The Desire (23 page)

M
ichele tensed up as she read the note over Allan's shoulder. She noticed his hands gripping the note tighter by the time he was through. They both stood there a few moments.

Julie broke the ice. “Ray asked me to read the note before I gave it to you. I don't think he expected Michele to be here when you got this.” She looked at Michele. “I'm not sure why, but I got the impression he thought you wouldn't be too happy about the idea. Is it because the last trip wasn't that long ago? I know it's really hard when they go. It's still hard on me, and Ray's been on a bunch of these trips.”

Michele walked back to the chair. “Allan's been on five since we met. But that's only part of it.” This didn't seem like the time or the place to have this kind of talk.

Allan spoke up. “I explained a little of this to Ray last month when he asked me to go with him. Did he tell you I said I couldn't go?”

She nodded. “But he didn't get into why.”

“I guess it's really more a question of timing and priorities.”

“You don't need to explain, Allan. That's really between you and Michele. I know Ray wasn't upset when he said it, so I'm sure he understands.”

Maybe so, Michele thought. But here he was, asking Allan to go again. She dreaded the thought, but she also felt the tug from that passage in Philippians this morning, about looking out for others' interests not just your own. “There isn't any way they can postpone this trip? Seems like they have a great excuse with Ray's accident.”

“They may have to. But I could tell, the thought of cancelling was causing him more stress than the surgery on his leg.”

“Any idea why?” Allan asked.

“You'll have to ask him for the details. He said something about losing the facility Henok picked out for the orphanage. Apparently some local businessmen are ready to buy it, even willing to pay more for it. He's afraid the government will give it to them if someone doesn't show up for that meeting.”

Michele looked at Allan. “That sounds pretty serious.”

He rubbed his hand through his hair. “Ray and I didn't talk much about this. I thought it was a done deal. All my budget figures are based on this facility.”

Just then they heard some noise behind them. She turned to find two of the pastors and their wives coming into the waiting room. They rushed over toward Julie, hugged her, and greeted Allan and Michele.

“Well, look,” Allan said, “we'll let you guys visit awhile together. I'll check in on Ray in a few hours. Julie, you let us know if there's anything we can do.”

“I will. And thank you guys so much for coming.”

Allan and Michele started walking toward the door.

Julie called out, “And Allan, don't worry about that note. You guys just talk it out and pray. Ray will be fine with whatever you decide.”

They held hands but didn't talk much on the way out to the car. Allan felt backed into a corner by Ray's note. Especially reading it with Michele standing right there. Obviously, he would have told her about it, and they would decide together how to respond. The way it came about just added an extra layer of tension he didn't need.

They got in the car. Allan turned it on. “That was a little awkward.”

“Are you okay?” she asked.

The gentleness in her voice surprised him. He pulled out of the parking space. “I'm fine. I have no idea what to do. What we should do.”

They drove out of the hospital parking lot. She reached over and massaged his right shoulder. “I guess it's not possible for one of the other guys on the team to go?”

He didn't want to answer this too strongly, but the truth was they couldn't. The guys were completely committed to this vision, but none of them had been involved in this thing as much as him or Ray. “I wish they could. Don't get me wrong, they're great guys. But they've only been doing things like fund-raising so far. It would take more time than we have to get any of them up to speed enough to take Ray's place.”

“But you're ready now, aren't you? You could go there Tuesday and take care of everything, just like Ray.”

Allan looked over at her. She was serious. “Well, not just like Ray. He's way better with people than I am. Especially people he doesn't know. On this trip, that would pretty much include everybody except Henok.”

“But you could do this if you went, couldn't you?”

“I guess so. To be honest, I'm more nervous about the thought of getting up in front of the whole church tomorrow to talk about this.”

They drove in silence the rest of the way home. Allan turned on some pleasant, romantic music. One of Michele's favorite CDs. He couldn't believe her reaction to all this. It sounded like she was seriously thinking he should go. He hadn't let his mind go there as he read the note. He wasn't even sure what
he
thought about it. He'd never been to Africa without Ray. He'd never been there alone. Certainly sounded like he'd be alone on this trip if he went. And the stakes were so high.

They pulled into the one-lane road that ran behind the townhomes.

“Does the thought of doing this alone make you nervous?” she asked.

Man, did she know him. He pushed the garage door button. “Totally. On all these trips, I've been like the sergeant. But Ray's not been the lieutenant, more like the general. He handles everything.” He pulled the car in, he stopped, turned it off and looked at her. “Are you seriously thinking I should do this?”

“I'm seriously going to pray about it. I don't want you to go. I really don't want you to go. But, I also don't know what God's doing here, why he allowed this to happen.”

“What if I mess it up, Michele?”

“I don't know, Allan. If God wants you to do this, we have to believe he'll go before you and give you the wisdom you need when the time comes. Can we get out of the car? It's starting to get stuffy.”

When she was halfway across the sidewalk, she said, “Do we have enough money for you to go? You do the bills. Is there enough in the new baby account?”

He couldn't even believe his ears. “You're amazing, you know that?”

“What? Why?”

He found the key to unlock the back door. “Because you know we don't have money for both of these things, and having a child means more to you than anything else in the world. We've just started building the fund, and just like that, you're offering it to me for another trip to Africa?” He was actually getting a little choked up. He left the keys in the doorknob, put his arms around her, and drew her in.

After the hug, she said, “Well, do we?”

“I'll have to crunch the numbers, but . . . I think so.” Mentally, he did a few quick calculations. If he was adding it right, they did have enough. But this trip would use up almost all the money they had saved. At most, there'd be a few hundred dollars left.

A
llan was driving back to the hospital a few hours after dinner. Julie had texted him, saying Ray's surgery had gone well. He was recovering nicely and was actually asking to see Allan. She'd added she was just conveying the message, not trying to pressure him in any way.

Off and on over the last few hours, he and Michele had continued talking about this Africa trip. To his surprise, her support of the idea never wavered. She had even suggested he look at the financial picture before meeting with Ray, in case there was a gap and they needed a little help from the church to close it.

As he pulled into the hospital parking lot for the second time today, he thought again about Michele's generosity in this situation. He already loved her with all his heart, but through this, his love found a way to grow even more. He walked into the lobby to the information desk to get Ray's room number. A few minutes and a few hallways later, he stood at the doorway. The door was closed.

He knocked gently. “Come in.” Julie's voice.

He found Ray propped up slightly on the bed, both legs covered by a blanket. Looked like quite a lot of activity going
on underneath. An IV tube stuck out of his arm. Two racks of monitors stood on either side of the headboard. But Ray was awake. Allan could tell by the look in his eyes, he was still pretty sedated. “Wow, didn't expect to see all this.”

“It's because of the surgery,” Julie said. “You don't normally get all this attention for a simple fracture. Because the bone broke the skin, it involves . . . a whole lot more. For one thing, there's a real danger of infection. So they have him on some serious antibiotics. Fortunately, the doctor said for a compound fracture, it wasn't near as bad as it could've been.”

Allan looked at Ray. “What's the pain level?”

Ray smiled. “What pain?” He pointed to the morphine drip hooked up to his IV. “Thank God for pain meds.”

“Are you even going to remember this visit, or anything we say?”

“Why?” Ray said. “You plan to share any secrets?”

Allan laughed. “I don't think so.”

“I can take notes if you want,” Julie said.

“I don't think that'll be necessary.” Allan pointed to Ray's legs. “Are they both broken?”

“No,” he said. “The left one is, but I'm sure you knew that. The other one's just badly sprained.”

“Julie said you were asking for me. I'm guessing it's about the trip to Ethiopia.”

“Yeah. By the way, thanks for bringing that report by. I can't read anything right now, but I'm hoping that'll clear up soon. The main reason I wanted to see you was to apologize.”

“Apologize? For what?”

“I don't know what I was thinking, writing you that note. Especially at a time like this. Julie told me Michele was with you.” He rubbed his eyes and his forehead like someone massaging a headache. “I should have realized with Julie here,
she would've come too. I didn't mean to pressure you like that. I hope I didn't cause any friction between you guys.”

“Don't worry about it, Ray. It's okay.”

“No, it's not okay. I'm sure I was just reacting to the moment, not thinking clearly. Everything for this trip was coming together so well. Everything on Henok's end, all the funding, the pledges. I'm all set to go Tuesday to get everything set up and finalized, and then this.” He pointed to his legs.

“Ray, it's okay. I understand. You were under a lot of pressure. Julie told me about the local guys wanting to buy the orphanage building. I didn't know about that. I thought we had the deal locked up.”

“We did, but just with Henok's signature and a phone call from me promising I'd be there Tuesday with the money.”

“Are you guys going to lose it now?” Julie asked.

“Probably,” Ray said. “But if that happens, we weren't meant to have it.” He turned to Allan. “Anyway, I forbid you to feel any guilt over that. I should never have asked you the way I did.”

“Yeah,” Allan said, “but you did. And like I said, it's okay. I didn't think it would be okay, especially with Michele reading your note right over my shoulder. I guess God did some kind of work in her heart this morning to prepare her, because she didn't get upset. Just the opposite. As soon as we got in the car, she started asking me questions about it. Not challenging questions. She just wanted to make sure this trip was as important as it seemed, and that none of the other guys could take your place. After that, she actually started suggesting that I should go.”

“Really?” Ray said. “So, you'll go?”

“We're praying about it. Pretty much ready to say yes. I was just waiting to talk to you here, make sure there weren't
any other options. I can already tell, there aren't. So yeah, I guess I'm saying . . . I'm going.”

“Allan, that's wonderful. I totally didn't see this coming.”

“Me neither.”

“And you guys aren't doing this because of any pressure from me?”

Allan shook his head no. “To show you how far Michele is stretching here, we started a new baby fund just over a month ago. I moved over the money I had left in my missions fund. Between that and what we saved, it'll just cover this trip. Michele didn't even flinch. She said go ahead and use it.”

A strange look came over Ray's face. Allan couldn't interpret it, but it wasn't the reaction he expected.

“What are you talking about, Allan? You're thinking of using your own money for this trip?”

“Well, yeah.”

“That's not the plan,” Ray said. “Never was. You guys keep that money in your baby fund. The church was planning to pay for my trip. I haven't asked them yet, but I already know what they'll say. You're doing this for us, for the church, for the entire team. We're going to cover all your expenses.”

Allan was stunned. This thought had never crossed his mind. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. It might cost us a little more for your ticket, since we're buying it on short notice but, yeah, you guys aren't paying for this. For the sake of time, we'll need you to purchase the flight on your credit card, but the church will reimburse you 100 percent.”

A big smile came over Allan's face. He couldn't wait to tell Michele.