The Date (Single Wide Female in Love #1) (3 page)

The movie appeared to be a romance. I smiled to myself and began to watch. Then I realized that the scene was about a woman being stood up.
 

“Ugh!” I flipped the channel.
 

“Yes, I thought I was in love once, but I was wrong. I’ve been alone ever since.” The elderly woman grinned into the camera. “Guess love isn’t for everyone.”
 

“Seriously?” I changed the channel again.
 

“This just in, Hollywood’s sweethearts are breaking up in a messy way. Everyone has something to say about it. With his reputation, she should have known better!”
 

“That’s it!” I turned off the television and tossed the remote down on the couch. I decided it would be better to try to go to sleep. At least then I wouldn’t be assaulted by stories of broken hearts.
 

I curled up in bed and closed my eyes. I wanted to feel excited about the date with Blue. Instead, my mind filled with all of the reasons why he might not show up. Who was I to demand that anyone meet me? All of my insecurities crept through the subtle cracks in the self-esteem I’d built up.

I tried to push them away with positive thoughts.

I am valuable. I am beautiful. I know that I am worthy of love.
But all of those thoughts didn’t seem to do anything to combat the worry in my heart. If no one in my life had ever fallen in love with me before, why did I think it would be any different with Blue?

I flipped over in bed, as if changing sides might change my point of view. In the darkness of my room a tickle of loneliness threatened to burst my confident bubble. I thought of the young couple, so passionate and addicted to one another. I thought of the older couple, accustomed to each other’s quirks and still in love. I thought of the man alone on the corner, humming his wedding song.

Yes, there were many different kinds of love. Would I ever have my own?
 

I opened my eyes to the subtle song of a bird outside my window.

Okay, it was not that subtle, and it might have been a thump of the bird flying into my window.

I sat up and was struck by a wave of dread. It socked me right in the gut and threatened to knock me back down into bed. I should have been excited that I’d finally set a date with Blue. Instead, my mind filled with all of the reasons why he wouldn’t show. The most prominent reason: he didn’t want to.

No amount of reassurance shifted the inner dialogue that seized my mind.

I forced myself to roll out of bed. As I trudged into the kitchen, the weight of the world threatened to crush me. Instead of the buzz of happiness that I had experienced in the past, I braced myself for inevitable disappointment.
 

I was sure that if I continued to hope, Blue would disappoint me again.

As I obsessed about these thoughts, I battled the urge to eat to silence my feelings. I wanted to feel better, and a treat used to be a way to get me to that happy place. After all of the progress I’d made with my weight loss, I didn’t want to throw it away due to feeling inadequate.
 

“No way. I’ve got to get control of this.” I marched into my bedroom. The floor-length mirror on my wall displayed my reflection. “Sammy, you’ve worked hard. You’re not going to throw it away over a man’s opinion.”
 

I wanted to be inspired by my pep talk. I waited for that billow of pride that would remind me of how important my weight-loss journey was. Instead, dread washed over me yet again. It troubled me that Blue had such an influence on how I felt about myself.
 

Maybe that was the problem. Maybe I needed to remind myself that there were other options.

As the idea formed in my mind, a smidgeon of excitement perked up within me. I prepared a healthy breakfast and then sat down at my computer. I opened up the website of the online dating service I’d used a few months before.

Sure, Blue was the man that I wanted. But he wasn’t the only man out there. I could distract myself with potential matches and build my self-confidence at the same time.

Chapter 6

Since it had been so long, I needed to update my profile on the dating site. I was eager to change some things—like my body type and my career. But other questions were still a stumbling block for me. One in particular was difficult.
 

“What is your ideal mate?” I read the question out loud. That didn’t make it any easier to answer.

I didn’t really have any specifics when it came to looks. But I had a lot of requirements when it came to personality. I began typing in the best description that I could. I mentioned that I valued a positive attitude, supportive nature, and creativity. I added a few other things and then moved on in the profile.

When it came time to select physical characteristics, I realized I didn’t want to be picky. Just like I hoped a potential date would be interested in me and not how I looked, I wanted to do the same for him. I marked all categories and only limited the age range a little. I was ready to truly branch out and see who was out there looking to fall in love too.

As soon as I made my profile public again, my body jolted with enthusiasm. This was it. I was on the hunt. I felt a slight twinge of guilt for publicizing my profile with dinner plans in my future, but I no longer felt that sense of dread. If Blue came through then I would forget all about MatchMe. If he didn’t show up, I would at least have something to distract me from the heartbreak.

As I surfed through the profile pictures, I was impressed. The faces I saw smiling at me didn’t seem like strangers. To me, they were on the same journey—in search of love.

With this warmth filling my heart, I clicked on one of the profiles. As I read through the description that warmth started to disappear. The man I’d chosen had very particular interests that had nothing to do with personality. The graphic requests he made left me with a sick feeling in my stomach. I shut down his profile and sat back in my chair for a moment. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to risk clicking on another profile.

Was that what the online dating scene was now? All I wanted was the chance to get to know someone, but maybe that wasn’t the way it was done anymore.

I clicked on the profile of another man. He looked handsome and his description sounded much better than the last. I clicked on the box that showed I was interested.

As I began looking through a few more profiles, I did find a dud or two, but there were also some quality guys to choose from. Of course all I saw was what they wanted me to see on their profile. The next step was making actual contact.

That step didn’t take long though. I started getting notifications of messages right away. As I read through them my hopes were dashed. There were quite a few requests for hook-ups. I had zero interest in that kind of connection. Then I came across a sweet message that asked for an opportunity to get to know me. I sent a note back that invited him to message back and forth with me. The more messages I received the more potential dates I accepted.
 

I could have spent all morning sitting in front of the computer browsing through profiles and responding to messages. Luckily, I had a breakfast date with Max to distract me from doing just that. I did, however, download the dating app onto my phone before leaving.

It was amazing to see how many men out there had an interest in meeting me. Of course I knew that some of them were less than genuine and some might even be dangerous, but with so many responses I was sure there had to be a handful of good guys in there.

As I walked into the restaurant, Max stood up from his booth and waved to me. I walked over and gave him a quick hug. When that familiar inkling of desire sparked, I reminded myself that I had plenty of other men to spark with.
 

“How are you this morning?” Max sat down across from me.
 

“Good. Excited.”
 

“About your date with Blue?” Max smiled. He pushed a menu across the table to me.

I picked it up and began looking through it.
 

“Sure. That should be fun.” I didn’t look away from the menu.
 

“So, that’s not what you’re excited about?”
 

“Not just that.”
 

“Then what?” Max pulled the top of the menu down slightly to look at me. “Do you have a surprise for me?”
 

“Maybe.” I laughed.

I decided on scrambled eggs. Once I had given my order to the waitress I turned back to Max. I opened my mouth to speak but before I could, my phone began chiming. I glanced at it to see that I had received several notes from men. I ignored them and put my phone back down.
 

“I think things are about to move in a positive direction for me.”
 

“Oh. Well, that’s good.” Max nodded.

I noticed him staring at my phone. It chimed a few more times. I picked it up and looked at the screen. I was about to ignore it but the picture of one of the men drew my attention. One little tap and I was browsing his profile.
 

“Sammy?”
 

“Oh, sorry.” I put my phone down. “That was so rude.”
 

“It’s okay.” Max laughed. “But our food is here.” He gestured to the waitress who waited politely beside the table.
 

“I’m so sorry.” I blushed and sat back so that she could set my plate in front of me. I couldn’t remember the last time I had checked my phone in a restaurant.

Chapter 7

Once the waitress walked away, Max looked across the table at me.
 

“So tell me about this positive change.”
 

“Sure. It’s just that I need to get out more, you know?” I paused as my phone chimed again. I couldn’t resist. I picked it up and was about to look when Max snagged the phone right out of my hand.
 

“What are you hiding from me?” He grinned.
 

“Max!” I tried to snatch the phone back.
 

“I’m just taking a look.” He caught a glimpse of the screen of the phone. “Seriously?”

He handed the phone back to me with a funny look in his eyes. “You’re on MatchMe?”
 

“So?” I frowned. I didn’t mind Max snatching my phone. We didn’t have any real secrets. But I didn’t like the way he was looking at me.
 

“So, I thought you were with Blue?”
 

“Matt.”

“Right, Matt.”

“I’m not with anyone. How could I be with someone I’ve never met?” I shook my head. “We have a date planned, but I doubt that he’s actually going to show. I’m not going to let myself get disappointed when he doesn’t. I decided I wanted to see what was out there. If I’m going to find love, I have to go looking for it.”
 

“But MatchMe isn’t the place.” Max shook his head. “I’ve heard so many horror stories about that. Look, you have no idea who you are agreeing to meet, then you show up and you could be in real danger.”

“I have no idea who Blue is either.”
 

“That’s different. Haven’t you been talking to him for a while? I mean you must know him pretty well by now.”
 

“It’s not different.” I frowned. “The Blue I think I know wouldn’t keep canceling on me. Anyway, I’m not going to meet any of these guys. I’m just seeing what’s out there. If Blue shows for our date, then he shows and we’ll go from there. If not, I’m not waiting any more. I told him that too. There are other men in the world that want to be with me, that will make time for me, that will show up when they say they will.”
 

“Wow.” Max stared at me. “I didn’t know that you were that serious about finding love.”
 

“Shouldn’t I be?” I set my phone down. “Like my mother tells me all the time, I’m not getting any younger.”
 

“Oh, that’s crazy.” Max laughed. “You’ve got plenty of time, Sammy.”
 

“So what if I do, Max? What if I don’t want to wait that long?” I sighed. My patience was running thin. “I just want to be loved, Max. What’s so wrong with that?”
 

Max’s smile faded. “I understand that, Sammy.”
 

“Do you?” I frowned. “I know that dating comes so easy for you. But I don’t want to just date, I want to put my whole heart out there.”
 

“I think that’s a beautiful idea. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” Max pointed to my cell phone. “If one of those men can make you happy, that’s great. They’re just going to have to go through me.”
 

I grinned. “I’m sure.”
 

“I mean it.” Max offered a stern look. “I retain veto power.”
 

“Oh really? I didn’t know we had that. I would have used it on that blonde that had the chihuahua!”
 

“Sparkles? Hey, the dog was pretty adorable.” Max laughed.
 

“He should have been named Sprinkles for what he did to your carpet.”
 

“Oh, I’d almost forgotten about that.” Max shook his head. “Thanks for the reminder.”
 

“We’ll see. Who’s to say that I’ll even meet anyone?”

The wind left my sails a bit as I glanced around the restaurant—lots of beautiful couples, lots of wedding rings and engagement rings.
 

“I’m sure you will. I just think you should try it out the old-fashioned way. Get to know somebody local. Meet people.”
 

I laughed. “And how am I going to do that, Max? You’re the only one who ever takes me out to dinner.”
 

“I’m not such bad company, am I?”
 

I smiled and did my best not to let him know that he was terrible company. Not because he wasn’t witty, or intelligent, or attentive, but because when I looked at him I thought of things I shouldn’t.
 

“Not at all.”
 

“Well, just promise me you’ll be careful.”
 

“I promise.”