The Deep (14 page)

I cringe when I realize I’m comparing Saul to
my dead fiancé. What a stupid thing to do. Yorrick had a big mouth
but also a heart of gold. Saul has an even bigger mouth and a bad
character to match, the hole in his soul leeching out any gold that
might be left. Maybe I should just get the heck away from this
place.

Stepping outside, I catch Saul carefully
putting away Ben’s letter, wiping his eyes.

“Here you go.” I hand him his cigarette and
pretend I didn’t see.

I take a few drags of mine before finally
answering the question he asked me before. “No, this is not my
first time. I’ve smoked before.”

“Who with?”

“What do you mean, who with?”

Saul smiles lazily. “You don’t really strike
me as the type of girl to light up all by herself.”

“I used to smoke with Yorrick.” Before he can
ask me why I don’t anymore, I add: “He’s dead.”

He falls silent, inhaling the pungent smoke
that Ben misses so much. “What happened?” he then breaks the
silence.

“Yorrick was my boyfriend. My fiancé. He was
going to succeed his dad, the Bookkeeper, but the three priests
didn’t like the revolutionary plans he had for our town, so they
threw him off the cliffs.” I exhale loudly. “The oldest of the
three was executed by the townspeople, and the other two killers
were let off the hook and moved to a nice private cabin in the
woods to become your neighbors. That terrible guy Phileas who’s
always going on about Annabelle’s guidance and wisdom has no idea
what the priests did. If his followers only knew – if the
people
knew – but no, the Bookkeeper won’t speak out. He
wants to give it time.” I spit out the words.

Saul eyes me incredulously after my sneering
diatribe against Nathan. “Are you serious? Your leader didn’t even
avenge his son’s murder?”

My shoulders slump. “We don’t know who
actually did it. That’s not the point. My point is that I don’t
understand we’re allowing Phileas to wreak havoc in our town. The
man has to be stopped.”

“Phileas is the guy who wants to destroy your
fleet?”

“Yes.”

“Why don’t you tell the Bookkeeper what you
think?” Saul shakes his head. “He has to suppress this uprising
immediately. By showing his teeth.”

I bite my lip. I must be boiling inside if I
pick Saul, of all people, to vent to. On the other hand – he seems
to understand how I feel.

“No.” I sigh. “We don’t work like that. I
don’t need it to be violent or bloody. I just want…” Yeah, what
do
I want?

“Life to be easy,” Saul supplies
sarcastically. “Well, I’ve got news for you – it isn’t. That’s why
you have to harden yourself.”

“You truly think so?” I challenge him with my
eyes. “And where has that taken
you
so far?”

Too late, I realize I’m being far too
confrontational. And unnecessarily so, at that. I’m not even angry
with Saul – I’m angry with the world, and I hate how unfair
everything is.

Saul stares at his feet. For just a second, I
think he’s going to shout at me. His hands are clenched into fists
and his knuckles are white. Then, he looks up and simply says:
“Nowhere.” He remains silent for a long time, and finally finishes:
“But that doesn’t mean it won’t work for you. If you think your
people should know about certain things, then tell them. Don’t wait
for some librarian to do it for you.”

“You’re right,” I admit. For the first time
in days, I feel lighter. “Thanks for your advice.”

“Thanks for your letter,” Saul replies. He
tucks the rest of his leaves into my hand. “Here, take all of it
and give it to Ben. And if you want more, you know where to find
me.”

“Yeah, sure,” I stammer.

Saul gets up without saying another word,
disappearing into his self-constructed hut. When he doesn’t return
anymore, I slowly put out my cigarette and walk back to my
horse.

It’s time to have a difficult conversation
with my former father-in-law.

It turns out I picked the right moment to
take action.

When I stride into the meeting room of the
town hall, I don’t just find Nathan there. The entire city council
is with him – of which Phileas is still a member, ridiculously
enough.

“How fortunate to come across all of you at
once,” I say, raising my voice. I stand besides Nathan seated at
the head of the table and let my eyes roam over the men and women
gathered here. Samuel Senior is present as well. That’s even
better. He’s not a member of the council, but he’s always sticking
his nose where it doesn’t belong.

“Alisa?” The Bookkeeper gets up and puts his
hand on my shoulder. “What’s up?”

“You know very well what’s up,” I bark back.
“Intolerable things are happening in Hope Harbor, but somehow we
choose to turn a blind eye to them.”

“What do you mean?” Eileen, a quiet, elderly
woman from one of the farming suburbs, looks up at me.

I close my eyes and beg the Goddess for
strength. “Two of our own people have changed our world for the
better,” I start out. “Walt and Yorrick. Walt crossed the Wall and
established contact with the people on the other side. He exposed
the priests and showed us that the easterners are our neighbors,
simple as that. No monsters in the night. But he also urged us to
respect the old religion that his grandpa was so devoted to.” I
point an accusatory finger at Samuel Senior. “And you can’t deal
with that. You just have to dump over anyone who is trying to honor
just a small portion of Annabelle’s religion. You’re not even
willing to look for the good in a system that has been a huge
support for so many people throughout the years. Just because
you
don’t like it, doesn’t mean nobody is allowed to like
it. You should count yourself lucky Walt is hundreds of miles away
right now, because he would have eaten you and your stupid ideas
alive.”

Samuel opens his mouth, but no sound comes
out. He just looks at me in complete bafflement. In fact, the
entire assembly of councilors is gaping at me like dead fish.

“And you,” I turn to Phileas, “should realize
that Yorrick
died
for our new world. And you don’t even know
it.” Tears pool in my eyes as I whip around to face Nathan. “But
you
do
know, and you keep it to yourself.” I let out a
shuddering breath as I take a few steps back and gesture at the
sketch of the
Explorer
on the wall. “Fifty people sailed to
the World across the Water thanks to Yorrick’s vision and plans.
But sadly, he didn’t live to see the day. And why? Because he was
murdered by our own priests when he said he wouldn’t wait anymore.
Three years ago, Yorrick set up a meeting with Praed, Bram, and
Finn, and because they didn’t like his vision of the future, they
pushed him off the Samson Cliffs. Because they were too scared of
change. How many more ships should burn, how many more people
should be silenced or killed before we make an effort to face our
fears?”

With a muffled sob, I slump into the chair
next to Eileen, my fingers spread out on the table top and my heart
hammering in my chest. There – I said it all. Let out all the
pent-up anger that has been bothering me for too long. Nathan will
probably be livid, but so be it.

“Is that true, Nathan?” Mart asks in a shaky
voice. Sam and Phileas are both still lost for words. “Have they
really killed your son?”

“We don’t know who actually pushed him,”
Nathan replies croakily, “but we do know the priests gave the
order.”

“And you want to follow in Praed’s
footsteps?” Mart turns to Phileas, an angry look in his eyes.

The council members all start to talk
agitatedly, while Phileas turns red with embarrassment. He clenches
his jaw and shoots me such a dark look that it makes me cower. For
a moment, I wish I hadn’t confronted him. I wish I could turn back
time, but then I hear Saul’s contemptuous remark in my mind.
You
just want life to be easy.

No. I had to do this, and now there is no way
back.

I tuned out of the conversation for a little
bit, so it shocks me when Eileen calmly declares: “Phileas, we no
longer want you to be a member of this council, not until you let
go of your radical way of thinking. The Bookkeeper is right –
people are looking for new meaning. Well, let them look for it any
way they want. Even if you don’t agree with it.”

“But…” Phileas takes a breath. “The people
need clear rules.”

“I concur,” the Bookkeeper says. “And the
rules of my city clearly state that we should live and let live.
Respectfully.” His eyes drift to me. “That’s what Yorrick would
have wanted too. And I won’t tolerate any more people falling
victim to narrow-minded fanatics. My son will be the last in that
line.”

Phileas forcefully pushes his chair back and
jumps up. “I’m leaving,” he grunts. “I know where I’m not
wanted.”

“I’m happy we understand each other,” Nathan
says calmly. “And another thing – I don’t want to hear any more
reports of you inciting any citizens at the market or the harbor.
If any more public property is destroyed and I can trace it back to
you, I’ll have you arrested.”

The entire assembly audibly gasps for breath
at this statement. Phileas is gone within the blink of an eye. I
hear the heavy main door thud as he slams it into the lock on his
way out.

“Anything else?” the Bookkeeper inquires
drily. “No? Good. Then this meeting is over. Samuel, will you also
take my words into careful consideration? Will you abide by my
rules of peace and respect?”

Sam shows us a bleak smile. “Naturally.”

“Alisa, can I see you in my study for a
moment?” Nathan continues as the entire council gets up and leaves
the table.

“Yes.” My mouth turns dry with nerves, but I
follow him without hesitation.

Once in his private chamber, Nathan turns
around and eyes me with something midway between indignation and
admiration. “So. How did your meeting with the Eldest go?” he asks.
“Was he wondering why we decided to hide our shipyard on his turf
and failed to be more resolute in our own town?”

I see a chance to at least partly justify my
outburst. “Well, yes, he did mention it,” I mumble. “And I had a
lot of time to think on my way here. I started to get worked
up.”

“So I’ve noticed.” Suddenly, Nathan smiles.
“Thank you, Alisa. You’re just as good at being my assistant as
Walt is. He knows my biggest weakness – I bury my head in the sand
and tend to bide my time for too long.”

“Well.” I smile back. “That’s what we do here
in Hope Harbor, isn’t it?”

“It was, but no more.” He walks over to his
desk chair and takes a seat. “Did you bring any news from
Terry?”

Silently, I hand him the letter. His eyes
quickly scan the words before he picks up pen and paper to write a
reply at once.

While the Bookkeeper is busy, I walk over to
the window and stare outside. My fingers touch the bundle of dried
leaves in my pocket. This day has worn me out completely.

Ben’s eyes light up when I visit him that
evening with the giant supply of tobacco. “Wow, that’s a lot,” he
exclaims. “Did Saul give you his entire stash?”

I wouldn’t be surprised, actually. He
probably just wanted to get rid of me. This bulging packet of
leaves means I won’t have to come back for a while. The thought
lightly stabs at my heart. I would have liked to tell Saul about my
ardent speech in the meeting room. If it weren’t for his criticism
I might never have done that.

“Yeah, he must think you’re stressed,” I
laugh. “He read your letter, by the way. Made him happy.”

Ben blinks his eyes. “It did?”

“Well, as happy as Saul can be, anyway. But I
could tell it truly touched him.”

“You seem to look right through my brother.”
He grins. “Well, if he was so pleased, I should write him a
thank-you note for the tobacco. When are you going back?”

My heart skips a beat. “Tomorrow. I have to
deliver a letter to Terry, visit the Eldest, and if I’m not
mistaken, the families of the shipbuilders also want me to pass on
some messages. So I can take your note, no problem.”

“Let me get some paper. You want a smoke too,
by the way?”

“Nah, I had one this afternoon. It’s a bit
strong.”

Ben gets a pen and paper and sits down next
to me on the quay. The view from his front step is amazing. Every
night, he can enjoy the most beautiful sunsets before he has to go
to work.

“So, has Phileas found out yet about our
secret project in St Martin?” I want to know.

Ben shakes his head. “Not yet, I guess. But
it won’t be long before he starts to wonder where all those
horse-drawn carriages go every late night.”

“Maybe he won’t strike at all. The Bookkeeper
gave him an official warning this afternoon. Thanks to me.” And
thanks to Saul – credit where credit is due.

“Oh, finally? He did take his sweet time,
didn’t he?”

I tell Ben the story of how I flew off the
handle at everyone and he looks at me with a proud smile on his
face. Afterwards, he writes his letter and smokes a fresh roll-up
while I stare at the horizon. With a small sigh, I pull Yorrick’s
white shawl around my shoulders, even though it’s not really that
cold. The Island of Souls used to be waiting past that horizon, but
it left us. Yorrick left me. And now, the skyline is empty. It
feels like weeks ago that the
Explorer
sailed away. Even
though I know we no longer have to wait for anything – we’re
building our own ships, after all – it’s still difficult to get
this waiting, this longing, out of my system. Maybe a ship will
appear at the horizon soon, but it will be filled with people, not
deities or some other kind of higher power coming here to save us.
And why should we be saved anyway? Life isn’t perfect, but we
manage. We learn how to live, through trial and error.