The Dead Drop (12 page)

Hi, Wendy!

First, a lot has happened since I woke you up in the middle of the night. Let’s just say that the dream I had about Abraham Lincoln and a lipstick gun pointing at me was about more than Lincoln’s assassination or being in a new city. I can’t say more due to national security concerns, but I’m investigating something that may have far-reaching implications.

I also got promoted to the job of Spy Camp counselor!

I’m sure you’re just dying to know how my first day of work as a Spy Camp counselor went, so I’m sending you a highly detailed report.

 

 

MY SPY CAMP WARDROBE:

I got lucky; a heat wave broke with a heavy summer rainstorm in the morning, so I took the opportunity to wear my light blue spy trench coat over a sleeveless black dress and vinyl stretch boots. I styled my hair with hot rollers, teased the crown for extra “spy body,” stuck a partial ponytail on top of my head, and froze the whole thing with hairspray. I call it “1960s spy hair.”

 

 

MY COLLEAGUES:

Before the campers showed up, the camp counselors all met early in the morning in the Ultra Room--which is this large space in the Spy Museum with high ceilings, tables and chairs, and a big movie screen that comes down from the ceiling when the museum hosts lectures and movie nights.

I felt a little awkward when I walked in and realized that the other counselors were dressed in casual black jeans and T-shirts, and that they all seemed to be college students who knew each other from classes or other jobs or just meeting up at the bar. “Live your cover,” I reminded myself. “Act as if you aren’t afraid.”

 

 

COVERS & LEGENDS ROOM--SPY CAMP ORIENTATION:

When we went to meet our young spy recruits, we were greeted with a motley assortment of kids in all sizes, shapes, and colors who stood in little groups, giggling and whispering. A few wore quirky T-shirts with phrases like “Beware of female spies” and “Think! It’s not illegal yet!” A few of them had even turned up in attempts at disguises: I saw a handful of wigs and dark glasses.

It’s funny when you see a bunch of younger kids who remind you of yourself. They think everything they’re doing is so serious, but you can see how it’s really silly and cute, and of course, you also see how much you’ve grown up since those days. (No snide comments, please.)

 

 

AN OMINOUS EXCHANGE:

As I surveyed the group and tried to guess which kids had been assigned to my spy team, I noticed a weird exchange between a boy and his mom as they said good-bye. The boy had a narrow, pale face and long, greasy bangs that hung in his eyes. His mother was freckle-faced with a broad, cheesy smile.

“Have a good time!” said the mom.

The boy looked annoyed.

“Come on--SMILE!!” The mom pointed at her own smile with an index finger.

The boy glared.

Believe me, I know how embarrassing and annoying parents can be when you’re surrounded by kids who are sizing you up and possibly judging you, but something about what this boy did next gave me chills. He suddenly held up his finger like a handgun and pointed it at his mother, striking the air several times as if to say, GET OUT NOW IF
YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU
. His mom just giggled nervously and left.

A SPOOKY MOMENT:

We led the kids into the Briefing Room, a small auditorium with a huge map of the world that glows on the walls, surrounding the audience in eerie black light. A few of the kids looked uneasy by the end of the film we watched: “The cost of spying could be torture, imprisonment, deportation, or DEATH,” the movie warned.

Then, without explanation, the movie screen went black for a minute and then started again, repeating the word “DEATH.” The kids giggled, but I saw Roger Selak (our manager of exhibit production) and Jasper Clarke (the executive director of the Spy Museum) whispering in the corner. Jasper looked concerned and Roger just looked ill. (I’ve heard through the museum grapevine that there have been a few unexplained glitches in the audio and video exhibits during the past couple days and that Roger is baffled about the cause.)

Next, April Shepherd (my boss) got up to speak.

APRIL: So do you all think you have what it takes to be spies?

KIDS (screaming, and totally forgetting their fear during the orientation movie): YES!

APRIL: Good! Now I’m going to introduce you to a real spy.

Jasper Clarke stood at the front of the room. “First, I have to apologize to the young man I was sitting next to who assumed I was someone’s dad. He told me that he thinks the CIA is--and I quote--‘retarded’. He must now be rather surprised to discover that I’m actually the executive director of the Spy Museum and a former CIA intelligence officer.”

Jasper proceeded to explain to the kids that their basic job as spies is “to get information that someone else doesn’t want you to have.”

“How do you get that information?” he asked. “Mostly by FORMING RELATIONSHIPS--getting to know the insiders who have that information. Sometimes you can use surveillance technology, too, but it’s the relationships that are often most important.

“Now, what kinds of information will you be trying to learn as spies?”

The kids stared at him.

“Capabilities and intent, that’s what. In other words, as a spy I want to know what you’re able to do to me, and also what you’re PLANNING--or even hoping to do. Spying only exists because governments never trust the information they tell each other directly.”

“What’s the biggest gun you’ve ever carried?” the kids wanted to know.

“Listen, most of spying isn’t really about guns,” said Jasper. “It’s more about people and using your mind. You have to convince people to give you information.”

I could tell a handful of the kids who had watched lots of spy movies were still wondering when we were ever going to get around to shooting some guns.

 

 

TEAM CRYPT MEETING PLACE:

I decided to meet with my spy team in one of my favorite spots in the museum: a model of a 1940s movie theater with velvet curtains and rows of velvet chairs. The theater is decorated with colorful vintage posters of spy movies with titles like “International Woman--SHE’S DANGEROUS!” I thought this would be the perfect spot for me to try on my new role as a seasoned Spy Camp counselor and an expert in spy tradecraft.

 

 

A MOMENT OF DREAD & REMORSE:

THE BOY I SAW GLARING AT HIS MOTHER IS ON MY SPY TEAM! For some reason, I immediately thought of old Mrs. Weinstock in 8th grade. Remember how she’d get really annoyed when I’d read my Master Psychic’s Handbook while she was trying to teach us a lesson on something like semicolons or gerunds? It’s true that her classes were mind numbingly boring, but I suddenly had some sympathy for her after all this time. Wherever you are, Mrs. Weinstock (probably tuning in to All My Children and already dreading the next school year) I just wanted to say I’m sorry if I seemed rude back in 8th grade!

LESSON #1: “LIVE YOUR COVER”

The kids stared at me, expecting me to say something brilliant. Live your cover, I reminded myself.

“Welcome to Spy Camp,“ I said, ”and welcome to your spy team--Team Crypt.

“Our time together will be brief, but you’re going to learn things that will change your life forever. You’re going to learn to disguise your identity so completely that your own parents won’t recognize you. You’re going to learn that for a spy, things aren’t always what they seem: dog poop lying on the White House lawn or a dead rat carcass in the basement of a government building might be something merely disgusting, but it also might be an ingenious secret container for a very valuable classified message. It’s up to you to find out which is which. You’re going to learn about gadgets and spy tradecraft. You’re going to learn how to make witty conversation at cocktail parties. And you’re going to learn how to tell when someone is lying.

“Someday I’ll share the true details of my life and the spy missions I’ve been involved in, but for now, all you need to know is that my code name is ZELDA. You can call me ‘Case Officer Zelda.’ My legend: I’m a fashion designer and stylist visiting D.C. to promote my latest clothing line and beauty products. My hobbies include karaoke singing and fine dining.

“You should know that most of what I just told you is a lie--the ‘legend,’ or made-up life story I use when I’m working undercover in D.C.

“Now it’s your turn to choose a cover identity and share something about yourselves with the rest of your team.”

 

 

SPY RECRUITS IN TEAM CRYPT:

 

 

Eddie Rizzoli

CODE NAME: THE COMEDIAN

Eddie is a cute, plump boy with big eyes and an overbite that makes him look as if he has chipmunk teeth. He sneezes a lot but never seems to have a tissue. (Good thing I came prepared, or the whole museum would be covered with boogers.) He’s also prone to falling down. When he introduced himself, he spoke in a very convincing British accent and only revealed a few minutes later that he had never even been to England; he was just pretending.

 

 

Hansen Stubbing

CODE NAME: THE MISANTHROPE

Hansen (“The Misanthrope”) is that pale boy who seemed weirdly angry at his mom when she dropped him off.

 

 

Hobbies: picking locks and making homemade alarms so he knows when his parents are coming into his room. (Good old traditional American pastimes!)

 

 

Likes: books and movies about spies

 

 

Dislikes: talking and people (“especially people at my school”)

 

 

Camp counselor note for recruit’s file:

Keep an eye on this kid. My guess is that he’s used to being the “bad kid” and that he’s been picked on in the past. To save time and maybe to protect himself from getting hurt, he decides he’s not going to like anybody he meets from the outset. I’m just a little worried that he wants to be a spy as a way of getting revenge on people he doesn’t like.

 

 

Willow Merman

CODE NAME: STARGIRL

Willow (“Stargirl”) wears a hat she knitted herself with green yarn, long pigtails in corkscrew curls, horn-rim glasses, and an oversize T-shirt that says GREEN in sparkly letters. She’s home-schooled and she keeps talking about how everything at her house is powered by solar energy.

She seems very smart, but she also has some zany, giggly tendencies. (No, I don’t know anyone else who has those tendencies.)

Sonya Vitchenko

CODE NAME: AGENT MOSCOW

Sonya (“Agent Moscow”) has butter-yellow hair that has the stiff, sticky texture of cotton candy. (The black roots are growing out and it looks like she dyed it herself.) Unlike the other kids, she actually dressed up for Spy Camp--but not in a disguise: she wore high-heeled sandals with jeans, a sparkly top and painstakingly applied makeup (including liquid eyeliner, which you and I both know is VERY difficult to apply correctly).

 

 

Interesting: Agent Moscow attends an elite boarding school in Virginia. Her parents (who are apparently very wealthy and whom she calls “oli- garchs,” whatever that means) live in Moscow! She had the choice of getting an education here or in Europe and she chose the U.S.

She’s in 8th grade now (although she acts like she’s about 20) and she’s been on her own here in the U.S. for the past three years. She’s bilingual and speaks English with a Russian accent.

 

 

NOTE FOR AGENT FILE:

Agent Moscow has a great background for a young spy recruit if I’ve ever heard one! (Unless, of course, Agent Moscow is already a spy. Keep an eye on this one just in case.)

Demetrius Young

CODE NAME: JAMES BOND

Demetrius (“James Bond”) is African American and a social butterfly who knows how to act cute and flatter grown-ups. (That’s right; I’m considered a grown-up at Spy Camp.)

“I like your jacket,” he tells me. “You’re the only counselor here who looks like a real spy.” I explain to him that it’s not such a great thing to “look like a spy” since spies often get more information when they blend in with the crowd.

“Still,” he said, “it’s cooler to look like a spy.”

He received a gold star for the day in his agent file.

 

 

Dewey Decker

CODE NAME: SPIDERMAN

DOUBLE-SECRET CODE NAME: “BABY BOY”

Dewey (“Baby Boy”) is six years old--by far the youngest kid on my team. He’s obviously in awe of the other kids, but they tend to ignore him completely.

He’s very cute, but sometimes I wonder if he really understands what we’re doing here.

Note for recruit’s file from camp counselor:

Make sure Baby Boy doesn’t get lost in the city during activities. Scheduled bathroom breaks are a good idea.

LESSON #2--THE ART OF DISGUISE

 

 

ME (addressing my spy recruits): Imagine this: You’re in a hostile environment and your cover has been blown. You need to get out of this situation quickly, without being detected. You’ll need a fake passport, and you’ll also need to disguise your appearance. Get ready, because your first lesson is the art of disguise.

KIDS: COOL!

THE COMEDIAN: I want to be a ninja!

BABY BOY: I want to be Darth Vader!

ME: Hold on, there! What’s the difference between a costume and a disguise? You wear a costume, but you BECOME your disguise. The way you walk, the way you talk, the story of your life--everything changes with a disguise.

 

 

The kids grab wigs, hats, and sunglasses from a big trunk. The Comedian disguises himself as a character he called “the Russian belly dancer.” He uses three fake mustaches: one for a unibrow, one for his upper lip, and one to create a strange, two-tailed beard. He pulls on black boots, a fur hat, and a scarf and dances around the room. A few minutes later he complains that “the mustaches are making me dizzy and disoriented.” Then he sneezes and wipes his nose on a wig.