The Dangerous Seduction (19 page)

But he can’t do that anymore. So he does the only thing he can do—he goes back to work.

T
HEY
SEE
The Last Seduction.
Joseph is enthralled by the movie, though he seems almost as enthralled by the enormous tubs of buttery salty popcorn Ryan buys them.

“That stuff was freaking delicious,” he says afterward.

“Man, I can’t believe you never had it before,” Ryan says, unable to stop smiling at the look on Joseph’s face.

Joseph shrugs. “I have. Probably. Back when I was thirteen or something like that. Which was a long time ago.” They’re sitting at the bar of a pizza restaurant around the corner from the movie theater, waiting for a table to come free, sharing a bottle of red wine. “The movie was great. Good choice, Ryan. I can’t believe I’d never seen it before. I usually dig that noir stuff. Plus that chick was hot and crafty. I always appreciate that kind of forward planning.”

“Hmm, yeah,” Ryan says. There are a couple of girls at the other end of the bar, also waiting for a table, and they keep looking over, checking them out, or at least, checking Joseph out. Joseph seems oblivious to it, though he could equally just be ignoring them. Joseph is no doubt pretty used to people checking him out.

“We should do it again,” Joseph says, taking a chug of his wine.

“Like, another date?”

“Is this what this is, then? A date?” Joseph raises an eyebrow; he looks amused.

“I don’t know. You tell me. Are we dating?” Ryan feels audacious saying this out loud, looking directly into Joseph’s face and remembering suddenly that this guy is his boss, the person with the power to fire his ass and fuck up his career if he feels like it.

Joseph picks up an olive from the saucer on the bar between them. He pops it into his mouth, swallows it, then sucks the vinaigrette off his fingers one by one, his eyes on Ryan the whole time. “Do you want to?” he says, using that careful tone of voice again.

“I don’t know. I mean, yes, I guess. But after everything with Daisy….” He trails off and shrugs. “I don’t want this to just be some dumb rebound thing.”

“Aren’t rebound things supposed to start
after
the previous relationship finishes? Not during?” Joseph says.

Ryan huffs out a breath and watches Joseph help himself to another olive. “I guess.”

Joseph nods, licks off his fingers again, and pushes the saucer toward Ryan. “You should have some of these, ’cause I promise you, I will sit here and eat them all. I fucking love olives.”

Ryan laughs and takes a swig of his wine, eying Joseph over the rim, munching on yet another olive. He feels a soft swell of affection for him, low and warm in the pit of his stomach. He glances around the restaurant, at the girls still watching them at the end of the bar, the couples and groups at their tables eating their pizza. He wonders if they’re looking at him and Joseph and seeing the truth—that they’re not just a couple of buddies out for pizza together, but something more than that. His stomach churns at the thought. He looks back at Joseph, who’s watching him closely, a curious look playing across his face.

“Are you okay?” Joseph asks. His voice is steady, maybe even a little concerned.

Ryan licks his lips. “Yeah. I just….” He stutters to a halt, not sure how to explain it. He thinks he’s having his own little moment of gay panic. He’s simultaneously terrified, ashamed, and flattered to think that people might be looking at the two of them and seeing them as a couple.

“Promise you won’t freak out,” Joseph says, and then before Ryan has time to say anything, he slides his hand around the back of Ryan’s neck and pulls him into a kiss. He tastes of olives and red wine and salt, and Ryan’s body reacts instinctively, licking into Joseph’s mouth with everything he possesses, feeling Joseph reach forward and grasp a handful of his coat in one sticky-fingered hand.

They break apart and Joseph raises his eyebrows, looking immensely pleased with himself. “You got to learn to relax. This is Manhattan, Ryan, not Texas. No one’s going to give a shit.”

He bows his head, feeling his face flush, his lips hot and sticky. He puffs out a breath, shakes his head. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

He glances over Joseph’s shoulder toward the girls at the end of the bar. They’re watching them with even more interest now. One of them catches his eye and grins at him. He blushes and looks back at Joseph, who regards him with something almost like affection.

“You’re real cute when you blush,” Joseph says.

He blushes harder and Joseph grins. It’s wide and delicious and most definitely self-satisfied, and Ryan has the sudden crazy urge to lean over and kiss him again, to be the one to instigate it this time. Unfortunately, or fortunately (he’s not sure which), a waiter appears at this moment to seat them, looking completely unperturbed by their little display of gay affection. The guy ushers them to a quiet, private table in the corner of the crowded room, carrying their wine and Joseph’s precious saucer of olives. The table is small and cramped and their legs tangle underneath it. Joseph presses his calf against Ryan’s and curls his lip up when he meets Ryan’s eyes.

The pizza is hot and cheesy, and it smells and tastes amazing. They order another bottle of wine and more olives, and Joseph relaxes and laughs and tells Ryan a couple of crazy frat stories from his time at Harvard. Ryan laughs and tells a couple of his own college stories. They deliberately don’t talk about Fiona, and it’s only after they’ve left the restaurant and are walking past the subway that Ryan suddenly remembers her. His stride falters; a prickle of ice-cold fear flickers down his spinal cord as he thinks of it—the press of the crowd, the train screeching through the tunnel, Fiona tumbling over the edge, the blinding lights—

“Ryan?” Joseph calls him. He’s got a cab, and his hand is resting on the open door as he waves Ryan over. “Ryan, here! Get in.”

Ryan swallows, shakes himself, and hurries to slide into the back of the cab beside Joseph. He leans back in the seat and lets his eyes fall shut. He feels the play of the streetlights against his closed eyelids as the driver takes them uptown.

“I’
VE
BEEN
notified by Fiona’s family that the funeral will be held next Monday,” Joseph tells the assembled team. “Those of you who want to attend the funeral please feel free to do so; I’m planning to go myself. As for Fiona’s workload….” He pauses. “Everything Fiona, Ryan, and Krista were working on will be transferred to Sean. Ryan, I’m moving you onto other projects—”

“What? You’re taking me off the McNeil case?” Ryan interrupts. “Joseph, you can’t do that.”

He can practically hear the shocked intakes of breath from everybody around him, and he freezes as Joseph slowly turns an icy stare on him. “Yes I can. In fact, I already have. All the McNeil files have been removed from your office and transferred to Sean. Don’t interrupt me again.”

Ryan swallows and feels the burning flush of embarrassment and anger flood into his cheeks. He curls his hands into fists under the table and presses his lips together

“Ryan, stay behind,” Joseph says as everybody leaves. He doesn’t even bother to look at him when he says it, watching each member of the team as they file out. Sean is the last to linger. “I’ll have those briefs on your desk for signing by five,” he says, and Ryan forces back the insult
suck-up, suck-up, fucking suck-up.
Joseph doesn’t bother to reply, just nods at Sean and turns his attention back to Ryan.

“You ever interrupt me in a meeting like that again and I’ll fire you,” he says once everybody has left.

“Joseph—”

“Did you hear what I said?”

Ryan presses his lips together and nods, face flaming red. “Yes, I heard,” he mutters sullenly.

“What we do outside the office is irrelevant here. In fact, I’ve been debating the wisdom of letting you carry on here as my employee, given our personal relationship. But you’ve been doing good work. You haven’t given me a reason to let you go. Don’t give me that reason, Ryan.”

“Okay,” he says quietly. “I don’t want to leave. I really don’t. This place, you, the McNeil case.”

“I want you off the McNeil case for the time being. I’ve got other things going on that need my attention. This TV panel discussion tomorrow night for instance, I need you to prep me for it.”

“But, Joseph.”

“What?” he snaps

“You said I was doing good work on McNeil. And with my dad and everything with Fiona. Joseph, everything I told you about Fiona, you can’t take me off it. Not now, please.”

“That’s precisely why you are off it!” Joseph slams his hand down against the table, making him jump. “I need people working the case who aren’t going to get bogged down in ridiculous conspiracy theories. Ryan, listen to me, you have to let this Fiona thing go. Besides, I want you on this other stuff—it’s good experience for you. I’ve got enough people on McNeil already.” He gets up from the table. “I want something I can use for this Liza panel thing by the end of the day.”

Dismissed, he’s been dismissed. He gets up from the table, turns, and walks out of the room without another word.

He’s silently seething as he works. He feels humiliated. He could feel everybody’s eyes on him as he left the conference room and went back to his office. They all knew he’d been reprimanded, like a dumb kid caught speaking out of line. His desk was bare; all the McNeil files, the CDs, the files Fiona had been working on, were removed, vanished like they were never even there, just like Fiona. He hides away in his office for most of the day, only emerging for bathroom breaks or cups of coffee. He finishes the summary report by five and takes it over to Estelle, who takes it from him without a word. He goes back to his office, gets his coat, and leaves.

It’s the earliest he’s left the office since he started working there, and it feels weird to be out of work before sunset. He wanders aimlessly for a while. He thinks about buying a paper, actually making a start on looking for an apartment. Every time he walks past a subway station, he feels a prickle of gooseflesh under his sleeves, his heart rate quickening. The thought of going down there, of standing on a platform and stepping onto a train makes him feel physically sick. He goes to the next convenience store he sees and buys a pack of cigarettes. He smokes two of them and walks the forty blocks to Joseph’s apartment.

He spends the evening browsing rental apartments, then closes up his laptop, falls down on the couch and falls asleep.

He’s woken up hours later to someone’s hand on his ankle. He blinks and takes in the shadowed shape of Joseph sitting at the other end of the couch.

“People at the office are talking about us,” Joseph says matter-of-factly.

He blinks again, raising one hand to push his hair off his face. He feels groggy and his head aches. Joseph slides his hand up under the hem of Ryan’s jeans, caressing and dragging his fingers over his anklebone.

“I know,” he says gruffly. He clears his throat and starts to sit up. Joseph turns his head and looks at him. He looks pale and tired. He smiles faintly at Ryan. “Does it bother you?” Joseph asks.

Ryan thinks about it. “No, I don’t think so.”

Joseph sighs and rolls his head back against the back of the couch, thumb still making its soft caressing circles on Ryan’s ankle. “You broke up with your fiancée. Her BFF comes in and screams at you for being a big, fat cheater. Meanwhile they’re all suspecting that we’re having an affair ’cause you suck at any kind of pretending. Lord knows how you ever got any acting gigs. But I’ve got an entire office thinking I’m the other woman in your fucking breakup.”

Ryan snorts and shuffles closer. “Just fire a couple more people. Remind them who’s boss.”

“Maybe I should fire you.” Joseph rolls his head Ryan’s way. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t.”

He licks his lips, raises an eyebrow. “’Cause I give awesome head?”

Joseph holds his gaze for a moment; then he shakes his head, puffing out a long breath. “Okay, yeah, that’s true enough. But I can get that from you anyway. You don’t have to be working for me. In fact, it would probably be better if you didn’t. Definitely less complicated.”

“But I
want
to work for you,” Ryan insists. “Joseph, please. I know I fucked up today and I’m sorry for that. But don’t can me just because we’re fucking. I could totally sue you for that for one thing. Not that I will of course,” he adds hastily.

“Glad to hear that,” Joseph says.

“But I’m good. I’m a good attorney. I can be better—with your help. I know you were joking about the mentor thing before, but I’m not. I want to learn from you.” Joseph raises an eyebrow and Ryan rolls his eyes at him. “Shut up, you know what I mean. And I get that everybody is replaceable. I’ve seen enough people come and go to get that, but give me a chance. I’ll show you what I can do.” The eyebrow climbs up a little further and Ryan punches him in the arm. “I’m trying to be serious!”

Joseph exhales and laughs. “Oh, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help it! You were so fucking earnest. It was cute, really cute, Ryan.”