The Day to Remember (8 page)

I was at a loss for words as I tried to process all this.
Des was pregnant. I’m going to be a father. How could this have happened?
I closed my eyes in agony as dread hit me like a ton of bricks as my thoughts went to the one person I truly cared about, the one person I swore I would never hurt again—Emma.

Desiree

I watched the agony and fear flash through his eyes, and a part of me felt guilty for breaking this news on him. But I needed to do this. I loved him, and I knew he loved me, even if he didn’t think he did.

I looked over at h
im. He looked pale and in shock, and I wondered what he was thinking.
Was he thinking about her?
I felt a stab of jealousy and felt sick to my stomach. I could not bear the idea that I lost the love of my life to that girl. I pushed the thought of them together out of my mind.

I touched
the tiny bump on my stomach beneath my dress and I smiled to myself as my thoughts went to Brandon. I pictured our future together, the future I had always imaged for us, the future we have always talked about since we were 16. This was the right thing to do. I just knew it.

“Brandon?” I asked tentatively. I knew I needed to tread lightly.

He looked up from his thoughts. His eyes were filled with a mixture of emotions. He took a sharp intake of breath and shifted in his chair. “Des, I’m not sure what to say right now. I think I need time to digest all this.”

“Will you be there for me at least?” I kept my voice soft.

“Of course, Des. I’ll be there for you and the baby. I’ll own up to my responsibilities here. I’m just in shock right now and need to figure out what this all means.” I could hear the panic in his voice and my heart went out to him.

“Do you want to hear
about my plans?” I smiled at him.

“Plans?” He looked confused. “I thought you just said you’re keeping it.”

“Yes, I am. I meant my plans generally. Since I have family here in SF and you’re here …” I paused and looked into his warm, brown eyes—those eyes that I feel in love with so many years ago. “Well, I decided that I’m going to move back to SF. Los Angeles is not a great place to raise a child, and I want the child to be close to you and my family,” I paused before I continued, “Will you help me move?” I braced myself for his answer. After so many years with him in my life, I knew Brandon better than I knew myself. I was pretty sure of his answer, but the anticipation still made me uneasy.

“Moving back?
” I could hear the terror in his voice. “When?”

“Next week,” I said softly.

“When did you decide all this?” His eyes were wild with confusion and shock.

“Actually, just this weekend. After talking to my family about it, I decided that it was the right decision, and I wanted to move now when I’m still able to. Plus, one of my friends just closed on a condo,
so she’s going to sign over the lease to her apartment to me.”

“Next week?” He asked
again, as if he didn’t hear me correctly when I said it.

I nodded. “Brandon, will you really be there for me and the baby?”

“Yes, of course.” There was a sadness in his eyes that I didn’t understand.

“I love you, Brandon. I really do.” There were
tears in my eyes. I was not going to give up on us. I knew that there was something here.

He looked at me, and I saw the pained look on his face that I never liked to see—the look he had when he needed to give someone some bad news. “Des … believe me when I say that I will be there for you and the baby.
” He paused. “But, that’s it. This doesn’t change anything between us. I’m with Emma. I love
Emma
.”

I cringed. Her name out of his mouth was like nails on a chalkboard for me.
His words felt like a cold dagger to my heart. I looked away from him, but kept my face free of emotions. “You may think that now, but I know you love me, Brandon.”

He sighed. “Des, I care about you and I do love you, but as a
friend
.” His last word was like a hard slap to my face.

“You don’t have to admit it,
Brandon, but I know how you feel. You wouldn’t have made love to me just four months ago if you didn’t feel something for me. That’s just not you.”

“Des, that night was a mistake.” I could hear the anger in his voice, which made me flinch.
He noticed my pained reaction and his expression softened. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I don’t want hurt you. But I also don’t want to lead you on. We shouldn’t have had sex that night. You had just lost your father, and I was there trying to comfort you. I knew you were vulnerable. I shouldn’t have let you convince me to take so many shots with you that night. I knew you were trying to numb out the pain. And watching you go through that pain brought back the old painful memories of when I lost my mom, and when you were there for me. In a way, I was trying to numb out my own pain.”

He lowered his face and rubbed his temples with his hand and sighed. “I
know that’s not an excuse for what we did. It’s my fault. We shouldn’t have slept together.”

“It’s no one’s fault.” My voice was strained as I reached over to
touch his free hand and squeezed it. “You didn’t take advantage of me. I wanted you to make love to me that night,” I admitted.

He moved his hand
away from me and looked at me. “I’m sorry for hurting you. You don’t deserve that, especially not from me. I wish I could give you what you want, but I can’t. I just don’t have those feelings for you anymore. I’m sorry.”

“Okay,” I pulled my hand back onto my lap and looked away from him. I knew he remembered the night when he told me he loved me, when he told me he would never love another woman the way he loved me. We just needed some time to reconnect, to rekindle the love we had. He needed to be reminded of how much he had loved me. I
would be patient. I would wait until he came around.

Emma

I looked at the time on my cell phone and wondered where Brandon was. He was 30 minutes late.

It was
Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, and Brandon and I have dinner plans. Tomorrow I was driving north to Sacramento to have Thanksgiving with my mom. The girls were driving into SF Saturday afternoon and staying until Sunday morning. I was really excited to see them. I wish they could stay longer, but Steph and Glo had flights to catch Sunday.

I also really wished that Brandon would be aro
und to meet them too, but he said he had some last minute family thing he had to help out with in Sausalito, a small waterfront town just north of SF, and wouldn’t be around all weekend.

My phone beeped.
It was Brandon. “Hey, where are you?” I asked.

“Sorry, I got held up. I’m around the corner from your place. Meet me out front in a minute.”

“Okay.” I grabbed my purse and headed out the door. I was excited to see Brandon. It had been a whole week since we made up, but we haven’t spent too much time together. The new projects at work has kept me busy, and when I was free, Brandon seemed to be busy with his projects.

I didn’t want to believe it, but sometimes I felt like something was bothering him, like he was preoccupied and always deep in thought in his own world.

I opened the door to Brandon’s black Audi S7 and got in. Brandon leaned over and gave me a hug. “Hi babe. Sorry for being late.” I inhaled the intoxicating smell of his cologne and felt myself melt into his arms.

“It’s okay, but I’m starving. Are we going to make our dinner reservations?”

“Probably,” he said, “but I was thinking we can just do something casual, like walk around Fisherman’s Wharf and get some clam chowder at one of the vendor at Pier 39. I know it’s a bit touristy, but I’d like some fresh air. Is that okay?”

“Sure. I actually haven’t been to Fisherman’s Wharf since I’ve moved here, so I’m game,” I said cheerfully. I looked at him and felt like something was wrong. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Why do you ask?” He looked at me with concern. He looked tired and stressed, which worried me.

“I don’t know. You’ve just been a little distant since last Wednesday, and I’m not sure why.”

“Oh, sorry. I’ve just been really busy,” he said, and immediately added, “With work.” He turned away from my gaze and started the engine.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Don’t worry, Emma. There’s nothing wrong.” He gave me a quick glance of reassurance before returning to the road. “So I’m sorry again for not being around to meet your friends this weekend. I hope they won’t be too upset with me.”

I looked at him, trying to study the expression on his face and wondering if he was just tired from work, or whether it was something else.

“It’s okay.” I felt like I was saying that a lot lately. “I told them that something came up with your family.” I don’t know why, but I had a feeling there was something more to the story that he wasn’t telling me.”

“Well I’m glad I can at least house you guys for the
weekend. I’m glad my absence was at least useful.” He gave me a faint smile, and I tried to return it. Since Brandon would be away all weekend, he offered up his place for the girls to stay during their visit.

“Thanks for offering again. I know we’ll be more comfortable there than mine. No one will have to draw stra
ws to see who gets the floor,” I joked.

He gave me a smile and turned back to the road.

“So what are your plans for the weekend?” I asked, hoping to get some comfort from his answer.

He remained silent for a few seconds, and then he turned to me with a look of confusion, “Sorry, did you just ask me something?”

“I … I was just wondering what you were doing this weekend?”
Something was wrong. I just knew it. His heart’s not really in this conversation.

“Oh, I’m just helping out a family member.”

“What’s wrong? Are they okay?”
Please tell me something
.

“No, nothing like that. Just some last minute family crisis, and I promised I would be around
to help out.”

“Oh.” I didn’t hid
e the disappointment and confusion in my voice as I looked out my passenger side window.

Brandon pulled the car over, stopped the engine, and
turned to me. “I’m sorry, Emma.”

“Sorry for what?” I prompted.

“I know it feels like things have been strained between us lately. I’m sorry I’ve been a little preoccupied with some other things.”

“So something is going on?” So I was right.

“Yes,” I said tentatively, “But it has nothing to do with us, and you have nothing to worry about.”

“Oh. What is it? Are you okay?” I asked, trying to get him to tell me more.

“It’s nothing you have to worry about. I promise I’ll tell you when I know for sure.”

His cryptic words confused me, and left me with more questions than answers. “But
what—”

“—please, Emma,” he interrupted. “Can we just enjoy our night together?”

“Sure.” I gave him a small smile, but I was crying and I was screaming at him inside. Something was wrong in Brandon’s life and he was shutting me out.

Brandon

After dinner, we took a walk down the pier. The dark
, ominous sky stretched across the distant horizon, and a bitter evening breeze blew in from the bay. I put my arm around Emma to keep her warm, but she shrugged it off.

I saw the hurt in Emma’s eyes, and my stomach twisted with unease.
I held her hand, yet it was limp in my grasp. She had been distant at dinner, deep in her thoughts. Guilt consumed me as the air between us became more tense and uncomfortable. I wanted to make things better, but I just couldn’t. I knew she was upset with me, and I hated myself for that.

I wanted and needed to tell her about Des and the pregnancy, but I wasn’t
ready for that. At least not until after this weekend. This weekend, I wasn’t going to be in Sausalito with the family. Instead, I was flying to Los Angeles to help Des move. I promised Des that I would be there for her and our unborn child, and I couldn’t back out of that promise.

That was the only lie I’ve
told Emma. Everything else had been true. Des’s pregnancy would not affect my relationship with Emma—I would not let it. Even though I was going to have a child with Des, Emma was who I wanted to be with. Emma was who I saw in my future.

“Brandon,” she finally said, her voice shaky. “What is going on between us?”

I stopped and pulled her towards me. She avoided my gaze and I knew she was in tears. I held her face with my hands and til
ted her face up to look at me. My stomach twisted in agony when I saw the pain in her eyes and my thumb brushed away a tear that was rolling down her cheek.

“Emma, please don’t be sad. There’s
nothing
wrong between us. Something just came up recently that I need to deal with this weekend. I can’t really talk about it right now, but I promise to tell you all about it next week. Okay?”