"We shall all go to Pemberley soon enough," said Darcy finally.
"I suppose you are worried that there is nothing for you but boredom at Hunsford, after the excitement of London. Have no fear. We will ask Clarissa to come with us, as well, instead of travelling north with Robert and Caroline next week. With Clarissa in 363
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Hunsford and Mr Channing and the Moffets and a number of young gentlemen who are there for the hunting party, I am sure we can contrive to amuse you for one or two weeks."
"And Mrs Gatley is a very pleasant lady," added Elizabeth. "I was under the impression you liked her."
"Of course I do," said Georgiana.
She could not argue against it, for she had no real excuse not to go. She knew her brother would enjoy tramping through the countryside in search of game. She would have to argue against herself as well.
It was all too much effort. She resigned herself.
But she had never gone anywhere so unwillingly.
Georgiana did not know why, but as soon as she set eyes on Mrs Gatley's kindly face, a strong sensation of emptiness came over her.
She felt as though life no longer meant anything at all. It was all grimness and doom.
As if she could sense her reaction, Mrs Gatley slipped her arm into Georgiana's and walked with her into the drawing room.
"You look tired, child. Has the Season been too much for you?"
It had, but not in the way Mrs Gatley meant.
"In some ways," replied Georgiana with a wan smile.
"I remember so well the Season I came out. Your mother Lady Anne was my good friend, as you know, and we were so excited, we could hardly wait. But after a while you discover that beyond the dances and the beaux and the dreams we weave, the first Season is about survival. Next year, when you return, you will have fewer expectations, and you will know better what you are looking for.
Then you may find what is right for you."
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But what if you find what you think is right, and it turns out to be wrong? She looked into Mrs Gatley's benevolent face and wondered if she could ask such a question.
As if she had in fact asked it, Mrs Gatley took her hand between two of her own.
"You young people are always impatient. Do not ask yourself too many questions just now. You will know what is right for you when the time is ripe. Things need time. You must let them develop at their own pace."
Georgiana shook her head. "I wish I could believe that. At the moment I do not believe that I will ever find the answers."
"If you ask too many questions, you will find no answers, only more questions. But time has a way of resolving things."
Mrs Gatley's eyes crinkled at the corners. "I suppose you think I am speaking in riddles, and you are quite right. It is a habit one develops, as one grows older. I must not keep you however. I am sure you will want to go to your room and change."
Georgiana had the feeling that Mrs Gatley was telling her something very important. But, no matter how much she pondered, the meaning of those words remained just out of her reach.
She would have to wait and see.
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Chapter 28
Mrs Gatley was out doing her rounds of the estate, distributing food and essentials to some of her less fortunate tenants, accompanied by Clarissa. Georgiana, who was under the weather, begged Mrs Gatley's indulgence and said she would join her next time.
It was pleasant to be able to sit in the parlour with no one but Elizabeth as a companion. Though as an hour went by, Georgiana began to feel less satisfied. She did not quite know what to do with herself. She tried to play the piano, but the pieces she played were so melancholic that she was in danger of falling into the doldrums.
It was impossible to read, and she had no patience for sewing. And Elizabeth was not much of a companion, for she was busy rereading Sense and Sensibility and said nothing to her at all.
Georgiana was just beginning to grow very restless, and to wish that she had gone with Mrs Gatley, when their quiet was interrupted. The door opened and Channing, who had been playing billiards with Darcy, hovered in the doorway.
"May I beg your indulgence, Mrs Darcy, and ask to be allowed to speak to Miss Darcy in private?" said Channing, smiling at Elizabeth charmingly. "I have already spoken to Darcy."
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The two ladies exchanged glances. Georgiana gave a small shake of her head. Elizabeth bit her upper lip uncertainly, then rose.
"Certainly, Mr Channing."
Georgiana tried to signal to her to stay, but Elizabeth ignored her. She quit the room, and the door shut behind her.
Georgiana, angry at being placed in such a situation, sat still in her chair, trying her best to put on the appearance of polite interest.
"Miss Darcy," said Channing, flashing her a boyish grin, "you have known me for some time now, and you can guess what I have to say to you."
"Pray, Mr Channing, you need say nothing further," she cut in.
He looked astonished.
"I do not understand, Miss Darcy. You have given me no opportunity to say anything at all."
"I can guess your intent, Mr Channing. I wish only to spare you the effort." She was surprised at herself. She did not know that she could be so firm. Even a few months ago, she would have held back and made herself listen to every word he had to say.
She recalled the day Channing had called her dull and insipid.
How long ago it seemed! She tried to recapture her feelings on that occasion but nothing surfaced. If she had cared at that time for his opinion, she certainly did not now.
Yet, oddly enough, she felt grateful to him. In a way, he had spurred her to change, and she was glad of that. Perhaps she owed it to him to at least listen. One could call it a favour returned.
"But, Miss Darcy, you cannot be serious. I have come with all the best of intentions. I have called upon you to make you my wife." He came up to her and kneeled. "Nothing--nothing at all--would give me as much pleasure as hearing you say yes. I have come 368
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to respect and admire you as I have never respected and admired any woman before. From the start, you captivated me with your beauty. But now, as I have come to understand you better, I feel I would wish no one else to be the partner of my life."
He gazed soulfully into her eyes. She knew that soulful look.
Clarissa had made her practise it in the mirror. She marvelled that she had at one time thought him attractive. There was too much self-assurance on his face, too much certainty of being admired.
His vanity rendered his handsome features unappealing.
"I am honoured by your sentiment, if I could but believe it, but I am afraid I will have to say no."
His expression changed so quickly she almost laughed. "What do you mean, if you could just believe it?" he said, rising awkwardly from the kneeling position and dusting off his buff trousers. "Do you doubt my sincerity?"
"I do," she said. "I have watched you for several months fluttering like a moth, flying from one young lady to another. Really, Mr Channing, you cannot expect me to believe that you have suddenly settled on me."
"Whyever not?" said Channing ardently. "Is it the first time a young gentleman discovers the high value of one specific lady after admiring a number of others?"
"No. But you do not admire me, and you are not attached to me at all. I am afraid you cannot say anything that will convince me otherwise, Mr Channing, so you may as well give up."
"You mean it? You will not relent?" he said, still in that ardent tone.
"I will not relent."
"Very well," he said in a normal tone, without a trace of ardour.
A sullen expression crossed his face. Then he grinned at her. "You 369
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are probably right. We would not suit. Our characters are too different." He sighed. "Mama wished me to propose to you. She did not want the opportunity to slip through my hands. You know how these things are."
She really ought to be angry at him, but his smile was so boyish she found herself laughing instead.
"Though it is true I have come to admire you, over time. You really are quite pretty, you know," he added.
Georgiana smiled. "Thank you. I will accept your sincerity in this, at least."
She rose and put out her hand. "Let us be friends at least,"
she said.
He took it, bowed deeply over it, and pressed a feather light kiss onto her fingertips.
"Of course we shall be friends. In fact, I would not be surprised if we will not soon be cousins."
He laughed at her bafflement and, with a quick determined step, left the room.
Georgiana waited until the door had shut behind him, then rushed to the hallway to waylay Elizabeth, who was skulking around suspiciously.
"You have been listening at the door," said Georgiana.
"I would never do such a thing," said Elizabeth.
"Even my brother is convinced you listen at doors," said Georgiana. "In any case, I did not appreciate being abandoned like that, Elizabeth," she said.
"I have started finally to appreciate my mother's finesse at such matters," said Elizabeth, laughing. "I am sorry, but I could not 370
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think what else to do. He would have proposed to you sooner or later. It seemed more sensible to have done with it earlier."
Georgiana acknowledged the truth of her statement.
"You did not accept him, did you? He looked very pleased with himself, but as he did not ask for congratulations, I did not know what to think."
Georgiana considered teasing Elizabeth by saying that yes, she had accepted him, but then decided against it.
"No, of course not. You could not think me so addle-headed, surely?"
Elizabeth looked relieved. "I had my doubts, at least when I saw him come out. I hoped you would have more sense than that."
Elizabeth regarded her with a frown. "Though these days I cannot tell at all what you are about. You have grown much older suddenly."
"Is that a bad thing?" said Georgiana.
Elizabeth smiled. "Not at all. I am glad of it."
Darcy emerged from the billiard room and came to discover what had happened.
"Have you rid us of your suitor?" he said to his sister.
"Yes, Brother."
"Well, I am glad of it," he said, "though it did cross my mind that you might still harbour a fondness for him. I would not have cherished him as a brother."
"Certainly not!" replied Georgiana indignantly.
The doorbel sounded again, and the butler announced Mr Moffet, who wished to speak to Mr Darcy on a matter of particular importance.
Darcy raised his brow.
"I warn you, this is the last suitor of yours I will entertain today.
If any more suitors come, I will have to turn them away."
Georgiana groaned.
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She was more polite to Mr Moffet. He was at least more sincere than Channing, though she did not think his affections ran very deep.
"Miss Darcy," he said, "I know what I have to say will come as a surprise, and I have every hope that it will be a pleasant one. I am sure you cannot guess why I am here."
Georgiana considered telling him she knew exactly why he was there but refrained.
"I--" she began, but was interrupted immediately.
"You need not feel obliged to answer, Miss Darcy. I have certain things to say, and I mean to say them all. You deserve no less. If you will listen without interruption, you will soon discover what I am about."
Georgiana clasped her hands together, sat up straight in her chair, and prepared to listen. She hoped that whatever he had to say would not take a very long time.
"I know you do not expect flowery language--for you are not romantically inclined like your cousin. Not that I am condemning the Romantic, by any means, for my mother is quite fond of things Romantic. We have a garden set up in the Romantic way, you know, with a ruin--"
She really had to interrupt. At this rate, he would still be here in the evening. "You were kind enough to inform me about the garden some time ago," she said.
He laughed. "So I did! How kind of you to remember. Which just goes to show. Miss Darcy, you have a sensitivity of feeling, a delicacy, an understanding that exceeds any that I have encountered so far. And I can tell you that you are not the first young lady I have been acquainted with. You will understand when I say that young ladies tend to flock to me..."
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This statement was followed by a recital of several stories concerning young ladies, whose names he was too much of a gentleman to reveal, who had set their sights at him. Then he enumerated at length the benefits for her of marrying him.
Half an hour later, Georgiana was finally put in the difficult situation of saying no to him. He left the room looking very vexed.
Georgiana wished now that she had not been foolish enough to listen to the whole declaration.
Two days later, Georgiana and Clarissa went out riding together. It was a sunny day, though a light September breeze nipped at them as they rode.
"Guess what happened this morning, when you went out walking with Mrs Gatley and Elizabeth?"
She immediately thought of Gatley. "Do tell me," said Georgiana, her heart giving a little flicker.
"Channing proposed to me!" said Clarissa slowly.
Georgiana twisted her head to look at her cousin. "Really! How droll!" She expected her cousin to laugh, but she did not. "You did not accept him, did you?"
There was a tense silence, in which Georgiana was gripped with apprehension. Suppose Clarissa had accepted him?
"No, but I was tempted. I did not refuse him though. I told him I needed more time to think about it," replied Clarissa.
"But why? When you know his heart is not in it? He proposed to me only two days ago. Clarissa, surely you are not serious. He does not care for you."
Clarissa shrugged. "I know. But then, none of our foolish ideas about love and affection have come to anything. Look at the two 373