“Both,” I replied.
I opened the door of the truck and jumped down, the thick mud splashing up my boots. The rain had started to come down harder, making it difficult to navigate through the mud and bodies. Not that it made any difference: there was no one there for us to help—at least, not anymore. All that was left was body after rotting body.
We were careful as we moved around the city, checking each tent and home for any signs of life; but barring the odd stray animal, which growled yet warily gave us a wide berth, everything was dead. Nova didn’t say much. Her expression was hard as we moved around her old city. The only positive I found was that everything was still there—all the food and clothes, all the equipment, medicine, and weapons. It was a small miracle, really, that no one had stripped the place bare yet. Perhaps they knew it wasn’t safe there, or perhaps there was no one left alive that knew about the place. I looked at one of the small wooden huts. The flames had been doused by the rainstorm, gray smoke had all but finished billowing, and I frowned. This happened recently. Like, really recently.
I was about to voice my concerns to Nova when we came to a stop outside of a small wooden… house? Hut? It was clearly a home at one time, but it was tiny. Not that I was used to living in any sort of luxury or anything, but this was basically just a wooden shed made into a home. There were quite a few of those types of homes in that part of the city, and I was presuming they were better living arrangements than most.
I glanced at Nova. Her face was a blank canvas, but it was pretty obvious to me what this place was to her.
“This was where you lived,” I stated cautiously.
“Yeah” was all she replied tightly, before pulling at the door and going inside.
The air was stale and cold, but it was made up nicely, with a bed made from wooden crates and straw, and a blanket thrown over the top. Another crate was turned upside down with a few meager belongings upon it, and pictures hung on the walls. Some of them looked like the stuff you used to find in art galleries, and they seemed so random and out of place here.
Nova made a weird noise in the back of her throat as she moved toward the far side of the hut, where bits of paper and photos were tacked to the wall haphazardly. She pried a photograph from the wall and looked down at it sadly before turning back to me, her eyes glistening.
“This is the only photo I had of us all,” she said, her mouth turning up into a small smile. “I thought they would have given this place to someone else when I left.” She looked around her and continued. “Or trashed it. I would have been seen as a traitor in their eyes for leaving.”
I frowned at her, my shoulders feeling burdened with her guilt. “You did the right thing, though.”
“Did I?” Nova shook her head. “I should have helped these people. That was my fuckin’ job, Nina. I’m as bad as the assholes that were in charge.”
I looked at the photo in her hand and attempted a smile back as I looked upon the younger faces of Nova, Rachael, and Michael. They were young in the image, perhaps not more than thirteen to seventeen, their faces carefree and happy. Behind them were who I assumed were their parents. A man had a hand firmly on Michael’s shoulder, a stern but warm smile on his face. And their mother—damn, she was pretty. I handed the photograph over to Nova, happy that she had it back. I know I would do anything to have some of my old photos back. To be able to see my husband’s handsome face again. I closed my eyes and realized sadly that I could hardly even recall his smile anymore. The thought was chokingly sad.
“No, you’re not,” I said with more strength than I felt. My words seemed to have little effect, so I placed a hand on her arm. “I’ll be outside, waiting for you,” I said, and left hurriedly, knowing that she needed the moment to come to peace with her decision, and I needed the space to stop myself from crying at my own losses.
Back outside the rain was still coming down—the kind of fine drizzle that gets you completely drenched within minutes. My hair stuck to my face, and I didn’t bother to push it away, but instead lifted my face to the sky and closed my eyes. I let the rain wash the dirt free from my cheeks, and I breathed in the freshness of it all. The pitter-patter of rain, the clean air, and the damp on my skin, with my eyes closed it felt surreal, as if being back in my old life.
“Fuckin’ love the rain,” Nova said as she came back outside.
I looked across at her and saw that she was all business again, her emotions raw and dark but under check, and her cocky smile back on her face. But I knew it was all a false pretense, and yet I let her have it, because we all have to put a mask on to cope with this world. Sometimes it was the only way to survive it.
“I could leave it.” I shrugged, referring to the rain. I blinked away the rain that threatened to fall into my eyes. “It’s just wet and cold.” I sneezed again and wiped my nose on the back of my sleeve. It was gross, but what was a girl to do?
“Dude, it washes away the pain.” She looked up to the sky, letting the rain fall on her face and I couldn’t help but smile.
“I’d prefer a hot shower,” I said with a grin. “And a shot of tequila to wash away my pain.”
She looked down at me. “I’ll drink to that,” she laughed. “Let’s get back to the truck, there’s nothing here anymore. We’ll grab some of the supplies and keep moving.” She marched off, the muddy puddles splashing as she traipsed through them.
I followed her. Her mood was much darker than I’d ever seen on her. Not that I could blame her: she’d killed Rachael—her only sister—and there was a very real possibility that we might not make it back for her to see Michael ever again. It was a sad and very depressing thought as I realized that I wanted to make it back to base camp—that I wanted to see everyone again. Not just Emily-Rose, but Susan, Becky, James—even Mikey. Especially Mikey. Damn that man. Every one of them had a place inside of me now, and though it might not have been much, I would easily lay down my life for these people. I smiled to myself at how far I had come.
I caught up to Nova, walking by her side. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” She smiled down at me. “I will be, anyway. It’s just all bullshit, isn’t it?” She didn’t pose it as a question but more of a statement.
“It is,” I agreed. “But things will get better. They have to.”
She grinned at me again. “Well aren’t you all buttercups and fuckin’ roses today?”
I rolled my eyes. “Me? No, I’m still Miss Pessimistic, remember. I’m just trying to cheer my friend up.”
She looked back across at me, her bright red hair plastered to her face, and she looked pale, malnourished, and cold, yet she was smiling insanely. “Nina, did you just say that we were friends?”
I looked away, a blush rising to my cheeks. She wrapped an arm heavily around the tops of my shoulders, making the damp from my clothes seep against my skin, and I shivered.
“Whatever.” I smiled, pushing out from under her arm and feeling embarrassed. “It doesn’t count for much, since you’re my only friend, so don’t let it go to your head or anything.”
“There’s the bitch I know and love,” she laughed.
We fell back into silence as we passed through the deserted camp, only the sound of our footsteps and the rain coming down to keep us company. That and my now-raging headache. This place was much like every town that you passed through these days. Bodies lined the streets, the stench of the dead hung in the air, and it was hard to imagine what life used to be like pre-apocalypse.
“Do you think we’ll ever get it all back?” I asked her seriously.
Nova looked up from her feet, glancing about us. “What? The world?”
“Yeah.”
“No, I think that this is it now. Or at least for us. If we ever do make it back from this, it will be long after we’re gone. Like our kids—or our kids’ kids—will get to see the world for what it was again, but not us.”
“Well that’s depressing,” I said sourly.
She chuckled, the sound being carried away in the rain. “Yeah, it is, but it’s also realistic. That’s why we have to do what we can now, so that the world can continue on after we’re gone. However we may go.”
“And how do you see yourself going out?” I asked. “I’m going die stupidly, I just know it. I’ll more than likely trip over my own feet and shoot myself in the face with my own gun.” I chuckled and she laughed back, but in reality it was a very real fear of mine.
“You know that there’s total accuracy in that statement, don’t you, Nina? I mean, I’ve seen you shoot, and it ain’t for shit.”
I opened my mouth to say something back, but there seemed little point when she was speaking the truth. Because the thing was, I could barely do anything; I somehow just always manage to scrape by through sheer luck and dogged determination. The little skills that I had learned along the way weren’t nearly enough to keep me alive. Sure, they’d worked so far, but I needed to stop making it through things by the skin of my teeth and actually go into a situation knowing that I was going to come out of it alive. Or at least a little belief of that.
“Will you show me how to shoot?” I asked Nova.
“Of course I will. I need a new shooting partner now that I don’t have Michael or Rachael.” Her face fell at those words, the realization sinking in again.
“So, how are you going out?” I asked quickly, changing the subject.
“I’m going out in a blaze of glory—a hail of bullets and fire and the dead knocking on my door.” She grinned widely. “I’ll take as many of those fuckers out as I can before that day, though.”
“Me too,” I agreed.
“What, before you die from your total lack of coordination?”
I laughed and punched her in the arm. “Shut up!”
My words died on my lips as my eyes fell on our truck. I pushed Nova in the side to get her attention and then silently pointed to the truck.
“There’s someone in it,” I stated rather obviously.
Nova lifted up her gun and flicked off the safety. “Who are you? And what the fuck are you doing in my truck?” she shouted out loudly.
“
Our
truck,” I sniped, raising my gun also—not that I could hit anyone from this distance, but they didn’t know that. The person inside froze, their face looking at us through the dirty windshield.
“Well, it’s more mine than yours, Nina,” Nova said, her eyes never leaving the sight of her gun.
“Well not really,” I said in annoyance. “It’s ours, since you wouldn’t be even doing this on your own, and since it was me that spoke to Zee and James and got them to agree to let us take it.”
The person inside slowly backed out of the truck. Though we were close to whoever it was, it was too hard to make them out. The fine rain was coming down harder, creating a light mist between us. I thought it was a woman, and when she cackled like a real live Wicked Witch of the West, I knew it was a damn woman.
“She just cackled at us!” Nova snapped in annoyance. “Like a witch!” she said incredulously. “I hate witches.”
“Well she
is
old,” I offered to Nova.
And she was. Long, dark gray and white hair was held up high on her head in the form of a knotty bun, and her face held more wrinkles than a rumpled old blouse, yet I bet she was attractive once upon a time.
“That’s kinda creepy!” I yelled to the woman, whose only response was to cackle again. I looked across at Nova and saw her grimace.
“If you do that again, I’m going to shoot you in the forehead!” Nova yelled to the woman. “And Nina?”
“Yeah?”
“It’s totally my truck.” She laughed and took off after the crazy, cackling woman who had just turned tail in the opposite direction.
I stared after Nova in annoyance before chasing after both her and the woman. My feet splashed through the mud, the dirty, freezing cold water soaking through to my socks.
“Goddamn it,” I muttered to myself as I ran, feeling the water squelch between my toes. “Goddamn it!” I said louder as I slipped and almost fell on my ass. I realized I couldn’t see Nova anymore and I slowed to a jog, looking around me at all the tents for movements or noise. We still hadn’t checked out all of these, so for all we knew there could be deaders inside. I stopped running and turned in a full circle to check my surroundings fully.
“Nina, up here!”
I looked up, the rain pelting my face and dripping into my eyes, and I saw Nova climbing the steps to the top of the outer perimeter of the city. “Get your ass up here!” she yelled down to me with a gleeful whoop and carried on running.
This was Nova at her best—free and chasing some bad guy (or woman) down. This was what she lived for now.
I ran around the back of some of the old makeshift homes and found the steps before following her up the side. The steps were slippy from the rain and moss, which had started to cover them, and my own words came back to haunt me as I almost twisted my ankle and fell off the edge. I swear I heard Nova laugh at me and I cursed at her and everything else in this godforsaken world under my breath.
I reached the top and was grateful that the platform had a handrail going around the entire perimeter—not that it looked even vaguely sturdy, but it was safer than it not being there. Nova was off to my left, still following after the crazy cackler, who—lo and behold—was still cackling, like we were playing tag and it was all fun and games. I grumbled and followed them both.