The Darkest Dream (The Darkest Trilogy) (26 page)

“So, Saturday night then?”
 
I questioned, hoping my eagerness to get away wasn’t obvious.
 
The walls were failing and I was within moments of losing it.
 
Brayden
nodded.
 

“Should I pick you up here?”
 
he
asked.
 
I nodded.

“Bring Ellie and Ryan,
”
 
I
suggested, hoping this would seem normal.
 

“Yeah, sure, they’ll like that.”
 
He half smiled.

“Thanks for the walk home.”
 
And with that, I was gone, hurrying into the small building and rushing up the stairs.
 
As soon as I was alone, I collapsed in the middle of the floor, sinking downward and curling into a ball.
 

It was as if I was reliving it all over again, my head swimming, my heart aching.
 
From the instant I watched my friend fall to the instant he had left me—I relived everything, the pain unbearable.
 

It was all too much.
 

And I had no one to talk to.
 
Nobody who would understand.

I was all alone.

***

I spent several hours getting ready on Saturday, if only to occupy myself for that much longer.
 
I had taken great care with my hair, which I wore in a very natural down style—long and wavy, just how
Phe
liked it best.
 
My makeup was very subtle, touches of blush and eye shadow giving me a more vibrant look than I’d had in ages.
 
The most difficult part had been trying to cover the dark circles under my eyes—darker now than ever before, as I was barely getting a few hours of sleep a night.
 
I had done the best I could, but shadows were still visible.
 

I had just slipped into my dress when I heard the buzzer, announcing that company had arrived.
 
A ball of nerves had formed in the pit of my stomach, and they fluttered faintly as I pressed the button to allow them in.
 
It had been nearly a month since I’d been released from the hospital, and I’d only seen the Masons a couple of times since then.
 
The thought of canceling had crossed my mind several times, but somehow, I convinced myself not to.

My only hope was that I wouldn’t regret it.
 

A knock sounded at the door and I hurried over to it, working down the line of locks Ryan had insisted I have installed.
 
Once finished, I swung the door open, plastering a smile on my face.
 
The wind was knocked out of me briefly as I took in the appearances of the people who’d been like parents to me.

Ellie, who shared her normally sparkling hazel eyes with both of her children, looked as if she hadn’t slept in weeks.
 
She was pale, with dark circles much like my own.
 
A deep sadness resided in her eyes—much like my own, too,
save
but one difference:
 
she still held on to hope.
 
Gray now peppered Ryan’s usually thick, fair brown head of hair.
 
He too looked as if he hadn’t slept much.

I couldn’t blame them.

Brayden
entered behind them, dressed formally in a black tuxedo with an olive colored tie—to match my dress, no doubt.
 
I stepped forward to embrace Ellie first, and then Ryan, struggling to hold onto the numbness I found so vital to my existence.
 

“I’m almost done,
”
 
I
informed them.
 

“Why don’t I help you finish?”
 
Ellie offered, and I nodded, agreeing even before I saw the pleading look in
Brayden’s
eyes.
 

“That would be wonderful,
”
 
I
said, flashing my smile once more.
 
This time, though, it was more genuine.
 
She linked her arm through mine and I guided her back toward my bedroom, where I had been getting ready.
 

“You look lovely, dear.”
 
A sadness
tainted her tone, and when I looked up, she held a matching smile.
 
“I wish
Phe
was here to see it.”

“Me, too.”
 
At once, there was a painful lump in my throat and I began to struggle against it.
 
I reached forward and grabbed a glass of water from my nightstand, taking a small sip.
 

“I think she would have wanted you to have these.”
 

As soon as I saw the box Ellie was holding out to me, memories overwhelmed me.
 
Phe
and I had gone to at least seven stores looking for jewelry, before she finally settled on those in the box Ellie was holding out to me.
 
I didn’t have to open it to see the subtle diamond studs, the matching silver necklace—which she actually wound up finding tucked away in her attic rather than some store.
 
Phe
had been incredibly excited over what she supposed to be family heirlooms—I remembered her calling me, breathlessly telling me of her discovery.
 

“I couldn’t—
”
 
I
began to shake my head.

“Oh no, dear.
 
Take them.
 
They were actually a gift from your mother.”

“My mom?”
 
Ellie nodded, stepping forward and opening the box.
 
She gestured for me to turn around.
 

“She gave them to me as a wedding gift.
 
The set was my ‘something new’.”
 
I swallowed hard again, my resolve faltering as she clasped the necklace.
 
“I wish she could be here to see you, too.”

“Ellie, was my mom happy?”
 
Ellie seemed startled by the question, losing concentration and almost dropping the earring she was currently working on.
 
It took her several moments to respond.

“Your mom…she loved you very much, Lucy.
 
I think…I think that she was as happy as she could be.
 
She always had dreams of escaping—dreams of a much more exciting life than Glover could provide.
 
She and your dad had been together since high school—and I think she was always a little bit resentful of the fact that he went away to college while she stayed home.”

“Why didn’t she go too?”
 
Ellie sighed, completing her task.
 

“Your grandfather was sick—too sick to take care of himself.
 
So she stayed home.
 
The two of us worked at the diner, just like you and
Phe
.
 
Ryan and Nathan went off to school and left the two of us behind.”

“Did she love my dad?”
 
I turned to face her then and Ellie sighed once more, reaching out and lifting a lock of my hair, adjusting it.
 

“I think she did.
 
I think she loved Nathan as much as she could.”

“There was never anyone else then?”
 
Ellie’s eyes darkened ever-so-briefly.
 

“Why do you ask?”
 
I shrugged my shoulders, glancing away.
 

“Just had a lot of time to think lately, that’s all.”
 
Ellie sighed, looking at the floor, and I dreaded what she was about to say.
 
Ellie had been my mother’s closest friend—if anyone knew her, it was the woman standing beside me.

“Gabby never confirmed anything—but there were times when I had my suspicions.”
 
My chest ached momentarily, memories of an evil man with a beautiful face crossing my mind.
 
“She loved you, though, dear.
 
You were her pride and joy—I know she would be so proud of you.”

“Thank you, Ellie,
”
 
I
smiled sadly.
 
Without thought, I stepped forward and embraced the woman once more—suddenly longing to feel close to someone.
 

“And
Phe
loved you, too.”
 
She told me and my breath caught in my throat as another ache roared through my chest.
 

“I know she did,
”
 
I
whispered, pulling away and cursing myself.
 
Opening myself up to people would only hurt me in the long run.
 

“You look beautiful,
”
 
she
said warmly, her eyes filling with tears.
 
I glanced away, so as to avoid my own tears—turning my gaze to the mirror.
 
Had I not known any better, I wouldn’t have recognized my own reflection staring back at me.

I was wearing an olive colored dress—which brought out the color of my eyes.
 
My hair was just as I styled it, my makeup
unsmudged
.
 
If I were a casual passerby, I would never look at a girl who looked as I did and imagine she had just recently witnessed her best friend’s murder, nor had her heart broken by the only man she’d ever truly reached out to—let alone been introduced to any outrageous realizations of another world.
 

No, if I were a casual observer, I would see a pretty girl spending an evening among friends.

If only that were true.

As a permanent reminder, I caught a glimpse of the scarred skin on my neck.
 
For the briefest of moments, I reached up and pressed my fingers to the warm skin—aching to feel close to him.
 
But as I caught myself, I quickly dropped my hand, scolding myself back into the present.
 

With a soft sigh, I smiled at the woman beside me and slipped into the pair of black strappy shoes.
 
Through the window, I could see that the sun was beginning to go down already—and the same part of me that sprung to existence with the nearness of him sparked inside my chest, longing for the presence of a man I knew I would never see again.
 
I imagined an alternate life, where he had never left—and
Phe
had never died.
 
Nor had my parents.
 
It was a common fantasy, but one I hadn’t allowed myself since before he left.
 

In this fantasy, he was the one waiting for me in a tuxedo—downstairs, talking to my dad, while
Phe
, Ellie,
myself
, and my mother finished getting ready in my bedroom.
 
The four of us would be laughing and jokingly poking fun at one another—happy, relaxed,
alive
.

If only.

By now, Ellie had already guided me down the hall, returning to the two men who stood in wait.
 
“Oh Lucy, you look absolutely beautiful,
”
 
Ryan
commented, and I was shocked to see his eyes glimmering with tears.
 
“
Brayden’s
going to be the luckiest guy there.”

“Well, I doubt that,
”
 
I
said, my cheeks flaring.
 

“I wouldn’t.”
 
It was
Brayden
who spoke then, his eyes sparkling with more life than I’d seen there in recent times.
 
He stepped forward and offered a corsage, which I slipped onto my wrist.
 
“Pictures?”
 

“I don’t think we could escape without them,
”
 
I
responded, plastering the fake smile on my face once again as I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the night to follow.

***

It felt as if the night was taking forever.
 
Brayden
and I arrived a bit late, hoping to slip in unnoticed.
 
This was not the case, however, and we had spent nearly the entire first hour under close scrutiny from former friends and classmates.
 
An enlarged photo of Phoebe stood at the front of the room, her pretty face smiling and unfazed.
 
“Should we dance?”

“Oh,
”
 
I
responded, as if in a daze.
 
“If you’d like.”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind,
”
 
he
offered his hand and I placed mine in his.
 
A slow song came on and he stepped closer, placing his hands on my waist.
 
I was immediately taken back to a night just a few weeks ago, the way our bodies fit together so perfectly—the way I felt so at home.

And suddenly I was suffocating, pulling away.
 
“I’m sorry,
”
 
I
breathed, turning and hurrying toward an exit.

I found myself standing on a patio, lit up with a string of lights that had been wrapped around the banister, breathing so hard I was practically hyperventilating.
 
I braced myself against the railing, my eyes closed as I tried my hardest to force away the sudden intrusion of memory.
 
“Luce?”
 

“I’m sorry,
”
 
I
repeated, not turning around.
 
The sky was dark now, and the patio wet as if it had rained.
 
I clutched tightly on to the railing, trying to ignore the once comforting scent surrounding me.
 

“Please tell me what happened, Lucinda.”
 
Another wave rushed over me—memories of him saying my name over and over again.
 
“You are my light, Lucinda.
 
My light in the darkness.”