The Crow King's Wife (21 page)

She could see the tears in his eyes now and
heard him sniffle lightly. It was the most pain she had ever seen
him show, even when he had been dying he hadn’t cried. “You were to
me.” She whispered and stared down at their joined hands. He still
bore the wedding marks on his arm, but hers were gone. They had
been lost with the creation of her new body. She stared at the
twining metallic lines and felt something inside her crumble. Those
marks on his arm should have shown her the lie the first time she
stood before him. They were forged from the heart and couldn’t be
manipulated by magic. The truth had been written on his flesh and
she had been too blind to see it.

Finn smiled sadly and ran a thumb down the
back of her hand before looking up at her face once more. “Jala,
you will always hold a place in my heart, and I will do whatever I
can to help you, but I won’t let you suffer for me. This should
have been faced before now, but I didn’t have the courage for it.
Just like everything else that is wrong in the world it had to be
you to confront it. I lied to you, but I don’t regret it at all.
Let go of the guilt. You have no reason to be guilty for anything.
I can’t say that I’m happy, but I’m content. I don’t think I will
ever be happy until I can scry on you and see you smiling. If I
have to make you hate me for that to happen I will, Jala. If that’s
what it takes for you to find peace with what has happened I will,
but I’d rather you just face the fact that there was no other way
this could have gone. We both made choices, and this is where it
led us. We have to accept that.”

“I should have listened to Anthe’s warning. I
should have left the city with you when you asked me to.” Jala
murmured. The tears were fading and a cold numbness was settling
over her.

“And spent the rest of your life regretting
your actions. You would have carried the guilt of Merro then, Jala,
and it would have been ten times worse the guilt you have now.
Along that path our relationship probably would have ended in
bitterness. Believe me I have put a lot of thought into this as
well.” Finn replied softly.

“So you are saying we were doomed no matter
what choices we made.” Jala asked bitterly.

“In a fashion I suppose. I don’t consider it
doomed though. I see you as a savior just like everyone else does,
Jala. You taught me how to be a hero rather than the butcher I was,
and because of that I can face what I am now without any concerns.
I know I’m making the right choices, because every time I pass a
judgment a little voice in the back of my mind ponders what you
would do in my place. If not for you, I would be walking in Seth’s
footsteps, but because of you I know what to do to save him. At
first I railed at how little time I was given with you, but I
realize why now.” Finn’s voice was gentle as he spoke and she could
tell how hard he was trying to keep his emotions under control as
he spoke.

“Why?” Jala asked. The tightness in her
throat was finally receding and for the first time in months she
felt the guilt fading. The pain was still there, and she knew it
would be for a very long while, but it was becoming something she
could deal with. With every word Finn spoke he was easing her
mind.

“Because as everything falls into place I am
becoming a very big believer in destiny, and your destiny is so
much broader than you realize, Jala.” He smiled ruefully and
shrugged at her. “I am the only one who could do what I am doing
right now, Jala, and you are the only one that can hold the world
together until I’m finished. Something big is coming, and I don’t
know what it is, but we are all pawns that are being shifted into
place. We might not like the tile we are set upon, but if you look
back at everything you will understand why we are where we are. I
am in the Darklands to balance the souls and save Seth. Valor is
with you to brace you when you stumble and keep Arovan tied to you.
Neph is in Delvay to awaken the heroes there and if we all play the
cards we have been dealt we will be ready to face whatever
comes.”

“Veyetta.” Jala whispered and her gaze
flicked to the shadows as she spoke. It was entirely unreasonable
and she knew it. Vaze was the only Shadow mage left, and he was on
her side, but after Neph’s warnings as well as Hemlock’s she
couldn’t help but feel paranoid.

“Or something worse. The point I am making is
if we are going to give Legacy your dream then we have to accept
what we have and do everything we can to prepare. We are close now,
Jala, but if we don’t continue we won’t have the strength to
protect what you build.” Finn smiled at her again, and she felt her
own fragile smile form in response.

“The hardest part of that plan is letting you
go completely.” Jala admitted softly.

“Don’t let me go, Jala. Accept that there are
different forms of love. I’ve had longer to adjust to that idea
since time passes differently in the Darklands. I still love you,
but I’ve set aside my need to be close to you. I knew it wasn’t
possible so I faced it and accepted that you would always be on the
other side, but it wouldn’t stop me from supporting you in every
way I’m allowed. I am the Guardian and you are the angel, working
together we can pull this off and save everyone that likely doesn’t
deserve the effort or the suffering we are enduring on their
behalf.” He squeezed her hands as he spoke and she felt her smile
grow in response.

“The world is utter shit, Finn and I feel
like the entire thing is sitting on my shoulders.” Jala returned
with a heavy sigh but the bitterness was gone from her voice.

“It is, but you are strong enough to support
it, Lady Bendazzi.” Finn said with a wink. He stood slowly and
pulled her to her feet before releasing her hands grudgingly. “You
get the Immortals in line, and I will handle the Aspects. By the
time the council comes around Sanctuary will know peace.” He
promised.

“I will do what I can.” Jala agreed with
slight nod. She knew he was about to leave, but she forced herself
to remain calm. There was a part of her that was screaming for her
to cling to him, but she silenced it without a second thought. He
had come to terms with their fate, and it was her turn to face the
truth. He had lied, but as he said it was for the best. For months
she had been eaten with guilt, and kicking herself for not seeing
the truth sooner, and in under an hour Finn had banished it all. He
was right. There was no other path they could have followed that
would have ended happily. The one they were on could, if she could
hold it all together. She wouldn’t have Finn beside her, but Legacy
would have a world of peace to grow in and a childhood that he
could look back on and smile about.

Finn took a step closer and kissed her gently
on the forehead. Silently he stepped back once more and placed a
hand under her chin tilting her head upward just enough to stare
into her eyes. “Thank you, Jala. Thank you for every time you have
saved me, and thank you for doing everything you have done to save
everyone else. You are and always will be my moral compass, and
whenever you doubt yourself in the future remember that. Promise me
one thing though before I go.”

“What’s that?” Jala asked quietly. She could
feel tears stinging at her eyes once again, but it wasn’t the
painful grief she had been bottling inside so long. It was sadness,
but it was also a form of healing. She knew once these tears ran
out that a weight would be off of her chest and it was possible
that she would be able to see the path forward again.

“Promise me you will remember that you aren’t
standing alone up here. I may not be beside you, but the others are
and they love you as much as I do. Valor, Vaze, Sovann, Wisp, Jail,
and Neph, They are always there to support you all you have to do
is turn to them.” Finn said.

“You forgot Shade.” Jala pointed out through
a sniffle.

“I meant to forget Shade. I don’t like
Shade.” Finn replied with a faint smile.

“Shade is the one that suggested I talk to
you. I knew I should, but I was afraid to.” Jala added and wiped
her face with the back of her hand.

“Fine then, I’ll include Shade. My point is
that while the world may be sitting on your shoulders right now,
you have friends that will help you bear the weight if you allow
them to.” Finn said as he took a step back from her and lowered his
hand from her chin.

“Do you have that in your life, Finn? Do you
have anyone to brace you?” Jala asked before he had a chance to
take another step. She didn’t want him to be alone, and just
knowing that he wasn’t would ease her mind further.

“I have my Grandfather, and a few others I
can turn to. I’m not alone Jala, and I’m not suffering. I know what
I’m doing is necessary and that eases the burden.” He smiled at her
and winked again. “My shoulders are pretty sturdy too, Jala. I am
strong enough to face the road ahead, and if I ever find myself at
an utter loss I know I have someone up here that will listen and
help me through it.”

“Always. I will always be here if you need
me.” Jala promised.

“I know you will be. Take care, Jala, and
don’t be too hard on Seth when he shows up to apologize. He is
trying to find the right path he just really sucks at navigation.”
Finn took another step back and the shadows began to grow around
him.

“I won’t be. Good bye Finn.” She watched him
fade from the room and sank back to the floor once more. Marrow
rose from where he had been laying and moved to her side.
Swallowing heavily she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried
her face in his thick white fur.

“
Will you be able to find peace now
?”
Marrow asked and she could feel his concern through their bond.

“The possibility is a lot more likely now. I
needed that Marrow. There was so much that was left unsaid between
us. I think what I needed more than anything was to be able to say
good bye.” Jala replied through her tears. Now all she had to do
was face everything else the day had in store for her. There was a
chance though that by the end of the day she might be able to
actually sleep without the weight of her guilt suffocating her. “I
have a lot more to do before I can guarantee it though. We will see
how everything else goes.”

“
He left out the most important name on
that list. He didn’t say my name, and no matter what the world
throws at you I will be at your side. Even if you decide to say
screw them all and burn it all to the ground to start over you will
have my support without question
.” Marrow informed her
firmly.

“He didn’t mention you because he didn’t need
to. It goes without saying that you are my strength and he knows
that. It’s the rest that I tend to forget to lean on. You are my
anchor, Marrow.” Jala returned with a smile. She turned her head
slightly and stared into his golden eyes without loosening her grip
on him in the slightest. “Such as now for example, I am leaning on
you and you are holding me together and giving me the strength I
will need for the rest of the day.” She slowly unlaced her fingers
from his fur and stood. With a quiet sigh she brushed the dust from
her dress and straightened the skirts. “And next I will be facing
Valor. He deserves answers and I have so much to apologize to him
for. I have been so horrible to him recently and he is still beside
me despite it all.”

* * *

Jala opened the door silently and stepped
into the shadowed room. She could see his outline at the window. He
wasn’t sleeping, but then she really hadn’t expected him to be.
Valor kept her hours for the most part, and had just as much
trouble sleeping as she did.

“Did you wear yourself out enough to sleep?”
He asked quietly, but didn’t turn to face her. He was sitting in
one of the arm chairs with his feet propped on the window sill. A
gentle breeze was causing the curtains to dance around him. She
wasn’t sure if it was his magic or simply the weather outside.
Valor was so subtle with his workings any more that even when she
was standing beside him it was difficult to tell when he was using
magic.

“Not really.” She admitted and at the sound
of her voice he turned to face her. Even through the darkness she
could see the concern on his handsome face. He could tell just by
the tone of her voice that she had been crying. Jala tried to
summon a reassuring smile as she moved to sit in the ledge of the
window in front of him. “I spoke with Finn tonight.” She informed
him as she pulled her legs up beneath her to sit cross-legged. The
wind stirred her hair and she closed her eyes for a moment. It was
definitely Valor’s magic. This late in the year the breezes of
Merro were never that cool.

“And?” Valor asked quietly. There was
hesitation in his voice and his expression had changed from concern
to caution.

Jala let out a sigh as she watched and
lowered her head to stare at the gardens below. “And I am a
horrible person if that is the way you react. I’m so sorry, Valor.
I haven’t been fair to you. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own mess
of feelings that I never stopped to consider yours.” She pulled on
her magic as she spoke and formed her memories of the conversation
with Finn into a crystal. She set it down on the ledge beside her
and looked to Valor once more. “That is everything that was said,
and there are some things from that conversation that you should
hear. I don’t want secrets between us, Valor. I learned my lesson
on that already. “

Valor leaned forward in his seat and lifted
the crystal, but his eyes never left her face. “You know I never
blamed you right? I was content to wait as long as it took. Wounds
like that don’t heal easily and despite what there is between us I
knew it would take time.”

Nodding Jala smiled at him with genuine love.
“I know, Val.” She assured him quietly. He never pushed her on
anything, and his patience was seemingly endless. The only time he
had ever raised his voice with her or argued a point was when he
thought she was in danger. Every action he took in life was to
protect her or attempt to make her happy.