The Cowboy's Kink (The Billionaire Bachelors Series) (13 page)

“Don’t.” She’d stopped struggling and started crying and his gut was twisting into knots, knowing he’d caused it. “You asked for my trust, Tracy Reyes, not my fucking dignity. You don’t get to corner the market on pride, you know. I’m not going to be some toy you pass the time with while you’re actively looking for a
suitable
bride and starting your own bachelor reality show.”

He winced. “I haven’t been. I mean, she sent the files, but I haven’t even opened them yet. And I had nothing to do with those videos.”

She stared at him until he looked away, knowing it was a bullshit response. He let her go.

“You know what?” she laughed darkly. “This might be a good thing. Here I was, ready to throw myself on my sword and ignore my sister’s request to move here and watch the baby grow up. All so my heart wouldn’t break every time I saw
you
.”

She got into her car and put on her seatbelt with angry, jerking motions. “But fuck you, Mr. Reyes. Fuck you and your control and your shut down heart and that whole lonely kinky cowboy routine. I’m not going anywhere. I hope you find a suitable baby machine who won’t make you feel anything too taxing so you can run your family empire in peace. I wish her lots of luck.”

She started the car, slammed the door and drove away without another word. She was gone and Tracy couldn’t move. Couldn’t believe that had really just happened. That he hadn’t been able to talk to her, reason with her. That he’d been such an ass.

“Sara, don’t.” He glanced up in time to see Dean gripping Sara’s wrist to stop her from clapping. “He knows. He’s too smart not to.”

Tracy wasn’t so sure about that. He’d been behaving like a first rate jackass. Last night he’d lost control with her. He’d lost himself to his own selfish desires and hurt her. She hadn’t been able to hide it.  This morning he’d known it was time to pull back. To try and pretend what they had together was less than it was, that he would be fine when she left.

Only he would know it was a lie.

He could have fought harder. Could have told her everything he was thinking and feeling, but he didn’t. He’d been closed off and shut down too long to realize the problem until it was too late.

He wasn’t fighting to keep control, he was trying to protect himself from getting his heart broken. From being a fool for love. He was a coward and he didn’t deserve her.

But he needed her. Seeing her leave made him realize he couldn’t live without her.

He was in love with Alicia Bell, and she never wanted to see him again.

“Son of a bitch.”

What was he going to do now?

***

4 months later…

Alicia made a face at herself in the mirror. “I really don’t think this is a good idea, Jinny.”

Her sister responded from her new living room. “It’s a great idea. Motherhood has made me brilliant
and
funny. You tell me so all the time.”

Alicia joined her and held out her arms for the baby. “Let me hold her. Just for a minute. It’s been two days since I’ve seen her and I want to make sure I haven’t missed anything.”

Jinny held little Antonia closer, shaking her head. “She’ll spit up on you and you do not have anything else in your closet that looks half as decent on you as that dress. I checked. Which reminds me, we should go shopping soon. New York teacher and Colorado teacher? Not the same thing.”

Alicia laughed and looked down at her blue cap-sleeved dress. “Are we sure this isn’t too short? I don’t want to give him the wrong idea.”

“It’s dinner and you’re too skinny. He’ll think he needs to feed you.”

“I’m
too
skinny? I should cancel and we can order a pizza.”

Jinny sighed. “Stop it, Al. Miguel and I both think you need to go out. And before you ask, I didn’t tell him anything. He knows you haven’t been happy and he wants us to do something about it. Now that he’s moved from ranching to real estate, he’s a lot bossier.”

“It suits him,” Alicia smiled sadly, hating the fact that they were worried about her. “I’m actually doing okay, you know. It’s not like I had an exciting dating life in New York.”

Jinny set the baby down in the crib Alicia had gotten for when her niece came over. She turned back and took Alicia’s hands. “No you’re not. You’ve never been in love before, not really, so you may not recognize what a broken heart looks like. I do.”

Hell. “Don’t set me up with some stranger and then make me cry. He’ll run screaming in the other direction.”

Jinny bit her lip, her expression hesitant. “He’s not a stranger, Al. I never said he was. I said there was someone we wanted you to have dinner with.”

“You didn’t.” Alicia pulled away from her sister and crossed her arms protectively. “Tell me you didn’t.”

Jinny pushed her blonde curls behind her ears, a sure sign of guilt. “Damn it, Jinny, I could kill you!”

“Don’t swear in front of the baby,” Jinny responded, an apology in her eyes. “And think of little Antonia. You can’t kill me because she needs her mother. She’d also like a happy aunt who doesn’t spend her nights alone crying into her pillow. It’s been four months, Alicia. I was on your side until I realized it wasn’t getting better.”

“You shouldn’t use the baby you named after me to win an argument. It isn’t fair.”

The knock on the door made Alicia jump and start to panic. She couldn’t do it. She didn’t want to see him. At first she’d been a masochist, pouring over articles about him and his obsession with privacy. All the columns from Ms. Anonymous that she’d never seen before about the Billionaire Bachelors. Jinny was right, he went out of his way and used all of his influence to make sure people didn’t talk about him. And they seemed to respect the Teflon Cowboy for his efforts.

When it got to painful she’d done everything she could to stop thinking about him. Ignoring the Internet and every article that started out with Bride or Cowboy. When he’d started sending letters and trying to call a week later she’d returned them all unopened and blocked his number on her phone. She’d even refused to see Sara when the poor woman called to see if she would meet her for lunch.

The fact that he was still trying to communicate with her didn’t mean he cared, she told herself a million times. It just meant he had a hard time not being in charge. And he wasn’t in charge of this. She was. She’d ended it and he didn’t like the feeling. That was all. “I can’t, Jinny. You don’t understand.”

“Was I wrong?” Jinny asked softly. “I thought you were still in love with him but…was I wrong?”

She wasn’t. And that was the worst part of the whole ridiculous situation. She still dreamt about him at night, still woke up expecting him to be there. She missed being with him, even after she realized how little she meant to him. Which wasn’t submissive, just pathetic and sad.

“No. You weren’t wrong,” she responded to her sister’s question. “But if I was smart you would be.”

Another knock rattled the door and Jinny took a step toward it. “I’m your sister, Alicia. I will be on your side no matter what. If, after tonight, you decide you never want to see him again? I will support you one hundred percent. I just thought—Miguel and I got a second chance, and you and I got a second chance—maybe Mr. Reyes deserves one too.”

“Now I can’t be mad at you,” Alicia sighed. “But this isn’t going to end well.”

Jinny opened the door and frowned. “Who are
you
?”

“Roy,” Alicia responded before he could. “I thought you were back in the city.”

Roy smiled kindly at her, reminding her that he’d been a witness to her less than finest hour. “I’m here on special assignment for Mr. Vincent and the future Mrs. Warren.”

Sara had proposed. Another fantasy came true. “You really deserve a raise.”

He laughed. “My bonus package is more than satisfactory, but thank you for your concern. Shall we?”

She picked up her purse and held it liked a shield in front of her. “Where exactly are we going?”

“Not too far.”

Alicia wanted to be thankful for small favors. The first favor? She didn’t have to face him yet. The second? She didn’t have to face him in front of her attentive sister. The third? She might be able to talk Roy into making a run for it.

He opened the door to the monster and she made a face. “Really?”

Roy grinned. “It’s lucky. You’ll get used to it.”

“Not on a teacher’s salary.” She let him help her inside and groaned when he closed the door.

Why was she doing this? What would it accomplish other than reminding her what an idiot she’d been?

And how lonely her life was now that she knew what she was missing?

Roy rolled down the glass partition. “There’s something recorded for you to watch while we get where we’re going.”

The panel beneath the partition opened automatically, revealing a large, flat screened television. “O-kay.”

It turned on and Roy disappeared from view again as Alicia leaned forward. It was one of those entertainment channels that interviewed or gossiped about the lifestyles of the rich and famous. Someone recorded this? On purpose?

“He said he’d never do it, but in a first for this or any channel, we have an exclusive interview with the most reclusive member of the Billionaire Bachelors, the Teflon Cowboy himself, Mr. Tracy Reyes. Mr. Reyes, a few months ago there was a lot of talk about you, and a lot of women who seemed to think they were in the running to be Mrs. Reyes. Were the Bride Wars a media hoax or were you really in the market to marry?”

Tracy’s face appeared on the screen and Alicia’s eyes widened. He’d done an interview? When? Why did he want her to see this?

“Well, ma’am, I’ll be honest. I did hire a discreet matchmaking business to aid me in my search for a bride. I haven’t had that much luck in that department, despite what you might have heard.”

“You’ve never come close to walking down the aisle? I find that hard to believe, Mr. Reyes, a handsome man like you.”

Alicia glared at the flirting interviewer.

“I’ll admit, I almost married my high school sweetheart until I found out she only wanted me for my last name and what came with it. Now? When you work as much as I do and your social life is under the kind of scrutiny my friends and I have become accustomed to, there aren’t as many viable avenues for finding the right girl.”

She saw him send the woman a chagrined smile, but her heart was still twisting from his admission.
“The videos and The Bride Wars were the apparently unintended product of a gossip columnist who likes to remain anonymous. I didn’t even realize it was happening until a friend pointed it out. I was too busy falling in love.”

Alicia covered her mouth with her hand as the interviewer smiled in delight.
“Falling in love? Was this one of the women your matchmaker found? Tell us all about her.”

Tracy’s expression warmed and he looked directly at the camera.
“She and I were thrown together by circumstance, and she didn’t know anything about my search and I didn’t have it in me to tell her. The second I saw her–well, I think I lost my heart that first night. Somewhere between Romeo and Juliet and Taming of the Shrew. I was too stubborn to admit it, of course, and by the time I realized I couldn’t live without her—that she was the only woman I would ever want to marry—she was gone.”

“That’s so sad,”
the interviewer cooed.
“Is it really over? Are you back on the market now? Answer carefully, we don’t want to start another Internet sensation.”

“Well now, that’s entirely up to her. As far as I’m concerned, my bachelor days are over. She’s it for me. The last and only woman I’ll ever love. But she’s the one with all the control. The one who holds my heart. My only hope is that she’ll see this and know how sorry I am for not telling her until now.”

She was crying damn it. She got off her seat and knocked on the partition, waiting for Roy to roll it down. “Is this real, Roy? Did he really do this?”

“He did,” Roy confirmed somberly. “And to hear Mr. Vincent, it’s a bigger deal than you or I would imagine. Mr. Reyes is a very private man.”

She knew. “Why? I’m not a grand gestures sort of girl, you know. I don’t need sky writers or billboards. He could have just told me himself.”

“Mr. Vincent mentioned something about you not answering your phone and your sister threatening him with a restraining order unless he gave you time?”

She pressed her forehead onto the seat and let out a shaky breath. He said he loved her. He told her she had all the control. He said it to the world on cable television.

She’s it for me.

Roy stopped the car and she looked over his shoulder and out the window.

Tracy’s house.

Home.

“He said you should go inside.”

Alicia put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Thank you, Roy.”

“Just doing my job, ma’am.”

She opened the door to the limousine and hopped down, trying to focus on her breathing as she climbed the familiar steps and opened the door.

The entryway was full of roses. Large vases of them blocked her way to the living room and his office. On the floor, there was a trail of petals. She couldn’t help but smile as she followed them up the stairs toward the bedrooms. It made her think about what Sara had called him. A roses and candles romantic.

The door to the master bedroom was shut, and she frowned in confusion when she saw the trail leading to the room across the hall. Her room. She stepped inside and covered her mouth. “What are you doing in here?”

Tracy was handcuffed to the bed, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. It looked like the same towel she’d been wearing when they met. His smile was subdued. “I didn’t want to presume. Not until we talked.”

He didn’t want to presume, so he was naked in a bed? But she knew. This was him, totally giving up control. Being vulnerable.

So much better than a billboard.

She set down her purse and crossed her arms, walking slowly toward him. He looked tired. Tense. “Roy showed me the recording.”