“That’s why I sent my crew away with Ella and the other girl. I just wish you hadn’t run out there like that, and that the girl who likes you, Ams, didn’t show that she liked you when she did, when my crew could see it. I would have sent her away instead. Astor is just a front, code for close radius holding pattern. My crew will keep them safe and close by, until they hear from me or someone on the ECH, and I planned on telling them to let them both go. I just needed the one.”
He needed a break, so he stopped, still keeping his eyes closed, not wanting to look at Riley’s face when telling him this last thing he had to tell him, this lie to make it easier for Riley.
“Here is the worst part, Riley. If I didn’t realize that Drake was still out there someplace, I think I would have killed you and tried to hand that girl over to them, to save her, to save Trina,” he looked up at Riley then, to make sure he got all of it, all of what he had done and was willing to do. To make sure he believed him and hated him for it, enough to be okay with what he needed him to do.
Riley was staring at him as if he’d never seen him before in his life, bewildered look on his face.
“Why the hell didn’t you just tell me? I would have done anything to help you, Brody, if you’d just bloody told me,” he said in his quiet voice, his mad voice.
He put his hands out in front of him, the chain of the cuffs making all sorts of noise, “Please, help me up.”
Riley stood him up, still staring at him in a way that made him want for all of this to be over.
“I will get Ella and the other girl out. I just have to talk to my crew, and I’ll have one of the boys escort them to this clearing by morning. I will also send them an encrypted message for Hassinger and route it through Bruner’s comm, stating that I died trying to capture one of the replenishers who got away from me. This has to count for something with them. You’ll need to attach a shot of me and a DNA scan, so they’d know it happened and that it was, in fact, me. I’ll set it to not go out without the attachments, so the time print matches. They took her because of me. They’d have to let her go when I am gone. I wish I’d thought of this earlier, so you wouldn’t have to be the one to do it. I’m sorry for that. My comm and my screen are in Drake’s bag, side pocket. You’ll need that and your gun.”
Riley was shaking his head at him, not saying a word, as if he couldn’t find any.
He took a deep breath, and put his cuffed hands around his face, “I won’t contact my crew unless you promise to do this my way, Riley. I won’t, and there is nothing you can do to me, nothing you can threaten me with to make me.”
Riley stepped back from him, “No. There has to be another way and we’ll find it; all of us. I am not going to kill you or let you kill yourself. And you can’t hold Ella and Laurel as leverage over me, you just can’t. Not you.” He wasn’t even looking at him any more. Just shaking his head, and breathing hard, hands making fists.
“You don’t have a choice. Not if you want your sister and the other girl back. I’m sorry, I truly am, but you don’t.”
Riley looked at him like he finally wanted to hit him, and dropped his eyes and went back to pacing in front of him, and he thought he had him when he came right up to him, staring at him with what looked like actual hatred, and wrapped his hands around his neck, squeezing hard, making it impossible to draw any air in. He didn’t fight him, didn’t want to fight him, so he closed his eyes and let him, and he let go then, and turned away from him. It took a few minutes to get enough air into his lungs, and it hurt to speak even then.
“You are not hearing me, Riley. There is nothing you can say or do to me that’ll make me contact my crew. You can break every bone in my body and I still won’t do it. You can spend the rest of the night hurting me or begging, and it won’t change anything. I know you want them back. You have to do this my way, if you ever want to see them again,” he said slowly, quietly, so Riley knew he meant every word. Riley stared at him as if he had just hit him again, hurt written all over his face, hurt and sadness. He leaned his head back against the trunk of the tree and closed his eyes.
He heard him walk away towards the cave. Heard the snaps on the bags as he was looking through them, and finally the footsteps outside. He was carrying a gun, one of theirs, stunners. He could tell that it was on and likely on high, judging by the sound it made. He smiled at his friend then, for the first time since he saw him after all these years, and reached his hand out for the comm and the screen. The messages only took a few minutes. Riley waited, unmoving, the gun hand dangling at his side. He signed off and handed the devices back to him.
He knew he had to make it easier for Riley to do this, so he turned around, and lowered his head.
“I know I have no right to ask anything more of you, but this isn’t really for me. Trina… She can’t know about this. It would destroy her. If you ever talk to her, please don’t tell her this. You can tell her all the other things about me that you want, just not this… I am ready,” and he closed his eyes, hoping this works, hoping that Trina will be free after this. He waited for far too long, and he still couldn’t even feel the gun at his head.
“Do it, Riley. You bloody promised. Pull the damn trigger!”
But he didn’t even feel him move, and when he turned around, the gun was off, tucked neatly at Riley’s belt, not buzzing, Riley looking at him, sadly, apologetically, “I’m sorry, Brody, but I can’t. I didn’t promise. You just assumed because I came out with a gun. I never said I would do this. I won’t. We’ll find another way.” He watched, amazed, as Riley pulled a slave band from behind his back and took a step towards him. He let him put the band on, too stunned to move, and watched him take the cuffs off.
He felt tears running down his face, angry at Riley’s tears. He wanted to scream at him, wanted to hit him, but all he could do was let Riley push him toward the cave.
“I am never going to forgive you for this,” he finally spat at him in a broken whisper.
“I know.”
And there wasn’t anything left to say after that.
He knew by now that all the stun guns and anything else he could use as a weapon would be hidden safely away from him, and even if they weren’t, he could shoot someone else with the slave band on, but not himself, couldn’t bend his wrists enough to do it; that’s why he put it on him, instead of the cuffs… Riley made him lie down on the blanket he spread for him earlier, and tied a rope to his slave band and around his own wrist, so that he’d feel it when he moved. A dog on a leash.
“Get some sleep, Brody,” and he walked away to where his own blanket was and didn’t say another word after that. And for the first time he wished he had shot him earlier. For the first time he felt that he really could have done it. And then he remembered the promise Riley made him before all of this. That he would let him if he got Ella and the other girl back. Riley had to remember it too, and now he knew that the girls would be back by morning. He had to have known he’d make him furious by tricking him into getting them back like this. It didn’t make sense, what he just did. Not unless he didn’t mean it earlier, but Riley always meant it. Riley always kept his word.
So he would rather die than kill his friend. That’s the choice he just made. The choice Riley would always make. And it made him wish he never knew this boy who always managed to make him feel ashamed of himself. Made him wish not for the first time today that Drake shot at him first.
T
HE
S
TREAM
Riley
[
May 7, 2236 Woods Outside of Reston
]
He woke up to an awful lot of noise outside the cave. Drake was making breakfast, smiling widely at Ella and Laurel being back. Ams was full of giggles too. He had to tell them about Brody, and he wished it could wait, so they could all enjoy this for a bit. But it couldn’t wait. When he was done with it, all of it, Ams was looking at the entrance to the cave, her hand wrapped around her stun gun, “I will gladly shoot him for you, Riley. I have no problem doing it, not after what he did to you yesterday.” He saw Brody standing just outside the cave, looking like he hadn’t slept at all, his face flushed at what Ams just said. He watched him walk right up to her, quickly, not looking at anyone else, and kneel in front of her, banded hands making fists, “I would be eternally grateful if you would,” he said quietly, put his head down and didn’t move after that.
It hurt him to see him like this. He walked over to Ams and gently took the buzzing weapon from her hand, not quite trusting her not to do it, and switched it off. They had to find a way to help him. He knew Brody was furious at him, and he wondered if he was angry enough after last night to want to hold him to the promise he made earlier. He didn’t think he was, but he needed to let Brody know that he kept his word still. And mostly, he had to be absolutely sure that Brody wouldn’t be a danger to them, less him maybe, and he couldn’t do any of that here.
“Brody, we need to talk. Have some breakfast or something to drink at least. I’ll be right back,” and he ran into the cave. He took a small, dark bag that one couldn’t see through and dropped in a stun gun, one of Brody’s old guns, checking to make sure it was loaded, but only leaving one bullet in the chamber, one of Ella’s knives, and a few blank screens. He’d need those to let the others know. Brody was still kneeling by Ams, just as he left him. He helped him up, looked at the rest of them, none of them smiling anymore, letting them know with that look that they didn’t want to be followed, and walked on to a trail that led to the stream, Brody trailing behind him.
He wanted to be far enough away from the fire so that if Brody decided to use the old gun they wouldn’t hear it. He didn’t think Brody ever really wanted to hurt him, much less kill him, not after what he told him last night, and even then he could tell he was lying about some of it, trying to make it easier for him. But he knew he still had to do this, if only to show Brody that even with the slave band on, he was still his equal. They walked in silence for a long time finally reaching the water, and then for a while alongside the stream after that.
The stream sparkled grayly, metallically in the early sun. He saw a few ripples, round ones, probably from the fish pop up and disappear on the surface, sending tiny sparks in all directions. He wanted to put his hands in it to see if it was warm enough to swim in, but there was no way for him to do that and not imagine laughing, giggling Ams swimming in it with him, flailing like a little kid, the way she did at the waterfall, and not want to change his mind.
He looked away from the water and kept his eyes on the trail. He spotted a collection of rocks just ahead of them, and decided that it would have to do. It was as good a place as they were likely to find here, except for by the water, and he couldn’t do that. He ran up ahead to the rocks, and dumped the contents of his bag on one of the larger flat ones. He typed the few words he worked out in his head while they walked. Ella words, and Drake words, and mostly, Ams words. His just in case words, doing his best to explain this, and putting the burden of his last wish on them, for them to help Brody. Brody would give the screens to them, he knew, and they would all do what he asked, even if they hated him for it.
He saw him standing just on the other side of the rock with all the stuff on it, only a few steps away, watching him.
“That’s all the weapons I have, Brody. I can’t take your band off. I don’t trust you not to hurt yourself, I’m sorry for that. These screens are for the others. They’ll understand. I told them they had to help you try to get Trina back. They will do what they can for you, and I’m trusting you to not put any of them in danger in return.”
He stood up and put his hands behind his back, squeezing his fingers together, hard, “I won’t fight you, and I won’t run. If you still want this, I am okay with it… Do what you need to, but quickly, please. I’m not so good with the waiting…” He said it softly, without any anger, at least he hoped there was no anger in his voice. He didn’t feel all that angry at his friend now. He knew that if Brody really did want him dead, it would be because he thought he betrayed him last night, because he thought he had lost Trina for good because of him, and he couldn’t really blame him for wanting to kill him after that. But the waiting was hard, much harder than he thought it would be. He wanted to scream at him to hurry it up, to just bloody do it or not already.
Brody hadn’t moved, just stood there breathing hard, looking at him, eyes full of suns. He walked up to him finally, slowly, and lifted his banded hands to him, “Please, take this off. I won’t do anything stupid, I swear,” his voice shaky.
He did, and as soon as the band was off, Brody lunged at him and hugged him, hard, hard enough to make his ribs hurt. He let him do it anyway, for a long time, long enough to make up for all the years of looking for him, for wishing he didn’t put a bullet through his head in some hotel room, and then for wishing briefly yesterday that he had. And when it was over and Brody put his hands out in front of him again, he couldn’t put the band on him, couldn’t see him like that. He shook his head.
“You have to, Riley. It’s not for you. For me. I don’t… I don’t trust myself, if we can’t find another way.” And he did then, hoping there was something, anything at all they could do to get Trina out.
Brody turned away from him when he was putting the screens and the weapons into the bag, “You haven’t changed, Riley. I don’t know how, after everything, but you haven’t. That day you ran up to me on the street and I turned you away, I couldn’t help it. You made me ashamed of myself. For my parents, and for asking you if you would walk away from me then. I had no right to do that to you. I knew you wouldn’t. I just needed to make you angry at me… I couldn’t have you feeling sorry for me after Trina, after everything, couldn’t bear your kindness or your pity.” He said it quickly, as if he didn’t trust himself to say all of it. He could see his back moving fast, and hoped it was just the breathing. He walked over to him and put his hand on his shoulder, squeezing hard, letting him know that he forgave him for that a long time ago, forgave him for everything.