The breeze tickling her cheeks with her curls, the buzzing, the smells, all of it felt like memories, as if spilling out of her old diaries: her as a little kid running to the woods with Riley, only he’d have been too little to remember it the way she did. They’d sit there in some small clearing like this one, full of flowers and tree sap and bugs, silent and content for hours, forgetting the sadness in mom’s eyes or the anger on dad’s face when he beat Riley the way he did, forgetting the ugly shacks and the broken plants in their broken pots, and the icicles that tasted like dust. And she thought then that maybe that’s what she was missing about Waller all along, this running away from it, and Riley and Drake, of course, and poor Samson, and she wasn’t so sure she could stay here after that, in her old house full of sadness, full of ghosts of its broken people without it making her broken too.
She picked a few sweet smelling flowers and put them neatly around the cross on Trina’s grave, and picked off the few dry branches and bits of moss that have fallen on the dirt that just started sprouting a few tiny blades of grass.
She would come back here for this, like Trina, when her time comes. She knew that now.
T
HE
P
LAN
Riley
[
May 19, 2236, Woods Outside of Waller
]
Ams still wasn’t talking to him after he screamed at her like that for trying to steal the flier to go to Crylo. He couldn’t help it. It’s the angriest he’s ever felt at her, and she didn’t even seem sorry for it. When he was finally done with the screaming, she just walked away from him and wouldn’t talk to him or anyone afterwards, not even Drake or Laurel. He didn’t have the patience for her now, not if she was going to act like a child, so he let her be, hoping she’ll come down soon enough.
He was more worried about Brody. He wasn’t sure he’d ever talk to him again, not after he put the band on him, but he didn’t see how he had a choice. Not after what Drake told him, and when Laurel ran up to him like that and told him that Brody really did want to die, that he as much as said it to her, he didn’t know what else to do. He remembered how calm his face looked when he ordered Trelix and Loren to shoot him, his voice too, as if he were ordering them to make a fire or put up their tents, not put bullet holes through him. He felt every shade of stupid for letting them walk over to him like that. Didn’t see it coming at all. He hasn’t heard him say one word to anybody since that night, days of just nodding or shaking his head, not looking at anybody, not saying anything. He was too calm for someone who had the band on his wrists, too calm for Brody who wasn’t free, and it scared him more than anything.
He found him in that clearing he liked, sitting against a birch, staring at the empty space in front of him. He crouched by him and leaned in to unlock the band.
“You don’t want to do that, Riley. I will beat the shit out of you if you do, or worse. I am pretty sure I am angry enough at you to kill you,” he said quietly, without looking at him.
He’ll have to do it this way then. He pulled his stun gun and knife from his belt, and set them down next to Brody, unlocked the band, and stood in front of him, holding his hands out to the sides, so Brody knew for sure he was unarmed.
“Go ahead.”
Brody slid up the tree, slowly, looking at him for the first time, eyes angry, but sad, too, and didn’t move, keeping his hands in fists in front of him.
“We are done, Riley, you and I. I am not going to touch you. Please, put the band back on and leave.”
“I can’t do that. We are going to figure this out. Right now, whatever it takes. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, but I know you know that. I was trying to protect you. So you are angry at me for something else. Spit it out.”
He saw tears pooling in Brody’s eyes, turning them darker, and he wanted to just reach over and hug him, but he looked in enough pain as it was.
“Please, just talk to me, whatever this is, Brody, just tell me.”
He watched the few tears spill, Brody not seeming to notice or to care, and he couldn’t help himself. He lunged at his friend, hugging him, reaching for his head, and suddenly he was flying through the air, a sharp pain in his jaw. He landed heavily in the grass, winded. Brody towered over him, glaring at him.
“I warned you. You need to put this on me, and leave me the hell alone,” and he felt the slave band land on him. He made himself sit up, and slowly got to his feet, the band sliding into the grass. It didn’t matter. He was done with it. It wasn’t working anyway.
“I can’t. Just bloody talk to me, Brody. Spit it out, whatever it is you think I did to you…”
Brody turned and slowly walked back to the tree and picked up the stun gun, and without a word walked right up to him and put the gun against his chest. He felt the buzzing, the warmness of it.
“You need to leave me be, Riley. Don’t make me do this, because you’re too stupid or too stubborn to not be where you’re not wanted,” Brody said in a strained voice and pressed the gun harder into his chest, his hand shaking slightly.
“I can’t, Brody. I can’t just leave you be,” he whispered, looking into his friend’s eyes, still spilling water.
Brody shook his head at him, and suddenly he felt his hand move and saw the gun move towards Brody’s head. He hit him hard, without thinking, knocking him to the ground, the gun flying out of his hand. He ran over and picked up the still buzzing weapon, turned it off and stuck it in his belt before turning around. Brody was lying on his back with his arm over his eyes. He crouched next to him, trying to catch his breath, not saying anything. Didn’t know what he could say to him after that.
He waited, watching him, waited for a long time, and finally Brody sat up, no longer crying, and looked at him calmly.
“Do what you need to do. I won’t fight you anymore. Won’t fight any of you,” he said quietly and stood up and put his hands out for the band, not looking at him anymore. He had to, he knew. Didn’t have a choice, not after what Brody just tried to do, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He picked up the band, walked over to the closest tree and smashed it against it over and over again, until the little light stopped pulsing, and then flung it into the woods, as far as he could, Brody watching him, hands still in front of him.
“What do you want from me, Riley? This game you are playing, I don’t get it. You won’t let me be, and you won’t let me leave. You promised to help me get Trina back, I get that. Well, she is back all right. What the hell else do you want from me?” he screamed at him.
“I want to help you with whatever it is you have planned. So does Drake. And your boys. I want you to let us. I’d rather not make you. So I’m asking you instead. As your friend, not your jailer,” he said softly.
Brody shook his head, “I can’t, Riley. I can’t take you or Drake… You have Ella and Ams and Laurel, people you promised to protect, people who love you. I can’t take any of you. I bloody promised you. I won’t do it, Riley. I’ll take my crew and the flier.”
He wanted to laugh. For the first time in far too long he wanted to laugh, so he did, letting all the tension go, Brody staring at him, anger mixed with surprise in his eyes, but he couldn’t help it. This idiot friend of his was just trying to keep a bloody promise. He sat down in the grass, holding his head in his hands, trying to calm down, to wipe the last traces of laughter from his face.
“I am glad I was able to amuse you, Riley,” Brody whispered, standing over him, hands behind his back, face serious.
He felt every shade of wrong for laughing then. He stood, facing him, “I’m sorry. It’s just… It was the last thing I thought you’d say after what I just watched you do with that gun. That you were worried about keeping your bloody promise. I’m sorry for laughing, Brody, I truly am,” and he was sorry, the way Brody looked, hurt and fragile.
“Am I free to go?”
A prisoner still, even without the band, someone who’s simply given up, and he had an awful feeling that he did this to him somehow. He took the few steps to him and put his hands on his shoulders, Brody not moving at all, just looking at him.
“Please don’t do this, Brody. Don’t shut me out. I can’t take that. I’m sorry for laughing, and for keeping you here like this. Sorry for everything that I did to make you angry at me, but I swear I didn’t ever mean to hurt you, only I see that I did anyway. I was just trying to keep you alive… But you’re wrong, about not having anybody. You do. You have all of us, and we bloody love you. Me, and Ella, and Drake, and Laurel and even Ams. And your boys… They’d rather die than do what you ordered them to. I know it’s hard to get it through that thick skull of yours, but what happens to any of us is not your fault… I know what you’re trying to do, but you can’t. You can’t protect us from you. It’s unfair to everybody.”
He let go of him then, Brody’s light eyes full of tears again, muscles in tight knots in his jaw. He grabbed his head and pulled him into his chest, and he let him hold him like that for a long time, breathing calmer now, and then let him put his arm around him and walk him back to the flier.
The fire was going but he didn’t see anybody in the clearing. They stopped at the log Brody always sat on, waiting for the rest of the group to show up.
“Riley… What I tried to do with that stupid gun was me keeping my promise. I don’t think any of us are coming back whole from Crylo. You need to know that. I never expected to come back from there, and I was okay with it. And Trelix and Loren… I am not ordering them to do this with me; I could never order anyone to do that. They’ve asked to come, but they’re soldiers, so it’s different for them. If you still want to come, I won’t try to stop you. But we need to tell the others the truth. They deserve to know.”
He suspected as much already from his many conversations with Loren and Trelix, so this wasn’t really a surprise, but he wasn’t so sure the girls needed to know that. Didn’t think they would be okay with letting them go if they knew. Brody seemed to have read his thoughts.
“If I am to let you and Drake come with us, this is non-negotiable. We have to tell them,” and he left him sitting on the log and ran to the flier.
He heard the many footsteps on the steps, and steeled himself for what he was sure would be the worst night they’ve had here. Drake put a huge pot of whatever he made for tonight on the fire, stirring it with a giant stick, making the smells come out. It smelled of something sweet he couldn’t place. He watched Ella serve the stuff and pass the bowls around, and when everyone was settled, Brody got up and he didn’t think he’d be able to stomach whatever was in his bowl.
“I need to tell you all something. I’ll try to keep this short and to the point, but first, I am sorry I put all of you through so much already. You didn’t ask for it, and I know my being here has been difficult for all of you. I’m sorry for that. Anyway… Ella filled me in on some things that most of you likely aren’t aware of. It seems Zoriner Councils trade their young girls who meet certain health specs to private repro-genetics clinics within the Alliance centers. They trade them to be hosts to Alliance babies, so those babies aren’t broken and can make other babies. That’s the short version. Ella can fill you in on the rest of it. What they did to Trina, they’re doing it to other girls. I want to help stop it somehow, even if only in one of those places. Drake and Riley volunteered to come with me and my crew, but you need to know that I don’t think any of us will come back whole from it. The place is too big and too well guarded for that. I think you all deserve to know the truth, and you can figure out what to do with it. I’m not holding Drake or Riley to any promises. I am okay doing it with just my crew. Frankly, I’d prefer it,” and he walked away from the fire, leaving them be.
Laurel crouched in front of him after a while, looking at his face, “Is it true? What he just said, do you think he is right about that?” He did, so he nodded. Couldn’t lie to her.
“Thank you,” and she left to go wherever Brody must have gone to. He hoped he’d be kinder to this girl now, not push her away like he’s been. Nobody else was talking. Ella and Drake sat there calmly eating their food, as if none of this concerned them at all, and he couldn’t see Ams anywhere. She must have gone to the flier when he wasn’t looking.
He found her curled up in one of the seats, blanket pulled up to her chin though it wasn’t the least bit cold.
“Talk to me, Ams,” he asked softly, crouching in front of her.
She leaned in and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him in close, running her hands through his hair. He could feel her breathing.
“I am coming with you, Riley.”
He stood up, staring at her.
“You can’t, Ams. I won’t let you. I can’t take you with us for that, I just can’t.” He was shaking his head at her. He didn’t know how to explain it to her that he was only okay with going because he’d know she’d be safe, that all of them would be safe.
“Riley, I am not asking. You don’t own me. You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do. How did it work out for you and Brody, keeping him a prisoner here like you did?”
He flinched as if she slapped him and put his head down.
“I won’t let you do that to me. I’m going with you, Riley, if I have to hide someplace on this flier or hitch a ride on the outside, I’ll find a way to do it, and I’ll likely be safer if you just let me.”
She got up and without even looking at him ran back to the clearing, and he wished he never ran out to Brody when he did, wished he could get a replay on the last few weeks. He’d take a different route to whatever city they were going to then, and he wouldn’t have to worry so much about keeping everybody safe.
Curse you, Brody, and your bloody revenge
, only he knew it wasn’t just revenge for him, knew he was right to want to end what they were doing to these girls. He just wished he didn’t find himself in the middle of all of this when he had Ella and Ams and Laurel to worry about.