The Cowboy Code (5 page)

“L
et's get back to the corral, Maggie,” Joe said after lunch. “We need to work on your fear of riding.”

And she'd thought she was doing such a good job of hiding her fear today.

Busted.

She glanced over at Danny. Judging by the scowl on his face, he hadn't missed a word of Joe's invitation. She'd have to talk to him later, reassure him that nothing was going on.

“Sure,” she answered.

Joe didn't say a word until they walked to a wooden bench along a slight bend in the Silver
River. He gestured to the bench and she took a seat. He sat down next to her.

“You're more scared of riding than I thought,” he said bluntly. “You worked around them just fine, but being too nervous about riding increases your chances of getting hurt. We've got to help you control your fear.”

“I actually thought that I'd be okay. But seeing them up close and personal, without them being in a stall—” She shivered.

He took a seat next to her. “All the horses have been especially picked out and trained for Cowboy Quest. So put your mind at ease. With practice, you'll get better and better and more relaxed. Okay?”

His voice and demeanor were so gentle, she wanted to be successful for him…er…for
Danny
and for herself.

“I'm not one to back away from a challenge. I'm giving this my best shot. Just let me have a moment before we start so I can do my breathing exercises. That always helps me.”

“What else are you afraid of that you have to do breathing exercises?”

“I get pretty bad stage fright—stress, actually. And this is stress personified.”

“I'll give you whatever time you need, Maggie. And I never thought you'd back away, not for a moment. If you can perform on Broadway before a huge
crowd and go on TV to accept your Tony and make a speech, then riding Lady should be like…uh…”

“Riding the carousel in Central Park?”

“Easier.” He took her hand, studied it and then released it. He was gentle, then his face became impassive. She'd love to know what he was thinking just then.

“I'm okay now. Go ahead,” she said, inhaling and exhaling deeply. “I'll meet you at the barn.”

“If you're sure.” He stood and headed back toward the barn.

“Joe?”

He turned back and waited.

She exhaled loudly. “Thanks.”

He gave her the thumbs-up sign, along with a sexy wink.

But she wondered what he thought about her weakness, needing breathing exercises to cope with stress. Then it hit her. What if he thought she couldn't cope with Danny?

She couldn't let her defenses down like she had. From now on, she wasn't going to reveal any more of herself than necessary.

 

Maggie studied Lady in her stall. She looked harmless, even cute. Okay. This was girl-to-girl,
mano a mano,
ladies' night out, happy hour.

“Just don't throw me, Lady. I have a brilliant career going—or at least I
had
a brilliant career,”
she whispered. “I can't afford to break anything. I'm a dancer.” She did a little two-step, humming to accompany herself.

Someone laughed, and she spun around. It was Joe. Her heart did a little leap in her chest at the sight of him.

“Lady likes it when someone sings to her.”

“Good. I'll do
Phantom of the Opera.
Or maybe something from
Oklahoma!
” She chuckled.

“What about something from
Hearts and Flowers
?”

Her heart sank at the mere mention of the musical that she'd never get to do.

“How did you know the name of the show that I was—”

“The probation report.”

“Ah…yes. That document is as comprehensive as the Declaration of Independence, isn't it?” she asked.

He grinned. “More.”

She was getting lost in his eyes, then guilt set in. She looked around for Danny.

“I assigned Danny to another staff member,” he said without her even asking. “I decided that you needed extra instruction.”

Butterflies settled in her stomach. What would Danny think about her spending time—alone—with Joe?

“Maggie, do you resent having to come here and not being able to rehearse for your new musical?”

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “I don't want to talk about it. I'm here for a riding lesson.”

“You're here for much more,” he said softly.

She needed to get away from Cowboy Quest—to get away from him. She needed to think, but that was impossible right now. She had to do the right thing—no, she
wanted
to do the right thing—for Danny's sake.

She'd thought that maybe the right thing would be to quit performing and teach dance and voice. She'd done that with kids during the past few summers as part of a special theater program, and she'd loved it. But even if she did it full-time, she doubted that it would pay enough to support them both.

She petted Lady's nose as she sorted out the many things that were swirling around in her head.

“Maggie, you've got to talk to me—I want to help you, and Danny, but I can't unless you let me in.”

“I know you're only trying to help, not pry, but I'm not comfortable relating my feelings to a person that I've only known for two days.”

“Look—”

She couldn't hold it in any longer. “What do you want me to say? That I'm mad because I had to pass up the best role of my career to come here? That I feel guilty about feeling resentful toward Danny
even though it's my fault that he screwed up? And if we are really psychoanalyzing me, I resent my sister Liz for dying, and not being here for Danny.” Her hands shook, and she stuffed them into her pockets. “So the short answer is
yes.
I
do
resent having to come here.”

She kicked a loose stone into the river. “Wow. Just how horrible am I?”

“Tell me about Liz. Why do you resent her for dying?”

Tears stung Maggie's eyes, and she blinked them back, willing them not to fall. “Because I miss her every day of my life. I want to talk to her one last time. I want to tell her how much I love her, and how much she's always meant to me. I want to tell her that I'm sorry that I let her down, that I've messed things up with Danny.”

Tears fell down her cheeks and onto her blouse. She sniffed and fished in her pockets for some tissues. Joe handed her a folded red bandanna. “Sorry. I didn't mean to fall apart.” But she had, and it felt like a giant weight had lifted off her chest. She'd thought these things often enough, but it was the first time she'd voiced them aloud. She hadn't even said this much to her grief counselor, but here on a wooden bench in Mountain Springs, Wyoming, she bared her soul to a cowboy.

“Cry all you want,” Joe said. “It's good for you to get all this out in the open.”

She managed to smile. “Thanks for listening, Joe.”

“Everything you've said is all very understandable, Maggie.” He shrugged. “You're only human, you know.” He leaned forward, rested his arm on his knees and looked intently at her. “Now that we're talking, want to tell me why you're so scared of riding?”

She took a deep breath. “Okay. Here goes.” She took several deep breaths and let them out. “My girlfriends and I would always save our babysitting money so we could ride at the stable by my house. The stable was about two miles away, and we'd ride our bikes there. This one time, someone else had reserved the horse that I always rode, the one I was used to.”

She paused and smiled, thinking of her favorite horse. “His name was Sparky, and he was black and very sweet and gentle. Instead, I got a horse named Banner, a palomino, who was a nervous type, which didn't sit well with me because I wasn't the most confident rider.” She shook her head. “The trainer who led us through the trails and across the farm fields thought it would be fun to jump a ditch that contained some irrigation equipment.”

Joe grunted. “I know what's coming.”

“Well, everyone soared over it, except me. I pulled on Banner's reins at the last second, and I went over his head and landed on my back on some
kind of pipe.” She closed her eyes. “He didn't step on me, but he came close. I remember seeing his underbelly. I got the wind knocked out of me. I couldn't breathe.”

She was breathing hard now, reliving the incident. “Everyone was too busy laughing to notice that I couldn't breathe. Everything started to go dark around the edges, and their laughter seemed to get farther and farther away due to my lack of oxygen. I hit the ground and broke my arm. Luckily, as I fell again, it knocked something in place, and I could breathe again.”

“What a horrible experience.” Joe met her gaze. “Did you get back on?”

“No. I walked to the barn, got my bicycle and rode home using only my good arm. I never talked to my so-called friends again, and never went near a horse again.” She smiled. “I'm even leery of the ones that pull carriages in New York City.”

“No wonder you're scared, Maggie. Damn. Who wouldn't be? And you came here knowing that you had to ride.”

“What else could I do? This is about Danny, not me. Keeping him out of placement is the issue, not my fear of horses.” She crossed her fingers, and held them up. “I'm still hoping to overcome my fear.”

“I'll help you, Maggie, and I promise I'll do everything I can to make sure you don't get hurt. But if anything does happen, I'm a trained paramedic.
You just have to trust me and try to stay calm. Can you do that?”

“It's me that I don't trust.”

“You just need confidence.” He put his hat back on. “Let's table your lesson until tomorrow. I can always lend a hand at the corral.”

“No.” She shook her head. She didn't know what had happened, but somehow this sweet, concerned cowboy had helped her to talk about it. Maybe she'd been misreading him. Maybe he wasn't just concerned about his program's success. In his own way, he led her to some kind of breakthrough. “If you don't mind, I'd like to try my lesson again. Let's do it now. I don't want to think about it overnight, and I don't want to get too far behind the rest.”

“You sure?”

“Yes,” she said with all the confidence she could muster.

“Excellent decision. Let's go.”

 

Somehow Joe had known if he suggested that they wait on the lesson, Maggie would opt to try again.

A warm feeling settled over him. He wished he could lead her away from here. They could ride in the lower pasture where the wildflowers were in bloom. Hearing her open up—finally—made him want to become even closer to her….

But he couldn't. And before he did something
he'd regret, he'd better stop thinking about Maggie as a woman, and remember that she was just a participant in his program.

They came to the barn door, and Joe could sense her nervousness, hear her breathing quicken. He took her hand in his, and felt the warmth of her skin. He told himself that he was just trying to encourage her, but it felt so good to touch her.

“I'm going to have you bridle and saddle Lady a few times just to get you more comfortable being around her. I'll be right next to you. Ready?”

She nodded. “Ready.”

He didn't let go of her hand. Unfortunately, two of the kids and one of the cowboys were in the barn, and they had to suffer through three pairs of raised eyebrows and three sets of eyes looking at their clasped hands.

One pair of eyes belonged to Brandon Avery, Danny's new friend. Maggie's grip tensed, and he wondered if he should drop her hand.

But one scathing look from Joe and the three looked away. He dropped her hand to lead Lady out of her stall, and hooked up the lead rope to a cast-iron circle on the wall. He handed Maggie the horse's bridle and a sugar cube.

“Just remember what I showed you. She'll take the bit. She knows what's happening.”

Maggie turned to the horse, and fed her the sugar cube. She'd clearly gotten the hang of things during
their morning session, because she didn't need much instruction for the bit, nor for the saddle.

Joe unhooked the lead rope, and handed her the reins. She took them without flinching, though he could see the tension in the set of her shoulders.

“Now lead her outside. I'm right here, next to you,” Joe said. It wasn't a hardship being next to Maggie, catching the scent of her floral shampoo whenever she was near.

“So far, so good. Right?”

“You're doing fine. We're going to take Lady on a walk along the river, just so the two of you can get better acquainted.”

“It has turned into a gorgeous day.”

Joe hadn't noticed. He'd been busy worrying about the beautiful woman next to him. Shedding his coat, he draped it over a fence post. She handed him Lady's reins and did the same.

They walked along the river, Lady neighing softly behind them.

“If you'll hold her for me, I think I'm ready to get on now, Joe.”

“Okay, but let me help you.” He gave her instructions, and Maggie repeated them. After a few hops, she was sitting in the saddle, looking surprised—and proud of herself.

“There will be no jumping or running. We'll let Lady walk for a while, then we'll call it a day.”

When he looked back at Maggie, she was sitting
tall in the saddle and seemed to be enjoying the ride. Every now and then, she'd pet Lady or whisper something to the horse that he couldn't hear.

“I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm having a great time.” She chuckled. “I'm back on a horse after—” She put her hand over her mouth so the next word was muffled, then she removed it. “Years.”

He laughed. It seemed like he was always laughing with Maggie.

Ideally, he would have liked it if she took the reins, but he felt that Maggie had made a ton of progress, and he admired her grit.