The Decision (2 page)

“Are you coming over to our house for the meal?” Elaine asked.

Priscilla and Leah both nodded.

“We’ll do whatever we can to help out today so you and your grandma can relax and visit with those who attend.” Leah, whose hair was golden brown like a chestnut, gave Elaine’s arm a tender squeeze.

“You can count on us, not just for today, but in the days ahead as you and your grandma strive to adjust.” Priscilla’s dark eyes, matching the color of her hair, revealed the depth of her love.

“
Danki
, I appreciate you both so much.” Given a choice, Elaine would prefer to keep busy, but she’d be expected to visit with the guests, so she wouldn’t think of turning down her friends’ offer of help.

“I am grateful for you, too,” Grandma said, her voice trembling a bit. “I value all of our friends in this community.”

As Elaine and Grandma moved slowly toward their buggy, Elaine caught sight of Jonah Miller heading her way. For nearly a year, she and Jonah had been courting, and Elaine was fairly certain it was just a matter of time before he proposed marriage. A week ago, she would have eagerly agreed to marry Jonah if he’d asked. But with Grandpa dying, she needed to be there for Grandma. Perhaps later, once Grandma had recovered sufficiently, Elaine would be ready for marriage. But she would continue to look after Grandma, making sure that all of her needs were met.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Jonah said, his coffee-colored eyes showing the depth of his concern as he looked first at Grandma and then Elaine. “If there’s anything I can do for either of you, please let me know,” he added, pulling his fingers through the back of his thick, curly black hair, sticking out from under the brim of his black dress hat.

“We will,” Grandma murmured. “Danki.”

All Elaine could manage was a brief nod. If she spoke to Jonah, her tears would flow, and she might not be able to stop them. There would be time for her and Jonah to talk—perhaps later this afternoon or evening if he stayed around after the meal that long. Jonah had a business to run, and he might need to get back to work this afternoon.

As though reading her thoughts, Jonah touched Elaine’s arm and said, “I’ll see you back at your house.” Nodding in Grandma’s direction, he sprinted for his horse and buggy.

As Jonah stepped into his buggy and picked up the reins, he thought about Elaine and her grandmother and wondered what they would do now that Lloyd was gone. Would they continue to offer sit-down dinners in their home for curious tourists, or would Elaine find some other employment in order to help out financially? Although Lloyd had retired from farming, he’d continued to earn money by selling a good deal of the produce they raised to a local store where many Amish, as well as some English, shopped. He wondered if Elaine would end up taking over that responsibility.

I could ask Elaine to marry me now. That would solve any financial worries she and her grandma might have
. Jonah smiled.
It would also make me a happy man
.

Jonah had been unlucky in love—at least when he’d lived in Pennsylvania. He had fallen in love with Meredith, a beautiful young woman whom he’d met several years before while visiting Florida. Meredith had believed that her husband was killed in a tragic bus accident, and after a suitable time of courting, Jonah and Meredith made plans to be married. But on the eve of their wedding, Meredith’s husband, Luke, showed up. It turned out that he hadn’t been on that bus after all, but had suffered from amnesia because of a beating he’d received at the Philadelphia bus station. For over a year, Meredith had grieved for Luke, until she’d finally given her heart to Jonah. When Luke showed up, claiming his wife and child, Jonah’s whole world had turned upside down. Knowing he needed to get away from Lancaster County and begin again, a year and a half ago Jonah had moved to Arthur, Illinois, where his twin sister, Jean, lived with her family. Jean had also suffered a great loss when her first husband, Silas, was killed in a tragic accident. But since then, she had remarried. Jean had two children, Rebecca and Stephen by her first husband, and now she and Nathan had a baby boy named Ezekiel.

Jonah’s bishop from childhood used to say, “Everything happens for a reason. God can take the tragedies in our lives and use them for something good.” That was true in his sister’s life, for she seemed happy and content. Jonah had also found happiness and love again when he’d met Elaine. He looked forward to the future and hoped to make the pretty blond his wife someday. But while she and her grandma were recovering from this great loss, he wouldn’t bring up the subject of marriage. Instead, he’d be there for her, offering support in every way. When the time was right, he’d propose.

Thinking about the others who had been at the cemetery, Jonah reflected on how Sara Stutzman had looked as though she might break down at any moment. Sara’s husband, Harley, had been killed by a falling tree ten months ago. Attending Lloyd’s funeral and going to the graveside service must have been difficult for her, especially given that Harley’s grave wasn’t more than ten feet from where Lloyd was buried.

It was hard for Jonah, too, because he and Harley had been good friends. Since Jonah was courting Elaine, he had to be careful not to offer Sara too much support. But he, as well as several other men from their community, had gone over to Sara’s several times to help out with chores. Jonah still dropped by occasionally to check on Sara and her two-year-old son, Mark. Usually Jonah’s sister, Jean, was with him, as she and Sara were good friends. He wondered if Sara would get married again, since it would be better for Mark if he had a father.

But that’s really none of my business
, Jonah told himself.
If it’s meant for Sara to marry again, she’ll choose the right man when the time comes
.

Back at the house, Elaine visited a bit and then headed for her bedroom to retrieve a gift she’d purchased the week before for Leah. As she walked down the hall, each step was a struggle. Walking into her room on the main floor, Elaine quietly closed the door. The voices from those who had gathered in the yard, as well as from inside the house, became muffled.

She stood by the bedroom window, her head leaning against the cool glass. Gazing outside at the people who were visiting in the yard, she was overwhelmed by how many friends Grandpa had made over the years. Elaine watched with blurry vision as Priscilla and Leah and a few other women dashed around, making sure food and drinks were readily available for everyone. It was nice to see Grandma receiving so much support on such a difficult day. For Elaine, it was like losing her father all over again, only worse because she’d been with Grandpa a lot longer. Grandma’s heart was aching, too. It would take some time to work through all of this, and they would need to rely on God.

Away from well-meaning people, the tears Elaine had held in for most of the morning pushed quickly to the surface. Quietly, she let them fall, covering her mouth to stifle the cries. Grandpa was gone, yet it seemed as though he were still here. His presence would be felt in this house for a long time. Grandpa’s voice seemed to whisper in Elaine’s ear:
“Make each day count, Lainie, no matter what. Things happen for a reason, and although we may not understand it, in time, you’ll find the answers you seek.”

Grandma used to remind Elaine of similar things, often saying,
“The Lord knows what is best for each of His children.”

God, is all of this really what’s best for me?
Elaine’s jaw clenched.
First, You took my parents, and now You’ve taken Grandpa, whom we need so much. I feel like I’m in a dark tunnel without any light to guide me out
.

She could stand in her bedroom and sob all day, but she had to get ahold of herself. It was time for her to support Grandma, just as she and Grandpa had always been there for her.

Elaine wiped away the tears with her apron and went to her closet to get Leah’s gift, a bag of daffodil bulbs from the market. Leah’s favorite color was yellow, and Elaine thought her friend would enjoy planting them and seeing them bloom every spring. She had enough bulbs to give half to Priscilla. She hadn’t planned it this way, but it would be her way of saying thank you for all they were doing to make things easier on her and Grandma. She would ask them to plant the flowers in memory of Grandpa.

Elaine hesitated, wishing she could stay in her room a little longer. She took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. Grandma must want to be alone in her grief, too, and yet throughout the funeral, graveside service, and now here for the meal, she had put on a brave face in the presence of others.

How can one go on after losing their soul mate and partner for life?
Elaine wondered.
How does a wife begin each new day, knowing her husband is gone and won’t be coming back?
First Grandma had lost her only son, and now her husband was gone.
Oh, Lord
, Elaine prayed,
help me to be there for her in every way, offering all of the comfort and care she will need in order to get through each day
.

Elaine thought of Jonah and wondered what it would be like if she’d never met him. She cared deeply for Jonah and hoped to have a future with him, but how fair would it be for him to have to help her care for Grandma? The most difficult part of today was behind her, but now the real work would begin. It was time to pick up the pieces of their lives and try to move on.

T
hat evening after all the food was cleared away and everyone had gone home, Elaine went out to the barn to feed the horses. The sound of her steady stride had apparently alerted the animals of feeding time and sent the buggy horses into whinnying and kicking at their stalls. Patches and two of their other barn cats seemed excited to see Elaine, as they skittered across the lawn and pawed at the hem of her dress. “Not now, you three. I’m too busy to play right now.”

When Elaine stepped inside, she was greeted by familiar smells—grain, hay, dust, and the strong odor of horseflesh and urine from the horses’ stalls. They really needed to be cleaned, but that could wait for another day. She was too tired to lift a pitchfork, and it would be all she could manage just to feed the horses this evening.

As Elaine approached the stall where Grandpa’s horse was kept, she bit back a huge sob. This was the last place she’d seen her grandfather alive, when he’d asked her to look out for Grandma. Grandpa had obviously known he was dying.

“I will be here to help Grandma through her grief,” Elaine murmured. “And she’ll be here for me.”

A rustling noise behind Elaine caused her to jump. “
Ach
, Jonah! I thought you had gone home,” she said as he moved toward her.

“I left to make sure my sister got home safely,” Jonah explained. “Her horse was acting up, and since Nathan had to work and couldn’t be with her today, I decided to follow Jean and her
kinner
home. Then I came back to check on you and your grandma and see if you needed my help with anything.” He walked over to an open bale of hay and removed a few chunks to give Elaine’s horse.

“Danki, Jonah.” She stepped closer to him, feeling comforted and choked up by his consideration.

A look of concern showed clearly on Jonah’s face, and it brought Elaine to tears. “Oh, Jonah,” she sobbed, “I came out here to feed the horses, and all I could think about was how just a few days ago, I found Grandpa dying in his horse’s stall.”

Jonah drew Elaine into his arms and gently patted her back. “Losing a loved one is never easy, but God will give you the strength to endure it, for He understands your grief.”

She nodded, pulling slowly back and gazing up at his tender expression. “As much as I hurt right now, I know that Grandma is hurting even more.”

“
Jah
,” Jonah agreed, “and she will need to deal with the pain of losing Lloyd in her own way, in a time frame we can’t control.”

“Are you saying there’s nothing I can do to help her get through this terrible loss?” Elaine could hardly believe Jonah would hint at such a thing.

“I’m not saying that at all,” he said with a shake of his head. “I just meant that Edna will have to deal with Lloyd’s passing in her own way.”