The Cowboy's Baby Bond (7 page)

“Me?” No, Esther had switched back to talking to God. Reeling with confusion. Willow shook her head. At least with Johnny she just had to contend with mixed-up thoughts and not struggle to understand who was being addressed. She took her leave of her kind hostess and went outside, where Johnny waited by the wagon. He reached for Adam.

Willow's arms instinctively tightened around her son. Though she had no fear Johnny would hurt him, she clung to Adam like a shield.

Her reaction was silly. She relaxed her hold on the baby and allowed Johnny to lift him.

In the process, Johnny's hands brushed her arms and his elbow touched hers. Her heart hammered inside her chest, making it impossible to draw in air. The warmth of his nearness swept over her, as did the smell of leather and hay. The air shimmered around her, making it impossible to focus on the scene.

Johnny perched Adam on his hip and held out his free hand to assist Willow into the wagon.

She pressed her fingers to his and the crazy sensations intensified until she couldn't find the strength to step up.

“Willow? Are you okay?” His concerned voice did nothing to ease her disorientation. “You look flushed. I hope you aren't getting whatever Adam had.”

She sucked in air like a woman rescued from near drowning and drew it deep into her lungs, forcing aside every confusing thought. “I'm fine.” She lifted her skirts out of the way and stepped into the wagon.

Only when he withdrew his hand did her head stop spinning.

He handed Adam up to her and, grateful for his solid little body, she hugged him to her chest.

The wagon tilted as Johnny climbed aboard and settled at her side. As she felt his warmth, inhaled his scent again, she nearly forgot how to breathe.

Then the wagon moved forward. The Owens waved and wished them well, and they were off.

“Now let's go find those sisters of yours,” Johnny said, as he flicked the reins and turned down the road.

Find her sisters. Her thoughts settled as if nailed in place. That was all that mattered. That and protecting the secret that, if revealed, would rob Adam of respectability.

She forced her attention to the passing scenery. The summer grass was a dull, dusty green, like an old woman washed-out and waiting for something to come along and brighten her day. Willow wasn't an old woman, but many days she had wished for something to wipe away the dirt and grime of her life.

But that would never happen.

“I can't decide if the Owens are strange or if they make more sense than the rest of the world.” Johnny's words broke into her wandering thoughts. “What do you make of a man who spends six months sitting on a stump, then snaps out of it and sets about to find his daughter a husband?” He shook his head. “Strange and yet...”

Willow contemplated the Owens for a few seconds before she answered. “I guess I had similar thoughts. Sometimes I couldn't tell if Esther was talking to me or praying. I've never heard anyone pray like that. As if she saw God standing beside her.”

He chuckled. “I know. A couple of times I even glanced behind me to see if she actually saw someone. But didn't it make you feel like God was right there?”

“I admit it did. I envy her.” Willow hadn't meant to confess that.

Johnny turned to study her and she tried to mask her expression, not wanting him to see how much she longed for the security and assurance she'd had as a child.

“If God keeps my sisters safe and helps us find them right off, I guess I'll be certain He heard Esther's prayer.”

“Can't you be certain God hears even if He doesn't answer according to your plan?” Johnny's dark eyes bored into her soul.

She jerked her gaze away. “How can you believe that? It's not like God has made your life easy.”

He chuckled softly. “I remember something my ma taught us. I was about five years old, I suppose. She had a horrible scar on her side where she'd been shot by a soldier. I said I hated the man for hurting her, and when I grew up I was going to hunt down soldiers and kill them.”

Willow's gaze returned to him. “I would likely feel the same way if someone hurt Adam like that.” She struggled to not squeeze the baby so hard he protested. “I'll do anything to keep him safe.”

“Of course you will.” Johnny cupped his hand over her little boy's head and his expression softened.

If only Adam could know such love from his father. He couldn't. Not even from Bertie's father, who'd made it clear after Bertie's death that he did not care to see her son.
He's not my kin
. The words had echoed in her mind ever since.

She raised her gaze and met Johnny's steady look. And despite her resistance, something sweet and eternal filled the moment. A fleeting sense of being bonded with a man over the child she'd borne. A shared sense of protectiveness and pride. An opening of her heart to another.

It could not be. She would never let her selfish desires affect any decision that involved Adam's future. “What did your mother say to your plan to kill soldiers?”

Johnny gazed down the road, though Willow wondered if he looked into the past. “My ma was a very wise woman. She knew her sons did not fit comfortably into either the white world or the native one, and she did her best to prepare us to deal with it. She told us how hatred ate at a man's innards. ‘It is that man who suffers agonies, not the enemy he seeks to destroy.' She talked to me a long time until she was certain I understood that following the path I had declared would mean destruction for me.” His voice caught and he stopped.

Willow resisted the urge to press her hand to his arm to offer him comfort. Instead, she sought words to express herself. “You are right. Your ma was a wise woman. I believe she would be proud of the man you've grown into. I know I would be proud if Adam grew to be like you.” She stopped abruptly. She should not have said so much. It sounded as if she admired him. Truth be told, she did. So far he'd proved to be noble and principled. The two words grew more meaningful with each hour she spent in his company.

“It's kind of you to say so.” His voice had deepened to a rumble that echoed in her chest.

“I only tell it like I see it.”

He kept his attention forward. Perhaps talking about his ma had stirred memories. “I have tried my best to live in a way that would honor her.”

Willow longed for him to look at her so she could know more about him than what he was saying.

Finally, he brought his head about. His eyes were bottomless, and yet brimming with emotion. Pride mingled with sorrow. Joy with sadness. And overriding all of those, determination.

He was a man who would do whatever he set his mind to. She knew it with utmost assurance, and that assurance both frightened and comforted her. He'd been hurt by a woman carrying another man's child. A shudder raced down Willow's spine at the thought, leaving her cold.

He would not accept a woman with some other man's child.

Her mouth grew parched and she reached back for the canteen of water, glad of the excuse to break from Johnny's study. She offered Adam a drink as well, then handed the container to Johnny.

“Thanks.” He drank, capped the canteen and slipped it behind them again, the action bringing his chest to her shoulder.

She shut her eyes and forced herself not to jerk away, nor lean into him and know the security of his closeness. He wouldn't offer any comfort or safekeeping if he learned her secret; she'd best remember that.

He turned his attention back to the mare and she righted her thoughts.

They drove on in silence except for Adam's happy chatter. About the only words she made out were
Mama, man. Mama, man
. He didn't understand the remorse he caused his mama by linking her with Johnny that way.

It could never be. Thankfully, Adam was too young to understand. Too young to even remember meeting Johnny.

She, too, would try to forget, but it could well prove to be a challenge.

Chapter Seven

J
ohnny clenched his teeth so hard his jaw popped in protest. He'd unintentionally brushed against Willow as he turned to place the canteen behind them, and his heart had kicked like a bucking wild stallion, then raced as if to escape his chest. His arms had twitched as he fought an urge to wrap them about her, pull her to his chest and promise he would take care of her and Adam.

Only the reminder of the recent loss of her husband stopped him. That and his own vow to never again fall victim to a woman he couldn't trust wholly and completely. Only a fool would think he might be able to trust someone he'd met a mere three days ago. And Johnny was no fool.

Except sometimes he wondered about himself.

Such as, why did he confess so many things to Willow?

He'd told her about Trudy's deceit and then his earlier hatred of soldiers and how Ma had taught him to walk away from anger's destructive power.

Willow also pulled something more from him, things he hadn't confessed and had been unaware of until now—dreams, wishes, longings.

As Johnny chastised himself for opening up, Adam reached for him, chasing away his thoughts. “Man.” The boy's demanding tone made his wishes known.

“Shall I hold the little fellow?” Johnny watched Willow for her reaction. Several times he'd thought there was a flicker of longing in her, but just as quickly as it came, it left again, and he saw only coolness, maybe even reluctance. Reluctance to be with him?

Not that he wanted to see anything more. No, sir. He had plans of his own.

Guilt burned a hot path through his conscience. He hadn't once thought of Thad today, nor of his promise to have the cabin ready. The task didn't seem as important as it once had and he had to remind himself of all the reasons he must have the place repaired before Thad returned with the horses. Johnny wanted his friend to feel welcomed. To see that life was still good, just as he remembered it. Johnny worried that finding the cabin damaged would adversely affect Thad's choice to return. He did not want to be responsible for him again leaving in grief.

Willow nodded in answer to Johnny's question and lifted Adam to his knee. The boy grinned at him and leaned against his chest. After a bit, he fell asleep in his arms.

“I can take him,” Willow said.

“He's fine here.” Johnny tried to read her expression and failed. “Unless you object?”

She glanced toward him, her eyes wide with surprise at his words. “No. I thought you might find it awkward, but if you don't...” She lifted one shoulder.

“He's fine.” The smile he gave her likely said a lot more than she expected.

Her eyebrows quirked slightly, then she shifted her attention to the front.

His grin stayed in place for several miles. He'd surprised her by offering to hold the sleeping baby. And he'd caught a glimpse of something he couldn't quite identify, but it made him feel good. As if he'd pleased her with his answer. And that pleased him.

“It will soon be noon and we'll stop to eat,” he told her. “Adam can move about more, too. Poor little guy must get restless being cooped up so long.”

“He seems happy enough to have the attention of two adults.” She clicked her mouth shut and drew her lips in as if she'd said something she regretted.

Johnny couldn't imagine what it might be. And judging by the way she clenched her hands together, he wouldn't be asking. Poor woman was likely missing her husband and thinking he should be the one sharing this journey. Except hadn't she said her husband didn't spend time with Adam? Johnny understood some men didn't have anything to do with their children until they were big enough to walk and talk, but what a shame. All three of them had missed out on so much pleasure and now it was too late. No wonder Willow looked ready to explode.

Before he could think to stop himself, Johnny reached out and squeezed her balled-up hands. “Willow, don't worry. Things will work out.”

She came about so fast he pulled his hand away, expecting to be slapped for being so bold. But she only stared.

“I've yet to see evidence that things work out.” Each word came out hot and sharp. “Every time I turn around, I see things
not
working out.” She stared past him. “When I find my sisters safe and sound, I'll begin to believe it. When someone...” She shook her head and shifted to look straight down the road.

He knew she would not finish her sentence, but he longed to know what she needed from someone.

Ahead, the trail passed a grove of trees, with the river nearby. “We'll stop there.” He turned aside and parked the wagon out of the sun, which grew hotter with every passing hour. He handed Adam to Willow and the baby wakened with a little cry. She cradled him to her shoulder and murmured comforting words.

Adam slowly opened his eyes and looked directly at Johnny. He grinned as if glad to see him.

Johnny trailed his fingers over the child's head. “You're a happy little man, aren't you?”

Adam nodded.

How little it took to make a small boy smile. His mother's arms and—

Johnny's thought stalled. And a man to spend time with him? For now that man was Johnny. But who would it be once he'd delivered Willow and her sisters safely to their house? And why did the lack of an answer scald his heart?

He helped Willow and Adam to the ground, fighting the urge to hold them close. It wasn't his job to comfort and protect them. Nor did he want it. He had other plans.

Why did he have to constantly remind himself of such a simple fact? Plus he'd learned his lesson when it came to women. Though hadn't Willow been honest with him? He gave himself a mental shake. Seemed he easily enough forgot what Trudy had taught him, and willingly risked following the same path.

He spread a quilt for Willow and Adam, lifted out the box of food supplies, then took Gray and the mare to water, letting them drink at their leisure and thereby giving himself time to return to his senses. When he finally left the animals to graze and headed back to the wagon, he had his thoughts under control.

Willow was holding Adam's hands and helping him walk across the grass.

The scene had all the makings of a beautiful painting. Her light blue bonnet hung down her back and her brown hair fluttered across her face. Her dark blue dress billowed out in front of her like a welcome-home flag. Adam's light brown hair shone in the sunshine and his cheeks glowed a rosy pink. Green grass and leafy trees formed a mottled background. The bright multicolored quilt completed the scene with a homey touch.

Johnny stood motionless, taking it all in, his heart straining at its moorings with longing and unfamiliar dreams of a life he had repudiated.

Willow glanced up, saw him and carried Adam to the quilt. “We're ready to eat.”

The food was again simple fare—cheese and biscuits. She'd opened a can of peaches for Adam.

“We'll be in Martens by suppertime and be able to get a decent meal,” Johnny assured her.

“I'm not complaining.” She turned watchful eyes on him. “Why would I when you've given up your own plans to help me?”

He held his breath. What did she see as she gazed at him, or what did she want to see? What did he hope she saw? He had none of the answers, and when she turned back to Adam, Johnny eased in air.

He heard approaching hoofbeats and looked up the trail to see two riders coming in their direction. Harmless enough looking cowboys, but to be on the safe side, he edged toward the wagon and his rifle.

“Hello there,” called one man as they drew close. “We were just about to stop. Mind if we join you?”

Johnny eyed the pair. One young and grinning brashly, the other slightly older, but also smiling. They hardly bothered to look at Johnny, their eyes drawn to Willow sitting on the quilt.

With no reason to refuse them, Johnny waved them forward. He waited until they dismounted, but as soon as he saw them leave their rifles on the horses, he moved forward to introduce Willow, Adam and himself.

The pair gave their names. Chester was the older one, a weathered-looking, lean cowboy with graying hair poking out from under his battered hat. Luke, the younger man, sported a face that hadn't been shaved in several days, giving him a scruffy appearance. His clothes were newer, but still plenty dirty from the trail, though likely, Johnny thought, he was himself trail dusty. He studied them keenly, not so much concerned with how they looked as in how they regarded Willow. He wasn't about to relax just yet.

Luke looked from Willow to him and back again. “Mrs. Reames? You two aren't married?”

“No, I'm taking her to meet her family.” Johnny silently signaled Willow to not divulge any more information than absolutely necessary.

She acknowledged him with the barest flicker of her eyelashes.

The pair grabbed food from their saddlebags and squatted down at the quilt. Luke's gaze went continually to Willow, making Johnny's neck tingle. For all the young cowboy knew, Willow had a husband waiting for her, but it didn't stop his interest.

Chester hid his interest somewhat better, though not completely.

The tension in Johnny's neck grew to a spasm. Would these two cause a problem? Because if they had in their mind to take advantage of Willow, he had in mind to stop them. He kept close to the wagon in case he needed the rifle.

Having finished his meal, Adam scooted about on his hands and knees, exploring every rock and blade of grass, making it necessary for Willow to follow him. She lifted him to his feet and helped him walk.

Both cowboys watched her with hungry eyes.

Johnny gathered up the grub box and quilt. “We best be on our way.” He grabbed his rifle as he went to get the horses. His spine crackled as he left Willow with the men for those few minutes. He returned, found her a safe distance from them, their gazes still upon her, and hitched up the mare as quickly as possible. For the first time since they'd started out this morning, he saddled Gray. “I'll ride alongside for a bit,” he murmured to Willow as he lifted her and Adam aboard the wagon.

“They have you worried, don't they?” She kept her voice low so the men wouldn't hear her.

“Don't mind confessing they do. We'll go slow and hope they get bored of our pace and ride on.”

“Guess we'll be going, too,” Chester said, and the pair remounted. But they did not ride ahead. Instead, they fell in on the opposite side of the wagon.

What could Johnny say that wouldn't serve to aggravate them? So he said nothing.

“Man,” Adam said several times. He fussed when Johnny didn't take him.

Willow slowed the wagon to a bare crawl, then stopped it entirely to settle Adam in his little nest in the back.

The two cowboys waited.

Johnny's nerves twitched. How long did they plan to accompany them? And for what purpose?

* * *

Willow drove on, her hands hanging over her knees, the reins loose in her fingers in an attempt to appear relaxed. But inside, every nerve ending shot out lead bullets. Why did these two cowboys continue to ride with them? She'd slowed to almost a crawl, enough that any regular person would have given them a wave and rode on ahead. But Chester and Luke stayed right beside her. Strange that they had not given any surnames, as if they didn't want to be identified. She'd overheard enough of a conversation between the two of them to be suspicious, especially when her name was one of the whispered words.

Luke stayed as close to the wagon as possible. “Where are you expecting to meet your family?” he asked.

“Can't say for sure.”
Please go away.

Adam fussed. She glanced over her shoulder. The baby was asleep but restless.
Please stay down. Don't give them any reason to think of having sport with you.

“Sounds like you don't have any destination in mind. Sort of like us. Right, Chester?” He'd misunderstood her answer. She just hadn't wanted to state their destination.

“Yup.”

“Guess we might as well keep each other company on the road to nowhere.” Luke laughed. Not a merry sound, in Willow's opinion.

She settled back as if about to make idle conversation. “Say, have you fellas had the measles?”

Luke laughed again. “No, ma'am. Ain't been around no sick kids and plan to keep it that away.” He leaned closer to stare at her. “Why you asking?”

“No particular reason, except my little guy has been ill and I hear tell measles is going around. I sure hope he doesn't get it. You know it can lead to all sorts of problems, like blindness...even losing your mind.” She shuddered. “Heard several people died back in Wolf Hollow. Folks just up and moved out, hoping to avoid it.” She glanced back at Adam again. “Sure hope he doesn't come down with it.”

Even though she talked about measles in the hopes of frightening off the men, the very idea made her worry about Adam. “He's restless. Maybe he's getting worse.” She gasped. “Heard there was smallpox going around, too.” Each word expressed a world of agony that she hoped alarmed the two men riding so near. “I better check him, just in case.” She pulled the wagon to a halt and climbed into the back.

Johnny pressed his horse close, watching the cowboys, though he spared her a questioning glance.

She dared not indicate in any way that she only meant to scare off the men, but hoped he'd read her message from the brief glance she gave him. She crawled close to Adam and pulled up his shirt, then fell back on her heels. “No,” she wailed. “Not my baby.”

Chester paled. “Come on, Luke. We ain't hanging around with a wagonload of sick people.” He spurred his horse into a trot.

Luke hesitated a moment, then galloped after his friend.

Willow folded over her knees. “Have they really gone?”

“All I see of them is their dust. Doubt we'll encounter them again.” Johnny swung off his horse into the wagon, crawling over the mattress to her side to look at Adam. The baby was sound asleep, his fist pressed to his cheek. “Does he—”