The Cowboy Next Door (The Cash Brothers) (15 page)

The bull continued to buck high and tight. Everything was going well until Shannon slipped sideways during a spin. The buzzer sounded, but Johnny didn’t hear it, his eyes remained glued to Shannon.
C’mon, baby, you can do it
.
Find an opening.

She dropped farther down the side of the bull.

What was she waiting for?
Now, Shannon, now!

She attempted to move her leg into position, but the awkward angle of her body prevented her from pushing off and she fell straight to the ground, the bull’s hooves missing her head by inches. Johnny’s heart stopped beating as she attempted to roll away. The bull rotated in her direction and she aborted the effort, diving sideways to avoid getting stomped.

Move, baby, move!

As if Shannon heard his command, she scrambled to her feet and stumbled the first few steps before gaining her balance and running for safety as the bullfighters distracted Lightning Strikes.

She staggered like a drunken woman into the cowboy ready area and removed her mask. Once she’d thanked the cowboys who congratulated her, Johnny held her trembling body close—so close he feared he’d suffocate her.

She’d survived round two.

One more to go.

* * *

S
HANNON
LEFT
THE
BED
and escaped to the bathroom. As quietly as possible, she lifted the toilet seat and vomited—twice. There went the nice steak dinner Johnny had bought her to celebrate making it to the buzzer on Lightning Strikes.

Heaven help her, she was a disaster—both physically and emotionally. Her body was battered and bruised. Icing her Achilles tendon hadn’t helped—her leg felt on fire. To be honest she’d never thought in a million years she’d be having this much trouble with the tendon and for the first time she was forced to consider that it might be a career-ending injury. She couldn’t continue to be competitive unless her leg was a hundred percent, which meant if she didn’t win tomorrow her run for the title might be over.

And it wasn’t just her banged-up leg that would force her to retire her bull rope. As much as she wanted to believe she had control over her fear, the nightmare that had followed her home from the hospital had reared its ugly head tonight and she feared if she fell back asleep the visions would cripple her and prevent her from competing tomorrow.

After she flushed the toilet, she leaned against the tub and rested her head in her hands. Everything came down to one ride and she’d drawn the tougher bull. Smackdown—a bull with a reputation of turning on his riders. A bull that had yet to be ridden this year. A bull most cowboys yearned for the chance to conquer.

A bull capable of winning her the title.

A bull she wanted nothing to do with.

The look on Johnny’s face when he learned which bull she’d drawn proved that he was scared for her, too. She was so grateful he’d come to Tucson to support her, yet she wished he hadn’t come, because she knew she was putting him through hell.

Her stomach heaved again and she lurched toward the porcelain bowl. After she flushed the toilet she heard a noise in the other room and noticed a shadow beneath the door.

Was Johnny listening to her retch? Seconds passed and finally the shadow disappeared. Forcing her shaky legs to hold her, she stood and brushed her teeth before turning out the light and slipping into bed. She lay in the dark listening to Johnny breathe. After a few seconds he lifted his arm and she nestled her face against his neck. The smell of his faded cologne and male scent soothed her ragged nerves.

“Can I ask you a question?” Johnny’s deep voice drifted into her ear.

No.
“Sure.”

“Why are you letting your mother have so much power over you?”

“What do you mean?”

He shifted on the mattress and faced her, his chest bumping her breasts. “Neither winning or losing the title will change the fact that your mother abandoned you.”

“When I was little, I felt all alone and no matter how hard I tried to keep up with Matt and Luke and make my father proud, I didn’t feel like I fully belonged with them.”

“And you blamed your mother.”

“I resented not having a mother to talk to about girl things.” She tried to gather her thoughts but emotions got in the way. “My anger festered, which only made me more determined to be like my brothers and do guys things like rodeo.”

“So you wanted to punish your mother.”

Had she? “Rodeo gave me a focus and helped me forget that my mother wanted nothing to do with me.” Rodeo was her life. All she’d ever done—it was who she’d become.

“Have you talked to your father about this?”

“He already blames himself for raising me like a tomboy.”

“So winning the title is going to make you feel better about your mother leaving you and your brothers?”

Why did it sound immature when Johnny said it? “It’ll make up for the pain of knowing my mother didn’t love me.”

Johnny threaded his fingers through her hair. “Try to get some sleep. I’m right here. I won’t let anything hurt you.”

She closed her eyes, trusting him to keep the nightmares at bay. As the first rays of sun peeked through the curtains, she drifted off to sleep and Johnny lay wide-awake.

He stared at the ceiling. It had torn him to pieces when he’d stood outside the bathroom door, listening to her vomit. Now that he knew what demon rode her back, he felt even more helpless, because there was nothing he could do to change Shannon’s childhood or the fact that her mother had left the family.

He and Shannon shared similar childhoods and he felt a connection to her on a deeper level than he’d experienced with anyone else. He wished he was enough to fill the void left by her mother, but based on his own experience with abandonment issues, he’d learned that nothing he did or tried to do would make the pain go away.

Did she realize that her decision to compete today was putting him through hell and back?

This isn’t about you.

Shannon was about to confront the biggest challenge of her life and she needed him—not to stop her, but to stand by her side and be there for her no matter what the outcome.

He swallowed hard when he thought of Smackdown—a badass nasty bull. Rodriguez had drawn Let’s Party, a middle-of-the-road, straight-forward bucker. The cowboy would make it to eight, which guaranteed him a victory if Shannon got thrown.

Johnny resisted the urge to wake Shannon. He desperately wanted to make love to her, but feared that kind of closeness would break the promise he’d made to himself—that he wouldn’t make her choose between him and rodeo. She wiggled against him and he kissed the top of her head. “You awake?”

“Mmm.” She stretched her arms above her head, exposing her breasts when the sheet dropped. “I’m hungry.”

So was he. Hungry to make love to her one more time.

“Let’s eat a big breakfast,” she said.

“We’ll stop at the Waffle House on the way to the rodeo grounds.”

They took turns getting ready in the bathroom, then packed their overnight bags. “What’s wrong?” she asked when he didn’t walk to the door.

“I have something to say.”

She dropped her bag. “Okay.”

“I love you.”

Her eyes rounded.

“I just needed you to know that before...” He closed the distance between them and held her by the shoulders. “I’m in love with you, Shannon. I started falling in love with you way back in August when we danced after the rodeo in Gila Bend, but I didn’t realize the depth of my feelings until...” He’d watched her get run down by a bull.

She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Johnny.”

He was so damned rattled and worried about the rodeo that he was making a mess of his proposal. “This isn’t the place—” he spread his arms wide “—I imagined asking you to marry me. I don’t even have a ring for you.”

“You don’t have to do this.” She grasped his hand. “Nothing’s going to happen to me today.”

“I’m not proposing to you because I think you’ll get hurt.”

“You mean you’re not asking me to marry you, hoping I’ll reconsider and scratch my ride?”

“No! I love you, Shannon, whether you ride today, tomorrow or next week.”

“But you don’t approve of me riding,” she said.

“It’s not that I don’t approve. I just wish I could make up for what your mother robbed you of as a child.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “But I can’t give you back all the things you missed out on growing up without a mother.”

Tears flooded her eyes.

“If you’ll let me, I’ll be the man standing by your side when that chute door opens and the man whose arms you walk into when the ride’s over.” He didn’t know how else to express his love, so he kissed her.

After their long, slow kiss, she whispered, “I love you, too, Johnny. There’s no other man I trust more with my heart than you.”

“Then marry me,” he said.

Her smile was shaky, but her voice was strong. “I’d be honored to become your wife.”

Their kiss was desperate yet filled with hope. When they broke apart, he said, “Whatever the future holds for us, we’re in this together. Don’t ever forget that.”

* * *

“L
ADIES
AND
GENTLEMEN
, welcome to the...”

“Quit looking over there,” Johnny said when Shannon glanced at the crowd gathering near C.J.

She and Johnny had arrived at the rodeo two hours ago and her nerves were tied in knots.

As the rodeo announcer recapped the competition between her and C.J., Shannon inched closer to Johnny, absorbing his strength. Since he’d proposed to her in the motel room and she’d accepted, she’d tried not to think too much about the future, because each time she did, she was tempted to walk away from her ride. Johnny had handed her a valid reason to call it quits yet he hadn’t asked her to scratch from the event today. He was willing to stand by her no matter the outcome this afternoon and for that very reason she wanted to win.

She’d been uncertain about her future after today but now that she knew she was spending the rest of her life with Johnny—no matter the result of today’s ride—she planned to retire from rodeo.

“You ready, daughter?”

Shannon gasped. Her father and brothers walked toward her. Matt and Luke were grinning but her dad’s expression remained sober.

“You came,” she said.

“We’ve been here all weekend, Shannon, watching from the stands,” Luke said.

Stunned, she couldn’t find her voice. Johnny nodded to her brothers and they walked over to the stock pens, allowing Shannon and her father privacy.

“Daughter, I’ve been a lousy father to you all these years.”

“That’s not true.”

“When you got serious about competing in roughstock events, I assumed if I showed my disapproval, you’d quit. But you’re as stubborn as your old man and I’d raised you not to be a quitter, so I don’t know why I thought you’d listen to me.” He removed his hat and rubbed his brow. “No matter how tough you acted, you were still my little girl and the thought of you getting hurt... Honest to God, I didn’t know how to handle my fear.”

“Do you want me to scratch this afternoon?”

“No. You’ve worked hard for this moment. It’s yours for the taking.”

Shannon hugged her father. “I love you, Dad.”

“We need to do that more often,” he said.

“What’s that?”

“Hug. I’ve missed hugging my little girl.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat, then smiled when she noticed the Cash clan heading her way, Dixie leading the charge. Johnny’s brothers all wished her well on her ride and then Dixie stepped forward and hugged her. “Go get ’em, girl.”

“Johnny proposed to me,” she whispered in Dixie’s ear.

“Please tell me you said yes.” Dixie squeezed Shannon’s hand. “My brother is so in love with you, he’s beside himself.”

“I said yes.”

“Good. We’ve always been like sisters, now it will be legal.” Dixie nodded to the bull the rodeo helpers loaded into the chute. “We’ll be here afterward, Shannon.”

“I know.” The love and support of Johnny’s family and Shannon’s best friend topped off an already emotional confession from her father. Right now...right here...she realized she had it all—everything that mattered most in life and her mother couldn’t rob her of her happiness.

Everyone returned to the stands to watch Shannon’s ride except Johnny—he remained with her behind the chutes. Gazing into his blue eyes she decided that she’d ride Smackdown—not to put C.J. in his place. Not for the childhood her mother had stolen from her. But for her and Johnny—to celebrate their unconditional love for each other.

C.J. rode first, the announcer making a big deal out of his career stats. The gate opened and the first three seconds of C.J.’s performance were textbook bull riding. Then he must have gotten cocky, because the bull bucked C.J. off his back. The arena sat in stunned silence.

“Well, folks, I sure didn’t expect that from an experienced bull rider like Rodriguez. Looks like the ball is in Shannon Douglas’s court. Will she make it to eight?”

Shannon eased onto Smackdown’s back. The bull’s muscles bunched but he stood quietly while the rodeo helpers fished the rope from beneath him. The announcer rambled on about the grudge match between Shannon and C.J. The voices quieted in her head as she envisioned herself coming out of the chute.

Slowly, her fear and anxiety disappeared, replaced by the confidence she felt in the gift of Johnny’s love. A future brighter than she’d dreamed possible lay ahead of her after the next eight seconds. She smiled at Johnny as adrenaline raced through her bloodstream like rocket fuel, then she nodded to the gateman.

Smackdown vaulted into the arena and executed a double kick before turning in a tight spin. Shannon had anticipated the move and stuck like glue to the animal’s backside. The bull continued to spin but she hung on, fighting with every ounce of her strength. When the buzzer sounded the fans came to their feet, the noise rocking the arena. She remained alert, waiting for an opening to dismount.