Authors: Christy Sloat
As I stuffed my face
, she asked about trivial stuff; school, the weather. Then she shot for the big guns.
“You get yourself a boyfriend yet?” I knew my mom and dad had to have told her. Ephraim and I were pretty serious. How could they not?
My cheeks got red and I put my fork down. “Yeah, his name is Ephraim.”
She grinned and patted me on the back like she was proud of me.
“I hear he’s a real looker. Is he nice, too?” So she did know.
“Yes.”
“Okay, I see now you’re getting embarrassed. He must be special,” she whispered. I nodded, as I stuffed my face with more food. “You know your grandpa and I met in school. Of course we didn’t get serious with each other until after we graduated, but from the beginning I knew he was the one for me.” It was nice to hear her talk about my grandpa like that. It was reassuring that true love exists between them now. It makes it possible that Ephraim could grow old with me … once I get rid of the curse. Suddenly I realized that I forgot all the things that needed to take precedence in the now. I had to have him start looking for her sister. I also promised Hala that I would keep in touch with her. She, in turn, promised that she would look into where Agnes Barclay was killed. We had to find her and here I sat unable to do anything.
“You’re tired
, aren’t you?” she asked. I nodded even though I didn’t want to sleep. She pulled the rest of my uneaten food out of my way and led me to the spare room. It had become ‘my’ room when I had sleepovers here. Even though that was years ago, it still felt like mine. I sat on the bed and she pulled out a large quilt. “Rest,” she instructed as she closed the door behind her. I waited for a few minutes before pulling out my cell and turning it on. I had several texts but none from Ephraim. Instead they were all from Ethan.
The first few asked where I was. Then as they went on he said things like
, ‘I feel you here’ or ‘I know you’re close to me’. I held the phone close to my heart, trying hard not to cry. He knew I was close. I didn’t know how he could feel me, or even how he could talk to me via text. I had tried not to imagine what he would look like in his ghost form. Part of me hoped he would look awful so that my draw to him wouldn’t be as strong as it was before. Ethan and I weren’t ever serious with each other. We wanted to be, but it wasn’t the right time. I moved away and that was that. Any hope I had of ever being his was killed by a cross-country move. Then he died in a car crash. It was a shocker, I admit, but I wasn’t sad because I had a link to him still. I could still talk to him and now I knew I was able to see him.
I had to respond to his text now. I didn’t know where to start
, so I just sent a smiley face. I lay back down and awaited a response. Before I got one I fell asleep under my grandma’s quilt. The comfort of a home-like environment made it all too easy.
“Brylee.”
I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I looked around
, expecting to see my mom or dad in the room waking me up from my quick nap, but upon further inspection it was now night time as I saw the dark sky shining with stars out the window. I hated over sleeping and I had really slept. I crept through the hallway, and all the lights were off in the house. My grandparents’ snores sounded from their bedroom down the short hall to my left. The right was the living room and it was empty. The rental car was gone from the driveway. My parents left me! I looked at the time … 8:30. Man, old people go to bed early. I still didn’t understand why I woke up. I was sure I heard a voice. I sat outside on the front porch, taking in the cool night air. I pulled my phone out to text my parents, asking where they were. Maybe they thought it best not to bother me. I started rocking in the porch swing and stared at the stars. I thought of all the times I had spent out here with my grandma. It was my favorite place in all of Cali. It was right by the ocean, and I could smell the salt from here. My grandparents were lucky to have all this view and space around them. Sitting here, in this spot, made me miss living here. If I could move Ephraim here, life would be perfect. He would love the waves and the easy going nature of the space around us. Yet, he wouldn’t fit in with the snobs I used to hang out with. Heck, I wouldn’t fit in now. I had changed for the better and I would never be like them again.
“Bry … lee.” I heard it again
, only this time it was broken. Like the person saying my name was cut in two. I stood up and looked out into the night. I couldn’t make out anything or anyone. I saw shadows all over the yard, but that could very well just be tree branches playing tricks on me. I stepped off the patio slowly, peering out and hoping not to find anything I didn’t want to see. With my gift I could very well meet anyone; a dead relative who was anxious for my help. I didn’t want this burden right now, I just wanted Ephraim.
“Who’s there?” I croaked. I had meant to sound stronger
, but my nerves got the better of me. “Hello?” No one answered. I backed up slowly, giving up on the idea of anything out there. I might have been hearing things. My ears were still clogged from the plane. Maybe it was just the waves calling my name. That made my mind up right then and there. The water was calling me closer. I giggled at the idea of running into the sand and sitting there under the moon. I turned to enter the house and ran smack into a mist.
I froze. This time the mist didn’t form a person. This time the person walked through the mist. The person was whole and looked real
, so real that I jumped into his arms.
“Ethan!” I squealed. He caught me and spun me around. We were touching
, he was real. For a moment I thought his death was a lie. He was right here, holding me and laughing. Then as he set me on my feet I saw his face. More importantly the gash that ran through it. His face bore the accident that he’d had. While the gash looked healed, it still looked awful.
I placed my hand over my mouth to hide the gasp.
“No, don’t be scared. It doesn’t hurt me. As a matter of fact, I think I look tough,” he joked. It was such an Ethan thing to say. “You look so beautiful, Brylee. You look the same!”
I blushed and looked down. He must have seen the horror on my face. I didn’t want to be afraid of him
, but I was. I was scared that he was fragile. Afraid that I wouldn’t be able to help him move on because he couldn’t stay here. It wasn’t what I wanted for him. To be stuck here like this.
“I am in shock I guess
,” I admitted. “I just haven’t seen a ghost look like you do.”
“Like what?” he asked curiously. I sat on the porch and he sat with me.
“Well, bearing their wounds and so solid. Most of them look like a mist. My friend Kayla looks like she is alive, it’s weird. At first I didn’t know she was dead,” I continued. “Then you, I didn’t know what to expect. I have to say, I am so happy to see you, though.” He reached out and touched my fingers softly.
“I don’t know why you see us
, but I am glad you do. I don’t want to be here alone anymore. It’s …” He stopped. I reached out and took his hand, urging him to go on.
“It’s lonely and scary.”
“Scary?” I understood the loneliness.
“Some of us look like you; normal
, beautiful people. It’s like they haven’t aged, almost like they stopped aging and are pristine. Then there are some of us who look mangled and awful. I don’t really like those ones. I think they died horrific deaths.” He stood up, looking out toward the ocean. “Then there are some that are almost mist like you described. They have been gone a lot longer than the rest of us. They are usually not so happy to help. They offer no advice. Brylee, I have no one to talk to.”
My heart ached for him at this moment. I didn’t ever wish any sort of life like this for him.
“Most of the time I watch my parents. I walk around our house and listen to their discussions. They are hurting so badly that they don’t know what else to do except fight. They argue over stupid shit, too.” He paused, looking out in the direction of the water. “Then sometimes I walk the ocean and watch the surfers. It makes me happy to see friends of mine who catch a wave at the precise time that I would have. To watch them feel the ocean the way they should. It’s beautiful.” A tear escaped my eye and I didn’t bother drying it. I wanted to make his life better. I would make it better.
“Want to go there?” I asked. He jerked his head away from the sea and stared at me for a long moment.
“Yes I do.”
The sand was soft and I felt it between my toes. It is so much different than back home. This sand is perfect, while that sand it hard and cruel. I walked in my bare feet, and Ethan in his flip-flops. I realized then that he was wearing the outfit he died in. Board shorts, tank top, and flip-flops. I giggled at the ‘Ethan’ attire that I hardly saw on the East Coast. He walked slowly and I match his gait. I didn’t want to lose sight of him; for fear that he would disappear as Kayla always does. His hand brushed mine and I grabbed it; I didn’t want to let go. This moment was so much like our date. How we felt each other’s words instead of having to talk. We found a perfect spot in the sand and sat, neither one of us saying anything until I had to ask the one thing I was dying to know.
“Why do you think you’re still here?” He shrugged. “Don’t say because of me
, because that’s not it. My friend Kayla is stuck because no one ever laid her to rest. Her body is still missing. But you …” I didn’t have to say he was buried. He knew. I am sure he was there for that as well.
“My only guess is I am stuck because I died young and tragically
,” he assumed. I didn’t buy it.
“Have you ever asked the others you talk to why they are here?”
“They don’t know either. It’s not like we get a memo. One time a girl I met was here for weeks. We would walk the mall together watching the people. Then she wasn’t around anymore. Like she was just gone, like she really died.” Like Pearl. Pearl was dead but her ‘leaving’ was her real death. Now she is never around anymore. She is gone for good.
“Ethan
, my friends are in trouble and if I don’t help them then they will die. They will be trapped in my house. I don’t have any clue how to free any of you, but I want to …” I stopped. I wanted to go on and tell him that Ephraim and Lyn have to be saved first. That I want to help all the dead cross over, but I didn’t know how yet. He got it, before I had to say it. His fingers were in my hair and he was holding it like it was spun gold. I looked into his eyes and sadness overwhelmed me. I thought of what could have been for just a moment. I could have stayed here and we would have been together. Maybe his accident wouldn’t have happened and we would be together for real on this beach. But instead I am here and he is barely making an imprint in the sand.
We walked back to the house and he didn’t say much
. Stopping at the door, I grabbed his hand. “I will find a way for you to be at peace. I swear it, Ethan!” He looked up at me and then back at our hands.
“I would be at peace just being with you like this forever
, Brylee. You don’t know how badly you moving away killed me. I was in love with you for so long, and then you were ripped away.” I took a sharp breath in and I was frozen still. He just professed his love for me. I felt the same for him, and didn’t know he loved me. Sure I thought he liked me, but I was sure I would move and be an afterthought.
“Why do you think I texted you after the accident?”
“I guess I thought you knew I was a medium or something,” I admitted. It sounded so stupid coming out of my mouth. A medium, that is what I am. Yet it feels crazy to think of myself as that.
“No
, when I died I was thinking of you. As the life drained from me it was your face I saw in my head. I think I am here to help you for some reason.”
“Brylee
, are you out here?” my grandma called out. Ethan let go of my hand and he was across the driveway before I even saw him move. The dead move so fast. I waved my hand in the air and he smiled before he was out of sight.
“Brylee? What are you doing out here?”
“Just getting fresh air, Grandma,” I answered.
Over the next few days it was nothing but boredom. Lunch with old friends of my parents, museum trips, lunch with my grandparents. No beach days, no swimming at the hotel, and no fun for Brylee. I sulked most of the time. I tried desperately to get a hold of Ephraim, but he never returned my calls. Lynley’s phone went to voicemail after the first ring. I was overly frustrated with them both. Why was Ephraim pushing me away like this? It didn’t make any sense to me except that maybe he just wanted time alone with his sister. That I could understand, if he would just say that. Not hearing from him, though, that wasn’t fair.
I did see Ethan every day. He would always be lingering somewhere nearby me. Walking in the museum with me and my parents. Looking at the same paintings as we did
, taking in the art and all the living things. He would watch people and I would notice how he longed to be like them. Like me, among the living.
It was hard to not talk to him. If I
did, people would assume I was insane. So I waited for the nights to talk with him. Without fail, every night he would meet me by the pool.