The Defendant (23 page)

He wasn’t usually a heavy drinker—three or four on a Saturday night was usually more than enough—but these weren’t usual circumstances. It wasn’t every day the love of your life showed up in your town, stirring up old memories. Who could blame him if he’d imbibed a little more than was desirable? He blinked a couple of times until the multiple images of his boss morphed into just one. The solemn expression on Riley’s face hadn’t lessened.

“What are you trying to tell me, Chase?”

Chase let the tension of the past couple of months ease out of him on a long and heavy sigh. His shoulders slumped and his head lowered until his chin almost touched his chest. The beer he’d had was playing havoc with his powers of concentration and all he could think of was his beautiful Josie and how he’d stupidly pushed her away.

All of a sudden, he yearned for someone to talk to; someone to offer him a little advice. Apart from his mom, he’d never told anyone about Josie—not when they were back in high school and not now, but in this moment the urge to talk to her brother was overwhelming.

Riley was his boss and his friend. He was also married to the love of his life. He knew what it felt like to be so connected to a woman you almost felt like the two of you were one. Riley could help him. Riley would tell him what to do.

“I once loved a woman to distraction,” he slurred, pitching his voice low. Riley bent his head closer to hear.

“She was my moon, my stars, my night, my day: She was my everything. We had it all planned out, the way our lives would go. She was heading off to college; I was already in the Academy. We were going to visit on weekends and days off and when I was finished, we were going to get married. We talked about where we’d live and what kind of house we’d have. We talked about our kids and what we’d name them. Our lives stretched out ahead of us and they were going to be perfect.” He drew in a ragged breath and reached for the beer glass that wasn’t there.

“What happened?” Riley asked quietly, his gaze intent on Chase.

Chase let out a soft sigh. “The Big C happened. I was diagnosed with cancer.”

Once again, Riley’s eyes widened in shock, but Chase was grateful when he didn’t offer any meaningless platitudes. It had happened a long time ago. It was obvious he’d survived.

“I had tumors in both testes. They operated and removed the cancer and that was followed by rounds of chemotherapy and radiation. ‘Just to make sure,’ they said. I dropped out of sight for the best part of a year. Fortunately, not many people noticed. I’d left for the Police Academy a year earlier. Most people thought I was still there. They thought I was still living in Goulburn. Nobody knew I’d moved back home. Mom drove me to treatments in Grafton. I stayed pretty much close to home.

“Physically, I looked like shit. My hair was gone and I’d lost a lot of weight. Most days I didn’t feel too good, either. The last thing I wanted to do was socialize. And then, I was given the really good news. The chemo had killed the cancer, but it had likely left me sterile.”

“Did Josie know?”

The question was murmured so softly, Chase thought for a moment that he might have imagined it. Then he looked into Riley’s face and saw his somber expression and the warmth and understanding in his eyes.

A band of emotion squeezed Chase’s chest like a vice and he blinked hard to keep the tears at bay. He’d done all his crying a long time ago. He refused to give in to them now.

Dragging a breath deep into his lungs, he blew it out hard between his lips. Gathering his courage, he looked back at his boss and slowly shook his head.

“No.”

Riley nodded once in acceptance and then lifted his glass to his lips. Chase watched while he drank until there was nothing left. With a sigh, he set the empty glass on the bar and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. At last, he turned back to Chase.

“You need to tell her.”

Closing his eyes in resignation, Chase drew in another deep breath. “Yeah, I do.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Josie walked down the hall toward the room where the Logan boys were sleeping, fatigue dogging her every step. The night before, she’d tossed and turned over the evidence she was due to give, as well as her concerns for the boys in the adjoining room. Toss in the random image of Chase and the way they’d parted and she’d begun the day already feeling weary. Now, more than twelve hours and a tough day in court later, she was depleted, every ounce of her energy gone.

A movement from the bed where Daniel lay caught her eye and she stepped through the open doorway. The glimmer of moonlight illuminated the shadows just enough so that she could make out his shape in the bed. A closer inspection revealed he was awake and watching her.

He’d hardly spoken a word to her since she’d collected him from Belinda’s office. They needed to talk, no matter how much she wished she could avoid it. Staying silent about what was happening wasn’t healthy for either one of them. She swallowed a sigh and went over to his bed and perched on the very edge of it.

“How are you doing?” she murmured and then winced at the lameness of her question. She thought
she’d
had a tough day. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what it had been like for him. The memory of how he’d looked after she’d finished giving her evidence—his expression of sadness and hurt and resignation—would stay with her forever, no matter how many times she told herself she’d only been doing her job. Nothing eased the heartache that weighed her down when she thought about Daniel and what lay in his future.

No matter which way she looked at it, he was in serious trouble. If the court determined he had the capacity to stand trial and answer for his crime and he was found guilty, he’d be facing a custodial sentence. Even if he pleaded to the lesser charge of manslaughter, the likelihood of him facing jail time was incredibly high. She knew it and no doubt he had some idea, too.

Her shoulders slumped with the weight of her thoughts, but she forced a smile. She wasn’t sure how frank his lawyer had been with him and how much Daniel knew about the precariousness of his position, but she wasn’t going to lower his spirits any more than was necessary. Not tonight, anyway.

She glanced at him again and tears burned behind her eyes. From the look on his face, his thoughts were as troubled as hers.

“Don’t beat yourself up about today, Josie. It’s cool. You were only doing your job.”

His quiet words tore her apart with their simple honesty and heartfelt show of support. They demonstrated an insight and maturity far beyond his years and it threw her a little off balance. Emotion surged through her and she bit down on her lip. She blinked hard to hold back the tears that now pressed behind her eyelids. Daniel needed her to be strong and courageous. She wished she had even half his bravery.

“Th-thank you,” she stammered, not knowing what else to say. Her evidence could make the difference between whether he went to trial and faced a probable custodial sentence or walked away a free young man. Not that he’d walk away free in the true sense—unaffected and ready to pick up his life where he’d left off. His life would never be the same again, with or without a court-imposed punishment.

“I’m sorry that your aunt wasn’t here to collect you today.”

He shrugged, as if it was of little consequence. “It’s okay. I don’t mind being here with you. Jason really likes it here.”

Together, they turned to look at the sleeping form in the bed across the room. Josie was gratified to see the younger boy’s chest rise and fall in a deep and steady rhythm. At least one of them was able to sleep.

“How is the counseling going? Belinda mentioned she’s been taking you both to see Phoebe in Grafton.”

“Yeah, I think it’s helping Jason. He seems to be adjusting much quicker than I am to Mom’s death and I think he’s sure Dad’s gonna come home soon and then everything will be better.”

“How about you?” she whispered, risking a glance in his direction.

His jaw set hard and his lips thinned. His gaze dropped to the bedclothes. Suddenly, he seemed fascinated with the pattern on the bedspread.

“It’s okay, Daniel. It’s okay not to be doing too good. No one would expect you to be joyful or even a little bit happy. You’ve been through incredible trauma. First your mom and now your dad. He’s—”

“He tried to kill himself, didn’t he?” The harsh question blazed from his mouth in a torrent of pain and anger.

Josie shook her head, for once, at a loss for words. She scrambled for something to say. “No, of course not. Whatever gave you that idea?”

Daniel made a rude noise under his breath. He turned on his side and faced the wall and dragged the bedspread with him.

“I heard it from the kids at school. I thought
you
of all people would tell me the truth.” The bedclothes around his face muffled his voice, but still the accusation stung—even more so because she’d been hedging.

Josie closed her eyes against the pain. “I-I’m sorry, Daniel. You’re right. The truth is the least of what you deserve.” She drew in a deep breath and blew it out on a heavy sigh, too tired to keep up the façade of normality. Nothing in Daniel’s short life would be normal for a very long time to come…if ever.

“I-I don’t know exactly what happened, but I understand your dad was feeling very low. He-he thought about ending his life, but he didn’t attempt it. He remembered you and Jason and how much you needed him and how much he loved you and…and he didn’t do it. He didn’t even try to do it. He asked for help. He was brave enough to call the police and ask for help. You should be proud of him for that. It couldn’t have been easy.”

Her words were met with silence and then Daniel’s slight body shuddered on a sob. Josie reached for him, her heart breaking at the sound of his desolation. Lying down beside him, she pulled him gently in against her side and murmured soothing noises against his hair. He’d been so brave and tough in the courtroom, trying hard to be a man. But it was all a front. Inside, he was a scared, young boy: a twelve-year-old who’d been thrust into the adult world way too early and much against his nature.

Josie would bet everything she owned, including her prized motorcycle, that when Daniel Logan reached for that gun the only thought in his mind was to help his mother. Okay, he knew by firing the gun, he’d kill a man and he understood it was wrong, but she refused to believe he could he have imagined the path his actions would take and the utter devastation that they would wrought on him and his family.

She’d done her duty to the court; she’d provided the prosecutor with a report and she still stood by its contents, but it didn’t mean she had to like it or that she couldn’t feel the pain and devastation that radiated in waves from the boy in her arms.

She bit her lip against another surge of emotion and tightened her hold on him. His sobs had quietened to the occasional shudder and she waited in silence for him to calm.

“It’s all my fault,” he whispered in a tiny, broken voice.

Josie’s response was swift and sure. “No! No, Daniel. It’s not. Please, listen to me. It’s easy for you to feel that way, even natural, but it’s not true. You had no control over the man who attacked your mom. You had no power over the way your mom and dad reacted. We all deal with things in our own way. We make our own choices. Sometimes we make good ones, sometimes we don’t, but our decisions are only ever that—
ours.
”

She reached over and put her hand on his shoulder and gently turned him to face her. “Don’t let anyone ever tell you different, Daniel. We’re all responsible for ourselves: every thought, every word, every deed. It’s just the way it is and it’s the way it has to be.” She paused and drew in a breath. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

He stared at her, his eyes huge in his pale, angular face. “Yes. It’s why if the judge sends me to trial, I’ll plead guilty. My lawyer doesn’t want me to. He wants to fight the charge. He wants to argue that I’m just a kid and I shouldn’t be held responsible. He says the only thing I’m guilty of is loving my mom too much and taking my responsibility to her way too seriously.”

He slowly shook his head. “I’m grateful that he wants to defend me, but there won’t be a trial. I have to stand up and take responsibility for my actions. It’s why you said what you did in your report. You had no choice. You told the truth. And so will I.”

Tears slid down his cheeks, but he didn’t look away. “I’m scared to death about going to jail. I’ve heard awful stories about places like that, but I did the wrong thing and I’m prepared to accept my punishment. It’s the way it has to be.”

The tears that Josie had tried so hard to hold at bay escaped and filled her eyes. He’d been protecting the mother he loved from harm; he’d been acting upon a normal and natural instinct that had been around since the beginning of time. For that very selfless act he was being punished and she couldn’t believe how wrong it all felt.

With a harsh sob, she pulled him into her arms and gulped through the tears that choked her. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t just. Like Daniel had said, it was simply the way it was.

Jason murmured in his sleep and Josie made a monumental effort to regain control. With a shuddering breath, she eased her hold until her arms were loose against Daniel’s body. Once again, he stared up at her with eyes that had seen too much.

“It’s going to be okay, Josie,” he whispered. “You’ll see.”