Cooper paused midbite. “You mean why he didn’t tell you about his trip?”
She nodded while curling her finger around her mug’s handle.
“Simple answer?” He dropped his biscuit on a saucer. “One that basically makes me feel like an even bigger pile of crap?”
Works for me...
“He said he would’ve rather spent the money on a trip for you and the kids, but—”
“I get it.” And she did. How many times had she and Jim daydreamed about taking LeeAnn and J.J. to Disney? Yes, that money could’ve gone toward a once-in-a-lifetime trip—even better, been used to make house or barn repairs. But honestly? Now that she’d had a few hours to mull it over, her anger’s edge had dulled. “I really do. And you know, as miffed as I am that he didn’t trust me not to flip out at him over the money, it makes me feel...” Her eyes welled before she could complete her thought.
She glanced up to find Cooper’s eyes shining.
He shocked her by reaching across the table to cover her hand. No—
shocked
would be too tame of a word. His tender, sweet touch
devastated
her. She wanted—needed—to hate him, but what was the point? The adult in her could rationalize that they were both the walking wounded. Granted, for different reasons, but Cooper had to be every bit as raw on the inside as she was. His guilt couldn’t be any easier to bear than her grief.
They sat like that forever.
The restaurant’s canned, easy-listening music and ambient conversations and clatter faded until all Millie heard was the thunder of her own heart.
It’d been three endless years since she’d been touched.
Really
touched. Sure, she hugged the kids and Peg and her friends, but that wasn’t the same. This... This was indescribably good and maybe a little thrilling and made her long to just snuggle up against someone and release a long, slow exhale. Only when it came down to it, truthfully, she didn’t want to be held by just anyone, but Cooper—the only guy she’d ever been attracted to besides her husband.
How twisted was that?
Wrong on every level, but she couldn’t help how she felt.
She lifted her gaze only to collide with his. He looked all at once apologetic and yet determined. But for what? Did he feel as flustered around her as she did him?
“Here you go.” The waitress startled Millie back to reality—only, she didn’t want to go. “An Admiral’s Feast for you, sir. And, ma’am, your grilled shrimp skewer.”
“Thanks,” Cooper said.
“Need anything else?” the too-chipper, twentysomething blonde asked.
“We’re good.” Thank heavens her brother-in-law answered, because Millie didn’t think she could.
Cooper withdrew his hand.
Losing not only his heat, but also his strength, felt akin to her bones having turned to jelly. No matter how deeply she’d resented his help that morning, deep down, she knew she needed him. He wasn’t the enemy. Just another soul lost to what was beginning to feel like an almost insurmountable string of Hansen family tragedies. How would rejecting him, holding on to her frustration with him, make anything better?
They ate in silence.
Returned to the car with only polite chitchat.
She had to fix this, but wasn’t sure how. “Thanks for lunch. It was delicious—but way too expensive.”
“Stop.”
“What?” She climbed into the truck beside him.
“Okay, it’s like this...” A muscle ticking in his jaw, he stared at the busy street in front of where she’d parked. His profile was hard. Weary. Make no mistake, he was still one of the most handsome men she’d ever known, but his gaze used to hold an internal glow that’d gone out. Was any of the old Cooper left? Was she partly to blame for his now looking so downtrodden? “I’m a grown man. Don’t tell me what to spend, or where to sleep, or how long I’m allowed to stay in the public areas of the house where I spent the first eighteen years of my life. For the hundredth time—sorry I hurt you. Sorry I never took the time to really get to know J.J. and Lee, but I’m trying... And if you’d just—”
Not thinking, just doing, Millie unfastened her seat belt and leaned across the truck’s cab to kiss Cooper’s cheek. But then he turned, and her lips grazed his. And her heart took off on a runaway canter fueled by sheer panic.
That kiss had been a total accident, so why were her lips tingling and a much lower heat pooling and her mouth turning dry and...
“Son of a biscuit, Mill, what was that?” Not only did Cooper cover his mouth, but as if she were a dangerously thorny cactus, he jerked a foot away.
Chapter Nine
Millie retreated to the relative safety of her side of the truck. “
That
was supposed to have been a platonic thanks-for-lunch kiss to your cheek, but you had to ruin it by turning.”
“How have I ruined anything—I mean, at least, lately? Ever since showing up, I’ve worked my ass off and spent a bundle. You’re the one putting on the big chill.”
“I just kissed you!”
“That’s my point—why the hell would you
ever
kiss me? You’re my brother’s wife. Kissing you doesn’t—”
“Wait—you think I
for real
meant to kiss you? No, no, no...” She covered her face with her hands. “You totally misread the situation.” But had he? Sure, she’d meant to kiss him on the cheek, only her body traitorously wasn’t concerned about the mix-up. It’d been years since she’d kissed a man, and apparently, judging by her still-galloping pulse, she’d liked it!
What kind of horrible woman was she? Who kissed their brother-in-law? A straight-up harlot, that’s who!
He started the truck.
“Don’t you think we should talk more about this?”
Backed out of their parking space.
“It
really
was an accident.”
Maneuvered the vehicle through the bustling lot.
“Cooper?”
Only after making a right onto the busy main traffic artery did he ask, “We still need to run by a grocery store?”
“No. Let’s just get home.” She crossed her arms. Fine. He wanted to keep up the silent treatment? Two could play that game.
A short while later, he pulled into the King Soopers in Thornton. Parked the car and killed the engine.
“I told you I wanted to go straight home.”
His sideways half smile played teeter-totter with her heart. Not only did he bring back shadows of his brother, but more. He reminded her of the girl she’d been before taking her friendship with Jim to another level. Before then, she’d been Team Cooper all the way, worshipping him from the anonymity of crowded school hallways and rodeo stands. Her body seemed all tense and confused about the fact that she wasn’t a lovesick teen anymore, and Cooper was no longer her crush.
After taking the key from the ignition, he said, “Only one problem with me taking you straight home.”
She gulped. “What’s that?”
“I got a hankering for something sweet last night, and, well...” His already wind-chapped cheeks further reddened. “I, ah, ate the rest of your private stash of Oreos.”
The way he said
private stash
made it sound like her cookies were porn!
Now her cheeks superheated. “You’re awful.” And not just for eating her secret treats, but for making her feel all flustered and as if she’d lost control of her own body. Before he’d shown up, things like kissing and hugging and fornicating hadn’t even been on her radar. Most days, she forgot she was even a woman. Now? Cooper had unwittingly made her crave something far more than cookies. And that fact shamed her to her core.
*
“U
NCLE
C
OOPER
! L
OOK
what I made at school!”
Cooper looked up from his job of hanging heat lamps by chains from the barn’s lower rafters to find J.J. charging his way, holding a shoe box under his arm.
It’d been two days since what he now called the
Denver Incident,
and his primary mission had become keeping a safe distance from his sister-in-law. Her cute son and daughter were another matter. Although LeeAnn wanted nothing to do with him, J.J. stuck to him like peanut butter on a cracker. The goofy kid was about as nutty, too. But in a good way.
“We’ve been learning about the ocean and stuff, and since my friend Cayden says Navy guys like you are swimming all the time, I thought you might miss the beach, so I made you this!” Out of breath from his long-winded speech, the kid finally stopped talking to grin. Lord, he was a cutie. Looked just like the pics of his dad at that age.
Cooper climbed down from the ladder to check out J.J.’s creation. For once, the weather wasn’t half-bad. Temps in the fifties with no wind. “All right, buddy—” he ruffled the boy’s hair “—show me what you’ve got.”
J.J. lifted the box’s lid to reveal a crude diorama of a beach scene. Though the sand contained scraps of paper and yarn, the water was made of blue construction paper, and a reef was constructed with painted rocks, Cooper’s throat knotted upon seeing a green plastic army guy on top of the water. What he assumed was a scuba suit had been drawn on with a marker. “Is that me?”
“Uh-huh,” his nephew said, “and that gray blob is a shark you were gonna save me from, but one of the coral rocks smashed it on the bus. Do you still like it?”
“Buddy, it’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. Thank you.” With reverence, Cooper set the box on a ladder rung to give the boy a hug. “I love it.”
“I love you, Uncle Cooper. I’m glad you live with us.”
The words and resulting emotion struck Cooper like a punch. How could this kid
love
him? He hardly even knew him. But then maybe that was the magic of being a kid. They don’t carry around a decade of regrets to use when judging a man’s character.
To say Cooper was gobsmacked by J.J.’s affection was an understatement. He was also honored—and afraid. He didn’t live with J.J. and his mom and sister and grandpa. As soon as Clint was back on his feet, Cooper was gone. What would his nephew think about him then?
“I, ah, love you, too, bud.” What else could Cooper say? They were blood relations. Of course he loved him. But he also was unsure what that even meant. When Cooper returned to the Navy, as fast as J.J. had declared his affection, would he take it away?
J.J. squirmed from Cooper’s hold and ran over to the calf’s new enclosure. “Aw, you got his house made!” He opened the pen door and sat alongside the resting animal. J.J. hugged him. “You’re so cute! I love you!”
Okay, wait... The calf was also getting J.J.’s love?
What did that mean in the grand scheme of things? Was the
L
word no big deal to kids? How was Cooper supposed to know? He’d talk to Millie about it, but after the kissing incident, he didn’t trust himself to be anywhere near her.
Regardless of whether the kiss was accidental or not, it’d resulted in heat rocketing through him with the speed of a cracked whip. Not cool, considering who she was.
Their trek through the grocery store and the endless ride home had been torture. How did he begin to process the fact that by doing something as innocuous as turning his head, he’d changed everything? He’d always been aware of Millie. How sweet and kind and pretty she was. But now that kiss had added a shocking twist to her repertoire. It’d made him see her as not just his sister-in-law, or the friend she’d been back in school, but as a woman.
A desirable woman.
Even if his dad healed faster than anyone expected, it would still take a long time before he fully recovered. Cooper could potentially be stuck out here on the prairie for months. Not good.
Especially when he glanced toward his nephew still hugging the calf. That precious sight squeezed a long-forgotten place in his heart that was reserved for all things innocent and good.
In his line of work, he mostly saw darkness. The cumulative effects of which had fundamentally changed him. Left him doubting whether anything good was even left in this world. But looking at his nephew and the calf proved innocence was still possible.
But fleeting. Fragile. For the calf would grow and be sold. J.J. would grow and leave this lonely place. Cooper wouldn’t be around long enough to witness either.
*
B
Y
THE
TIME
Cooper came inside for the night, supper had come and gone, and LeeAnn had taken over the kitchen table with her volcano construction. J.J. had finished his homework and was upstairs, playing his Xbox.
The harlot in Millie who’d enjoyed that kiss was glad Cooper had spent most of the past forty-eight hours in the barn. The nice person in her feared that in his attempt to steer clear of her, he’d work himself to death.
“Finished?” she asked while he hung his hat and coat on the back-door pegs.
“Yeah. The chickens and calf are toasty, and I’m sure the horses aren’t minding the heat wave. I’ll get to work on the new coop in the morning.”
“Mill-eeee!”
“Duty calls.” She looked toward Clint’s room. “I made you a dinner plate. It’s in the oven.”
“Thanks. Smells good.”
The whole time she helped Clint get ready for bed, she couldn’t get her mind off his son. Did Cooper like her new pork chop recipe? Were he and LeeAnn sharing the table? After he ate, would he go to bed or share her TV time with her? Part of her wished he’d stay in his room. Another part wondered what it might be like for them to share a civilized adult conversation.
And more adult kisses?
Her cheeks blazed.
Clint tapped his whiteboard. It read
Where is he?
“I assume in the kitchen, just now eating supper.” The traveling nurse, a speech therapist and physical therapist had all visited. A change in Clint’s meds had him less drowsy, more cantankerous and speaking a smidge more clearly. “He’s always working.”
Clint grunted.
“Don’t believe me?” She outlined all that Cooper had recently done. And how now that her kitchen had been sanitized and spit-shined, she found herself missing the chickens and calf.
Clint wrote
Don’t trust him!
She sighed. “I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but knock it off. He’s done more around here in a few days than I could’ve in a month. You should be grateful to him. I know I am.” Despite the tension between them that was as plain as summer heat on shimmering blacktop, not for a second would she discount Cooper’s value to the ranch.
That kiss meant nothing. It’d been a split-second mistake to add to her ever-growing mountain.
Clint was back to tapping on his whiteboard.
He’s the devil!
“Oh, stop. You hating your son isn’t going to bring your wife back. Do you think she’d approve of this feud? If anything, she’d be ashamed of you for not insisting Cooper come home years ago. Did you know Jim even secretly tried mending fences?” Whereas she’d initially been mad at Jim for lying to her, after letting the fact sink in, she now saw it as brave. When Clint was at full strength, he’d been a force to contend with. No one dared cross him.
Her father-in-law growled.
She gave him a dirty look. “Like it or not, Clint Hansen, things are changing around here for the better.”
After giving him his meds, she made sure his lightweight plastic pitcher was filled with fresh water, and that his TV remote was on the nightstand in case he woke in the middle of the night. The physical therapist had mentioned that in the coming weeks, he wanted Clint upright for a portion of his days. He also had simple exercises to do for regaining his strength.
“That should do it,” she said after tidying his quilts.
“Thwank oooh.”
She kissed his leathery cheek. “You’re welcome. I love you. Now go to sleep and wake up less cantankerous.”
In the kitchen, Millie expected to find Cooper at the table, but there was no sign of him.
“Where’s your uncle?” she asked her daughter, trying to strike a casual, conversational tone as if his whereabouts didn’t really matter. Which they didn’t. She just wanted to know if he liked her pork chops. Because no way had she actually missed him the past couple of days.
LeeAnn shrugged. “Beats me. Do you think this is tall enough?”
After peeking in the oven to see if Cooper had even taken his plate—he had—she told her daughter, “Looks good to me. Maybe even it out on the back side?”
She sighed. “That’s gonna take forever. God, this is so boring!”
“Sorry. Maybe you should’ve picked another project.” Millie wanted to find Cooper, but instead joined her daughter in slapping more of the goopy papier-mâché strips onto her volcano.
What was it about him that had her craving his company? And why had she made that ridiculous speech about his staying away? If she hadn’t, he might be in the kitchen, helping with this admitted snooze fest of a project. Was she a bad mom for hating the annual science fair? “How much do you have left to do after you paint your mountain?”
“Not much. The pop bottle eruption part seems super easy. Then I have to write the paper. And make the backboard. Oh—and find pictures for the backboard. Think Uncle Cooper would let me use a couple of his from Pompeii?”
“Probably. Does that mean you two are now friends?”
LeeAnn made a preteen look of disgust. “Eew, no. But his pictures were pretty cool.”
“True...” Millie couldn’t wrap her mind around how far away Pompeii actually was. She’d barely been out of the state. Would Cooper mind talking about his travels? What other pictures did he have? Was he one of those Navy guys with a woman in every port? If so, were they like girlfriends to him or just lovers?
Her cheeks flamed.
“Mom, are you okay?” LeeAnn froze with her hands in the glue and water mixture.
“Sure. Why?”
“You don’t look so hot. Or I mean you do look hot—but all red and blotchy.”
Thanks
. Just what every woman wants to hear...
Millie helped LeeAnn finish, then they carried the volcano to the porch, setting it on top of the washing machine to dry.
“Mom, could I
please
use your cell to call Kara?”
Millie sighed. “Hon, we’ve been over this before. What’s wrong with the house phone?”
“She’s having boy problems and I need privacy. The house phone gets staticky in my room.”
“Tell you what—” she kissed LeeAnn’s forehead “—since I’m headed upstairs for a nice, long soak in the tub, that leaves the phone down here nice and private for you—although I’m worried about what you and Kara have going on that’s so bad I can’t hear about it.”
“Mom...”
Millie’s child wielded preteen sarcasm like a burr under her saddle. It wasn’t quite disrespectful enough to warrant punishment, but nonetheless annoying.