The Darkest Secret (33 page)

Done & done. Sabin.

Me & Paris R in the States. Might take a bit, but we'll B there. Strider.

Had a tail 4 few days. Will show as soon as I lose it. Reyes.

Pleased at their show of loyalty amid this crisis, Torin settled back in his chair and waited.

A
MUN'S FRIENDS TRIED TO CHEER
him up, they really did. They hugged him, slapped him on the back and told him what they'd been up to. Strider, fighting Hunters. Aeron, playing with his Olivia in the clouds. Lucien, guarding the Cage of Compulsion with his Anya. Gideon, honeymooning with his Scarlet. Kane and Cameo, scouring the city for any sign of the enemy. Maddox, playing nursemaid to his Ashlyn, who was “big as a house.” Her words, not Amun's. Sabin, begging the Unspoken Ones to give back the artifact Strider had parted with. Reyes, guarding his Danika while she painted glimpses into the future. Paris, getting high on ambrosia and preparing to go to war in the heavens.

Amun spent two days with them. No one mentioned Haidee. They all avoided talk of her. But as he seated himself at the dinner table, he decided to change that. They didn't know it, but this was to be his last dinner with them. Tomorrow he would leave the fortress. Tomorrow he would challenge Zacharel.

Tomorrow he would lose his head.

He knew what Aeron had experienced after his death. Knew the warrior's soul had gone to another realm, a place where formerly demon-possessed immortals were supposedly to be trapped, unable to taint any other souls with their darkness. Baden was there. Pandora, too.

But Aeron, Baden and Pandora had merely died as
mortals did. Their souls hadn't been burned to ash, as an angel's sword of fire could make happen.

That's the death Amun wanted for himself. An end. Totally, completely.

First, though, he wanted these men to know the kind of woman Haidee had been. To know her as he had, as sweetness and light. As worthy. As the best among them. He wanted them to know what she had given up. And so, while they piled their plates high with food, he started talking.

“Haidee was not the monster we painted her. She was strong and courageous.”

Conversations tapered to quiet as everyone stared at him in shock. He'd never begun a conversation before. Had rarely spoken anything but other people's memories since his possession.

He continued before his demon decided to take over and spill the secrets hiding inside everyone around him. “She had every reason to despise us. A demon killed her mother, her father, her sister and her husband. A demon, just like us. Hell, maybe one of us killed her husband. We were there when it happened. And then I helped kill her. Me. I threw her in front of my enemy's sword. Little wonder she came back for us. For vengeance. We would have done the same. We
did
the same.”

Thankfully, no one tried to stop him. Not even his demon.

“The same demon who killed her family managed to infect her, give her a piece of himself. Of Hate. Yet somehow, though she was little more than a human, she managed to defeat that demon's darkest urges. Then she was killed again and again and again, and even though every good and decent memory she had was always wiped from her, even though she knew only sadness and pain, she found a way to love me, to save me…to die for me. That
is the woman we have hated all this time. Someone we hurt first. Someone with the power to kill the rest of us, someone who could have been used against us, yet chose to save us instead. Through her own death.”

A thick, heavy silence enveloped the entire room.

Still Secrets made no attempt to speak through him. Perhaps because the taint of memories had been purged inside that cave. Perhaps because the demon mourned Haidee's passing as he did.

His friends continued to stare at him, not moving, not even daring to breathe. Their thoughts and emotions grew in intensity, finally piercing the quiet. Some felt sorry for him. Some felt guilty for having condemned Haidee. Only Sabin refused to back away from his own hate.

Strider, though… Strider was the worst.
Her death is for the best,
the warrior thought.
Ultimately, she would have turned on him. She wouldn't have been able to help herself. And when she hurt him, or us, he would have blamed himself. He wouldn't have been able to forgive himself, either.

The statement pushed Amun over the edge. Hell. No.

Amun didn't realize he'd launched out of his seat until he had his hands around Strider's neck. Until he was tossing the warrior into the wall, plaster dusting around him. “What the
fuck,
man?” a scowling Strider demanded as he stood.

“Her death wasn't for the best! She was lovely, damn you. She deserved to live.
I'm
the one who should have died. And you can wrap up your excuses as prettily as you want, but that doesn't change the fact that you just don't care that she's dead.”

“Okay. Okay. Whatever. Just relax. You're entitled to your opinion, and I'm entitled to mine.”

“Mine is the only one that matters!” With a roar, Amun
launched at Strider again. They fell to the floor in a tangle of violence.

“Stop,” Lucien commanded. “Now.”

“Let them finish,” Sabin said.

Amun tuned them out. His fists pounded at Strider, his legs kicked. Strider, of course, began fighting back. They rolled together and slammed into the table. Plates shattered, food splattered. Both of them knew how to fight, and fight dirty. Knew how to stop a heart from beating, how to break a femur with a well-placed kick, how to smash a trachea and prevent oxygen from making it into greedy lungs. They did all of that and more.

And still they kept fighting, no one trying to separate them. Amun's hands soon swelled from continuous impact with bone, his fingers refusing to bend. Dizziness washed through him, black winking over his vision, but even that didn't slow him. When this was over, Strider was going to regret his thoughts and words. Strider was going to admit how special Haidee had been.

Defeat's nose broke under the next strike of Amun's palm. Blood poured. That crimson flow reminded him of what Hate had done to Haidee—fangs digging into her beautiful neck—and that only increased the depths of his rage.

“Tell me you appreciate what she did for us. Tell me!”

“You want me to lie? She was a Hunter,” Strider shouted, a few of his teeth missing. “A killer.”

“
We're
killers!” Another strike. Another direct hit. Two pearly whites sailed through the air.

“Damn it!” Defeat's rage increased as well, and he kneed Amun in the groin. “She couldn't be trusted. I realized that. Why can't you?” The words were slurred as they pushed through the empty spaces where his teeth had been.

Amun shook off the pain. What was physical pain after the emotional agony of losing his woman, anyway? He dove into Strider's middle, sending the warrior flailing to the ground. On impact, Strider lost his breath. The warrior was quick to recover, and they rolled, still pounding on each other—until they slammed into one of the table legs and cracked the wood.

Amun stilled, glaring down at the man he'd once called brother. “I trusted her more than I trusted anyone else. Even you.”

Strider pushed, sending Amun stumbling to the other side of the room. “How can you say—”

“No, you don't get to speak.” Once again, he closed the distance between them. No mercy. Secrets knew Strider planned to kick, and so Amun jumped out of the way, spun, punched and ducked, punched and ducked. “You wanted her, but you would have tortured her. You would have ruined her.”

“No.” Somehow, Strider dodged every blow.

“You might,
might,
have been able to love her, but only after you'd broken her.” Finally, contact.

Strider hunched over, trying to catch the breath he'd only just found. “Don't you see what's happening? She's dead, but still she's pulling us apart. I love you. I left this fortress for you. So you could have her.”

“You left this fortress for
you
.” No mercy, he thought again. “You couldn't win her, and you knew it.” Amun kneed him in the chin, sending Strider tumbling back into another wall. “I would have married her, pampered her, and I would have expected every single one of you to accept her. But you wouldn't have, would you? She was just another challenge to you. But you know what? She rejected you, and you walked away from her without a flicker of pain. That changes
now
. You will feel pain. You know why? Because I challenged you, and you just lost.”
With that, Amun punched him. Punched him so hard his jawbone dislocated completely.

Strider was knocked unconscious. Even then, he was in physical pain, moaning from the mental anguish of his defeat.

Amun kicked him while he was down. Again and again.

Someone grabbed him from behind and jerked him away, holding him so tightly he couldn't quite draw in a breath. Yet still he fought. His woman had been slighted. He wouldn't stop until he was appeased. And he would never be appeased.

“I'm going with her,” he shouted. “Do you hear me? I'm going to die with her! And if you don't watch your stupid mouth, I'll take you along, too!”

Strider released another moan, this one far more pained.

The warriors holding Amun must have sensed his determination because they ceased trying to hold him and started trying to subdue him.

“We need you,” he heard.

“Don't talk like that, all right.”

“You'll get through this.”

“No. No!” His body was already badly beaten, weakened, but still he fought, his rage like a living entity.

“It's gonna be okay, buddy.”

“No!”

They squeezed tighter.

“Let us help you.”

“What if we spoke to the angel? What if something could be done?”

“Something
can
be done,” he snarled.

Tighter still.

Haidee,
he screamed inside his head then.
Soon, I'll be
with you soon. We'll be…
His thoughts fragmented. His motions were slowing.
We'll be together again.

Darkness rained down like poisoned arrows. He welcomed the storm with open arms.

“A
MUN,” A GENTLE VOICE
called.

Amun fought his way through the darkness, slashing at it as determinedly as he remembered slashing at Strider. That voice, so familiar, so necessary. Forever lost.

“Amun, baby. Wake up.”

His struggles increased until finally, amazingly, he was able to blink open his eyes—and what he saw took his breath away. Haidee. His beautiful Haidee. She loomed above him, peering down at him with those pearl-gray eyes.

Had the warriors killed him as he'd wanted? he wondered. No, they couldn't have. Inside his head, Secrets was sighing with relief, picking up on something, a mystery, a truth, but was unable to sort through the details.

How was Haidee here?

Am I dreaming?
He didn't dare speak again. Just in case. He would not spoil this moment with a spew of secrets. Besides, if this moment was steeped in falsehood, he didn't want to know.
Wait. Don't tell me. Just stay right where you are.

“No, baby. I'm here.” She smoothed the hair plastered to his brow, and he felt the coolness of her touch. “We're in your bedroom, the place we first met.”

He studied her, certain this had to be a trick. Her pink and blond locks were in tangles around her shoulders, and
her lips were swollen from where she'd chewed them. Her eyes were aglow with love and warmth.

“This isn't a trick,” she said. “I'm real.”

But you died. I watched you die. Was told you couldn't be reanimated by Hate any longer.

“And that's the truth. I was reanimated by something else this time.”

I don't understand.

“That's okay—I barely understand it myself. What happened to me was kind of like what happened to Aeron—and yeah, I got to hear all about that—only I didn't need a new body because I was already in soul form. Anyway, this is how it was explained to me. The demons are the negative, and the angels are the positive. Happiness, Joy, Strength, and so on. So, just like I had taken a piece of Hate, I could take a piece of one of those without killing the giver. And I did. First from you, then from someone else.”

From me?

“Oh, yes. I took your love. Just a little, and I expunged most of it when I expunged Hate. But the little bit I kept was enough to bring me back. I was fading, though, and fading fast.”

What else did you take? And from whom?

“Well.” She massaged those swollen lips together. “Zacharel kind of…gave me another piece of Love.”

Zacharel? The angel?
Jealousy sparked, but vanished just as quickly. Haidee was here. Haidee was alive and with him. Zacharel could share whatever he wanted with her.

“Yes. The angel.”

Why? Why would he give you something of his? And how was
he
the keeper of Love?

She stopped massaging, and her lips twitched at the
corners. “Funny story. Apparently there are several keepers of the more overwhelming emotions, and he was keeping his portion of Love in a jar on his nightstand. Weirdest thing I'd ever seen. It was kind of like his personal Pandora's box, but a treasure chest rather than a prison. He said he wasn't using it, and that I was welcome to a little pinch of it. A few of his angel friends were upset about it, and I heard them say it would cause some problems for him, but now I'm—I'm babbling, aren't I? Say something!”

First, I owe that angel an apology. And a thank-you. Second, I can't believe this is happening.
He reached up with a shaky hand and caressed her cheek. Her skin was as cool as before. As solid. For a moment, he was too numbed with shock, hope and joy to move again.

She was here, he thought again. She really was here. Here, with him. Alive.

And there was the truth Secrets had been trying to reach, to understand. She had defied death, defied what should have been truth, what
was
truth, and come back for them. She was no longer Hate; she was Love. Just as she'd said.

Joy quickly overshadowed the other emotions. Amun jerked her on top of him, his arms squeezing her as tight as possible without crushing her ribs.
I thought I'd lost you, and it was more than I could bear. Tell me you remember me.
He knew she did, but he had to hear the words.
Please, tell me. I know you do, you're here, but like you, I need the words.

“Oh, yes.” She squeezed him just as tightly before lifting her face and grinning. “I remember everything about you.”

Gods, Haidee.
He pulled her back down. Every part of him needed to touch every part of her.
Tell me the rest. What happened to you…after? I have to know.

Secrets was even then unraveling the rest of the details, but Amun wanted to hear them from his woman.

She burrowed her head in the hollow of his neck and flattened her palm over his heartbeat. “After I died, I opened my eyes and found myself—my soul, I guess—in my cave. With Zacharel, as I said.”

Wait. Maybe I won't apologize to that bastard, after all. He let me think you were dead, and that there was no way to reach you. Because of him, I've done nothing but mourn you. In fact, I was going to challenge him in the morning and allow him to kill me. I can't live without you, Haidee.
When he'd told her “now and always,” he'd meant it.

“He didn't lie, Amun. I did die. For a little while. Believe me, he was as shocked as you when I was reanimated. He was visiting my cave, you see, because something you said really got to him. At least, I think that's why. He wasn't big on explanations. And just so you know, I can't live without you. So don't you ever,
ever
think of dying for me again. I'll always find a way to get back to you.”

He rolled her to her back, covering her with his body.
I won't die for you if you won't die for me,
he said, happier in that moment than he'd ever been. His woman was in his arms, underneath him. His.
Are you still somewhat immortal, able to come back again and again?

“Definitely. You're stuck with me for eternity.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his chin. “Now, no more talk of dying.”

The kiss wasn't enough, not nearly enough, but he didn't press for more. Yet.
How did you get here?

“As soon as Zacharel realized I was going to survive everything,” she said, tangling her fingers in his hair, “he flew me here.”

How do we thank an angel? Somehow I don't think a fruit basket will do the trick.

Her lips twitched with amusement. “I don't think so, either.”

He couldn't help himself. He licked his way into her mouth, enjoying her sweetness, her taste. Her legs spread in welcome, and he fell deeper into her, his shaft lengthening, hardening. Groaning, she arched her hips to press more fully against him.

Any moment now, and they would both lose control.

With a groan of his own, Amun lifted his head. Haidee's cheeks were flushed, her lips even more swollen. She'd never looked lovelier.
The rest. Tell me the rest. How did my friends react to you? If they offended you, we'll leave. I told you, I can't live without you. I
won't
live without you.

Haidee's amusement returned. “Oh, they've accepted me already.”

So you
have
spoken to them?

She nodded. “I didn't expect to be welcomed with open arms when Zacharel dropped me off at the front door. He rang the doorbell and disappeared like a coward.” She shouted those last three words, as if she'd been angry at the time and still harbored a bit of the emotion. “But a few minutes after that, the one named Torin let me inside. I thought I'd be taken straight to the dungeon, but no. I was asked a few questions, and then brought here to you. I think they realized they would rather put up with me than see you hurting.”

Back up. What questions?

“Everything you asked me and more.”

His attention snagged on the word “more.”
Such as?

A blush stained her cheeks. “Like was I going to have telepathic sex with you at the dinner table. Did I know how
to cook something other than a PB and J. Was I okay with naked Thursdays.
Anyway
. After I saw that you were okay and sleeping, I asked some questions of my own.”

What questions?
he repeated.

She shrugged, trying for an innocence he didn't buy. “Who you had fought. Where Strider was.”

Amun arched a brow and tried not to laugh.
And?

“And Torin told me. I marched to Strider's room, prepared to…well, please don't be mad,” she said, stiffening, “but I was going to stab him. That piece of Love wanted me to forgive him, but I was still going to do it.”

I like where this story is headed. Continue.

A sigh left her, seeming to drain the tension right out of her. “I didn't. Stab him, I mean. He was in pain. Awake, but in pain, and I guess Love got to me more than I'd realized. He and I had a little chat.”

Amun was the one to stiffen now.
Did he insult you?
If he had…

“No. Nothing like that, I promise.” She traced her fingertips along his jaw. “He said that he never wants to fight you again, even at Xbox. He said a determination like yours is a rare and precious thing, and something he respects. He said he loves you and one day, he'll love me, too. Like a sister. But not to expect
one day
anytime soon.”
Truly?

“Yes. Truly.”

That was completely unexpected.
I will forgive him, then. Maybe. One day,
he added.

“You will.” Her expression became fierce, that intense determination returning. “I won't be responsible for any more hate. And why should I? I'm Love!” She laughed. “I don't think I'll ever get tired of saying that.”

Amun was willing to give her anything she desired, even that.
You're right. I will forgive him.

“Thank you.”

I'm sorry for the pain you've experienced, sweetheart.

“I know, baby.” She stopped caressing, settling her hands against his cheeks. “I know. Just like I'm sorry for the pain you've experienced. But we're going to look ahead now. Together.”

I'm going to do everything in my power to make you happy, I swear it.

“You must have been reading my mind.”

Finally, he kissed her the way he'd needed to kiss her from the first, a kiss that was more than a kiss. A kiss that was a promise. A kiss that was forever.

Until, of course, forever was interrupted by the sudden unhinging of his bedroom door. A loud boom echoed, and wood chips rained. He and Haidee sprang apart. Amun grabbed the knife on his nightstand before moving back over his woman to shield her. He calmed when he saw tiny, redheaded Kaia looming in his doorway.

Perhaps he should have panicked.

“Don't hurt him again, Secrets,” she growled. Her eyes were completely black, her Harpy having taken over her mind. “He deserved what you did this time, so I won't punish you. Do it again, though, no matter the provocation, and I'll have to hurt you. Bad.”

He didn't have to ask who “him” was. He balanced his weight and signed,
Strider is my friend and brother, and despite everything, I love him. As…you do?

Kaia offered no reply. She simply stalked away.

“Who was
that?
” Haidee demanded from beneath him.

He focused on her and grinned.
I think that was Strider's downfall. Now, where were we…

“You were in the middle of adoring me.”

A middle suggests there is an end. What I feel for you is forever.

“Prove it,” she said with a grin of her own.

He kissed her.
I will, at least five times a day, and probably more on Thursdays, considering we'll be naked.

She laughed. “I have a feeling Thursday will be my favorite day of the week.”

Mine, too, sweetheart. Mine, too.
That said, he got busy proving each one of his claims.