wrong in insulting her with it.
Gussie put her head round the door. âAlan Tremaine says you're expecting him, my dear.'
Henry glanced at his watch, closed his eyes and swore under his breath. He'd completely forgotten that he'd arranged to see his tenant from Higher Nethercombe Farm.
âSend him in, Gussie,' he said, tidying his papers aside. Gussie smiled at him sympathetically and he nodded as if to reassure her that he could cope. âBring us some coffee, would you?' he asked and as she went out, passing Alan Tremaine in the doorway, Henry got to his feet,
with his hand outstretched, his marriage and Gillian pushed, for the moment, to the back of his mind.
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NEL SAT ON THE sofa with her feet up listening to Vaughan Williams's âFantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis' while she sewed together a tiny woollen cardigan. Her stock of baby clothes was growing very satisfactorily and, whilst some of the garments didn't look quite like the pictures on the patterns, Nell was very proud of her handiwork. The music soothed and calmed her, which she felt was very important at the moment with John going about as emotionally coiled up as the spring of a newly wound clock. Nell could feel her stomach churning as she looked at his closed inward-looking face. Something was going on but she was almost too afraid to ask. Only days before, the atmosphere had been different. There had been a sense of suppressed excitement, as though he were keeping a wonderful secret that he dared not yet tell. Now it had changed and she felt a terrible foreboding. Part of her was desperate to know, part wanted to go on in this quiet ignorance. With the knowledge that they could pack up and go to the house in Bournemouth had come a great measure of peace. They could scrape by on John's pension until he could find a job â she knew it would be difficult in the present economic climate but surely something would turn up â and they could start again. The house had been left partly furnished and there was a lovely garden for Jack to play in. She almost hoped that the business had collapsed so that they could get this dreadful strain over and go. Jack had been offered a full scholarship to Sherborne and the relief had been so great that Nell had wept. Surely, with all these things coming together, they could manage? If only poor John could swallow his pride, admit the estate agency had been a disaster and get it over with! So many businesses had been wrecked in this dreadful recession that he need not feel ashamed. Knowing his extreme sensitivity in this area, Nell had only been able to approach the subject obliquely and recently, given his mood of the last few days, not at all.
The âFantasia' had finished and as Nell prepared to reverse the tape there was a ring at the doorbell. She went to open it and found her neighbour from upstairs on the doorstep. She smiled at Nell and raised her eyebrows at her bump.
âAny day now by the look of you,' she said cheerfully and held out a letter. âThis got put in with ours by mistake.'
âOh, thank you.' Nell took it and hesitated. âWould you likeâ?'
âNo thanks, love. I'm just off to the shops, thanks all the same. Can I get you anything? You don't look in a fit state for shopping.'
âI'm fine,' said Nell, grateful that her peace was not to be disturbed by a flow of banalities, âhonestly. But thanks anyway.'
The neighbour went on her way and Nell went back into the flat turning the envelope in her hand. Since John was careful to pick up the post as he went to the office each morning, Nell never saw any letters but her own. She went back into the sitting room and idly opened it. It was from British Telecom. As she read the letter, her heart began to pound and she had to read it twice to make sense of it. The bill had not been paid, it seemed, and since requests for payment had been ignored and no explanation had been forthcoming, the telephone line would be discontinued and the matter put in the hands of their solicitors. Even now, though Nell felt the old sensations of terror creeping round her heart, she could not really panic. She still felt quite certain that â once John could be persuaded to give in â they could move to Bournemouth and, with careful management, survive. Nevertheless, the afternoon seemed endless and it was with a sense of relief, mixed with apprehension, that Nell heard John's key in the lock.
âHi.' She smiled at him as he came in, staying where she was on the sofa. âHow are you?'
âOK.' His voice was dull and he bent to kiss her without looking at her.
âThis came,' she said without preamble and held out the letter. âI didn't realise that things were so serious. I wish you'd told me.'
He stood looking at the letter, the light throwing an unflattering shadow into his face, and Nell suddenly noticed how old he looked, much older than his forty-two years.
âJohn.' Her tone was abrupt and John looked at her, frowning a little. âWhy don't we give it all up? Just pack it in?'
âYou make it sound easy.' His voice was still flat and lifeless and Nell got up and went to him. She put her arms round him and looked up at him pleadingly.
âIt could be easy,' she said gently. âThere's no shame in knowing when to give in. This recession has been too much for so many people.'
âSo what then?' He didn't attempt to return her embrace. âGo on the dole? Live in a DSS bed and breakfast? The landlord certainly wouldn't let us stay on here.'
âBut why should we do that? We can go to Bournemouth. I'm sure we'd manageâ'
âOh, for heaven's sake stop going on about Bournemouth!' He pushed her arms away and turned his back. âYou know how I feel about that!'
âYes but I don't know why.' Nell was puzzled and afraid. âIt's so silly to go on like this. OK, this bill's not a very big one luckily, we hardly ever use this telephone, but what about the other bills and the rent? Are those being paid? Why run up bills needlessly? I know the business isn't working. It can't be. Estate agents are at the lowest they've ever been, I saw it on the news. Why throw more money away? Haven't we lost enough already?' She saw his back go rigid and bit her lip. She must be careful, think about what she was saying. âOh, John,' she laid a hand on his unresponsive arm, âplease. We could be so happy. It's a lovely house, more or less furnished for us, with a garden. We could squeeze by on your pension now that Jack's got his scholarship. And with the baby comingâ'
âFor Christ's sake!' He spun round and she recoiled at the rage and hate in his face. âJust shut up! OK? Shut up! I don't want to hear about Bournemouth or the bloody baby! OK?'
âJohn, please!'
He stared into her frightened, pleading face and felt an urge to strike it, to throw her to the floor, to kick the distorted belly. He raised his hand as though he would hit her and, terrified by the hot surge of violent rage that was spiralling out of control, he pushed her backwards on to the sofa and fled from the room. The front door banged. Nell huddled where he had thrown her in the corner of the sofa, harsh sobs tearing themselves up from deep inside her. She drew herself into the smallest ball that was possible in her condition and cried in earnest. After a while, feeling dizzy and sick, she forced herself to relax and sit up. At this rate she'd go into premature labour. Whatever happened she must think of the baby. â“The bloody baby”,' she repeated to herself and wept anew, hugging her bump as though to assure its occupier that it was loved. She dragged herself into the kitchen and went through the familiar motions of making herself some tea. She felt ill and exhausted and made a very real effort to calm herself. It was difficult. She was so frightened. John's volatile temper had often caused her moments of distress but never had he looked at her with such disgust and hatred, as though he would have enjoyed hurting her. At the thought of it, Nell gave a little whimper of terror and misery. Supposing he came back drunk? No longer able to control himself as he had in that last second?
She took her mug back to the sitting room and sat in the corner of the sofa, trembling, sipping at her tea and trying not to cry. What should she do? Should she lock him out? The mere idea of such an act filled her with horror. It seemed so degrading, such a dreadful admission of failure. What could be wrong with him? Why should he hold out so adamantly about giving up and going to Bournemouth? After all, who would know? The family that he had strived to impress were all dead. Did he refuse to go to the Bournemouth house because of memories of his unhappiness there? So then what? Must all their lives be ruined because of his exaggerated sense of insecurity?
Nell shook her head. She simply didn't have the answers. It was as if she were living with a stranger and it was very frightening. With a tremendous effort she composed herself a little and going back to the kitchen she prepared herself some supper which she didn't want and could barely swallow. She knew now that she couldn't lock John out. Somehow it would be the end of everything. She didn't analyse why she felt like that, she just knew it instinctively. Wrapping herself in a rug, she settled on the sofa and waited; but evening passed slowly into night and night into morning and still John did not come.
The telephone rang early. Nell woke, stared round her and crawled stiffly from the sofa. Fear clutched her heart. Maybe it was the police ⦠She seized the receiver.
âNell?' It was John's voice and Nell closed her eyes, weak with relief. âNell. I'm just so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?'
âWhere are you?' Her brain jumped about, framing and rejecting questions.
âI spent the night at the office. Nell â¦'
âI'm fine. Honestly. I was just so worried when you didn't come home.' Nell strove to keep her voice level.
âI couldn't imagine that you'd want me in the house. Oh Nell â¦'
âIt's all right.' She simply couldn't cope with the disintegration process, the change from bully to weakling. âIt's OK, John. But we must talk. We can't go on like this. We've got to make some decisions.'
âI know. I know that. Look. Just give me a few days. I promise I'll discuss anything you like then. But give me a few days, a week, no questions asked and then we'll talk. Please?'