The Cryptogram (7 page)

I said, “I’m perfectly alone.” This is what I was saying to myself: “I’m perfectly alone.” And I think I was saying it a long time. Cause I didn’t have a pen. Did that ever happen to you?

DONNY
: I don’t know, John.

JOHN
: So I came downstairs to write it down. I know that there
are
pens up there. But I don’t want to look for them.

(
DONNY
goes to him and cradles him
.)
Do you think that was right?

DONNY
: Shhh.

JOHN
: Do you think that I was right?

DONNY
: Go to bed.

JOHN
: Mother? (
Pause
.)

DONNY
: What?

JOHN
: Do you think that I was right.

DONNY
: I don’t know, John.

JOHN
: I saw a candle in my room.

End of TWO

Evening. One month later
.

The room is denuded. Various packing boxes are seen
.
JOHN
is sitting on one of them
.
DONNY
comes downstairs carrying a box. She puts it down and starts for the kitchen
.

JOHN
: Where were you?

DONNY
: I’ll put the kettle on.

JOHN
(
simultaneous with
“on”): Where were you?

DONNY
: I went up for your bag.

JOHN
: The movers will take it.

DONNY
: There were some things I thought that you might like to have.

JOHN
: What things?

DONNY
: For the first few nights.
(
Pause
.) Until the boxes come. (
She starts into the kitchen
.)

JOHN
: Mother.

DONNY
(
offstage
): … yes …

JOHN
: Do you ever think things? (
Pause
.) Mother …?

DONNY
(
offstage, simultaneous with
“mother”): What? (
Pause
.) What, John? (
DONNY
reenters
.) What did you say?

JOHN
: I asked you. Do you think things.

DONNY
: What things, John? (
Pause
.)

JOHN
: Do you ever wish that you could die? (
Pause
.)

DONNY
: … do I wish I could die?

JOHN
: Yes. (
Pause
.)

DONNY
: I don’t know.

JOHN
: Yes, you do.

DONNY
: No, I don’t know, John.

JOHN
: Yes you do. You can tell me. (
Pause
.)

It’s not such a bad feeling. (
Pause
.) Is it?

DONNY
: I don’t know.

JOHN
: Yes. You do. (
Pause
.) I think you do.

DONNY
: John: Things occur. In our lives. And the meaning of them … the
meaning
of them … is not clear.

JOHN
: … the meaning of them …

DONNY
: That’s correct. At the time. But we assume they have a meaning. We must. And we don’t know what it is.

JOHN
: Do you ever wish you could die?
(
Pause
.) Would you tell me?

DONNY
: Do I wish that I could die?

JOHN
: You can tell me. You won’t frighten me.

DONNY
: (
Pause
.) How can I
help
you? Do you see? (
Pause
.) Do you see?

JOHN
: No.

DONNY
: At some point … there are things that have occurred I cannot help you with … that …

JOHN
: I can’t sleep.

DONNY
: Well. It’s an unsettling time.

JOHN
: … I want …

DONNY
: Yes?

JOHN
: I would like to go to the Cabin.

DONNY
: … well …

JOHN
: I want to go to the Lake.

DONNY
: Well, no, John, we can’t. You know we can’t.

JOHN
: I don’t know that.

DONNY
: No. We can’t.

JOHN
: That’s why I can’t sleep.

DONNY
: What do you want me to do? John? I am not God. I don’t control the World. If you could think what it is I could do for you … If I could help you … (
Sound of kettle, offstage
.)

JOHN
: Do you ever wish you could die? (
Pause
.)
It’s not such a bad feeling. Is it?

DONNY
: I know that you’re frightened. I know you are. But at some point, do you see …? (
Pause. Exits
.) (
Offstage
.) John, everyone has a story. Did you know that? In their lives. This is yours. (
DEL
enters
.) And finally … finally … you are going to have to learn how you will deal with it. You understand? I’m going to speak to you as an adult: At some point … At some point, we have to learn to face ourselves … what kind of tea …

DEL
: Hello.

JOHN
: Hello.

DEL
: How are you today?

JOHN
: I’m fine.

DONNY
(
offstage
): What kind of tea?

DEL
: That’s good.

DONNY
(
offstage
): John?

JOHN
: What did my mother say?

DEL
: I came to talk to you.

JOHN
(
simultaneous with
“you”): … what did my mother say?

DEL
(
simultaneous with
“say”): She wanted to know what kind of tea …

DONNY
(
offstage
): John …?

DEL
: … what sort of tea you wanted. What sort of tea
do
you want? (
JOHN
rises to exit
.)

JOHN
: I don’t know.

DEL
: I’d like to talk to you, John.

JOHN
: About what?

DEL
: Several things.

JOHN
: When is my father coming?

DEL
: I have something that I’d like to say.

JOHN
: I have to go upstairs.

DEL
: Could you wait a moment?

(
JOHN
exits
.)

DEL
: John …

DONNY
(
offstage
): Do you see? One has to go on. That’s all we can say. I’m speaking to you as an adult.

(
She enters, with a tea tray. Pause
.)

DONNY
: Where’s my son?

DEL
: I don’t know. He went upstairs. (
Pause
.)

DONNY
: Mm.

DEL
: That’s right.

DONNY
: How is my husband.

DEL
: I don’t see him.

DONNY
: No …?

DEL
: I came to talk to you. And to the boy.

DONNY
: Well, it seems that he’s gone upstairs.

DEL
: Aha.

DONNY
: What do you need to say? (
Pause
.)

DEL
: I’m sorry what I did. (
Pause
.) Aren’t we a funny race? The things we do. (
Pause
.) And then what we say about
them. You’d think, if there were a “Deity” we would all burn. (
Pause
.) Swine that we are. But we go on. (
Pause
.) I brought something for you.

DONNY
: You did?

DEL
: (
Produces book
.) As you see.

DONNY
: And that’s supposed to put you back in my good graces?

DEL
: What would do that?

DONNY
: Nothing you’ve brought.

DEL
: Well. (
Pause
.) Here is a book. It’s your book, by the way. I’ve kept it. All these years. Perhaps that’s what rotted my soul. Do you know, they say: it is not the sins we commit that destroy us, but how we act after we’ve committed them. Is that a useful bit of lore? (
Pause
.) I’ve found it so. (
Pause
.) And here is the German Pilot’s Knife. I was obsessed to bring it. I thought, “But why would she want it?” But, of course, it’s not for you. It’s a propitiation. To the boy.

DONNY
: To the boy …

DEL
: Yes. Well, he should have it. Shouldn’t he?

DONNY
: Should he?

DEL
: Yes.

DONNY
: Why?

DEL
: Because I’ve wronged him.

DONNY
: You’ve wronged him.

DEL
: I have.

DONNY
: Haven’t you wronged me?

DEL
: What was I going to bring you, Flowers?

DONNY
: But you brought the boy the knife.

DEL
: That’s right.

DONNY
: No, you puzzle me.

DEL
:
I
don’t deserve it. It’s his father’s, um, what do they call it? “War” memento. A “combat” trophy. I brought you the bbb …

DONNY
: … it’s not a “combat” …

DEL
: I brought you the
book
 …

DONNY
: It’s not a combat trophy.

DEL
: Well, well, it’s a
War
memen …

DONNY
: It’s not a Combat Trophy.

DEL
:
Whatever
it is.

DONNY
: It’s not …

DEL
: Alright. He won it in the War. I didn’t want to deprive the boy of …

DONNY
: He didn’t win it in the war.

DEL
:
Really
.

DONNY
: No.

DEL
: No. The German Knife.

DONNY
: No.

DEL
: Well, of
course
he did.

DONNY
: Not in the “fighting.”

DEL
: Oh. He didn’t …?

DONNY
: No. Not in the “fighting.” No.

DEL
: He didn’t get it in the fighting.

DONNY
: No.

DEL
: Well, yes, he did.

DONNY
: How could he?

DEL
: Well, you tell me. How could he
not
? It’s a
war
mem …

DONNY
: He was a flier. Do you see?

DEL
: No.

DONNY
: He was a flier.

DEL
: I don’t see.

DONNY
: He was in the
air
. Could he capture the knife in the Air?

DEL
: I don’t understand.

DONNY
: Could he get it in the Air? You “fairy”? Could he capture the knife from the other man in the Air? You fool.

DEL
: (
Pause
.) Then how did he obtain it?

DONNY
: How do you think?

DEL
: I don’t know.

DONNY
: But how do you think?

DEL
: I don’t know. That’s why I ask.

DONNY
: He bought it.

DEL
: He bought the knife.

DONNY
: That’s right.

DEL
: The Combat knife.

DONNY
: Mm.

DEL
: … he gave me.

DONNY
: Yes.

DEL
: Where?

DONNY
: From a man. On the street. In London.

DEL
: Huh. (
Pause
.) You’re saying he bought the knife. And you thought that would hurt me. (
Pause
.) And you’re right of course.

DONNY
: … to hurt you.

DEL
: Well, you knew it would.

DONNY
: Why would that hurt you?

DEL
: Oh, you didn’t know that.

DONNY
: No.

DEL
: Then why did you say it?

DONNY
: I …

DEL
: Why did you say it, then? Excuse me, that the souvenir that he gave me, as a War Memento, with “associations,” that it had no meaning for him. And what would
I
know about the war? I live in a
Hotel. (Pause.)

DONNY
: I didn’t mean to hurt you.

DEL
: Oh, if we could speak the truth, do you see, for one
instant. Then we would be free. (
Pause
.) I should have chucked it anyway. (
Pause
.)